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An Alpha Male Discovers His Asian American Identity

ou sure do sound like a product of Liberal-politics, upper-middle class American Suburbia.

I'm sure that your white-bread highschool faculty and your father with a good paying job and your homemaker mother told you to treat everyone on the basis of personal merit. That is some sage advice, for sure. The only problem I have with that train of thought is that it's takes race and race relations SO TRIVIALLY. White people in the burbs have the luxury of choosing WHEN to participate in these games of feigned liberalism. They can choose to date a black or Asian, but hey, if their parents object, they always have the option of not bringing them home. When they go home for break, they do not have to deal with people of varying backgrounds. They have their trust funds and lives set for them. It’s all very simple for them – mingle with the minorities (read: “prepare yourself for the real world”), ‘go slumming’, then come back home to start some job Dad set up for them

I am in my final year at an Ivy League university, one that most people in this country would envy. Many white students here preach precisely what you preach, but wouldn't generally dare allow non-whites to step in their inner-sanctum. Sure, you get the occasional Asian or even black in their Greek organizations, but rarely are they handsome or influential. From the looks of it Iconic (I saw your picture folder), you look like a frat boy or some familiar incarnation of that sort. And let me tell you VERY objectively – you hardly qualify as an Alpha Male. If you’re very good looking, then I’m freakin’ Markus Schekenburg, Tyson Beckford, Won Bin, and Rick Yune rolled into one, I swear. I mean, you’re obviously in great shape, but your face is plain. An Asian John Doe.


An alpha male has all the necessary qualities for male dominance; physical presence, charisma, social skills. I fit that description well; I am 6’2.5”, very fit, positive/cheerful, quite good-looking if I say so myself (my apologizes if I sound conceited), and am generally popular with men and women of all races here at my school. I would have been a prime candidate for a big-time, big-pimpin’ white frat, don’t you think? Afterall, I am a tall, good-looking, outgoing minority guy. However, I chose not to enter the Greek system after my first year Rush experience. Most of the Asian brothers I encountered in the Greek system during rush were plain, one-dimensional. They were quite stereotypical. They were not necessarily dorky, but definitely the clean-cut, boring, nerdy types that did not think outside the box. If anything, I’ll bet they did Bio and math homework for the white brothers in return for introductions to plain looking white girls. I knew that I would never be allowed to rise in the ranks. An Alpha Male who also happens to be a minority male is called a THREAT in this society. Greek President? Forget it. I ran instead for Class President, naively hoping that the liberal atmosphere of Student Government would cloak me from the upper-class snobbery and racism of the Ivies. Needless to say, I was defeated by a wide margin by my opponents - a rich Jewish kid and a blonde haired WASP Golden Boy, who ultimately won. Go figure. I probably spent 3 to 4 times as many hours handing out fliers, campaigning, shaking hands with students. Us Asians have a long way to go, as far as getting to the top of American society. Perhaps we never will, in the state we are in. If we had the wealth of the Jews, the Gung-ho spirit of blacks we might be able to force our way into the spotlight. But so far, not all of us are wealthy, and we definitely do not have the cohesiveness nor the indomitable spirit of black people.

Getting back to my point, I get the feeling that you have adopted (or were indoctrinated into) the white suburbanite way of thinking about race relations. No matter how big a fit you have, no matter how much you scream into the ears of Asians and others that you are ‘Iconic’ the man, not defined by race or ethnicity – you will ALWAYS be defined by your race. Do your white guy and girlfriends accept you for who you are? That’s nice. Your future employer won’t. Neither will most people who you’ll see/meet outside of school in the real world. You’ll ALWAYS have to prove to them your worth before they accept you. That is the price you must pay for being a minority man.

