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Growing Up Eurasian in a Small Town

ello people,
First i must say that I am glad there is a site like this. Growing up in a small town was hard (and still is; im 16). I look a little more asian than most EurAsians, and when i entered grade school, i was teased as the "chinese" kid.
There are very few Asians in my town, and the Asians that are here are FOB. My Vietnamese father left my mother shortly after I was conceived, he has never seen me, and I have never seen him. I presume that he is ashamed to have a child who is not pure Vietnamese - however I don't know.
Because I never had a Vietnamese father, I idolized my friend's father - who was white. I have 1 Asian (ironically he's Cambodian) friend today, and he is the first Asian that I have ever had a friendship with. Until the age of 15, I never had any Asian friends. Most of the white girls that are in my town wouldnt think of dating me, because to them I am Asian. On the other hand, the Asian girls here wont date me because to them I am white. Yes - in this town it really is like blast from the '50s.
For a while I went through a stage where I wanted to be indentified as white. Then the opposite occurred, suddenely everything was white people's fault, and i was AzN! ...but I'm not, and I dont feel that comfortable around white people or Asians.
There are 3 other Eurasian kids my age (in a town of 30000 people!) and I quickly became friends with 1 of them. We are good friends; I have to admit, we may not have been friends if we were not both EurAsian.
I stay in touch with the other 2 EurAsians in my town; they are all I have and I am all they have for a "culture."
To myself and to others, I identify myself as EurAsian now, and I am proud to be EurAsian. I dont see "EurAsian" as white or Asian, I see it as EurAsian. I am learning Vietnamese now, just so that I can speak to my father some day in his mother tongue.
As for being "arrogant" about looks... I dont think that really applies to me. My white family always told me I was undesirable because I am half asian. Now I can look at myself in the mirror, and feel pride because I know I dont look bad. I dont think I am gods gift to women, I just dont think I am unattractive.
Being EurAsian is not easy, by any means, especially where I live. Until there are more inter-racial marriages, EurAsians will never quite fit. I encounter racism on a regular basis, but for me, theres not Asian father to say "I know what you are going through."

EuRaZn FuRy!!! Saturday, March 23, 2002 at 00:18:30 (PST)

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"I also found trouble when it came to dating girls. It seemed like all the caucasian girls I was attracted to didn't look at me that way because they percieved me to be asian, and all the cute asian girls I saw didn't see me as boyfriend material because I was mixed or in their mind white, so it was very hard to live with that situation. I never had a girlfriend all through high school."

Based on what I read in the AA Gender Divide board only 8% of the white women in this country dated outside their race (mixed people are considered outside their race). Hence your experience with white girls is not surprising. They are not as "advanced" in their mentality as the rest of the world (especially India) thinks. However, your statement about Asian girls is surprising. As per statistics 40% of Asian girls and women have dated outside their race (mostly white). If they perceived you as white did the Asian girls not date other white guys? Or was it prohibited by societal norms? Perhaps you were considered neither white not Asian...which may not be desirable. Strange, I hear that Asian women want to marry white men but not Hapas, whom many despise, although their kids would be Hapas. Would that mean that they would not love their kids becuase they are Hapas as much as they would a "pure" white or "pure" Asian.

