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POLL & COMMENTS
ASIAN MALE/ BLACK FEMALE RELATIONSHIPS
(Updated
Wednesday, Jan 22, 2025, 06:39:10 AM
to reflect the 100 most recent valid responses.)
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WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
Venetia:
I find alot of BW very attractive. I have met many of them off campus, and on campus. Equally intelligent women. I am sure everyone isn't intelligent, but thats how it is in every culture.But I am not going to foolishly say the majority of black women arent intelligent. How can you as a black woman say such things, about women within your very own culture? And how should we judge a persons level of intelligence? To what degree? Masters, bachelors...hmm...
Well, I admit. I am attracted to BW with meat on their bones. I don't particularly care for the skinny minny types. Thin women can be really pretty too, but its just my preference. I like women who know who they are, and don't try and pretend to be someone else. I also like women who don't try to go out of their way to get my attention. A confident woman. She doesn't have to be a professor with a Phd. and she doesn't have to belong to a bunch of society organizations (Big Shots)
I am dating a woman now. To me,she is perfect. She works in a local hotel salon. Shes a voluptuous, hardworking, beautiful BW. I am so proud to be seen with her.
Viet
Saturday, March 23, 2002 at 16:00:44 (PST)
To black no...umm, white guy...umm no chin..no what the hell friggin mixed up dude,
I'd love to know what you look like. I haven't meet anyone that mixed in a long, long time.
lilli98 lilli98@collegeclub.com
Saturday, March 23, 2002 at 13:16:06 (PST)
For everyone, but for Green especially,
No one is overlooking the fact that there is a child about to be brought into this world to an unwed mother. As far as people congratulating them on a baby . . . well, most people usually say that automatically, even when they're thinking it's really a horrible thing to bring a child into this world without both parents. I'm a black female, and I sure as hell am not congratuating him on getting his girlfriend knocked up, and questioning whether or not he should do as his parents want himi to do. He, as well as the girl, know or at least should know the consequences of unprotected sex (and if they used condoms, they should always have used birth control pills, along with spermidicide for added protection). But, as we all know and have been told, even with these precautious, something could happen, and a baby could be the result (and if you weren't told, there are pamplets). You made the statement that if it'd been a black man to get her pregnant, then he'd have been chewed out. It doesn't matter what race he is. The result is the same: she's pregnant. He has a responsibility to his child, and to her, b/c it takes two to tango (to make a baby). THEY, have a responsibility to THEIR child, not just their parents. If he walks away, then that's another black woman without a father for her child (he's no better than all the black, white, hispanic, etc fathers that walk away and we talk about). He helps add her to that long list of statistics we hear about on the news and read about in the paper. This issue is a little different, b/c he's being told he has to let her go. He's being forced to chose b/t his parents and his girlfriend (someone made the comment earlier that she might have done it to trap him. what if he'd been trying to trap her? no one ever stops to think about men trapping women to keep them from walking out on them. no one stops to think about men getting the women pregant for their parents to accept the fact that they are together. it has happened and i've seen it too many times). You also made the statement: "Are you women so desperate to find Asian men to accept you that you will show your double standards and support him in getting a black woman pregnant?" I don't think that's what's going on here. They are only showing their support of their relationship and the situation. Do you have to twist what these women are saying? I think the women here would be just as suuportive if he'd been black. Regardless of the race of this young man, J. Chang, he came to us for help, not to be criticized at every turn. He's getting enough of that from his parents. Besides, I think J. Chang knows what he has to do.
Green, you also made this comment,
"I don't think it's hilarious that a black female would feel empowered by the fact asian men want to F*** her instead of wanting to Love her in a serious relationship. As long as black women feel that this is something to be proud of then no Asian man is going to take them seriously."
The truth of the matter is that black women are having trouble getting Asian men to take them serious period. There are too many stereotypes working against us anyway. Most of which come from the media. Asian men should know how that feels, don't you think (having the media portray them one way, when they know they're another way)? I think if Asian men would look at us in a way other than what the media presents, period, things would be different. And why the hell shouldn't a woman feel empowered that a man wants her? Women of all races feel empowered over the knowledge they can make a man want them, especially one that normally isn't interested and he's the one that the woman wants anyway. Do you have a lot of women friends? Have you ever sat down and really talked to them about it? When women talk, you will find out things you never thought about, and maybe even things you didn't want to know.
