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Falling for Kid Sister's Best Friend

wonder how many women here formed some kind of early attachment to or interest in things asian. Most of the WFs I have dated had at least one close childhood friend who was Asian, and one of the things I have come to look for in a potential gf is how well she gets along with AFs. If she displays a measure of hostility or jealously or overgeneralizes, it sends a pretty clear signal to me that there will be trouble ahead in the relationship, because these feelings can easily be transferred to AMs, when conflicts arise down the road. On the other hand, I generally avoid WFs who have dated AMs before--I'd have to be convinced that she's truly interested in the individual and not some preconceived image. In fact, I have never dated a WF who has had a previous relationship with an AM. Some of the girls did mention however that they had once had a schoolgirl crush on an Asian boy that never led to anything. In one case, the boy happened to be the older brother of her best friend. That really struck me at the time, because my own little sister had once revealed to me that a lot of her friends, all of them white, had had wild crushes on me, something I was totally unaware of. (I now think this is a fairly common phenomenon, like having a crush on your teacher.) The subject came up in the wake of a very peculiar incident. When I went off to college, I used to get Christmas cards every year from my little sister's best friend, which I found very touching, if a little strange. (My own sister rarely wrote to me.) Right before my senior year, I found out that this friend had gotten into the same college, Yale, and that she would be looking me up there so that I could show her around and help her get settled. Well, she called me the first week of school, and I met her to give her a tour of the campus and then had dinner with her in the frosh dining hall, which can be a pretty intimidating place. As I walked her back to her room, she suddenly said that I hadn't even asked her why she'd decided to come all the way across the country to go to school there. She never struck me as particularly studious or ambitious--the last thing I'd remembered about her was that she and my sister wanted to open a beauty salon together. So I asked her, and she said that ever since she found out that I'd gone off to Yale, she became inspired to work harder at her grades and to prepare for the college boards and that, basically, she'd done all that and come all the way across the country just to be near me again. She put it in a much wittier and much more clever way, and I began to laugh out loud, but then I noticed she wasn't laughing at all and had shrivelled up into the saddest looking creature I'd ever seen, and only then did it occur to me that she'd meant every word that she said and had intended them to be some kind of dramatic, break-out confession. Well, I was pretty freaked out by the idea of any kind of romance with the friend of my little sister, but I didn't want to hurt her either, so I took her in my arms and planted a big brotherly kiss on her cheek. She eventually got the message, and I only saw her a couple of times, very briefly, the rest of the year. That's not the end of the story, however, because I saw her again just two weeks ago, after a lapse of about six years. My sister came to visit me in New York for a few days, and on her last day, she invited her same best friend, who I found out was living in the Boston area, to come down to have dinner with us in the city. Wow, I hardly recognized her, she'd become quite a poised, elegant and truly beautiful woman from the awkward little girl I remembered. (Maybe she was always this way, and I just never noticed because she was my sister's best friend.) To my astonishment and somewhat to my horror, there were sparks flying between us immediately. At one point, she set her hand down on the seat, brushing it lightly against my own, and I felt a thrill racing through my entire body. She also had a very seductive way of laughing at all the jokes that were told and then, when she finished laughing, of resting her eyes for an extra second on mine, burning right through them in a wicked flash. She had to leave a bit early, to make the drive back to Boston, and being the European-style sophisticates they've become she and my sister did the double-cheek kiss thing as they said their goodbyes. When it was my turn, instead of merely touching cheeks and kissing the air, as she did with my sister, she made it a point to plant her lips right smack on my cheek, as I had done to her, over six years earlier...

I'm still conflicted about what to do. Sometimes I think that I'll never be able to completely get rid of the image of the little girl and that I'll always be a bit repulsed by the idea of being with my sister's friend. On the other hand, there is something very moving and very sexy about the idea that this woman has carried an undiminishing flame for me for over fifteen years. Another problem: there's no way I can ask my little sister for her best friend's number, and she doesn't seem to be listed in any of the directories.

Anyway, it struck me that many women seem to form images of their romantic ideal around early memories and experiences, and I was wondering if anyone else there had come to a similar conclusion.

Asian Brother    Monday, July 08, 2002 at 12:03:48 (PDT)


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GOLDSEA | YOUR TRUE STORIES

[NOTE TO READERS: This page is closed to new input. You can post new true stories and continue discussions at the new improved Instant Polls & Comments area. --Ed.]

READER COMMENTS

I didn't realize my story was reposted on "True Stories", otherwise I would have responded earlier. It was originally posted to the "Asian Men/White Women" forum.

To all those who have expressed an interest in my situation: I hate to disappoint, but there's nothing to report really. I haven't contacted my sister's best friend, nor has she tried to contact me, as far as I know. I did talk briefly with my sister last week and mentioned how much I enjoyed having dinner with her and her best friend earlier. I also mentioned how impressed I was by S., her friend. I think she understood I was interested without my having to spell it out, and I assume she knows how S. feels about me, so I'm pretty sure she'll pass along the message one way or another.

I'm in no hurry really. If I seem overly cautious, it's because I've been through enough relationships and am at an age where I no longer just jump into relationships with women I feel an immediate attraction to.

To MLK: I'm not particular fixated on WFs, I've gone out with AFs, too. It's just that I happen to be around more WFs lately and things tend to happen...
Finally, reading through some earlier posts in the AM/WF forum, I noticed that a number of guys have used handles similar to 'Asian Brother', so I thought I should change mine, as others have done as well.

Jaelim, aka Asian Brother
Monday, July 22, 2002 at 18:31:46 (PDT)

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