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GOLDSEA |
YOUR TRUE STORIES
[NOTE TO READERS: This page is closed to new input. You can post new true stories and continue discussions at the new improved Instant Polls & Comments area. --Ed.]
AM Discovering Pride in Asian Identity
think the unfortunate cause of this divide is this: Asian women and men often grow up with very low self-esteems and consider their own kind somewhat less than the mainstream.
When i was growing in a an almost all-white town, i used to have an inferiority complex about being Asian. I never really understood it or even thought that much about it, but i figure there was something wrong with me. Yet i was very normal by most people's perspectives. I did good in school, was a descent athlete, dated girls, got in trouble once in awhile, got into a good college. And i didnt fit into those stereotypes that i'd perceived from TV. And people rarely teased me about being Asian. After all I was smart, tall well-built and most people considered my attractive. And I had more than my share of female admirers in high school.
But I always shunned other Asians, even while in college where there were many other potential Asians friends, and potential girlfriends. I was repulsed by Asian girls..and so many liked me too...totally my loss!! And yet i dated some unattractive non-asian girls, joined a all-white frat. :-( I hated myself so much and wanted to change SOOO much!!! At some point I was almost suicidal. It was actually affecting my grades.
I managed to change. After graduation, I went to live in Asia for a few years, working for a major corporation in a major Asian city. I socialized with many other Asians; traveled all over asia. I in effect was trying to make peace with my tortured self. I watched television and movies and saw beautiful Asian actors and actresses. I learned the language of my home country. I met a wonderful beautiful asian girl. I was slowly, but surely building my self-esteem.
Today, i find Asian women to be the most attractive overall, for me. I walk with more confidence and feel much better about myself and my race. I socialize mainly with other Asian Americans, although I have no problems mingling with others. I have no real problems with being Asian American anymore.
It's not a pride thing. I dont think that we're better than whites, blacks, etc. It's simply finding oneself through self-respect.
What i've seen on this site is that many Asians in America have a lot in common with my prior self. This applies to both Asian women and men. I do believe that men in general have a stronger will to achieve self-respect (call it sexist, but that's what I believe). Remember in the modern day mating ritual, men take the women away from their families, not the other way around. Well, at least that's the general perception. I'm really not sexist or a chauvanist; just trying to explain the larger number of women sell-outs. And it's generally the Asian men that are feeling more forsaking by their counterparts. I sometimes wonder if I was a woman, would I had the same will to liberate myself..?
The above was a true story. I hope some will find it useful.
abc, efg..
Sunday, August 19, 2001 at 22:30:33 (PDT)
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