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GOLDSEA | YOUR TRUE STORIES

[NOTE TO READERS: This page is closed to new input. You can post new true stories and continue discussions at the new improved Instant Polls & Comments area. --Ed.]

Leaving Gassy Relationship for Discreet Passer

cheated on my Taiwanese American (Now ex-) boyfriend because he kept on FARTING in bed, in the living room, while watching TV, while walking and so forth. These were SBDs (silent but deadly), LADs (Loud and Deadly) and one that was so powerful, it blew the sheets off of the bed over his ass while he was sleeping!

I almost dumped him when he farted while I was going down on him! YUCK! It burned my eyes and nose. I would buy him charcoal tablets, chlorophyll, Gas-X, Di-gel, etc., but he wouldn't take them because he said he enjoyed the process! He and his dad would even engage in farting contests in front of his sister and mom when we'd be at his house! I was so freaking EMBARASSED!!!

Needless to say, as this guy became more and more loose about his gas, I became less and less attracted to him. The only time he would ever behave was in front of my family, who thought he was a wonderful, upstanding, professional Asian American man and wouldn't believe me when I told them about his gas!!! I couldn't take it anymore--he'd fart when we kissed, he'd fart when we'd have sex. I totally lost my sex drive or desire for him, but didn't break up with him because my parents loved him.

A White guy whom I was working with began going to lunch with me and we'd talk and laugh and have a good time without him ever farting, mentioning farting or joking about it. I began to meet him to jog at the park every Saturday morning, which would lead to brunches and sometimes going to a local arts festival thereafter. However, every time I'd leave my White guy friend, I'd come back to the apartment where my boyfriend was sitting on his butt, watching USC football and would start farting and laughing as soon as I walked in the door. As a result, I found myself spending more and more time with this White guy and less and less time with my boyfriend.

I'd find myself making out with the White guy, and then feeling guilty when I went back to my boyfriend until he let out another fart. Eventually, passion got the better of me and I did it with the White guy. He wasn't better than my boyfriend in bed, but he didn't cut a single fart the whole time! However, I found myself feeling so much more sexual with this White guy because of his control over his flatulence.

Eventually, I decided that I had to try to make things work with my then-boyfriend, so I went to see him and told him flat out that his farting was such a turn off and so unfunny, that I would leave him for someone else unless he stopped it. He then began whining that I was too strict, needed to loosen up and so forth, and that "Every guy farts sometimes." I lost my temper and shouted "Not during sex! Not when they're kissing their girlfriends! Not when their girlfriends are going down on them!" He said "Yeah, right! How would you know?" and I said "Because, I've been cheating on you with another man whom I have yet to ever hear or smell a fart from, that's why!"

He laughed at first because he didn't believe me. I gave him a look and said "Fine." I packed my bags and moved in with my sister and began to date the White guy full time. Yeah, I eventually heard him farting--in the bathroom with the door shut, the fan on and spraying air freshener! I've been with him for 3 years now and he's just considerate like that. (I'm sure there are plenty of Asian guys who are considerate that way, while I'm also sure that there are tons of White guys who are gas-bags like my ex-boyfriend.)

I guess my point is that I was driven to cheat by the fact that my ex-boyfriend was inconsiderate of my feelings. The fact that it was about his farting made it worse from a smell standpoint, but that really wasn't the heart of the issue. So learn this lesson guys--pay attention to your girl, respect her feelings and for God's sake don't fart in bed or during sex!!!!
Angela Hui
   Thursday, November 01, 2001 at 13:13:33 (PST)

READER COMMENTS

We all know the reason that you left boyfriend is that Asian guys have tiny wangs. The fact that you were actually eavesdropping on your white boyfriend in the bathroom shows that you are a closet fart-monger.
Ida Feldersnatch    Thursday, October 24, 2002 at 01:20:47 (PDT)    [63.20.159.42]
Oh my god!

I can't believe you put up with him as long as you did. You should have shoved a champagne cork in his butthole.
Janet Chang-Hawkins
Monday, March 11, 2002 at 10:22:49 (PST)
Angela,
understood, I did read the whole story. You seem like a level headed individual so I doubt you feel race had anything to do with it. I just wanted to reinforce your point, that's all. Good Luck!
Kevin Yang
Kevin Yang
Friday, December 07, 2001 at 10:08:00 (PST)
Kevin:

If you read towards the end of my story, you will have read this:

"I'm sure there are plenty of Asian guys who are considerate that way, while I'm also sure that there are tons of White guys who are gas-bags like my ex-boyfriend."

Going beyond just the farting story, that also applies to consideration as well. Some Asian guys are inconsiderate, some are very considerate. Same with White guys or any other type of guys. The Crux of my story wasn't White or Asian racial tendencies towards farting or one being "better" than the other. The Crux of the story was that I had an ex-boyfriend who was a FART MACHINE that RUINED our relationship with his behavior. IF Jason had been White, I still would have DUMPED him and if Drew had been Asian I still would have gotten with him.

Some of you need to reread the story again!

One last thing: Any of you guys who fart a lot, STICK A FRIGGING CORK IN YOUR PIGOU-HOLE!!!!