And do we want an Asian man in a serious, loving relationship? Yes, we do. Honestly, I don't think it matters what race he is, as long as he's a good man. But since we're talking about Asian men, again, yes, we would love that. But when Asian men start taking us serious, then it isn't going to happen. But then again, when we're faced with J. Chang situation, how can Asian men and black women come together in a serious loving relationship when their families oppose the union? Do you ever really stop to think?
If I have offended anyone, I'm sorry you feel that way. You live, you learn, and you move on. If anyone has any direct comments they'd like to make to me, my email address is there for your convenience.
lilli98 lilli98@collegeclub.com
Saturday, March 23, 2002 at 13:08:31 (PST)
This site has been pretty interesting in that attractions can occur (based on the comments made here) btn blacks and asians. Here on the east coast (e.g. New York), there isn't much of interracial relationships. I'm in grad school in NYC, and I would find myself attracted to black women, and latina, but then again, then I think about all the complications that can occur with the environment that we deal with in our daily lives, especially in NYC. I remember sitting in the classroom (just minding my own business), when a black woman pass by me and made a comment, "Mmmm, Damn, he's gots it going on" to a friend of hers. At that moment, I was surprise by the comment and I just kinda smile back at her. But didn't pursue it any further than that, and I don't even know why I didn't. But I'm glad to see that some people on this site are able to make it work. MOre props to ya!!
Hunter College student
Saturday, March 23, 2002 at 10:39:48 (PST)
The person who wrote in the past few days signing their name as Green is not me. He/She is a troll, and probably the same one who has used other people's names in the past to do the same thing. If you check the history of the posts, none of my comments were of the nature that "Green" describes. Usually, I keep my negative comments to myself. Not to mention, I tend to post thought-provoking questions when I want to get a discussion started. Consider:
In what ways as the penis size myth influenced your thoughts about finding Asian men attractive? How was your mind changed?
For the Asian men, which stereotypes about Black women influenced your thoughts about finding them attractive? How was your mind changed?
Green (the real one)
Saturday, March 23, 2002 at 10:07:28 (PST)
Did everyone really get a good look at Venetia's comments? Am I the only one, or were her comments and advice Cynical?
I am not a "thin" woman. I birthed my two children who are part asian. My husband is Thai. Yes, there are obvious signs of obesity on my body. He loves me just the same.He tells me I am so beautiful. And yes, I wear my hair braided, and he loves it too. I am also a college student. She says she listed all of her credibilties. Perhaps to impress us all? Or perhaps to show us, she is a big intellectual who knows her stuff. Well, credentials,spedentials. It all means nothing. The fact is, if a man is going to like you he is going to like you. If your fat,skinny,tall whatever it is. If he accepts you and you accept him thats all that really counts.
I have met so many intellectuals such as Venetia, who feel they know so much about dealing with certain situations. And usually, their not as educated when it comes to the real facts going on in every day life.
Her ways of thinking are quite sad. And somewhat amusing. I was raised to be proud of who I am. Being proud of who you are is, not buying into the silly little standards of what is acceptable. (Such as skinny little bodies,wearing you hair a certain way,nose jobs,contact lenses) None of that stuff matters. I myself don't contact lenses. I happen to wear glasses. But if some BW wants to wear blue green or red contact lenses, and she and her man likes it.Then its fine.
Just like me. My hair is braided up now. I wear it that way even when I visit my man's family. They accept me just the same. Some families may not. But in my case, they do.
Rachel
Saturday, March 23, 2002 at 07:13:10 (PST)
Hello Venetia:
Not everyone feels the same as you do. In the real world, its different for everyone. I met my love at a sushi bar. He is a chef.Out of the blue it was.
He said that he was attracted to me immediately. He smiled and began conversation with me.
And no, I don't have the stereotypes you have listed in your comments. I can imagine there arent many of the stereotypical BW on here. Many of us are quite educated and brainy.If you have read their comments, you would have seen some very eloquent speaking BW on here. I am glad what has worked for you, and perhaps it may work for someone else as well. As for the rest of us, we live in on the earth.Most attractions between man and woman happen in an unplanned situation. Thats just how it is. Asian men are just men. They are no better or no less than any of us on the planet. Meeting them, would be like meeting a man of any background.
