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ASIAN MALE/ WHITE FEMALE RELATIONSHIPS
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WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
Friends, I have a number of theories and questions that I'd like to propose to you all. And for the record, I'm an AM, this is my first time posting here, but I am INCREDIBLY glad I found this site, because I finally have people to talk to about this issue. For a while I thought that "Asian-fetish" only applied to WM-AW (I've since come to realize that basically the entire world has an AW fetish), but it's refreshing to be among other AM who are into WF, and moreover, vice versa.
1) I'm curious to know how many of the AMs out there don't really consider themselves Asian. Using myself as an example, I was raised in a white, educated upper-middle class community, where everyone was essentially 'colorblind'. I've never thought of myself as Asian in any sort of way (I'm second generation--the gen. which typically rejects the cultural heritage.) I feel most at home in a room full of white people, and I often forget that some people, when they see me, see me differently from the way that I see myself.
2) What are some of the cities that are more friendly to interracial dating? I've lived in SF, London, and am currently living in LA. I have to say SF is the most accomodating, London is the worst, and LA is somewhere in the middle. What are some of the demographic factors that make a city conducive to interracial dating? It can't just be a diverse population, because although London is diverse, it's still segregated; and from personal experience, I've never been more popular than when I was in places that had a miniscule Asian population (like Cape Town, South Africa, for example). So what is it?
3) Is there a 'Jewish-Asian' connection? I've dated a number of Jewish girls, and I have a number of Jewish male friends who love Asian women. Any thoughts?
4) One of the biggest problems for me in finding WFs I'm interested in, is finding tbe right body type/physique. Like most Asian people, I'm slender--and I therefore like slender women. For the most part, non-Asian women out there run the gamut of dress sizes. Fortunately I'm tall enough such that height isn't so much of an issue, but for shorter AMs that can be a limiting factor as well. Anyone else have this problem, either from the AM or WF standpoint?
5) Do WFs go to specific places to meet AM, or do they just go where everyone else goes: bars, clubs, etc. Where do AM go if they want to meet WFs into AM? And, more practically, does anyone know of such places in LA? :)
Thanks everyone. Yay white girls! You rule! :)
Chris (Poet/Warrior) fearless1976@yahoo.com
Friday, March 08, 2002 at 00:28:12 (PST)
"I declined like the stupid idiot that i am, (but not as bad as villageidiot)."
i yam what i yam.
honestly, i get the looks and smiles often enough from girls, but i think it's way egotistical to ask somebody out for coffee when you only seen each other for 5 seconds. i don't even know what they're about. at least i have to know something about them and their interests and what similiarities first before i ask them "out."
besides, i'm rather enjoying the single-life. i had girls in the past who gave smiles and when i tried to get to know them, they're like they already got boyfriends. so it just seems like strangers in the night don't have much of any chance in my book, unless there's something like unbelievable chemistry for both of us. otherwise i'm going to enjoy bachelorhood as much as i can.
villageidiot
Thursday, March 07, 2002 at 20:07:52 (PST)
BrunetteGirl,
Good post and excellent points. I agree with you but just because that's what some relationships need to work doesn't mean that that's what all of them need. Of course I'm not assuming that's what you did or did not mean. Just adding another point.
Mile High Asian Guy
Thursday, March 07, 2002 at 17:24:48 (PST)
A little less puzzled,
Most if not all my experiences have been with blonde females. I can't figure it out because, on looks alone, I'm more attracted to brunettes. But experiencing that "passing connection" does seem to happen more often with blondes. Two girls that I'm staying in touch with right now are blondes. Just a clarifying statement: I'm not playing them or dating either of them. Just trying to get to know them better. I guess I don't have to justify my character on a web site board but I felt that I needed to. Anyway, when it comes down to it, I don't pick my girls by their hair color so it doesn't matter. But it is an interesting point.
Mile High Asian Guy
Thursday, March 07, 2002 at 17:19:22 (PST)
I have one more wacky idea to add to the sweaty t-shirt thing. I have recently learned I'm highly sensitive, meaning I process subtle stimuli more carefully...smells, noises, details in the environment, people's moods, etc. I think it would be interesting to see how many WF in AM/WF couples are highly sensitive. What if women who are more sensitive pay more attention to the scent of those MHC genes and are less likely to overlook this physical response in favor of conforming to society or giving into family pressure or what have you...what if they are more aware of their senses and physical responses which are telling them which men are better genetic matches for them...? Not saying it's ALL physical, but this could well be the initial attraction, and later they look for emotional compatibility, etc. I don't think every WF in an AM/WF relationship would be highly sensitive, but it would be interesting if a lot were.
Any other WF out there think you might be highly sensitive?
If any of you want to take a test for high sensitivity, check out www.hsperson.com/pages/test.htm
There are also people who are high sensation seekers, aka thrill seekers, people who seek intense sensation experiences and who tend to take more risks. (you can also be both a highly sensitive and high sensation seeker)Wonder if these sensation seekers would also seek out people of different races for the exciting experience. Also wonder if those who are HSS but not HSP would be more likely to fool around with people of other races (and sleep around in general) but marry "their own kind." Elaine (and others on this board) definitely sounds like an HSS.
