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POLL & COMMENTS
ASIAN MALE/ WHITE FEMALE RELATIONSHIPS
(Updated
Wednesday, Jan 22, 2025, 06:39:10 AM
to reflect the 100 most recent valid responses.)
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WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
Southern White Girl said: "This may sound simplistic, but studies do show you are attracted to those who are attracted to you."
I have to say that there is some grain of truth to this. I was on this board for a long time, contributed a few posts on how I met and dated my current Asian boyfriend, shared the ups and downs in our relationship. I don't mind repeating some things if they are common bond and experience that may shed insight into AM/WF relationships. I'm very much in love with my bf of 3 years. We care about each other deeply. He's intelligent in a broad sense, caring, loyal and faithful to me, responsible, hard-working but easy-going, reliable, humorous, sexy and masculine, community oriented but individually spiritual, confident and strong to the outside world yet sensitive to the individuals they love.
Asian men tend to be modest in their accomplishments and their way of life which, I'm afraid, contribute to their incomplete and skewed image in mainstream American society. But then for as long as I can remember, I have never been part of mainstream society nor would I want my Asian men to be completely assimilated into the mainstream culture that tends to promote the "loud and brash". I like them the way they are because I think for myself and I take the time to get to know them on an individual basis. I have always been an independent girl often much to the chagrin of my parents who have given me, by all accounts, a normal all-American family life. "What is she up to now? There she goes again", they often shaked their head in wonder and then in resignation. Don't get me wrong : we take care of one another, we love one another, family is family with all its complex relations. They care about me and I care about them and I think the healthy tension between them and me, in a way, give me the confidence to go out and explore the world. In college, I took some courses on Asian studies just to fill a few credits I needed to graduate. They were supposed to be easy credits, right? (hmmm, right). I got more out of them than mere credits. Somehow I ended up traveling abroad to China, Japan, Korea with a group of friends and came back to the States to teach ESL in Americorps (Americorps is like the Peace Corps but the services are confined within the U.S.) . Never dated Asian guys in college but I was attracted to a few.
My boyfriend, in many ways, is very independent himself. He comes from a stable family, he still visits his parents from time to time at Christmas and the lunar new year and help them out in their old age, but he is very much his own man, a leader I would say. How else can we explain our attraction for the other other than fact that I like his ink black hair, slant bright eyes, smooth golden skin and he likes my dark brunette hair and wide blue eyes? (ok, so there is another explanation ... in our tender moments, he once joked that I must have been an Asian girl in my previous life and he was a White boy with unfinished romance in this life, fate as it were). What fantasies we may have had about the other race melt away as soon as we discover we are attracted to the other over a cup of tea and ice cream.
I think Asian men who want to date White women and White women who want to date Asian men should look for signs of independence in each other's personality, which begs the question : "what do you mean by independence?" By independence, I don't mean the selfish kind, the loner, the apathetic, the extreme egotistical, the obnoxious who does whatever he/she wants, the rest be damned . By independence, I mean the type who can think for himself/herself and make decisions for himself/herself while taking into considerations other people's feelings, or the type who can withstand the pressure and prejudices of life, or the one who has the ability to learn and has leader qualities.
Just my thought.
BrunetteGirl
Thursday, March 07, 2002 at 04:41:59 (PST)
Southern White Girl (& everybody),
WoW..Thanks for your kind thoughts.
Hmmm...it seems true (well to me at least), that blondes have almost a natural connection with some am's. Sure many tell me i'm very attractive, tall, fit etc,etc.->>whatever<<, but i still think there's a very unique chemistry going on. Sure there are other types of women, different haircolor or etc. that may be attracted to am's i guess. But lots of women who are blonde/dirty blonde, etc., seem to drop me hints CONSTANTLY. -imo
And no, these are not "passing glances".
Here are some examples why:
2 gorgeous blonde girls from work, walking in front of me and turning around, locking eyes with me and showing a subtle smile. -That really caught me off guard.
3rd girl from work, totally likes to lock eyes with me alot, then later walks directly up to me (from around a bunch of people) and talks to me directly. (She did this MORE than once, shall we say.)
During college, this cute / petite blonde girl - Michelle, asks me out to a local hangout with her and her friend, I hardly knew her, so she was gonna bring her girlfriend. Bumped into her at the mall, then 2 minutes later, she goes, "hey, I'm going to Hank's (local hangout/bar & restaurant), do you want to go with me?". I declined like the stupid idiot that i am, (but not as bad as villageidiot). Then later feeling bad about her doing all the asking, I asked her out, she stopped the busybody stuff she was doing, looked right *into* me, then paused contently, and said a firm "yes".
In high school, this tallish slender blonde girl - Marcy, who's locker was next to mine, was always ~VERY~ nice to me, too nice. Especially around prom time.
Also in H.S. (i was ultra shy, still am), first girl I kissed was blonde - Jennifer. Let's say a bunch of friends and I were hanging. These girls dropped by (thanks to our buddy Jim who brought them over - every guy needs a buddy like this!) and next thing you know Jennifer sits down next to me on the couch and after 10 minutes was reaching up my shirt. This went on for well over over 2 hours. Oh her family is very rich, so no gold digging issues here, but she was definately digging around under my shirt!
...and more examples just as memorable.
But as nice as it is to hear from Southern White Girl, i'd like to hear from others too, i guess.
Even after all these years all these ladies still leave a very heart warming impression on me. ~sigh...
A little less Puzzzled
Wednesday, March 06, 2002 at 20:33:51 (PST)
This is just some comments on the conclusions that I had made from when I used to visit this board regularly.
