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A Positive Self-Image
for Your Pre-Teen
PAGE 3 OF 3

     But again, kids aren't likely to sit still for lectures on Asian American history. You have to blast them out of their ignorance with colorful tidbits of trivia that will shatter the Asian-newcomer myth. Here are just a few examples:

• Chinese laborers built the more difficult half of the Transcontinental Railroad requiring dangerous blasting through the Sierra Nevadas and the Rockies while dangling by ropes in baskets;

• The all-Japanese-American 442nd and the 100th Regimental Combat Team were the most decorated units of World War II, man for man;

• The handsome Japanese-American actor Sessue Hayakawa was one of the highest paid stars of the golden age of silent films;

• The term "go for broke", the very essence of gutsiness embodied in the most cinematic war stories, was coined by the Hawaiian-born Japanese Americans of those units who once sustained 70% casualties to rescue a Texas battlion trapped behind enemy lines in Italy;

• the bing cherry was named after the Chinese American who developed it;

• At least three Chinese Americans fought in the Civil War, on the Union side;

• The inventor of the magnetic-core memory, the concept at the heart of modern computing, was a Chinese American computer engineer named An Wang;

     There are countless more examples. Just a few will convince your kids that the Asian place isn't at the back of the American parade. Appreciating that the Asian contribution to the building of the United States is of long standing will instill confidence and authority in their status as Americans.

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PRESSURE-POINT 4: Fear that Asians must settle for a marginal or inferior place in American life
EARLY SYMPTOMS: Staking out modest ambitions; being unwilling to consider goals or careers requiring head-to-head competition
PREVENTIVE MEDICINE: Tell them about spectacular Asian American successes in everything from sports to technology
     It's only natural for minorities kids to wonder whether they will be allowed to rival or surpass members of the majority in important respects like money, professional prestige, social position, romantic relationships. Especially when they're constantly seeing Asians playing marginal, secondary or outright repulsive roles in movies and TV shows. Fortunately for Asian Americans, in the United States minorities are allowed to surpass the majority to the extent of their abilities. That isn't to say that subtle race-based handicaps can't hinder them but that any such obstacles can be overcome by ability and determination.

     It's one thing to know that in the abstract and another to feel that it can be true for you. Fortunately, enough Asian Americans have enjoyed spectacular successes in virtually every imaginable field to provide examples to inspire our kids. Only a few such examples -- mostly athletes like Kristi Yamaguchi, Michelle Kwan, Michael Chang, Chanho Park and Pak Seri -- are visible enough for our kids to be inspired by them. But the vast majority of Asian American success stories -- often the most inpiring and instructive ones -- never receive the kind of media attention that bring them to our kids' attention.

     It's especially important for Asian American parents to learn about as many Asian success stories as possible and share them with the children. There are hundreds of stories in which young Asians overcome poverty and racial prejudice to achieve spectacular success. Daniel Inouye, who lost his right arm in a heroic battle on an Italian hill during World War II, couldn't even get a haircut after the war because of racial prejudice. Yet he sent himself through law school and went on to become one of the nation's most powerful senators. Bill Mow's family was so poor that his only allowance growing up were a dozen eggrolls a week which he sold to classmates for a quarter apiece. Yet he went on to found and run the Bugle Boy sportswear empire with its 10,000 employees worldwide. A few of these success stories will flesh out the concept of equal opportunity and help your kids see that their minority status need not relegate them to a marginal role in any sphere.

PRESSURE-POINT 5: Refusal to acknowledge racism for fear of appearing paranoid
EARLY SYMPTOMS: Refusal to acknowledge even the slightest degree of race consciousness or discrimination; compulsion to deny fellow feeling with other Asians
PREVENTIVE MEDICINE: Discuss your own experiences with race and explain the subtle, insidious ways in which the media and society can put Asians at a disadvantage in social and professional situations

     Many parents avoid discussing racism with their kids for fear that it may encourage them to dwell too much on the negative. That's the biggest mistake an Asian American parent can make, in my opinion. Clamming up about racism hurts kids in several important ways. For one, it makes kids wonder if they are abnormal for being conscious of their racial differences and for sensing racial feelings in others. That isolates them in their doubts and insecurities at the most sensitive stages of their emotional development. The sense of alienation is thereby increased, not lessened.

     Refusing to discuss racism also does your kids the terrible disservice of making them believe that it's something that's too terrible to talk about. That merely increases their fear and dread of it, making them far less at ease than they would be otherwise.

     Intelligent parents bring up the topic of racism in a caual and straightwoard manner to make it clear that it is not a unique experience or one that's too terrible to talk about. By bringing it up, parents can draw out their kids' experiences and questions, helping them feel less isolated and threatened. What's more, they can help put racism in perspective as a force that isn't all-pervasive but cofined to specific situations and segments of society. The truth is that racism is found mostly among people who feel insecure, vulnerable and threatened about their own places in society. By cutting it down to its proper shape and proportions, you can help your kids consider intelligent approaches for dealing with it rather than blowing it out of proportion.

PRESSURE-POINT 6: Being embarrassed to take pride in one's sexuality
EARLY SYMPTOMS: Sneering at the notion of sexual attractiveness; discussing sex and sexuality as vulgar and beneath their dignity; dressing or acting to obliterate their own sexuality
PREVENTIVE MEDICINE: Expose them to Asian celebrities and acquaintences of both sexes admired for their charisma and sex appeal; acknowledge the importance of sex and sexuality in the lives of all healthy people, including yours

     Sex and sexuality is the area parents feel least comfortable discussing but the area most urgently in need of clarification for most young Asian Americans. The topic is difficult for all young people, but exceptionally so for Asian Americans because of the peculiar media images and social expectations to which they are subjected. On the one hand, Asian males are portrayed as unattractive and sexless, the fantasy of the pushover rival. On the other, Asian females are portayed as extremly sexually active and available to white males, the fantasy of the exotic female.

     For most of the twentieth century, Asians have been for the white male imagination the fantasy race of nonentity males and available females. That fantasy has been elaborated on ad nauseum in movies and TV shows. Needless to say, those images are as unappealing to Asian males and females as they are ubiquitous in the American imagination. White kids can find sexual role models virtually everywhere they look. The airwaves drip sexuality around the clock. But Asians are effectively excluded from American media offerings because of the peculiarly offensive role to which we have been relegated. As a consequences, many Asian American kids turn away from the entire American sexual value system rather than accept its offensive premises.

     Unfortunately, the suppression of one's sexuality isn't a satisfactory solution. It merely leads to confusion with every aspect of one's identity. Ultimately, many Asians end up rejecting their Asian-ness rather than their sexuality. The result, of course, is even more pain and confusion.

     That's why it's exceptionally important for Asian American kids to have Asian role models who embody healthy, attractive sexuality. For this purpose the ideal figures are actors and other celebrities who are attractive to members of the opposite sex regardless of race. Actors like Jason Scott Lee, Russell Wong, Keanu Reeves, Chow Yun-Fat, among men, and Joan Chen, Tia Carrere, Mingna Wen and Lindsey Price, among women, are some examples. They are obviously Asian but embody sexual attractiveness acceptable to all Americans, thereby validating the sexual self-image of young Asian Americans.

     Parents can play an important role in helping their kids form positive identifications with such figures by expressing approval of their attractiveness. Those well-intentioned parents who cut down Asian American celebrities for one reason or another make it that much harder for their kids to form a positive sexual self-image and add to their ultimate confusion when they reach adolescence.

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