Asian Air Imagemap

GOLDSEA | YOUR TRUE STORIES

[NOTE TO READERS: This page is closed to new input. You can post new true stories and continue discussions at the new improved Instant Polls & Comments area. --Ed.]

Born-Again ABC Man Comes Home

don't know about you guys, but I'm keeping it Real. I'm Chinese (not mixed). My girlfriend is Chinese (she's not mixed either). I prefer it that way.

     Am I the "stereotypical" Asian guy who "dominates" his girlfriend? Hell no!!! It's probably the other way around, if you ask her friends and my friends.

     I cook for her. I clean her apartment (floors, walls, kitchen, shower and toilet). I do her laundry. I separate the colors the way she wants it. I fold her clothes the way she wants it. I tune up her car. Having spent 10 years in the Boy Scouts and 4 years as a Company Grade Officer in the U.S. Marine Corps, I taught her all that I know about living and surviving in the outdoors. I taught her how to shoot a weapon safely and properly. Piss-ass drunk from girls-night-out? I give her a piggy-back ride home...when she's puking all over me. When it's late, I go pick her up from work. When she's sick, if it's western medicine that she wants, I go buy it. If she wants a Chinese medicine, I make it. Hole in the wall? I patch it up. Broken light? Busted fuse? Who does she call? Me, Ah Bun, the ABC!! Do I complain? Hell no!!! I LIKE to do those things for her.

     Amy Tan and the "Joy Luck Club"? Please!!! That woman needs to get a clue! When my girlfriend needs cash, I quietly stuff money into her pockets before she sets out on her day!

     My views on sell-outs? I used to care, but I don't anymore. Do some non-Asians have an Asian fetish? Hell yes!!! I was walking with my friend Mary once in Manhattan. As we were exciting the subway station, we noticed a White guy's eyes pop open and his jaw drop upon sight of her (yes, my friend is all that). Right behind this White guy, who was gawking at Mary, was his Asian wife struggling with their 3 kids and an arm-full of grocery. No, her jaw didn't drop and her eyes didn't pop out. She looked miserable. She was too busy struggling with the 3 kids and the grocery to notice that her husband was in lust and Asian fetish heaven. Well, to each their own. You wanted it, you got it. Don't complain, live with the decisions you've made in your life. That poor woman "became" the sterotypical Asian woman. Think about that.

     BTW, in case you're wondering, "Oh, maybe it's because you're ABC." Yes, I am. But, I tend to prefer Fobby girls. I love to watch Chinese movies (both the soaps and the regular films). I love to bust out in Cantonese with my friends. I love karaoke. I love Aaron. I love Andy. I love Kelly. I love Jay. I love Richie. I absolutely love Sammi!!! And, I love Ekin's style! I love Asian food...particularly my parent's cooking.

     One more thing, I was a sell-out myself...until I got to my Mid-20s and realized that I was missing out on something. You see, I realized that I could love a girl with ALL of my heart but if you don't share a similar background/culture/ upbringing, you're really missing out on the final piece of the puzzle. Trust me, I was there once. I was engaged to an Italian woman (she asked me to marry her). Looking back, I'm glad I said "no." Even though I loved her deeply, it was not the time for me. Fast forward to the present. I'm with my current girlfriend...soon to be fiancee (I asked her to marry me). She's Chinese...like me. You never realize that there's a glass wall between two people in love until you have a relationship with someone from your own culture/background/upbringing. All of a sudden, to find out that, "Wow, how is that possible? How can I love someone more than what I had previously?" That glass wall suddenly disappeared. I don't have the answer to that. You just have to experience it for yourself to find out.

     I've finally come full-circle and I've come "home." It was a pleasant surprise. :)
Born Again Chinese (BAC)
   Tuesday, December 10, 2002 at 01:00:34 (PST)    [209.246.64.201]


This page is closed to new input.
Stories and comments posted during the past year remain available for browsing.
To post your new true stories or to comment on these stories, go to our new improved Your True Stories area at Instant Polls & Comments

CONTACT US | ADVERTISING INFO

© 1996-2013 Asian Media Group Inc
No part of the contents of this site may be reproduced without prior written permission.

GOLDSEA | YOUR TRUE STORIES

[NOTE TO READERS: This page is closed to new input. You can post new true stories and continue discussions at the new improved Instant Polls & Comments area. --Ed.]

READER COMMENTS

Considering the amount of brainwashed self-haters we have in the AA community, I must applaud BAC for realizing his culture is just is good as any other. To see a bunch of haters post on here against BAC's personal story is just plain pathetic. After all, its his personal experience NOT yours. I saw his story as a journey of self-discovery rather than a critique of IR relationships yet somehow the haters come out of the woodwork and only harp on that and miss the big picture. It just shows your own insecurities. And please, Mia...grow up. That was way too immature and uncalled for.
Stop the BS    Sunday, December 29, 2002 at 20:58:31 (PST)    [65.29.143.146]
I agree with Hannbybunbun about the tone of BAC's post. It's the words he uses:

Born-Again (because he needed to be reborn??)

he "comes home" (so dating someone outside of your race is straying from your home?)

