The other extreme is the person who fixates on the idea that as a racial minority Asian Americans are doomed to suffer bigotry. That person sees American society as being incapable of providing fair and equal treatment and adopts a pessimistic, fatalistic and ultimately defeatist attitude toward life.
Obviously, neither extreme produces a fulfilling life.
The healthy solution is to recognize the duality inherent not only in human life but in nature itself. Students of physics know that matter and energy are but the two faces of reality. They learn that light can behave like particles and atoms can behave like waves. Doctors know that despite every advance in medical science, faith and optimism can heal where medicine fails. Lovers know that even ideal love contains the seeds of conflicts that can tear the lovers apart.
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High-EQ Asian Americans recognize a similar duality in being members of a racial minority. They understand that racial bias is an inescapable condition but also that the bias doesn't preclude the building of successful and satisfying lives. The most successful Asian Americans have spoken of the ways in which they built their successes while coping daily with racial offenses. In fact, the more successful and secure an Asian American, the more readily he discusses the burden of being an Asian in America. He knows that the burden is best relieved by sharing it with others who have experienced it instead of hiding it as a source of shame or embarassment. In my opinion, the best evidence of having mastered the duality inherent in being a racial minority is openly discussing racial bias while taking pride in the successes they've achieved in the face of racial bias.
2. I will see every person as a unique individual.
The ultimate defeat in life is believing that everyone you meet is like the worst person you've ever met.
Most Asian Americans come into daily contact with people who see us through the lens of ignorance, bigotry and hate. We also encounter people who treat us with sympathy and good will. If we have had change slapped on the counter by a white sales clerk, it's easy to be aloof and wary toward the next white person we encounter. To give in to that impulse would put us on an emotional downward spiral and foreclose the positive encounters that can fill us with confidence and optimism.
It isn't easy being friendly and open after an unpleasant encounter. It takes even more effort for Asian Americans because we must wrestle with the suspicion of bigotry. With our small numbers relative to other racial groups, we face the largest numbers of encounters with potential bigotry. On the flip side, if we stop seeing an individual behind each face, we stand to lose the biggest number of potentially rewarding relationships. Seeing each person as an individual is the daily effort that keeps open the possibilities for a successful life.
3. I will cultivate a voice of my own.
American culture pays lip service to silence but respects noise. Celebrities enjoy popularity in direct proportion to the loudness of their personal styles, music, wheels. Asian Americans, on the other hand, have been slapped with labels that suggest silence: quietly industrious, humble, unable to speak English, even “the silent minority.“ These stereotypes give a surprisingly large number of Americans the sense that they can treat Asians with less than the normal level of respect. Consequently, Asian Americans start each encounter from the psychological deficit of having to overcome unspoken assumptions of superior power and status.
That's why it's important for each Asian American to cultivate a voice. It doesn't have to be as loud and obnoxious as a rap star's, but it does have to be clear and distinctive. Even a simple greeting like, “Howdy!” is enough to dispel stereotypes that can engender unpleasant encounters. In more extended encounters, verbalizing more of your opinions and impressions will have a profound impact on the degree of respect you are given by colleagues or acquaintences.
In American society power is often measured in terms of the authority with which one articulates shared values and experiences. Many Americans of average intellect and education enjoy surprising success in the business and professional worlds by their adeptness at speaking their minds. Some Asian Americans view such people as being given to shameful self-promotion or lacking personal dignity. To the contrary, I believe that using one's voice to secure respect and advantage is a high-EQ step toward realizing one's full potential. Whether we like it or not, our success in life is often determined more by what we show the world than by what we have learned of the world. To put it another way, what good are our reputedly above-average IQs and superior educational levels, unless we give voice to our thoughts?
Finding a voice is one of the most rewarding ways to enjoy increased respect and emotional fulfillment. I believe it's even more important to encourage our kids to become both comfortable with and skilled at verbal expression.
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“They understand that racial bias is an inescapable condition but also that the bias doesn't preclude the building of successful and satisfying lives.”
