Asian Male/White Female Relationships | Asian American Poll

ASIAN MALE/ WHITE FEMALE RELATIONSHIPS
(Updated Wednesday, Jan 22, 2025, 06:39:10 AM to reflect the 100 most recent valid responses.)

Assuming you are an Asian male, which of the following most attracts you to White females?
Their facial features | 61%
Their physique | 22%
Their attitude and personality | 14%
Their education & cultural values | 3%

Assuming you are an Asian male, which of the following most dissuades you from relations with White females?
I don't find them physically attractive. | 0%
I don't find their personalities and attitudes appealing. | 11%
I don't think they would find me attractive. | 74%
I'd rather not deal with the disapproval of family. | 15%

Assuming you are a White female, which of the following most attracts you to Asian males?
Their facial features | 73%
Their physique | 6%
Their attitude and personality | 15%
Their education & cultural values | 6%

Assuming you are a White female, which of the following most dissuades you from relations with Asian males?
I don't find them physically attractive. | 1%
I don't find their personalities and attitudes appealing. | 9%
I don't think they would find me attractive. | 73%
I'd rather not deal with the disapproval of family. | 17%

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Comments posted during the past year remain available for browsing.

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WHAT YOU SAY

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Has anyone seen the movie "16 Candles"?
I think the one who played the Japanese exchange student (played by Gedde Watanabe) is so hot. I hated the role they gave him. They made him seem stereotyped and goofy. He is a very handsome sexy man, and I hate that he had such a role. I also noticed the WF he got in the movie was ugly, dumb looking, big and fat. Almost like he wasn't good enough to get the "so called" pretty girls.
I hate the way some movies in the 80s' portrayed AM. It was really ridiculous most of the time. I haven't met ANY AM that act like the guy in that movie "16 Candles"

Pixie-

That "Mad About You" episode was OKAY. But it really wasn't that great to brag on. If you noticed the cute AM doctor, they gave him a role that made him seem so intimidated by Jamies husband Paul. They made him all insecure and afraid that he wasn't man enough for the nurse. They also made the nurse have all these fantasies about Paul, like she wanted him way more than her husband. I still say media still has a very long way to go.
Even on "That 80s show". That AM is really cutie. He needs to have more than just a little kiss. He needs to be seen dating and in a relationship with an attractive WF. He looks WAY better than those ugly little scraggly WMs' on the show.

I'm in a relationship with a AM. He says those stereotypes on tv and movies don't bother him. I don't understand why not. Some people give in to those stereotype and believe them. It bothers me when people make fun of blondes on some movies, like we are dumb and giggly.
And by the way, I am dying my hair red in 2 days. No real reason behind it. I am so bored with my hair. I have had blonde hair all my life, and now I want a little change.

People tell me that I will look like Gwyneth Paltrow with red hair. I don't know if thats such a good thing! LOL!
It might look weird. Oh well. If it looks too weird then I'll dye it pink or aquamarine blue :P

Anyways, I have been watching this forum for a while. Its pretty cool. Its kinda unique. Everyone tells their views on interracial relationships, and what they are going through. Its really inspiring. I love it!

crazylove Tuesday, July 09, 2002 at 09:27:09 (PDT)

"The Luster"
LOL, Yea I have to agree with you on that one. I think it didn't really give romance a chance.
Brunette girl Tuesday, July 09, 2002 at 07:28:29 (PDT)

Curious wf

I respect your open mindedness. I am in the military, and I was stationed in Japan for a year. It is a beautiful culture and definately something I will never forget. I come from an Indonesian family, but I was born and raised in the U.S. Be proud of your "individuality"...It might be tough not having people to relate to. But think of it as if you are breaking new ground for your friends, and helping them see a whole new culture to them.
proud Indonesian guy orangecountyca@hotmail.com Tuesday, July 09, 2002 at 06:28:17 (PDT)

Samantha:

You need to seek counseling. You're imagining that your husband is attracted to other women, etc. You suffer paronoia about being abandoned, etc. Look back to your past, your relationships with men and your parents. Chances are, you were possessive and/or constantly suspicious that your lovers/parents were about to abandon you, not love you anymore, etc. etc. Often you would break up the relationship on your own because you could not tolerate being abandoned, betrayed, etc. etc. All that is your imagination, low self-esteem, etc.