"Keeping it Real" (= IRs are not real)

his girlfriend is "not mixed" and he "prefers it that way" (so god forbid if his girlfriend were mixed, he wouldn't love her?)

he used to be a "sell out" and was "missing out on something"? (dating an Italian American women equals selling out)

And then he has the gall to tell others to experiment with their relationships. How about those like Hannybunbun that have already found the love of their life, have a happy family and experience no wall at all?

Such a condescending, self-righteous, know it all, anti-IR tone.
IRs are indeed Real    Sunday, December 29, 2002 at 18:46:33 (PST)    [67.241.220.254]
Hannybunbun,

I do believe your posts to be sincere, however there is sometimes a fine line between
No one asked    Saturday, December 28, 2002 at 23:39:03 (PST)    [64.130.204.9]
Hannybunbun:

My husband is from Japan, and your husband? Is he from Hong Kong?
Tell me about it, since we are both on the same love boat!! :)
Mia    Friday, December 27, 2002 at 19:45:03 (PST)    [218.229.233.144]
BAC,
As I said, you seem quite in love, good luck with your relationship. Forums are for teaching, learning and expressing opinions, not for tearing down or putting down other races. Your preference for dating only within your race is fine for you, I am merely saying that the way you wrote your letter excluded any validation in that relationships between inter-cultural ones could be anything but a "fetish" or a "unsatisfied" mirage. You did not ONLY cite your own relationship, but threw in the Asian woman with the white man who was drooling over your Asian girl.
That is when I saw your letter was more than just an expression of love and satisfaction within a mono-racial relationship, but it was a slam to bi-cultural one's also. You can be happy without putting those down.
I do understand there are different dialects wihtin a language. My husband speaks Cantonese, and his grandmother also, however they come from different areas and have different dialects, and she has to speak slowly and try different combinations at times for other relatives to understand her fully.

As for "No one asked", the written word has always been for education and for teaching. That is why I read and post here at Goldsea. Everything that comes out, is inspired from within. That is the nature of learning. It takes alot of courage to communicate and express one's own self and share one's life in an effort to learn and teach. We all have things we can learn from one another. It is comments like yours that strive to silence this process.
Once again BAC, as I said earlier in my posting, good luck with your relationship it sounds like you are very in love.
Hannybunbun    Friday, December 27, 2002 at 11:45:55 (PST)    [216.164.236.141]

I'm Latino and my husband is Asian!!!
where's the darn glasswall, idiot???
Everytime he makes love to me there's no friking glasswall between us!!!
You are just some racist LOSER!!!!
Hope your sweet 'Toi Shan' stinky girlfriend cheats you with a WM pretty soon! You ain't got nothing but a lame self-licking personality, ewww man, you just suck at it!!!!!!!!!!!
Mia    Friday, December 27, 2002 at 06:02:44 (PST)    [218.229.233.144]
what's the "invisible glass wall?"

Mr. Hann    Wednesday, December 25, 2002 at 23:08:41 (PST)    [24.242.251.65]
In this world it's hard to see who your true friends are, and I'm not talking about "acquaintance" friends. I'm talking about real friends who are there for you in times of need. A real friend would help you regardless of what you looked like and not have a "glass wall". Real friends are not so shallow. Race matters not among true friends.

Don't let your view of the world generate into a babylonian mess of grouping people into color groups, sell outs, etc. Of course there are people who view everything in terms of race, and finds reason to hate people because of race, but that normally is a symptom that shows that person is hiding deeper character flaws. Hating people for no reason at all except the color of their hair is wrong. It's not your job wreck vengeance and hatred on people. Doing so makes you as bad as them. You will never live in peace, of course you could try to move back to China but then you'll realize people suffer from the same human evils as in the rest of the world. Just under a diffrent facade.
Shallow Again    Wednesday, December 25, 2002 at 15:02:32 (PST)    [205.184.165.34]
"If need be, look around. Look at your life. Experiment with your relationships if you need to. I'm not telling you what NOT to do. All I'm asking is for you to stop and see where you've been and where you're going and your life that lays ahead. It's the same thing that anyone (family, friends, etc.) would advise you about a new JOB...much less a relationship."

Why should I look around or experiment with my relationship when I'm perfectly happy with my boyfriend? Are you saying I would be better off dating a white man? I disagree. When you've found the one that you want to spend the rest of your life with, you stick with them. If you are happy with a girl from your same culture and ethnicity that is great. I can understand that. Maybe you experienced this "glass wall", but people like me and Hannybunbun have not.

you're too preachy    Tuesday, December 24, 2002 at 11:59:06 (PST)    [207.183.117.61]
"Hannybunbun" and " You're too Preachy":

Remember what I had mentioned about the "invisible glass wall?"

