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Goldsea Forum > Asian American Life > Is it just my imagination or...
Ed
Women seem to be getting more aggressive these days. They seem to be more likely to take the initiative in relationships. They also seem more willing to be confrontational in day-to-day dealings. Men, on the other hand, seem to feel more hesitant about being the aggressor.

And the change seems to be accelerating day to day.

Is the U.S. heading toward an Amazon-type society?
peter07
I heard that in the US, women wanna be men and men are encouraged to be like women. It think it's true, and plus, I wouldn't wanna make the first move and have her cry rape as many women in the US seem to do.

I also heard some call US women the most spoiled in the world, and I think there is some truth to that.
nonnymouse
I'm a woman and I certainly don't want to be a man. Where are you getting this information from? Also, what do you mean by "spoiled"? Please elaborate.
dcguy
Ed, I have to agree with you. This is an interesting article which addressed the issue of females becoming more aggressive:

She's Got to Be a Macho Girl
NY Encounter Magazine

John Blinder is 16, strapping, handsome, a hot pocket of a teenager. Guys like him were once every father's nightmare. No longer. "The girls are way more aggressive than the boys," John - "call me Chaz" - said during his 11 a.m. lunch period last Monday atthe School of the Future on Lexington Avenue and 22nd Street, as a half-dozen girls -- mostly dressed in skin-tight jeans and delicate, revealing blouses that would have once been considered skimpy lingerie -- buzzed around him. "They have more attitude. They have more power. And they overpower guys more. I mean, it's scary." After a half-century during which generations of young women were advised to never even call a boy on the telephone, it is now teenage girls who not only do the calling, but who often initiate romantic and even sexual activity. Whether they are influenced by the trickle-down effects of feminism, which has taught girls to be assertive in all areas of life, or have internalized the images of sexually powerful women in popular culture, American girls are more daring than ever. "The teenage boys I see often say the girls push them for sex and bring it up even if the boys don't ask," said Tabatha Creighton, a counselor at the Julian Partridge Mental Health Centerin Kansas City, Mo., who consults with 20 to 30 teenagers a month. "There has been a shift where girls now see themselves as sexualized and approach men with pretty much the attitude, This is all I have to offer."

Ever since Sadie Hawkins, teenage girls have chased and flirted with boys. But now they are initiating more intimate contact, even sex, in a much more aggressive manner, according to the anecdotal accounts of many counselors, psychologists, magazine editors and teenagers. Sarah Jarding, 17, a high-school senior who lives in Haverhill, Mass., said that all her friends consider asking out a guy normal. "Women are empowered and we can do whatever we want. "Her mother approves, she said. Her father does not. "He doesn't care who asks who out; he just doesn't like boys altogether," Sarah said. "He always says, I used to be a boy once and I know what they're after and they're only after one thing.' I guess he is an old-fashioned dad. Today it's more the girls who are only after one thing." Many girls attributed their forwardness with boys to the gains of feminism, which promotes parity between boys and girls in education and the workplace. The message of empowerment has been translated by 15-year-old girls into the worlds of dating and sex,and while many girls approve, some of their elders are skeptical. "Girls have been told in every part of their lives to go for it," said Adena Roth, editor in chief of NextGenGirl, which is aimed at readers 12 to 17. "Their mothers have told them, Go for student council, go for that job, and that has turned from a message directed toward achievement to being something their whole lives are about. So they apply it to pursuing boys as well." Whether that pursuit is sexual or an expression of a crush, Ms.Rubenstein said, "is up to the girl." Research data about sexual activity among teenagers show an interesting trend, at least in terms of intercourse. The percentage of high-school girls who are sexually active has risen steadily over a decade, to 64 percent in 2001, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Of girls who are sexually active, an increasing share report having had four or more partners. Experts also note an increase in oral sex, which many girls think of as less risky than intercourse. Within this context, though, many old rules of courtship - girls should never call boys and should play hard-to-get - no longer apply. Dr. Linda Caiter, a psychologist in Manhattan, said that it is as if the habits of "Sex and the City"-style dating have trickled down to teenagers: think of Samantha at 14, not at 40. "Thepopular culture saturates their mentality," she said. "Watching Britney Spears - or who is that other girl, Christina Aguilera? -empowers them to be more aggressive. It started among young single adults with 'Sex and the City,' and there has been so much talk and thinking about female sexual assertiveness that it has finally come to influence adolescents." The teenage girl as sexual aggressor is a recurring character in music videos, where images of scantily-clad young and sexually assertive young women abound. "This new young woman is almost macho in her pursuit of sex and advertises her pleasure in it," says Molly Sanchez, a New York independent record promoter. "And these images sell, because feminism has freed young women to enjoy their sexuality and be both aggressive and feminine at the same time. It's a new definition of femininity." In the Destiny's Child song, "Independent Woman", Destiny's Child rapped about ringing a boyfriend's cell phone for a brief sexual encounter, and "when it's all over please get up and leave." The lyrics to Aaliyah and Timbaland's 2001 hit "Are you That Somebody?" portray the new image of girl as predatory: "Boy, I've been watchin' you like the hawk in the sky that fly/ Boy you are my prey." On an episode of "The Sopranos" last month, the patrician teenage blonde who is dating Anthony Soprano Jr., the mafia family's teenage son, is persistent in finding another place for them to be alone for sex after they are nearly caught making out by Anthony's mother.

