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ASIAMS.NET |
POLL & COMMENTS
ASIAN FEMALE/ CAUCASIAN MALE RELATIONSHIPS
(Updated
Tuesday, Apr 1, 2008, 05:32:30 PM
to reflect the 100 most recent valid responses.)
This poll is closed to new input.
Comments posted during the past year remain available for browsing.
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WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
yeah a big xin loi. There was a vietnamese girl in college who was interested me. However, I was to busy trying to be hip and learning about how my germanic American grandfather was interned right along with the Japanese.
I didn't have the cultural capital to bridge the gap at that time. Maybe, he does not either.
He propably isn't mature enough to fully appreciate all that you have to offer. My advice, unless he is extremely shy, find someone else...
I agree with Maxdacat. How could they possibly think about coming here without making an offer of their daughter to the white man...
What hypocrisy.....
Albiyes
Tuesday, July 09, 2002 at 10:24:45 (PDT)
some aa girl
how about saying:
you lookin' at me or chewin' a brick coz either way you're gonna loose your teeth!
i mean seriously.....maybe try something different for once....i'm sure if you just said hi....half the creeps who are staring at would slither away, while the other half who are genuinely spellbound by your beauty might be worth a friendly word or two.
maxdacat
Tuesday, July 09, 2002 at 08:22:24 (PDT)
well according to my parents I'm a disobedient witch, so needless to say I never had problems dating another race. If they love you, they'll get over it. Mine did. And as for the face losing thing, too bad. You live your own life, don't sacrafice your happiness for someone else's ignorance. Date whomever you please, your parents will come around to it. If they don't, they don't love you as much as they love themselves. Why would you want parents like that to begin with? All this is about control. Asian parents want to be able to control their children's destiny. Don't let someone else ruin your life, heck if you're going to be unhappy might as well be from your mistake than others.
Kate
Tuesday, July 09, 2002 at 07:11:16 (PDT)
The only problem I have with any of this is that I don't want to be thought of as another one of those "white" guys with an Asian "fetish". I like what I like. I can't help it if I've always had a preference for ethnic Asian women. It's never been at the exclusion of other ethnic groups either. I believe beautiful is beautiful no matter what your ethnicity, however, I tend to be attracted to ethnic Asian women...while still acknowledging the beauty of others. It's not because of the stereotypes that the media bombards us with nor the so-called "exoticness" of Asian and Asian-American women. Why do some like certain musics, colors, foods or things to do while others have different sets of likes and dislikes? If one wants to dissect and analyze this then I'll let you do it while I enjoy myself. I've travelled around the world enough to know that all human beings are basically the same everywhere. One of the greatest attributes anyone can ever have is to have an open mind. This allows us to learn more about eachother, to appreciate our differences and to celebrate our diversity. My apologies to anyone I may have offended. My mistakes are only out of ignorance- not to spite anyone.
Caucasian ( perhaps ) but not "politically white"...
Monday, July 08, 2002 at 18:12:01 (PDT)
maxdacat,
I understand your point of view. But every immigrant in America has their own reasons. For example, the Jewish, I heard only marry within their own Jewish community. So I guess their reason is based on religion. But thats my opinion.
Speaking for my family, we work hard, respect the American culture, pay taxes, and abide by the laws but we also like to carry on our tradition. I think my parents are just afraid that our Asian heritage will be lost through the interracial relationships. This has already happened through my grandmothers side who are all French, Hawaiian, African-American, Spanish,Arabian, and who knows what else. My cousins and I can not even communicate with each other unless they know English.
When I first got involved with my Caucasian BF, I warned him that its going to be a rough road ahead for us because my parents have not opened up to the idea yet. So it was up to him to either hang in there with me or look for someone else to avoid the "drama". I am assuming that your ex warned you that her parents would not accept your relationship. Correct me if I am wrong.
ngoc
Monday, July 08, 2002 at 17:32:49 (PDT)
Thuyni:
Toi xin loi about your boyfriend. If this guy is under 25 and/or is still in college, he's probably still not gotten over his "I know everything that works for me and nobody can tell me any differently" stage. He needs to have a shock to his system to wake him up and make him realize that he's putting himself into a box that is shutting you out.
Most reasonable individuals realize that when you date someone seriously, you are going to have to make some adjustments because their perspective and culture will be different from yours, even if you are of the same ethnicity. Maybe about 50 years ago, it was assumed the woman would conform herself to her man's "culture" but things aren't like that anymore. Nowadays, even the more macho men realize that there needs to be some compromise. This is especially important when your mate is of another ethnic group than your own.
It sounds like you've been open enough to go to baseball games and barbecues with him. He needs to do the same for you. If you haven't done so, you need to send him a short "We need to talk." message, then tell him directly (not meanly) that he needs to be as willing to experience things of your culture (such as going to a festival or TRYING Viet cuisine) as you have been willing to experience the things of his culture. Tell him that his unwillingness to experience these things is coming off as a rejection of you since these cultural elements are part of who you are as an Asian American. Tell him that he needs to do this to validate that he respects and loves you. Then tell him that you're going to give him some "time to think about it." and then you go home.
Now the hard part: don't call him, don't EMail him, don't see him and don't communicate with him for at least a week. If he calls, EMails or leaves messages which are anything other than "Okay, I'll do this for you." then you are "too busy" for him at that time. These statements followed by this action should get through his thick skull. If he flat out refuses, this tells you something about how much he really loves you--not very much.
Anyway, I wish you luck.
WM who's been there
Monday, July 08, 2002 at 06:10:40 (PDT)
Ngoc,
I gotta ask how asian parent can be so adamant about which races their kids marry even after moving to the West!
i know other races will do this but let's focus on asians....as a WM who likes to date AF's i wouldn't like to think that my chances are being subtly determined by something outside my control.....i also don't like the idea that immigrants can take a comfortable lifestyle from a new country but not want to give anything in return.
i realise that these attitudes may not be in the majority but they are still persistant and really bug me....BTW i know a first gen Viet family in Sydney and their 3 kids have dated/married White, Indian & Malaysian without any issues at all.
i'm glad you stood up to your folks and that eventually came around to your way of thinking....i guess as well i feel sorry for the parents who would never step outside their own ethnic group.....i think this in turn influences their kids behaviour....if they don't want to work towards a multicultural ideal i hope their daughters all hook up with the worst kind of white men imaginable!
maxdacat
Monday, July 08, 2002 at 01:20:06 (PDT)
"I think the man should be in total control of absolutely everything in his life".
LOL What decade are you living in, the 1870's?? You are such a control freak it's not even funny. It sounds to me that you like dating AFs because you have some notion that they're "easier to handle" and submissive. Do you smack your g/f around if she complains too much? Or doesn't cook the right food for you?
Loser.
get over yourself
Sunday, July 07, 2002 at 18:48:49 (PDT)
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