Here's a test for HSS:
http://www.hksrch.com.hk/quiz/sen.htm
Southern White Girl
Thursday, March 07, 2002 at 14:42:41 (PST)
A Little Less Puzzled,
I think the Swedish t-shirt experiment sheds some light on the blondes/AM attraction:
From www.tiac.net/users/cri/biosex.html:
"Female mice and female humans are attracted to males whose MHC (major histocompatibility complex) genes are least like her own. These genes code for the disease detectors in the immune system - detectors, not killers. The more variety (within the species limits), the better. One of the experiments that bore this out was the famous sweaty T-shirt experiment.
A group of college men and women were tested. Each man was given a clean cotton T-shirt and asked to sleep in it over a weekend, avoiding things such as spicy foods, cologne, deodorants, smoking, drinking, and sex, the objective being to get the T-shirts smelling of uncontaminated male sweat.
Each woman was seated alone in a room at the time of her ovulation (the sense of smell is more acute then) and sniff each one. "The women were asked to rate every shirt for sexiness, pleasantness, and, I suppose, basic reek, although the scientists called it intensity of smell." And it turned out that the sexiness of the shirts correlated with the degree of difference in the MHC genes."
I also thought this was interesting (from the same site):
"Low testosterone hubbies:
Tetosterone (and the other androgens) has three roles. One is to promote the development of male plumbing during development. One is to facilitate muscle development, etc. The third is to facilitate competitive aggression responses. Male testosterone levels bounce around all over the place. See a woman; the level jumps. Win a competition; mucho testosterone. Lose it; the level sags.
In polygamous species the dominant males are hyped on testosterone. In highly monomagous species males and females are very much alike in morphology and their testosterone levels are nearly identical. Homer sap is somewhere inbetween. Evolutionarily speaking we're not a monogamous species but we've been evolving in that direction.
Which brings us to hubbies. Men who are in good, happy marriages tend to have lower basal levels of testosterone. The effect is quite marked."
So is it men who have this lower testosterone who then have happy marriages, or men who are in happy marriages who then have lower testosterone?...
So, did those blondes get close enough to "sniff" you out first?!...
Southern White Girl
Thursday, March 07, 2002 at 13:57:38 (PST)
If the media is responsible for White men's attraction to Asian women, then is it safe to say that Asian men are also attracted to White women for the same reason? A fetish? Should a White woman assume that an Asian man who approaches her has a fetish for White women?
Ashley
Thursday, March 07, 2002 at 12:14:07 (PST)
southern white girl,
If you want to know more about black women go to the AM/BW page....
Also,why would you only be jealous if a blond woman was staring at your husband and not a black woman? What are you trying to say?
susannah
Thursday, March 07, 2002 at 11:19:21 (PST)
Puzzzled,
Just a explanation for you question. Do you think hot blonde girls are more confident about themselves to think independently from what other (the general public/U.S. media) think of AMs?
Loving Tenor
Thursday, March 07, 2002 at 11:01:02 (PST)
BrunetteGirl,
Re: looking signs of independence in each other's personality
Dating outside of someone's onwn race definitly requires independent thinking and personality. What other signs do you think will help us to seek out each other?
Loving Tenor
Thursday, March 07, 2002 at 10:58:49 (PST)
BrunetteGirl,
Amazing post. I loved EVERYTHING you said. I felt like I was reading about my own experiences and relationship. I don't really know any other AM/WF couples and I wish I did because I feel like I have a lot in common with women like you and "Rice Cooker". I think you are right, one thing we do all share is independent thinking (my husband is definitely independent also). Love the bit about attraction over a cup of tea and ice cream. I have a similar memory of the first "date" with my husband. After dinner we went to the a cozy restaurant/bar in Beijing and just sat for hours talking. My husband often refers to that as a defining moment because he felt we really connected and I really understood him. I just remember being fascinated with every word that came out of his mouth. I just knew I had never met anyone like him before, and we had a very special bond, one that in many ways had nothing to do with race. He also sometimes jokes that I must have been Asian in a past life and he must have been American...sometimes that is the best way to explain the inexplicable connection you feel.
Mile High Asian Guy,
Great post too. I like the emphasis you placed on communication and confidence.
There are some great people on this board right now.
Southern White Girl
Thursday, March 07, 2002 at 10:50:06 (PST)
A little less Puzzzled,
May I ask where you live? I would assume you are probably quite good looking cause you said that you are shy. It's really not common to see a AM having so many blondes coming onto, so strongly (subtly, maybe). Does it have anything to do with where you live?
Loving Tenor
Thursday, March 07, 2002 at 10:47:12 (PST)
Mile High Asian Guy,
Great summary.
You first few paragraphs make great senses although WF here on this forum are not the general WF population though. There are somethings make them come here in the first place.
Your last statement was not so clear though. I probably understand some of what you were trying to say. Why don't you clarify them a little bit more. Thanks.
Loving Tenor
Thursday, March 07, 2002 at 10:40:08 (PST)
A Little Less Puzzled,
Maybe you are just very attractive and attractive (blonde) women are the ones who have the confidence to approach you, drop hints and flirt. Maybe it isn't just because you are Asian. Your stories crack me up, especially the shirt digging scene.
Southern White Girl
Thursday, March 07, 2002 at 10:18:47 (PST)
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