Asian Male/White Female Relationships | Asian American Poll

ASIAN MALE/ WHITE FEMALE RELATIONSHIPS
(Updated Wednesday, Jan 22, 2025, 06:39:10 AM to reflect the 100 most recent valid responses.)

Assuming you are an Asian male, which of the following most attracts you to White females?
Their facial features | 61%
Their physique | 22%
Their attitude and personality | 14%
Their education & cultural values | 3%

Assuming you are an Asian male, which of the following most dissuades you from relations with White females?
I don't find them physically attractive. | 0%
I don't find their personalities and attitudes appealing. | 11%
I don't think they would find me attractive. | 74%
I'd rather not deal with the disapproval of family. | 15%

Assuming you are a White female, which of the following most attracts you to Asian males?
Their facial features | 73%
Their physique | 6%
Their attitude and personality | 15%
Their education & cultural values | 6%

Assuming you are a White female, which of the following most dissuades you from relations with Asian males?
I don't find them physically attractive. | 1%
I don't find their personalities and attitudes appealing. | 9%
I don't think they would find me attractive. | 73%
I'd rather not deal with the disapproval of family. | 17%

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Comments posted during the past year remain available for browsing.

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WHAT YOU SAY

[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]

Brunette girl and curious girl,

I'm the original BrunetteGirl :) . My boyfriend too waited a long time to ask me out. We've been in a happy relationship for more than three years, and now I sense he's about to mumble the "Would you mmmm ... me?" anytime now ... mmmmm =) . "Mar me ?"

On looking back on our relationship, he says he has always had a crush on me and so have I. I find him very attractive the first day I met him. I saw signs he was interested in me, but because I was used to - and tired of - white men coming on to me in overt and sometime crude ways, I didn't immediately pick up on subtle hints coming from my Asian bf. He is sociable. I couldn't tell whether or not he liked me because at parties and social gatherings, he was friendly to everyone (men and women) as he was to me when we were alone. I noticed he did change when he was REALLY, REALLY interested in me. He became more cautious and nurturing around me as if he wanted to let me see the serious, responsible side to his friendly personality -- "boyfriend/husband" materials so to speak. Sometimes he asked me out to a movie or to a walk to the open market but he didn't talk much, if at all! And yet I felt comfortable in his silent company ... a surprising and exciting feeling for me. Silence is golden, they say. We could communicate without talking! I did like him and so I acted a bit shy and gave him subtle encouragements. From then on, he pursued me like crazy! :)

What I really want to say is that instead of looking for overt gesture that an AM is interested in you (paying for dinner, giving gifts, compliments, or opening doors, you know the standard dating routine), try to look for change in his personality when he's around you. Change from what he was when you two were "friends", or change from what he is when he's in the company of other people.

Anyway, that's has been my experience.

BrunetteGirl Thursday, June 20, 2002 at 05:12:58 (PDT)

Ok, I need everyone's help on this one. I'm a young professional AM who has a hard time meeting women in general. Being a pretty Americanized kinda guy I've always gotten along easier with american girls than asian ones. Now, out of the few WFs I'm acquainted with I'm noticing that the ones I'm really attracted to happen to have a kid. They're either divorced or got pregnant out of wedlock. Does anyone have any experience with this type of situation? Should I steer clear of these relationships or what? As if the social pressures of interracial dating wasn't bad enough, here's adding fuel to the fire! I need advice.

confuzdAM Wednesday, June 19, 2002 at 21:15:31 (PDT)

To all the Brunettes:

I apologize if my post offended anyone. I was just trying to say that there is nothing wrong with liking blondes. My ideal would be one of those brunettes with blue eyes, like those models in the Guess! Ad Campaigns. But alas, I just find that blondes are more receptive toward me, so naturally the chemistry develops from there. Brunettes don't like me nearly as much as blondes do... Anyway, I still think that Scandanavian blondes rock!
Blondes Are Cool Wednesday, June 19, 2002 at 14:18:34 (PDT)

Salut Delphine,

Mon Dieu, je pense que votre nom est tres joli!

J'espre visiter l'Europe Nordique l'ŽtŽ prochain, aprs que je reoive un dipl™me de l'universitŽ...

Until then, I will have to just kick it here in the good old US of A, where I study. (Not that I won't be dating other women until then. =))

Anyway, I wish you all the best in your love/dating life. Maybe you will find a loving Asian man to fulfill your life. And please, make the time to visit Korea and other parts of East Asia. People may be shy with foreigners (esp Westerners), but once you get past that, they will make you feel more than welcome, I guarantee it.
Salut! (The Korean Guy) Wednesday, June 19, 2002 at 14:14:23 (PDT)

brunette girl
If he pays for all the dates (which he should!) then that means he wants you to be his woman. Why dont you just ask him out??? Unless you are a shy type (which is good).