I also see you have listed all of your affiliations etc. and organizations etc... It still doesn't change the facts of how things really are in the world we are living in. And how we all have our own experiences in life, and our own ways of doing things.
CelestialKiss CelestialKiss@aol.com
Saturday, March 23, 2002 at 06:49:17 (PST)
Venetia,
Thankyou for your lovely insight. It was so beautiful.Oh, and by the way honey. Did I mention to you...most of us on here already have an asian man. And, are not desperate on finding one. This poll is supposed to be on the discussion of relationships between us. We are not a bunch of BW just dying for some imput on how to ,"Catch one".
In a situation of meeting a man, no matter "what" color he is. Asian, black or otherwise, its about the chemistry between the two people.
My husband and I met, it was about how we felt. I wear my hair naturally curly as I have always done, and I act like myself. I still write my poetry and go to open mic. night like I did when we met there. I am not in college, I own my own business. His mother has her own opinions I am sure. But, he and I are happy. He works. I work. We have a nice place. Thats it. If the tables were turned and "he" were going out of his way to impress and was so desperate to "find a BW" it would have been a really big turn off to me. We met casually, the way it should be. I wasn't seeking an asian man. I had never even dated one before. He happened to be there when I was doing my rhymes onstage at the Java House. It was a go with the flow thing...it happened. I am sure that I am not the only one in the entire world, this may have happened to other sisters too.The meeting by chance thing. I don't consider myself "ghetto"...or"hoodrat"as you say. I speak the way I speak, clear enough to be understood. I am intelligent, and dont need the instructions of research to help me along the way.And as far as the attraction thing...this man came to me. He approached me, we talked about my poetry and my style of clothes. His interest in me. And thats how it went, plain and simple.
Ebony Poet Goddesss
Saturday, March 23, 2002 at 05:33:54 (PST)
WeiWei:
Noone said anything about church. Now, that was uncalled for.
I think its so silly to tear each other down for voicing our views. Thats what this poll is about. Everyone telling how they feel. We shouldn't cut each other down to size for speaking our minds. A poll is for everyone who wants to be a part of it. Right?
I can see Green's point. It does seem like people were congratulating J.Chang. But I have to say, I don't think it was a congratulations for getting a BW pregnant. I highly disagree. I think it was looking at the bright side. A special gift is a baby. But what comes along with that baby is big responsibility. I think everyone made it quite clear no matter what color J.Chang would be(he still needs to stand up and get a backbone)
HapaHunnyKelani
Saturday, March 23, 2002 at 05:07:49 (PST)
Green:
I understand how you feel. I don't think we BW came on here with any intention of being double standard. Everyone has been just talking about their lives and what they have experienced. I don't think anyone has said that its so wonderful that J.Chang has his girlfriend pregnant.
Everyone's comments I have read so far, has encouraged him to stand up and be a man. Everyone, asian men and black women have said that to him.
Noone has been criticizing black men for anything. The pregnancy thing affects everyone. Its the same thing. Yes, it has been a problem in the black community.The unwed single mothers raising a child. We don't quite know what this situation will turn out like. It may or may not be another scenario. Hopefully not.I do know that when it comes to single black mothers, I feel exactly the same way about asian men...black men...white men...whatever. Regardless, there needs to be responsibility taken on the part of the fathers. And the mothers too.
So no. I have yet to see a double standard on this poll.
Jen
Saturday, March 23, 2002 at 04:56:08 (PST)
Why would an Asian man marry a fat and ugly black woman? I like my black women to be fine as wine.
Hellafineaswine
Friday, March 22, 2002 at 17:28:51 (PST)
TO: cinnamon, jthm, li chow, libit, celestialkis...
...if you are not aware then becareful because someone is using your handles to defame black-asian websites all over the internet and linking you back here. i was have only known positive posts and cannot believe any of you would drag someone's children into alot of superficial drama.
...
Friday, March 22, 2002 at 17:26:25 (PST)
Um, for an interracial forum, there is a lot of sterotyping going on in here...