These psychotic symptoms are not unique to women. Some men suffer the same and feel intense jealousy, beating their wives/gf's on false accusations and imaginations.

I hope counseling works for you. Often, such a couple breaks up because the paranoid spouse could never get over the psychosis.

If there are AA's with psych/psychiatry background, please give a few words to Troubled Samantha
Idiot-savant Monday, July 08, 2002 at 22:27:01 (PDT)

Samantha if you are so insecure to be with an Asian man then you shouldn't be with one. What's wrong with him finding his own women attractive. If he sees an Asian model or Asian actress attractive that's his business. What if he was white and told you that he thought Britney Spears or Claudia Schiffer was beautiful would that bother you too, or is it just beautiful Asian women that make your insecurities justified?
To Samantha Monday, July 08, 2002 at 21:38:05 (PDT)

Goldeneye, I was raised in the Boston suburbs but have been living in the Bay area for about three years now. From my personal experience, Boston is not a particularly amenable area to ANY inter-racial relationships. While the area has a reputation of being very politically liberal, it's a very conservative area socially. That being said, I was still able to meet quite a few decent WF's in my years there. Given that the number of Asians there are fairly low (outside of Chinatown and the western suburbs), if you are able to meet a WF, she will treat you as an individual, not knowing what exactly to expect. There are quite a few Italians and Irish people, but that shouldn't be an issue (I really miss the Italian women!).

In 1999, I did come out to the West coast hoping to live in a more open-minded area. Given the 20% Asian population in the Bay area, it's true that I felt a lot more comfortable overall. In terms of dating, I have some mixed feelings. There are some very basic differences between the West and East coast mentalities. While a lot of the women here are VERY attractive, my impression is that I don't have as much in common with them since I was raised back East. Also, since there are soooo many Asians out here, it seems as if a lot of women here have pre-conceived notions about what you're going to be like. For quite a few of them (AF's included), if you're not a tall WM, they're not interested.
As for SoCal, in my few visits there, I saw quite a few WF/AM couples, more than NoCal. And as for Canadian women, I think they're great! Pretty, down to earth and cultured, I briefly considered moving to Toronto. I recently moved into the city of San Francisco so I'm not sure what to expect here, more info later...

If I had to give you any piece of advice it's not to have any expectations that moving to any particular area is going to make your romantic life with WF's any better or worse. Go out, enjoy your life, be friendly, meet lots of people and hopefully you'll meet someone great. In my experience, as an AM, I find it's the educated and cultured women who tend to be attracted to me. If you're in the Boston area, I would hang out in Cambridge, Newton or Brookline. As for myself, the best of both worlds would be for me to find a nice gal from the East coast (maybe the Mid-west or maybe Canada :) and to bring her back out to the West coast where we could enjoy the great weather and scenery...

Ronbo (Bay Area) howudoinsf@hotmail.com Monday, July 08, 2002 at 21:33:02 (PDT)

JJP,
have you watched 'off centre'? john cho (the MILF dude from american pie) ONLY gets white girls on that show. they made his character to be a complete idiot though. but hes funny. i guess it's better than the geeky, quiet stereotype.

Idiot-savant,
you mean we have to try to be IN with the COOL crowd to get white women? what happened to 'just be yourself?' i thought that was over after HS.
another new yorker Monday, July 08, 2002 at 21:04:34 (PDT)

On the topic of "That 80s Show," I have a question for the WFs here. Is Roger (Eddie Shin) hot? I think he's only so-so.

And on the topic of "The Lover," seeing as I'm the one who brought it up, I have to say that I've never seen it--I just had it recommended to me. On the other hand, I never said that it was a fine example of interracial LOVE--just that it was probably a wholly satisfactory carnal romp. Same with "Women Of The Night"--no love here, just a whole lotta whoopie.