Dont be so serious at first, just joke around, flirt with him. That will definitley tell you if he's interested. If yes, then great. If no. just find a guy who really loves you. Dont settle for someone who only loves you half-ass.
SOG Wednesday, June 19, 2002 at 13:02:58 (PDT)

REAL Megan, why should User be a black female. What's your problem? I've seen your posts and as a "real" blonde, you already seem to have a problem with Asian females the way you talk about them. Do you have a problem with black women too! Maybe Asian women and black women are too brunette for you, or maybe you feel their exotic dark beauty makes your blonde look washed out. You and other blondes would make a much better impression if you would only stop belittling other races of women.
Who need insecure blondes Wednesday, June 19, 2002 at 12:45:36 (PDT)

Okay, not to beat a dead horse, but concerning blondes and brunettes...

In my last post I declared that I didn't understand what was up with blondes, and that I was wholeheartedly into brunettes. Well, last night I saw a movie that completely opened my mind. Has anyone ever seen "The Heartbreak Kid", starring a young Cybill Shepherd? Well, she is absolutely *stunning* in it--and suddenly today, walking around town, I became FIXATED on blondes. It was as if they were there this entire time, and I was slapping my head in amazement because I was only now beginning to appreciate them. All it took was for one paragon of blonde beauty to open my eyes to the entire group. So now my head is in a tizzy over the two...brunette? Blonde? Suddenly I'm lightheaded and giddy.

I mention this because I think a lot of WFs on this board, whether blonde or brunette, might know *exactly* what I'm talking about. I would be willing to bet that many of you never even considered dating an Asian man, until suddenly you met one guy who completely changed your mind. Then all of the sudden, it was as if an entire new group of eligible men suddenly sprang up before your eyes; leaving you baffled, amazed, and asking yourself, why didn't I notice them before? Am I right?

If this is the case, then if an AM were ever to achieve celebrity sex-symbol status on par with say, an Antonio Banderes, it might open up the minds of women everywhere to a hitherto underappreciated group of males. Suddenly AMs might be very much in vogue...the flavor of the month, if you will!
Chris (Poet/Warrior) fearless1976@yahoo.com Wednesday, June 19, 2002 at 12:10:25 (PDT)

Brunette girl,

he doesn't like you that way.
he just wants to bang you
gah! Wednesday, June 19, 2002 at 11:34:24 (PDT)

I notice a lot of Asian guys look at me, especially since I went blonde. (I should've done it sooner.) It really shows off and is a nice contrast to my European, brunette features.
fake blonde and everyone knows it Wednesday, June 19, 2002 at 10:54:48 (PDT)

Brunette girl,

Many AMs do exactly what your friend is doing--making suggestive gestures and then subverting or ironizing them before they can be fully interpreted so that they remain ambiguous. The reason is that AAM tend to overestimate possible negative reactions as part of their defense-mechanism against embarrassment and humiliation, something that every AAM experiences profoundly at one point or another and never wishes to re-experience. Thus he leaves himself an escape route of plausible deniability. Often the sincerest statements of affection and interest will be delivered in an ironic or joking tone so that they can be denied lest they be ridiculed or rejected. Response to these ambiguous gestures is also closely gauged. If you accept these statements simply as ironic statements or jokes, the AM will often take this as affirmation of his fears, as a rejection on your part, even if you did not intend it in that way. There's a lot of subtlety and nuance involved in this game, and the better you understand it, the better you will understand and communicate with your AM friends.

AM psychologue Wednesday, June 19, 2002 at 10:52:15 (PDT)

Happy Clam, SOG,

I think if I did get married to my b/f I would probably change my name, not because I'm old-fashioned, but more like what SOG said in that it would show that I am proud to be his wife and am with him 100%. I'm sure it would cause a lot of confusion and weird stares, but whatever, I don't live my life to please other people.

Brunette girl,

Hey a fellow brunette! We can be just as hot as blondes, right? ;) My b/f and I worked together for a few years, and we were casual friends, I never had any idea he had a crush on me. He didn't want to date someone he worked with (neither would I have wanted to), so when he finally got a new job he asked me out, and confessed that he'd had a crush on me for years. I think the Asian way (in my case Chinese way) of courtship is different, he kind of watched me from afar, got to know me slowly, he's not the type of person to be really forward and say "Hey you look hot today, let's go get a drink".

So with your guy, he could be shy, nervous, be afraid to ask you out, who knows? Do you spend a lot of time alone with him or out with friends?
curious girl Wednesday, June 19, 2002 at 09:18:37 (PDT)

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