In Nick McDonell's novel, "Twelve," published by Grove this year, teenage girls pursue their male private-school counterparts. Last summer's box office teenage hit "Swimfan" was a stark depiction of a beautiful high-school girl who chased the tall, broad-shouldered star of the swim team, slept with him and, spurned, began stalking him, a reversal of movies like "Fear" and "Endless Love," in which the boy was the hunter. "The culture - MTV videos and television shows - helps to promote a brave, new image of adolescent woman as being successful when they look sexy and date often," said Dr. Brenda Morrow, a co-director of the Lavergne Clinics in Los Angeles. "There is a status to the girl in middle school who is the first one to start having sex." Dr. Morrow said that girls are becoming sexually and romantically more aggressive for several reasons, including the unintended consequences of their everybody's-equal upbringing. "This generation of girls is being raised by baby-boomer parents,and baby-boomer parents questioned everything," she said. "They questioned child rearing, issues of gender, romantic stereotypes and sexual roles in general." As girls come to equal boys in student government, honor societies and career prospects, they are also behaving much more like boys when it comes to sex.

Dr. Morrow said, and several studies show that girls are smoking and drinking as much as or more than boys are. An 18-year-old from Manhattan confirmed that a sense of sexual adventure and power is derived from the feminist movement - orat least the way it's filtered down to teenagers. "I think with girls being exposed to feminist thought from a young age, more and more people put a premium on girls' dominating different areas of life," she said. "So girls may now feel that it is also important to dominate in a sexual relationship. This allows the girl to be in control, e.g. 'I wanted him to do that' or, 'I told him do that to me', versus 'He sort of made medo something.' "Ms. Creighton, the counselor in Kansas City, said she has been counseling a number of white girls in the 15-18 year bracket girl who are actively embracing the role of vixen as portrayed by pop culture. "They see this stuff in the movies, on MTV, and they are able to carry on multiple sexual relationships with different guys, simultaneously," Ms. Creighton said. "And this goes for all socio-economic groups, including girls from upper middle-class families." While Ms. Creighton has some reservations about what she called "this new chapter in the sexual revolution," Danielle Kazen, the editor of the year-old Guy Crazy! magazine, for the 14-17 year-old set, defended its girl-power message. Guy Crazy! treats cute boys much as the Wine Spectator highlights tasty new vintages. (This month's cover: "Pavel: One of Russia's Finest," touts a 15 year-old, 6'2", blue-eyed javelin thrower from Moscow.) "We're about teaching girls that they don't have to sit around and wait to be chosen," Ms. Kazen said. "They can get inthe driver's seat and choose what they want. They are not afraid to send in fan mail saying, You're so hot.' "Susanne Frey, a public relations executive, said that her 16-year-old daughter, Landra, summed it up for her recently. "She looked at me and said, Well of course we ask boys out,' " Ms. Frey said. "And she tilted her head to one side and looked at meas if I was crazy and said: Come on. We're equal now.' "Equality, of course, has its price. Shauna 16, of Lancaster, Pa., said that the arrangement works out to be beneficial to the boys, as they don't have to put themselves at risk of rejection. "They don't have to be the embarrassed ones," she said. "I guess now it's our turn."
AMD
I do believe more women are aggressive nowadays, but still most of them are still pretty shy. Genders don't really change attitudes probably primarily because of hormones and also how society is.
Thomas
where are all these aggressive women??? cuz everywhere I've been the girls are still quite inert...if there's a place with ubersexualized women please tell me so I can move there
MLK
I am woman, hear me ROAR!!!!
JeilHotKimchee
I think what Ed is trying to get at, is many females these days are handling the family issues at home.