Well, what I mentioned on my latest post should give you an insight. It's those little, perhaps insignificant things, that bring my gf and I together CLOSER than I can to anybody else (hey, I'm only speaking for myself).

AND, before you consider your reply, I HAVE been on the other side of that "glass wall" before.

Think about it. Think with your experiences and not with your emotions for this one time.

If need be, look around. Look at your life. Experiment with your relationships if you need to. I'm not telling you what NOT to do. All I'm asking is for you to stop and see where you've been and where you're going and your life that lays ahead. It's the same thing that anyone (family, friends, etc.) would advise you about a new JOB...much less a relationship.
Born Again Chinese (BAC)    Monday, December 23, 2002 at 10:03:21 (PST)    [209.246.83.162]
"Cutie Pie" and "No One Asked":

I agree.

"Hannybunbun":

How can I have an Asian fetish when I, MYSELF, am Asian?! That only means that, err, maybe I like myself, my culture, and my people?

You said: "Speaking of Asian fetishes, you seem to have one yourself, the fact that a Chinese born girl turns you off the moment she does not have a "Chinese" accent, what is the difference between that and lets say a white guy that only likes Chinese women with a Chinese accent?"

This is too much to explain to someone (I assume) that is not THAT familiar with the language/culture. Did you know that even in Cantonese, there are different dialects? Picture a guy from, let's say Brooklyn New York, moving to Alabama. Do you think the people in Alabama would find his accent to be "unique" and quite hard to understand? Well, they both speak English, right?

Well, in Cantonese (a universal language in THAT region of China), it's magnified 10 times!!!

So, it's not that I have a "fetish" for Chinese girls that speak "Hong Kong-ese" as oppossed to "Toi Shan." All I'm saying is that it's different and that we always tease each other about it.

For example, my father's side of the family is from "Hawk Shan" and my mother's side of the family is from HK. I should be speaking "Hawk Shan wah". BTW, in case you didn't know, in Chinese culture, your home village/identity (i.e.- your Family) is dictated by your father's side of the family. My mom is from another village (by paternal lineage), but my sister and I are considered to be "Hawk Shan" by tradition/history.

My gf is from "Toi Shan" (her paternal lineage)...about an hours "drive" away. Yes, in the old days, we didn't have cars. So, perhaps, the "spoken" language CAN vary that much! BTW, we always joke around about how our ancestors were born, raised, and grew old just hours away from each other (walking). Yep, the Lees of "Hawk Shan" and the Tangs of "Toi Shan." :) Pretty romantic, huh?

I never said that I'd "prefer" someone else who spoke my dialect. All I'm saying is that my gf and I joke around a lot about the way our Cantonese sounds. Yes, it is STILL Cantonese, but they sound different...much like it's still English between that Brooklyn guy and that guy from Alabama that I mentioned earlier...only ten times worse/better. Sometimes, my gf and I are left scratching our heads about what we had just said in Cantonese. :)

BTW, as another example, yesterday was the Winter Festival. My mom made a dish for us that I've spent the past 25 minutes trying to recall the name of in HK-ese. In "Toi Shan," it's called "yurn doy." In Hong Kong-ese, I can't recall...it sounds TOTALLY different!! So, maybe that's why I want to find someone who also speaks with an HK dialect!!! I'm starting to speak "Toi Shan" like my gf!!! UGH!!!! :( She's ruining my Hong Kong-ese!!! ;) But I love her anyway! BTW, for those in the know, we both like the salty ones as oppossed to the sweet ones. Yummy!!!! :) No, you can't buy this stuff in a restaurant. No General Tsaos chicken or Moo Goo Gai Pan (whatever the heck they are). These are the REAL, homemade goodies. :)

Look, Hannybunbun, it's tough to explain the minute differences unless you're spoken the language from birth, so I'm not even going to try (yes, I speak Cantonese at home and English at work...I'm extremely fluent in both...no dialects/accents in either language). It'll, literally, take a life time (30 years for me...and counting). And even then, you may never be able to understand the jokes and intricacies of the language. Hannybunbun, I'm not telling you to NOT try, but it's extremely difficult (especially Cantonese...without ANY accents). But give it a shot, if you like.

Put it this way, I'm an American born Chinese. When I first spoke to my gf's parents (in Cantonese), they thought that I was from Hong Kong. If you've ever heard me speak English, I have a NY accent. BUT, if you were a native Hong Konger, you would hear very minute details that I'm not from Hong Kong. Yes, it's very subtle, but if an HKer listened hard enough, they'd be able to tell that I was an American.

P.S.- My gf was not born in China. We're BOTH Chinese born here...in America.

BTW, did anybody see the Jackie Cheung concert in AC? We went yesterday afternoon. It was awesome!!!! Although I'm more of a Sammi fan, I did enjoy Jackie! It was a LOT of fun!!! :)

Born Again Chinese (BAC)    Monday, December 23, 2002 at 09:43:28 (PST)    [209.246.83.162]

NEWEST COMMENTS | EARLIER COMMENTS