...I agree that statistically, more asian men may be attracted to or in contact with more educated black women since more asian men tend to be educated, and birds of a feather flock together.
But that is not always the case.
Before I met my boyfriend, there was this Japanese guy who seemed to really be into me. He kept rolling up on me like a guy in a hip hop video, which really didn't work for me personally, seeing as how I am completely ebonics-illiterate. I'm sure he was using his best moves on me, but I just could not relate any more than if some cute roughneck from the hood was trying to get with me.
I finally asked him what the deal was. It turns out that that he and his 10 brothers and sisters were raised in the inner-city, which explained why he talked like Denzel Washington in Training Day. He'd also had a black girlfriend in the hood. Evidently it left him with such delicious memories (once you go black... you know...) he was trying to recreate the magic with me.
My point is, you never know. Lots of asian guys are very educated and in good physical shape. Some black women are not as educated, work proudly at service jobs, and concentrate more on adorning themselves with cute shoes, outfits and hairstyles, than on physical fitness. I think this is fine. I think that everyone should be free to be who they are and express themselves as they really are, because that's how the person who is really meant to be with you will recognize you. People may be attracted (or not) to stereotypes, but they actually fall in love with the unique heart of their beloved.
True, most Asian guys will not be marrying a "round the way" girl, but so what? You're only looking for ONE guy. And once you find your needle in the haystack, you'll be too busy happily ever aftering to worry about being someone that you're not, or impressing someone who does not value the real you.
Peace and love for all,
SistaMoonKitty
Friday, March 22, 2002 at 17:05:13 (PST)
Venetia*
As an asian male, I see your putting us into some big stereotypes. You say to black women they need to,"make sure they have this big college degree" and "wear their hair this way" and "speak this way" and "have this sort of attitude"...and then the asian men will find them more appealing. You say you know this out of "researching"...
Your research is quite inaccurate and maybe even bullshit. I am sure you haven't interviewed every single asian man on the face of the earth.
I notice alot of the lovely ladies on here, are already in a relationship with an asian man. None of them seemed to me to have much of a problem finding one...it seems they just attract them naturally.
I find many BW attractive and interesting...its not all about her "college degree" or "how she may fit in with my family"...and I sure as hell don't want someone who does not act like themself...and tries to be something they are not.I don't want some fake woman. I want a woman who I can love her for who she is...whether her hair is curly,straight,frizzy,braided or whatever. My ex and I fell for each other because we loved who we were, and respected each others cultures. I think your little research is not in reality. It just goes to show...not all asians are alike. We all are different.We don't all think the same as your research has tried to prove.
Sing
Friday, March 22, 2002 at 14:57:29 (PST)
JTHM:
I received my BA at UC Davis. Organic chemistry, whoa! I took that class. It was difficult, but very interesting. I thought my mind was going to crash after taking that course. Good luck. Are you planning a future in medicine?
Are you male or female? (Just curious).
Which university do you attend?
To answer your question, stereotypes seems to be a form of identification. I think it is a negative form of identification because people have different experiences with many cultures. As to why they have broad responses, ignorance and laziness. Hopefully, people will filter the negativism and see what is really out there.
By the way, I am the original Luscious Jackson. I made the first two inquiries. Just thought I would inform you as to who is talking to whom.
Nice chatting with you and to all the people.
=0) Have a good week everyone!
Luscious Jackson
Friday, March 22, 2002 at 10:42:34 (PST)
Venetia, Great advice...NOT!!!! How do you think coming on this poll giving that half baked story is going to help BW/AM relations? Basically what you are saying is; "Stop being yourself in order to land an Asian man." or "Stop acting "Black" in order to be seen as deserving of an asian man and his families love". What kind of nonsense are you trying to spew?
I don't see many or any asian men approaching black women at all. The truth is that there are not that many educated or uneducated asian men interested in black women period.
So it doesn't matter how many degrees or how much beauty you have. There are ten times that many asian and white women having those same assets. Besides, every asian man is not a prize either. (No disrespect to AM. I'm just trying to be for real.)
I'm sorry, but I don't know what kind of tips those examples are supposed to be. Also you don't know every asian male to put them in one category.
Why is it that you sound so grateful to have an asian man? You act like it is a privilege to be with them. Does your husband feel as privileged as you?
