Mother on Hapa Kids' Identity | Asian Air True Stories

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Mother on Hapa Kids' Identity

am the mother of three Happa children. I am of Japanese descent and my ex-husband is a blonde/blue American of Welsh/German descent. I would like to give my input of Happas to this discussion forum. To be quite honest I have to regrettably admit that nearly all Happas (including my own children) are quite arrogant, be it regarding their racial descent or their physical appearance. I say this with experience, I love my children very much but I can't ignore that they see themselves as superior to other Asians. At first I blamed it all on myself, I played the blame game for many years after they had grown up. I always felt at fault. Over and over again I asked myself; what did I do wrong? Did I not instil them with pride of their Asian roots when they were growing up? Did I seem self hating of my own Asian descent and this then transmitted to them? Did I not acquaint with other Asians as often as I should have so they can see that being of half Asian descent isn’t half bad, its half good?
Then one day I woke up and realised it wasn’t my fault, I did the best I could do to bring them up with a sense of pride on who they were and what they are. I did teach them about their Asian heritage the culture. And yet they grew up with the “burden” of being part Asian in a white society.
That’s when it hit me. No matter how much Asian pride I instilled in them, they were still Happas. And as such, the fact that they are half white, living in a country with a society that glorifies whites and a country where “passing as white” has been a historical necessity of life for non-whites to move up the social ladder, my Happa children were bound to be influenced by this culture they live in. They learnt this arrogance on the street, from strangers, from friends, from the TV, from every conceivable place. This is a white mans country, and those of white descent will always see themselves as privileged (not necessarily superior), and those of half white descent will by default cherish and try to only acknowledge that part of them which is the one that is so glorified and privileged (in America, whites) so they too can enjoy full privileges. The fact that Happas to some degree try to denounce their Asian heritage is not necessarily because they feel shame, its because they are made to feel shame by American society at large, and it’s a natural instinct for human beings to hide that which is (perceived as) negative and hence shameful. How many times in history did we see mulattos, quadroons, octoroons passing as white? And these individuals came from a black heritage that was strong willed and self accepting, with positive view about themselves and yet these mulattos, , etc still tried passing as white nonetheless, because society demanded it of them, otherwise they too would be left in the abysm of the neglected of this country. In this country nowadays, it seems to me that some pure Asians themselves don’t have the same strong racial self-worth that blacks had in those days. How can our Happa children learn to love their Asian side if some of us ourselves don’t do it. It is hard enough to bring up mixed children who can will cherish both sides of their background when both communities are strong self worthy, but when one of their sides is not self accepting of itself it is basically impossible.
I am now married to a Japanese man and have a two-year-old daughter with him, she is my first non-Happa daughter, and I love her dearly, just as much as I love my other children. I guess the reason I had her was because I wanted to leave a legacy of Asian self worth in a child that had my blood, because society wouldn’t allow my Happa children to do so. The only thing that troubles me now is the look I get from my Happa children when they see they have a pure Asian sibling, to me, their faces seem almost upsetting at the thought.

Just My life story to share with you all
Vicky Tuesday, January 29, 2002 at 04:11:29 (PST)

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READER COMMENTS

Vicky,
I'm sorry your children turned out that way. Good luck with all four of your children. Maybe your hapa children will come around. I hope your youngest daughter will grow up with a sense of pride in who she is and what she is.
Proud of my heritage Wednesday, October 30, 2002 at 15:46:43 (PST) [134.126.128.181]

I am sorry that you have such terrible children. By being hapa gives them no more right to act in a superior manner towards asians any more then someone who is pure white. If a pure white person acted in that manner, it is simple, they are racists. It is unfortunate that your children have grown up in that way, and maybe for the psychological safety of your youngest daughter, you had better make sure that you keep an eye out for her whenever her half-siblings are around. I have hapa cousins, and they do seem to fit the more "white" stereotype rather then "asian", however, they have never looked down at me for being full-asian or any of their other cousins. They do prefer white guys, but that is a personal preference to dating etc, and that is not surprising. I guess I am just saying, don't blame yourself about how your children turned out, as much influence parents have over their children, much of their lifes and feelings are somethign the cultivate on their own.
From Hawaii
Sunday, August 18, 2002 at 03:47:34 (PDT)

Vicky, I understand where you are coming from. Often times when a woman marries and she is from another country or culture it is commonly know that it is she who is expected to make the changes.

I am Mixed Japanese/Black and some of the most screwed up people that I have met are Hapas.

People like to lie to themselves about the reality that white is the top of the heap and often when people black, Asian, Hispanic marry into white family it is often to marry up.

It is a pretty thought that there is no bigoty and that people are not assimilating but the fact is in Western socity you are expected to assimilate and there is little room for intergration by American society on a whole. White is favorable and other races are percieved as less and there for catagorised into cast with darkest being least desirable.

There is a reason why interracial marriage have a higher rate of divorce than same race marriages which also has a 50% of break up in the US. It is sad that so many hapa children in their shame of being associated with the darker association of their race miss the point all together. They will never be accepted by white society like they struggle so hard to be accepted.
Not Ashamed of my heritage.
Monday, August 12, 2002 at 12:23:16 (PDT)

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