You live in your own little world created with your inconsequential, quasi-educated, SUPREMELY myopic suburban-race politics. To detach yourself completely from Asian Americans is a meaningless act. You surely have nothing to gain, and perhaps a lot to lose. If you align yourself with whites, they may accept you as one of them (Since from the looks of it, you are no Alpha-male threat… btw I will extend a pre-emptive apology, just in case you have a superb personality and other good inner qualities. But seriously, I don’t think you’re physically striking.), but in all likelihood, you won’t become the leader of the pack. If I were to try to get into your social circle w/o brown-nosing, I would probably be snubbed. Your lady friends might take a liking to me, but your guys sure won’t. But so far in my life, this hasn’t been the case with Asian Americans that I’ve known. When it comes of complete and total acceptance as a human individual, you’d be surprised how much you and other AA’s might have in common.

Why do I say all this? It’s because I was a sellout too. I always had my looks, body and charismatic presence, and the popular kids in my HS (who were almost all white) took a liking to me. The hot white girls were all over me, and the guys let me join their social circle. As a nervous Asian boy that wanted to fit in, it was very flattering to know that the popular white kids wanted me to hang out with them. Me, out of all the other Asians and even many other white kids. I totally bought into this over-inflated sense of importance and even started to think that I was superior to others, especially other Asians. I only dated white girls and only hung out with white guys. I thought that other Asian kids would never understand. Ever. Believe it or not, my main excuse was that almost exactly what you preach today in regards to race. “I only make friends and date based on personality and character. All my friends just happened to be white, because they had the best personalities.” That’s what I said, anyway. (By the way, I’d like to thank the Academy. And my agent too.)

All this changed when I was roomed with an Asian guy in my freshman year. He was a truly charismatic Korean boy called Kwon, or Chris. He was a strikingly handsome guy, about 5’10”, well-dressed, fit, and well liked by his peers. Especially the Asian kids. White kids liked him just fine, but he was a total hit with the Asian kids. I was amazed by how effortlessly he could charm the people around him. When he chose to, he could even get the white guys here (who are very arrogant) to warm up to him. Many pretty white girls had a crush on him, but he was always faithful to his Korean girlfriend. While I lived with him, this is what I realized: my relationships with the white kids, though sincere in intention, were always somewhat contrived. We had fun together, but getting past the drinking, skirt chasing and partying, we couldn’t connect. That’s when I decided to make some new friends. I met many more Korean and other Asian kids on campus, and found that despite being the whitest Asian kid for miles around, they were sincerely interested in getting to know me. I went drinking with them, ate the pungent foods that white people would gag at. We talked about our parents and the humours aspects of the East/West culture clash in our respective households. In short, we could relate. I eventually grew apart from my white friends by my sophomore year, and now most of my good friends are Asian (My girlfriend is still white; I cannot leave her just b/c she isn't Asian... We have too much of a good thing going and a great past few years together.).

I still wear Abercromibe and Fitch. I like to listen to 80s and 90s rock. I still have many white friends. I don’t believe in isolationism. If anything, I like to think of myself as the bridge between the Asian and white population here. But I am one of the few, the truly proud. A reborn Asian.

If some big-time banana, former cracker-worshipping (I say that in good humor) Asian kid from the Northeast can relate to other Asians from widely disparate backgrounds, then surely you can. Unless you were raised by white parents or something. =)

I hope you don’t take this as an attack. It’s more of a wake up call.
Barry (AM, 23)
   Tuesday, September 24, 2002 at 01:28:27 (PDT)    [128.253.186.46]


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GOLDSEA | YOUR TRUE STORIES

[NOTE TO READERS: This page is closed to new input. You can post new true stories and continue discussions at the new improved Instant Polls & Comments area. --Ed.]

READER COMMENTS

After reading the piece, it seems the unsaid underlying theme seems to be: it's all about getting the hot white chicks. I am not sure whether being a "banana" or not necessarily changed that train of thought. I guess the moral of the story is: it's better to be an AM who is proud of his roots while doing hot white chicks than an AM who is ashamed of his roots while doing hot white chicks.
Deng Ai    Wednesday, September 25, 2002 at 09:44:49 (PDT)    [198.6.73.7]
Barry (AM, 23),

That was a fantastic post. I'm glad to hear that you ended up developing more of your Asian identity.