For example, the males use to pay the bills and handle all the money. The women, on the other hand, were mostly house wives doing basic chores all day....wash dishes,...wash clothes....etc.

Currently, many women are working, and hardly stay home to do basic chores.

As for agressiveness, ...have you heard of the Houston, TX incident where a wife ran-over her husband in her Mercedes? (Or was it a BMW?) Anyhow, it shows how vicious women can get if they are peeved.
There was also another incident 3 years ago (forgot where it took place), but a husband bought a bunch of roses for his wife. She took the roses and stabbed her husband! WTF!!!
Another feminine agressive incident .
AC_Dropout
I've been noticing women getting more assertive on the dating scene for the past few years now. But I get a lot of complaints from my guy friends about how disconcerting sex role reversals are sometimes.

One of friends recounted a story about how this very attractive woman who asked him out was a complete turn off. He of course ask her out for a second date to get the kink out of his preception of her.
Hank Lewis
I have mixed feelings about aggressive women. What I've often seen is that a woman will send you signals for you to approach, you still put your neck out. However, in pretty much all of my sexual encounters as a single man, I usually waited for the woman to say "you want to... ?" mainly because of all the crap I'd heard about guys being falsely accused of date rape and crap. I figured it would save me from problems in court in the event sweet love went sour.

Once again, reading all of this stuff makes me glad I'm married and off the market. Good luck to you young single guys. You'll need it!
Tanned_Asian
I certainly wouldn't mind women making the move.
Equal rights rite?
Can't expect them to wait n rot/limit their options.
They can choose!
And if the woman I like comes n choose me to date, it is certainly a turn on. Saves me all the time guessing whether she likes me n want to date or not and making a friendship sour.
Well that was aggressiveness in the dating game.
But aggressiveness in argument, whoa.. I think woman can be very dangerous if you make her real angry. Just pray there is no knife around her if she is in that category. blink.gif
krome
I think women these days are far more empowered (moreso than men now even), have far more choice, and are far more selective. Feminism has turned out to be merely female-chauvinism. It's no picnic being a guy these days like our dads had it...
Hank Lewis
HotKimchee:

You're referring to that Dentist who ran over her orthadontist husband three times in her Mercedes while his Daughter was in the car with her screaming. It spawned two other women in the Houston area to copycat her when they caught their men cheating. Now the Texas Two Step has been redefined--it's the two quick steps a cheating Texas husband has to take in order to hopefully avoid being run over by his wife!!!!
TheSaint
Word Krome. Women nowadays have so much power over a relationship its hard to believe we gave up all this power. Remember the quote from Spiderman ? "With great power comes great responsibility". Ok so women complain men are too aggressive, so they slow down become the heart warming men that they have be wanting over the years. Men nearly kill themselves in order to get what once took a couple seconds to hook up with a women. So now women complain where have all the "real men" went? Well those damn feminists are the same women who complain to their friends, and because of that they cannot handle RESPONSIBILITY. The way I see it if women really wanted to be aggressive they would've handled it with great caution instead of wielding it like the vultures they are.