In my opinion, the AM/WF relationship is a difficult relationship to initiate. In my experiences, and from what I've read here, the AM usually doesn't have the confidence to really pursue a WF that he finds attractive. On the other hand, the WF usually has no problem with a relationship with an AM, she has just never considered it. I have heard WF say over and over again that they would date an asian male if that option ever came up. They too feel as though they are not attractive to AM unless the AM states otherwise. As an Asian male its a matter of presenting that option to them and opening their eyes. Yes, the relationship may take a little more work. But if you get her intrest than it just might pay off. There are always questions like family acceptance that come up. Well, if you have a family that won't accept the other person and you won't venture from that, than what are you doing pursuing that person in the first place?! If your own personal relationship means more to you than that, then let the other person know. With two people that may have completely different backgrounds you need to communicate. You really have to try and understand each other or nothing is going to work.
There isn't a secret to getting WF's. There isn't a special way to approach them and there isn't a special way to get them to like AM. In that aspect it's no different than any other relationship. Women have always said that a man that knows who they are, what they want, what they believe in, and has confidence always keeps their attention more than just physical appearance alone. I have found out how true that statement is. I just wish I figured it out sooner :)
Now, just hooking up with a WF or females in general? That's a whole different ball game all together. You have to have low standards and no morals and then they appear a dime a dozen.
Mile High Asian Guy
Wednesday, March 06, 2002 at 19:53:46 (PST)
DD,
Re: Also, I'm a believer that regardless of race, we all experience prejudice to some degree or another, so I'll be a big girl and just suck it up, because it's something we all have to live with.
I agree with you. In the journey called life, we all have many different and difficult obstacles to deal with. It’s much easier to be a quitter, but you won’t go far in life as one.
Loving Tenor
Wednesday, March 06, 2002 at 14:37:05 (PST)
Re: maybe it's just me, but i don't think anything usually comes out of "strangers in the night, exchanging glances..."
If she look at you more than twice, GO TALK TO HER, then you might get something out of it. Be the MAN and initiate the contact.
Loving Tenor
Wednesday, March 06, 2002 at 14:16:02 (PST)
Asian American Male,
You just don't get it. You are talking about the white (american) women you met and you use the term white (ameriacn) women, which means every white (american) women.
let me ask you some questions:
(1) how many white (american) women have you met in the past?
(2) how many white (american) women are there in this world?
(3) how many percent of the white (american) women have you met?
(4) is it accurate for this percentage of white (american) women to represent the entire white (american) women population?
don’t let your own limited vision limit yourself like a frog in the bottom of a well. there is a much bigger sky out there. fortunately, there are media, books, and internet that can broad your vision. white (american) women you see here on this forum are definitely different from the white (american) women you met. I hope one day you will see the real world for your own good.
Racists are everywhere, so is ignorant people. It is wrong to be a racist and it's not a good thing to be an ignorant person either.
Loving Tenor
Wednesday, March 06, 2002 at 14:12:30 (PST)
Rice Cooker,
I am very happy for you, though I am sad I can't introduce you to any of my AM friends. Not that it would work anyway. I don't think playing matchmaker works that often, and an "internet" match seems even less likely. I just don't know what to tell these guys. They assume I can help them. They date lots of women, many Asian American and Asian women, but just can't find white women who are nice and seem interested in AM. I don't know where they find some of these Asian women, some of them are so materialistic. They keep asking me if I have friends, sisters, cousins... Unfortunately I have all brothers and almost all of my friends are married now. I need to find women for them or I'll be cooking for a gaggle of men several nights a week (just kidding, when we do have them over we all have fun)! I'm afraid they just might be on their own.
I wasn't really friends with my husband first since it was sort-of love at first sight (but I think being friends first is great). We didn't date long before we got married, but I did make him wait many mos. I did know he wanted to spend his life with me (I don't remember if he told me, but I could tell) and that he was the kind of guy to commit long before I gave in to him. It was just a matter of me deciding he was right for me. I was pretty young when we got married. I'm sure it's even harder for people who are older to deal with the whole sex before marriage issue.
Your man sounds great. Keep me posted :-) If you want to know more you can always email me (though at this rate my whole life story will soon be on the net. I am normally too busy to post SO much, but recent circumstances have left me home alone with many thoughts to share). But if you want to email me I can at least give you some good Chinese recipes your man might like (my man used to cook pretty well until I learned how and did it a little better. Now he just boils dumplings and noodles. What's with that!? :-) Maybe you are already a great cook though since your name is "Rice Cooker"!
Southern White Girl yinyang@cox.net
Wednesday, March 06, 2002 at 13:53:48 (PST)
Asian American Male,
Your experience with white women does sound horrible and I myself would dislike white women like that, and anyone else who acted in a similar way. I am sorry for being tough on you in light of what you have been through, but it isn't fair to blame all white women for something a few may have done. We are not all like that. In fact, I haven't met many like that. I don't know what you situation is, but you should consider moving to a company that appreciates you and all you have to offer. My husband chose to leave a conservative company that didn't know what he was worth and he has been much happier for it. He now works with all white women in his department and thinks they are great. Actually, he has found them to be much easier to get along with than many white men he has dealt with in previous jobs.
Southern White Girl
Wednesday, March 06, 2002 at 12:48:03 (PST)
Dreamaway you're only 19 and you're dating a woman who is almost 30?
What's her name..... Mary Kay LeTourneau?
Robbing The Cradle
Wednesday, March 06, 2002 at 09:58:06 (PST)
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