An Alpha Male Discovers His Asian American Identity | Asian Air True Stories

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An Alpha Male Discovers His Asian American Identity

ou sure do sound like a product of Liberal-politics, upper-middle class American Suburbia.

I'm sure that your white-bread highschool faculty and your father with a good paying job and your homemaker mother told you to treat everyone on the basis of personal merit. That is some sage advice, for sure. The only problem I have with that train of thought is that it's takes race and race relations SO TRIVIALLY. White people in the burbs have the luxury of choosing WHEN to participate in these games of feigned liberalism. They can choose to date a black or Asian, but hey, if their parents object, they always have the option of not bringing them home. When they go home for break, they do not have to deal with people of varying backgrounds. They have their trust funds and lives set for them. It’s all very simple for them – mingle with the minorities (read: “prepare yourself for the real world”), ‘go slumming’, then come back home to start some job Dad set up for them

I am in my final year at an Ivy League university, one that most people in this country would envy. Many white students here preach precisely what you preach, but wouldn't generally dare allow non-whites to step in their inner-sanctum. Sure, you get the occasional Asian or even black in their Greek organizations, but rarely are they handsome or influential. From the looks of it Iconic (I saw your picture folder), you look like a frat boy or some familiar incarnation of that sort. And let me tell you VERY objectively – you hardly qualify as an Alpha Male. If you’re very good looking, then I’m freakin’ Markus Schekenburg, Tyson Beckford, Won Bin, and Rick Yune rolled into one, I swear. I mean, you’re obviously in great shape, but your face is plain. An Asian John Doe.

An alpha male has all the necessary qualities for male dominance; physical presence, charisma, social skills. I fit that description well; I am 6’2.5”, very fit, positive/cheerful, quite good-looking if I say so myself (my apologizes if I sound conceited), and am generally popular with men and women of all races here at my school. I would have been a prime candidate for a big-time, big-pimpin’ white frat, don’t you think? Afterall, I am a tall, good-looking, outgoing minority guy. However, I chose not to enter the Greek system after my first year Rush experience. Most of the Asian brothers I encountered in the Greek system during rush were plain, one-dimensional. They were quite stereotypical. They were not necessarily dorky, but definitely the clean-cut, boring, nerdy types that did not think outside the box. If anything, I’ll bet they did Bio and math homework for the white brothers in return for introductions to plain looking white girls. I knew that I would never be allowed to rise in the ranks. An Alpha Male who also happens to be a minority male is called a THREAT in this society. Greek President? Forget it. I ran instead for Class President, naively hoping that the liberal atmosphere of Student Government would cloak me from the upper-class snobbery and racism of the Ivies. Needless to say, I was defeated by a wide margin by my opponents - a rich Jewish kid and a blonde haired WASP Golden Boy, who ultimately won. Go figure. I probably spent 3 to 4 times as many hours handing out fliers, campaigning, shaking hands with students. Us Asians have a long way to go, as far as getting to the top of American society. Perhaps we never will, in the state we are in. If we had the wealth of the Jews, the Gung-ho spirit of blacks we might be able to force our way into the spotlight. But so far, not all of us are wealthy, and we definitely do not have the cohesiveness nor the indomitable spirit of black people.

Getting back to my point, I get the feeling that you have adopted (or were indoctrinated into) the white suburbanite way of thinking about race relations. No matter how big a fit you have, no matter how much you scream into the ears of Asians and others that you are ‘Iconic’ the man, not defined by race or ethnicity – you will ALWAYS be defined by your race. Do your white guy and girlfriends accept you for who you are? That’s nice. Your future employer won’t. Neither will most people who you’ll see/meet outside of school in the real world. You’ll ALWAYS have to prove to them your worth before they accept you. That is the price you must pay for being a minority man.

You live in your own little world created with your inconsequential, quasi-educated, SUPREMELY myopic suburban-race politics. To detach yourself completely from Asian Americans is a meaningless act. You surely have nothing to gain, and perhaps a lot to lose. If you align yourself with whites, they may accept you as one of them (Since from the looks of it, you are no Alpha-male threat… btw I will extend a pre-emptive apology, just in case you have a superb personality and other good inner qualities. But seriously, I don’t think you’re physically striking.), but in all likelihood, you won’t become the leader of the pack. If I were to try to get into your social circle w/o brown-nosing, I would probably be snubbed. Your lady friends might take a liking to me, but your guys sure won’t. But so far in my life, this hasn’t been the case with Asian Americans that I’ve known. When it comes of complete and total acceptance as a human individual, you’d be surprised how much you and other AA’s might have in common.

Why do I say all this? It’s because I was a sellout too. I always had my looks, body and charismatic presence, and the popular kids in my HS (who were almost all white) took a liking to me. The hot white girls were all over me, and the guys let me join their social circle. As a nervous Asian boy that wanted to fit in, it was very flattering to know that the popular white kids wanted me to hang out with them. Me, out of all the other Asians and even many other white kids. I totally bought into this over-inflated sense of importance and even started to think that I was superior to others, especially other Asians. I only dated white girls and only hung out with white guys. I thought that other Asian kids would never understand. Ever. Believe it or not, my main excuse was that almost exactly what you preach today in regards to race. “I only make friends and date based on personality and character. All my friends just happened to be white, because they had the best personalities.” That’s what I said, anyway. (By the way, I’d like to thank the Academy. And my agent too.)