Iconic,

I have to agree with Barry, I think you are taking a very trivial view on race relations. Let's face it. You do not look white and you'll never be seen as one. I'm sorry but that's the reality of the world. The whole notion that we're all born equal is pure bull****. Believe it or not. Race does matter out there. You may not support or discount anyone on the basis of race but there are a lot of people who do.

When someone shows anyone a picture of an AM. They don't just see a man, they see an ASIAN man. Right there you are identified as being different. We wear our difference on our skin, eyes, and hair. Some people may treat you equally as any other person but the reality is that many people won't. If it wasn't a problem there wouldn't be a need for Affirmative Action, MANAA and similar groups. Every single race on this planet is guilty of this very thing.

One of the things about Asians is the tremendous amount of loyalty, support, and sacrific they show towards their own. Both on a 1 on 1 basis and on a much bigger scale. Anyone who has been friends with Asians with traditional values will more then likely tell you the same thing. In fact I've had both WM and BM tell me that it's a quality they truly admire in Asians. Generally speaking, I for one would not have a problem supporting my Asian brothers.

Personally, I don't know anything about you other than what you just wrote. However, I can tell that you more than likely grew up in a very white community or maybe had white parents. From the Asians that I know, they hold a very different attitude.
Proud 2 b Azn (AM)
   Wednesday, September 25, 2002 at 11:43:18 (PDT)    [64.228.39.140]

I totally agree with you. I'm 22 going on 23 and it's just this past couple of months that I'm going back to my asian roots. I've dated white guys all my life. They weren't ugly or even plain, they were hot 6 footers that even the blonde sorority girls were jealous of. I've never had a "boyfriend", just lots of boys around me. This summer I took a liking to this new japanese guy at my university. I was a little surprised and my friends were shocked b/ I have never liked an asian guy before. It felt almost...right for the first time in my life. It didn't work out with him or this other japanese guy i met, but about a month ago, I met my match. He's this cute, kind, highly intelligent Vietnamese guy. I wouldn't change one thing about him. He's absoutely perfect for me. I couldn't be happier. And to think, for 22 years of my life, I've been chasing the white man.
V    Tuesday, September 24, 2002 at 18:44:28 (PDT)    [198.215.11.73]
I am a 24 year old who just finished college in the south two years ago.
I remember noticing in various Greek fraternities male bananas here and there. It is funny that they were not strikingly good looking. They were your typical average or maybe below average looking asian guy. He would wear a plaid polo shirt, an abercrombie and Fitch cap, jeans, and boots; The perfect Greek attire. In thinking about how these bananas were, I wondered if they can get better looking white girls than I can. I begin to ponder about being in their shoes. Is it worth to only hang out with whites and establish a superiority complex over asians and possibly hook up with a white girl? I thought to myself...HELL NO!! Based on what I've read, I relate to you Barry 100% I feel very close to my asian friends outside of just drinking and skirt chasing. I like to bridge the gap and enjoy who I am and everyone around me. I've had my share of white girls and am currently dating a beautiful asian girl. I am a fitness trainer at a local gym who do not alienate asians I see. I am very charismatic and am a strong individual.
Why don't all asian men strive to be the same? What would hold an asian male back? It can only fulfill him socially, culturally, and professionally.

RycherX    Tuesday, September 24, 2002 at 15:03:04 (PDT)    [199.46.199.230]
Barry

Excellent post. Sounds like me life. Sheesh. I must say once a gain, beautiful piece of work.

I just want to comment on your jewish statement. Why do the world hate the jews? why? is it because they are wealthy?

Let me tell you a little story. In Europe everyone hated the Jews, they were barred from holding any position other than servitude and money lending.
Is it a coincidence they got good at their trade?

Belive me, the jewish people has suffered greatly. We as asian-americans should help all people, after all we are once race. Forget nationality, skin color, ethnicity, focus on the real important aspects.

Just my 2 cents, hope in the future your perception of "Jews" change.

SOG    Tuesday, September 24, 2002 at 11:38:18 (PDT)    [216.239.163.156]

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