But on a lighter note if a women actually started asking people out, things would go a lot smoother from a dude's pov. laugh.gif
Silkworms
QUOTE
Men nearly kill themselves in order to get what once took a couple seconds to hook up with a women.


Ya man, when cavemen used to hit women over the head with a rock knocking them out and then dragging them back to their cave. Ahh, those were the days.
BasinBictory
Silkworms,

We don't need rocks or clubs anymore - we now have the date-rape drug! dry.gif
Not just another banana
Personally, I like an aggressive woman (not too aggresive, of course).

Switching roles, though, I'll be the stay at home hubby any day!
BasinBictory
I think it would depend on the attractiveness of the woman. As it probably is for women, attention from an attractive member of the opposite sex can be extremely flattering, but attention from a less-gifted individual can be downright repulsive.

As for aggressive women, I think receptiveness would be a better thing for me. I've been out of the dating game for a number of years now (kinda promised in front of about 400 people to that effect in a church) but I think if a woman is receptive rather than aggressive, that is better. Call me old-fashioned.
seow-ting
But none of the behaviour described in this article is "aggressive"! There is nothing aggressive about asking a guy out and initiating (or asking for) sex. There is nothing aggressive about perving on a cute, sexy male. Women and girls are becoming more confident and assertive, which is definitely a good thing. For crying out loud, women want sex! And indeed sometimes we ONLY want sex! What's the big f****ing deal...?

Anyway, assertiveness protects women. It gets society used to the idea that *when a woman wants sex, she expresses it unequivocally.* The corollary of that is - if a woman does not actively express her desire, the desire does not exist. Then there'll be no "ambiguity" for rapists to try and exploit (e.g. "no sometimes means yes"). Only "give it to me right here, baby!" can mean yes!





















AC_Dropout
I would say after highschool a lot more women started asking me out on dates and intiating sex. So in some degree I don't think the image of the passive woman is what the USA is all about now.

On another level sometimes I find women who approach me to be a slight turn off. But then you get over it, if she is really cool, or if have a common interest.

BoonDockerz
Why are guys complaining about this? More easy for us
vietguy
I would love to see women be more aggressive. It would be refreshing to have a change of roles and it would be a WHOLE lot easier. Honestly, women don't necessarily have to make the first move. They just have to give better signs that they are interested and want to be asked out.
MLK
Nothing wrong with asking guys out.

I say with firm intentions..."Please, get out." biggrin.gif
AC_Dropout
MLK,

Is that before or after you pay for their escort services?

MLK
biggrin.gif

whatchoo tryinta say, AC? tongue.gif


AC_Dropout
MLK,

Oh nothing. Perhaps that you're selfish in bed? laugh.gif
MLK
Ha! tongue.gif Wouldn't you like to know!

All kidding aside. Being selfish in bed is a virtue, not a vice, especially when you think what the alternative is. Just trying to live up to my supposed 'aggressive' notoriety.
AC_Dropout
MLK,

Like I really need to know...too much information. laugh.gif

Selfishness in bed is a virtue....hmmm....I need to remember that next time a woman ask "What about me?" in bed. I will have to respond in kind, "what about you?" blink.gif

But back on topic this is about women's agressiveness (in bed), not laziness (in bed). laugh.gif

I guess that fortune cookie game also works online as well.

whitelion
I would say quite the opposite. Somehow I feel women are becoming more submissive,while not shy though. It is easier nowadays to score with just about any chick,and to talk sex with them too. Decades ago it was more difficult,and most males have to use a lot proper language,politeness,etc.
I'm in my 40's and I have had lots of experience about women. It took months(dating) before having intercourse with any girl of your choice. Nowadays,you can even get a sex date through the internet(no need to develop a relationship!) You can have a larger number of choices as to what girl is sexier today Decades ago ,you went through a formal relationship before engaging in sex,and your choices were limited.
So by submissive I mean, most women today submit easily to any horny male's sexual desires. Blame it on the sexual revolution,and women' movements to be sexually liberated..
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