Curious Hapa
Tuesday, May 21, 2002 at 07:11:05 (PDT)
Pretty sad state of affairs in this day and age...and the media and Hollywood would have us believe that AW/WM couples and their children are well integrated into the US society. Obviously from your stories it is very clear to me that they are living in denial just like white America lives in denial of racism against blacks!
Tuesday, May 21, 2002 at 07:03:18 (PDT)
Hi, my name's yoshi, I was very intrigued by your the story of your life as I was inspired. Hearing of the hardships you went through growing up to enventually overcome them and feel confident about your nationality is awesome. I can very much relate to your childhood and had similar experiences growing up. Being "hoppa" or half japanese and caucausian I too can understand the difficulties of relating to a one particular ethnic group, asian or white.
For me as I kid I got teased alot for being mixed and from an interacial marriage. It was very difficult. I remember crying and crying after elementary school every day because of the teasing. I had a real hard time finding my nitch so to speak with other kids. I didn't quiet fit in with white children or have all that much in common with asian children either. Disliking my nationality went on all through middle school and into high school. I also found trouble when it came to dating girls. It seemed like all the caucasian girls I was attracted to didn't look at me that way because they percieved me to be asian, and all the cute asian girls I saw didn't see me as boyfriend material because I was mixed or in their mind white, so it was very hard to live with that situation. I never had a girlfriend all through high school.
My savior was finding my best friend robert at the age of 7. I still remember the first time as I went over to his house. His mother greeting me and she was from Japan and his father shook hands with me and he was caucausian, finally I met someone with my family situation only reverse who had also delt with the same difficulties of growing up half asian. I felt right at home and we had so much in common, and are still the best of friends today.
Now I'm 23 and in college at Cal State Hayward. Now I've struggled through the hardships and teasing and have discovered the wonders of being mixed nationalities. I look at my life and feel greatful to have been given a gift from both races. I find enjoyment in exploring both sides of my heritage. As I meet more and more people I have finally come to realize in my eye how awesome it is to have a chance to live two lives in a sense.
Just resently, I became friends with a great guy name Kenji, who is also of mixed races, half Chinese and half Japanese. We have alot in common. I have dated alot girls in college and feel I seem to connect best with the half asian girls I've dated. It seems like were on the same path because we've grown up in very simliar lifestyles, just like my two good half asian friends. My second year in college I met and really connected with a half chinese and caucasian girl name Janelle and found when I met her parents I felt right at home as well. Her dad was the asian side and mom the white side just like me and I was like wow, there are people out there who have grown up just like me. Now days I really find myself searching for a half asian girl for a girlfriend, I don't meet very many because they are unique like my close friends and me, and like you Eurasian Fury!!! and I'm glad to know you now realize it. It feels good to be happy with yourself. I just came across this site and was very touched by your life story and felt I would share mine life with you and anyone else who comes across this page. Thanks Eurasian fury, for anyone wants to talk with me I can be reached at, or my soon to be built website, -Y
Bay Area Half Asian "Yoshi" Friday, May 10, 2002 at 01:20:42 (PDT)
I'm truely sorry that u have to go through all that. I'm not eurasian, but i'm half american and half japanese. Luckly, my dad was in the military so I didn't have to deal with a lot of silly people because there were a lot of mixed kids. But I must say I still got a few ignore people that told me that I should act more black. I believe I'm best of both worlds.
best of both worlds
Saturday, May 04, 2002 at 08:11:18 (PDT)
Sorry to hear about your father had left you and your mom for whatever reason he had, but there is no excuse for bringing up a life in this world, and not take care of the kid. Why would he start a relationship with a non asian woman if he had no good intention in a first place? To my assumption ( sorry if I'm mistaken) he's one of those men who gives other men a bad image.
As for those people who can't accept you for the way you are, to hell with them. Don't even give them time of your day. Get out of that town as soon as you graduate high school. I myself don't like small cities, because of its lack of cultural diversity. I used to lived in South Carolina; I was miserable there.
Take care of yourself, and as I said, don't let those idiots get to you.

Saturday, May 04, 2002 at 06:45:24 (PDT)
There's a Eurasian girl in my college (who I don't know very well) whose parents also broke up when she was a baby.
Her father is Vietnamese and her mother is White. She does visit her dad every now and then, but I don't think she knows very much Vietnamese.

If I'm not mistaken, there was a poster on the hapa forum called "Hapa Chick"?
She lives in a small town in East Texas.

I'm glad to hear you have some new Eurasian friends. Eurasians don't always have the easiest time approaching each other. But I suppose circumstances in your town would give Eurasians even more reason to look for one another.
Hapa in Texas
Wednesday, March 27, 2002 at 00:19:37 (PST)
Eurazn Fury,

Keep the flame live man. Be proud of who you are. Here's one Asian guy that's sending you love... all the way from Cali!
Fight on Brother!
Monday, March 25, 2002 at 14:48:57 (PST)