All this changed when I was roomed with an Asian guy in my freshman year. He was a truly charismatic Korean boy called Kwon, or Chris. He was a strikingly handsome guy, about 5’10”, well-dressed, fit, and well liked by his peers. Especially the Asian kids. White kids liked him just fine, but he was a total hit with the Asian kids. I was amazed by how effortlessly he could charm the people around him. When he chose to, he could even get the white guys here (who are very arrogant) to warm up to him. Many pretty white girls had a crush on him, but he was always faithful to his Korean girlfriend. While I lived with him, this is what I realized: my relationships with the white kids, though sincere in intention, were always somewhat contrived. We had fun together, but getting past the drinking, skirt chasing and partying, we couldn’t connect. That’s when I decided to make some new friends. I met many more Korean and other Asian kids on campus, and found that despite being the whitest Asian kid for miles around, they were sincerely interested in getting to know me. I went drinking with them, ate the pungent foods that white people would gag at. We talked about our parents and the humours aspects of the East/West culture clash in our respective households. In short, we could relate. I eventually grew apart from my white friends by my sophomore year, and now most of my good friends are Asian (My girlfriend is still white; I cannot leave her just b/c she isn't Asian... We have too much of a good thing going and a great past few years together.).

I still wear Abercromibe and Fitch. I like to listen to 80s and 90s rock. I still have many white friends. I don’t believe in isolationism. If anything, I like to think of myself as the bridge between the Asian and white population here. But I am one of the few, the truly proud. A reborn Asian.

If some big-time banana, former cracker-worshipping (I say that in good humor) Asian kid from the Northeast can relate to other Asians from widely disparate backgrounds, then surely you can. Unless you were raised by white parents or something. =)

I hope you don’t take this as an attack. It’s more of a wake up call.
Barry (AM, 23)
Tuesday, September 24, 2002 at 01:28:27 (PDT) [128.253.186.46]

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READER COMMENTS

I'm white, and believe it or not, I can totally relate to your article. I'm Russian by birth and English by upbringing and now living in Canada, which I find quite utterly foreign.
There are no trust funds set up for me and my father will never get me a job. I don't really care about male dominance. I dislike fraternities precisely because they consist of white rich Canadians who insist on male dominance. I don't even play hockey.

I think asian guys and gals are attractive but I never dated either for a long time because their parents never seem to like it. Naturally.
Still, most of my friends are CBC and other second-generation Canadian Asians. I've got more to relate to with them than with the local white people.

Believe me, it's not at all about being Asian, it's about having a different background.
Vee. Saturday, November 30, 2002 at 02:44:04 (PST) [24.69.255.204]

Barry:

Your post does not offend me at all, because I can relate to you in various degrees. I completely agree w/the fact that Asians will, most likely, never gain a social prestige among the American society, due to the fact that we are noticably Asian; it is a natural oppression that all of us face.

No matter how hard I work, it seems as though the white male kid next to me, who puts in the least effort gets more acknowledgement, even after a series monotonous whining to the teacher.

Perhaps, it's his vulgar speech makes it quite appealing to the teacher, I don't know. Perhaps, it's a cultural thing.

It seems as though the a lot of Americans tend to take pride in having the ability to speak loudly in a self-absorbed, agressive manner.

I find it quite annoying actually; especially, being raised up in a traditional Asian family, where talking back is not necessary, but voicing an opinion in a polite manner is the preferred way.

Anyway, getting back to my point, I completely agree w/the sad truth, in which we are living in a "white man's world".

Sometimes I wonder if it's, innate, how they treat others in a heartless agression, that keeps them at the top of the food chain. I can't step on others in order to get to the top, I don't have the heart to do that, so, I like to do things the right way & learn to accept the truth. At least, I won't have moral regrets.

I have a couple of close white friends. Strangely, sometimes I feel a stronger bond w/them even more than more Asian friends. However, I feel more at ease with establishing friendships with Asians.

Lots of "idealists" might object w/my opinion. I didn't buy it either when others told me that it's a "white man's world", but I noticed it after countless times of hard work.

Even after winning a few acadmeic awards, lots of white classmates did not congradulate me, in fact, a lot of them scrutinized me. Perhaps, it's jealousy.

Anyway, Barry, I couldn't have said it better, great post! Try being an asian, "FEMALE" minority; it's even harder.
Peace Thursday, October 10, 2002 at 02:21:05 (PDT) [68.4.253.208]

Hi Barry, I enjoyed your post for the most part, and found it somewhat enlightening. I am of direct African descent, but would NEVER refer to myself as "black" or "African American," for reasons that would be off of the point here.
What spurred me to respond to your post is your assumtion that "blacks" in this country (U.S.) are generally "Gung-ho," (and especially) that they are cohesive. For the most part, what you assume is definitely not true. Just as with any other racial/ethnic group, there is diversity - in terms of ways of thinking, life goals, education and other ways, but what is most prevalent when someone says "black" is the Ghetto culture and attitudes (so called Ebonics, rap, basketball etc.), that has become synonymous with "being black." Not all brown-skinned people identify with that...and no, I don't mean that non-identifyers are trying to "become white" either.

From your post, it just seems as if all of us could stand to learn a whole lot more about each other...much more than the superficial that is the norm.
Sensitve Alpha Earle6771@yahoo.com Wednesday, October 09, 2002 at 09:59:22 (PDT) [63.25.205.216]

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