Angela Hui
Thursday, December 06, 2001 at 11:10:34 (PST)
Actually, I found this story rather funny, GROSS, but funny. Angela, just keep in mind that how your two boyfriends (current and ex) treated you has NOTHING to do with race, but rather what types of people they truly are. It could have very easily been the other way, race wise. Good luck on your coming marriage.
Thanks,
Kevin Yang
Kevin Yang
Wednesday, December 05, 2001 at 09:40:37 (PST)
I need to clarify a couple of things based upon the responses I've gotten:

1. My ex, Jason, didn't start off farting like this. At first he either didn't do it at all or did it very discreetly. However, after we'd been together 6 months, an SBD or an occaisional cheek squeak would come out. After we moved in though, that's when all HELL broke loose from his rectum! His excuses were that women were too uptight and that guys think farts are funny. Maybe in a movie, but not when you lift up the sheets and you catch a whiff of a dissipating fart!!!

2. When I said my current boyfriend Drew(now fiancee) wasn't better than my ex was in bed, I DID NOT SAY HE WAS WORSE IN BED! My point was that when it came to lovemaking, both of those men are VERY GOOD AT IT! However, Jason deciding to introduce farting as part of our love life RUINED my libido and as a result, I felt MORE SEXUAL around Drew! Think about it this way--if your girl was doing something that totally disgusted you during sex and you got with another girl who was just as good as your girlfriend, but she didn't do that crap, who would YOU feel more sexual around! HELLOOOOO!!!

3. Although Jason and I lived together, I AM NOT SUZIE-HOMEMAKER! If I feel like cooking, I'd cook. If I didn't, I wouldn't. I fixed a mix bag of dishes when I'd cook, and yes, I'd avoid cabbage, garlic, beans and other such gas producers. However, Jason would eat out, or intentionally buy mystery meat weenies and Bush's best Baked Beans or Hormel Chili (to which he'd add raw onions) and wash it all down with beer or a glass of milk that was NOT treated with LACTAID! He was intentionally farting to terrorize me because he thought it was FUNNY!!!

4. One time, when my parents weren't home, Jason taught my little brothers the "pull my finger" trick--it took my mom and dad three months and tons of spankings to get them to stop it! What kind of a jerk teaches young kids to behave in such a vulgar fashion? And let's not even get on the subject of him not flushing the toilet after "dropping a bomb" to "save water" (yeah, right!) or forgetting to put the seat back down afterwards at night and me falling in!!! What a bunghole Jason was!!!

5. It was never my intention to cheat on Jason. Drew was my close friend and someone whose ear I could bend as well as a shoulder to lean on. Jason was like that early on in our relationship, but once he "got comfortable" his "Mr. Nice Guy" mask came off and it was all about him with no consideration for me at all. The Farting was just the worst part of it all! If we went out to dinner, it was always where HE wanted to eat. We went to see his type of movie, hung out with his friends and so for on down the line. I had to kick his butt to get him to come visit my parents' house and to make him behave when he was there! With Drew, I never felt like I had to act like a parent to get him to be a decent person. I never once felt like he had no respect or caring for me. That's why, when push came to shove, I (not Drew) initiated sex with him and I decided that I wanted to be with him and not Jason!!! My only regret is that I didn't dump Jason first!!!

The ultimate point was that Jason was inconsiderate of me and he amused himself by terrorizing me with his freaking farts and his nasty toilet habits. He deserved to be dumped and I hope he learned his lesson. However, I doubt he has!!!
Angela Hui
Tuesday, December 04, 2001 at 13:47:19 (PST)
Reply to Angela Hui:

All right, what a great story! A brilliant parody of itself and Asian American issues. Good job, "Angela".

Why don't we have a series of similar stories about AAs leaving their Asian boyfriend/girlfriend/SO for whites because of various personal problems? How about this, I left my AF girlfriend because she was a whining, controlling, spendthrift bitch with no communication skills. My current WF girlfriend isn't any better in the sack, but at least she doesn't try to lay a guilt trip on me when we do it. I feel so much more sexually potent when my partner isn't, well, so Asian. But I didn't leave my AF girlfriend because I hate Asians, or hate myself, or have psychological issues from childhood regarding integration into a racist society. It was because she was so inconsiderate.


Jumpin' Jack Flash
Tuesday, November 27, 2001 at 17:21:48 (PST)
To Throwing up:

Imagine if you'd been in her shoes and had someone fart while you were going down on him or her. I think you'd REALLY be throwing up then! If you thought the story was disgusting, imagine what it would have been like if you'd LIVED THROUGH THAT!

You need to chill out, dude or dudette!
An AM who sympathizes with Ms. Hui
Monday, November 05, 2001 at 08:28:33 (PST)
Girl,
Maybe you've been feeding him the wrong stuff. Avoid garlic, onions, cabbage and beans. I do question the authenticity of your story and the extent of your ex-boyfriend's farting. I think it is just a poor excuse for you to leave him.
gaseous clay
Monday, November 05, 2001 at 05:51:59 (PST)
His incessant farting did not give your the right to cheat. Girl, you are the wrongdoer in this story. You should have broken up with him first.
FOP
Sunday, November 04, 2001 at 13:30:53 (PST)
damn,

your story is fucking disgusting. Thanks for ruining my meal.
throwing up
Sunday, November 04, 2001 at 08:22:51 (PST)