I disagree with what you are saying Venetia. May I suggest something? Why don't you tell us about how you met him and not what it took for you to be acceptable in his and his families eyes.
Or what it takes to be accepted by Asian men period. Most of these young ladies on this forum have already established relationships with Asian men. So what advice do you need to give.
I say black women be yourselves. Aspire to have a P.H.D. for yourself and not for any man. Having a thousand degrees or changing your appearance and attitude will not bring you a man.(Don't get me wrong being nice to look at is a positive thing. But being nice to look at really won't find you an asian man or any man.) What matters most is that you are real with yourself and real with others and you know what you are looking for in a mate. What you will accept and what you won't accept. What you deserve and what you know you don't deserve. That is what it really comes down to. So I say good luck to you ladies in your relationships and the potential ones also.
Well, I have said enough I'm gonna go.
Peace.
The real Garota
Friday, March 22, 2002 at 10:24:25 (PST)
Venetia:
I agree with you only on the points of getting rid of ebonics and exceedingly long fingernails. (They can be a hazard when trying to press the elevator buttons or driving you know.) As for getting many college degrees to impress Asian men and gain family acceptance...I guess if you don't have personality or any individuality that would be the only thing you have going for yourself.
And what about them impressing us? An Asian man can have all the degrees in the world but if he is a complete asshole would you stay with him just because he's Asian? Odd...maybe I misread your post. Let me know if I have and I will quantify my statements for you.
Also, please do not assume that all black women, minus you of course, have hoodrat mentalities and lack decorum, tact, and above all, intellect. You sound no better than a bigot and that marrs your otherwise wonderful post.
Other than that, I am happy that your life is treating you well and that you've accomplished so much. Young black women of my generation can look up to such displays of humanity and intelligence.
JTHM
Friday, March 22, 2002 at 09:05:45 (PST)
Thanks Venetia for the extremely long post that said absolutely nothing except brag on your education and insult black women you think are less fortunate.
Why do black women get a little education and act like they're the queen of England?
I guess I'm just a peasant since all I got is a Bachelor and those black women with Associates and High School Diplomas must be just dirt to you.
Bow to Queen Venetia
Friday, March 22, 2002 at 08:24:22 (PST)
Luscious Jackson:
I'm thinking you might be right. I haven't seen anything on the internet about Aaliyah getting pregnant by some chinese stuntman. That is kind of strange, how it is nowhere to be found. If it is, I would like to read about it. But if not, I don't think its right to misinform people for attention.
Celestial CelestialKiss@aol.com
Friday, March 22, 2002 at 08:08:02 (PST)
I do agree. Many people want to play, but don't want to pay the price. I don't just want to play. I really love Keisha so much. I will marry her and take care of her. We are both still in college, and working on our masters degrees. I know I will lose my parents.
But it is their fault. I am my own self, with my own feelings inside. I know I have to be a strong man. I will never walk out on her. I just express my feelings on here, to see if other asian men are go through the same stuff as me. Like, the parents being so hard on them like mine. I did not get with my girlfriend for sex reasons. I fell in love with her that she being herself.
I came here thinking to express my situation for maybe insight.And not to feel alone, talk to other mixed couple. I did not come on here to make people angry at me.
This is no statistic. I was going to marry Keisha before she pregnant with my baby. I always having love for this girl. Now, it just makes me complete we will have a child.We will share this together. It will be a respectable union with us. Not a statistic.I will not leave this girl, she change my life. Love is not a wrong thing. It is very good, when you really love woman with all of your heart.
J.Chang
Friday, March 22, 2002 at 07:32:35 (PST)
Venetia:
Its interesting how you assume you must give some advice to us...such as perhaps getting rid of our "Hoodrat attitudes"
I have been dating asian men for quite sometime. I am now engaged to one who happens to be from Japan. He loves me for me. I wouldn't go as far as to assume that the women are all on here desperate...for advice on finding an asian man. Many of us on here are already in relationships with asian men. So, I don't really appreciate your cute little advice. Its not needed.
There are alot of educated,intelligent, and culturally aware BW on here. So, perhaps you misunderstood.
Xia
Friday, March 22, 2002 at 07:15:44 (PST)
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