WHOOOOOOPIE!!!!!!!!
Chris (Poet/Warrior) fearless1976@yahoo.com Monday, July 08, 2002 at 12:24:36 (PDT)

Samantha.

I dont know about that. Pregnant women have hormones surging and weight gaining and possibly may think irrational thoughts. If your husband loved you before pregnancy chances are he still loves you now.

Well i dont know why he looks at AF models but that shouldnt matter too much. He married you after all didnt he?

You should just ask him if he loves you. I know i would love my wife if she was pregnant all the more. Girls are crazy sometimes, just relax.

To asian dudes

I have noticed that only the gorgous WF really are interested in AM. That has been my experience anyways. I already got the best though. But i noticed these really beautiful woman checking me out sometimes. The "average" looking wf dont seem to like me nearly as much. Perhaps i'm just am attuned more to the attractive ones. do you guys have this experience?

When i was younger 15, i saw this good looking asian guys with a gorgeous WF. She was nearly as good looking as my GF. but my GF is still the hottest girl i have ever seen. Literally :)
SOG Monday, July 08, 2002 at 12:19:42 (PDT)

JJP:

Actually, I have to agree with AsiAm. I live in LA, and I see a fair amount of both couples. Don't get me wrong, AF/CM couples still outnumber the others, but I see a lot of AM/CF couples, as well as AM/LF and AM/BF couples as well. In my personal observation, AFs tend to only go for caucasians, whereas the AMs down here run the gamut.

I was at the House Of Blues a couple weeks ago and I saw a really attractive AM/BF 'power' couple--both really well dressed, both in great shape, and both looking extremely confident and successful. It was impressive! I see a lot of AM/LF couples down here as well (kinda wish I was in one myself), mostly in Century City and on the Third St. Promenade.

They're out there! And they're really much more eye-catching than your standard, generic white-boy/Asian-girl couples.
Chris (Poet/Warrior) fearless1976@yahoo.com Monday, July 08, 2002 at 12:14:16 (PDT)

Psychologue: I'd be very interested in your views. Please share.

I wonder how many women here formed some kind of early attachment to or interest in things asian. Most of the WFs I have dated had at least one close childhood friend who was Asian, and one of the things I have come to look for in a potential gf is how well she gets along with AFs. If she displays a measure of hostility or jealously or overgeneralizes, it sends a pretty clear signal to me that there will be trouble ahead in the relationship, because these feelings can easily be transferred to AMs, when conflicts arise down the road. On the other hand, I generally avoid WFs who have dated AMs before--I'd have to be convinced that she's truly interested in the individual and not some preconceived image. In fact, I have never dated a WF who has had a previous relationship with an AM. Some of the girls did mention however that they had once had a schoolgirl crush on an Asian boy that never led to anything. In one case, the boy happened to be the older brother of her best friend. That really struck me at the time, because my own little sister had once revealed to me that a lot of her friends, all of them white, had had wild crushes on me, something I was totally unaware of. (I now think this is a fairly common phenomenon, like having a crush on your teacher.) The subject came up in the wake of a very peculiar incident. When I went off to college, I used to get Christmas cards every year from my little sister's best friend, which I found very touching, if a little strange. (My own sister rarely wrote to me.) Right before my senior year, I found out that this friend had gotten into the same college, Yale, and that she would be looking me up there so that I could show her around and help her get settled. Well, she called me the first week of school, and I met her to give her a tour of the campus and then had dinner with her in the frosh dining hall, which can be a pretty intimidating place. As I walked her back to her room, she suddenly said that I hadn't even asked her why she'd decided to come all the way across the country to go to school there. She never struck me as particularly studious or ambitious--the last thing I'd remembered about her was that she and my sister wanted to open a beauty salon together. So I asked her, and she said that ever since she found out that I'd gone off to Yale, she became inspired to work harder at her grades and to prepare for the college boards and that, basically, she'd done all that and come all the way across the country just to be near me again. She put it in a much wittier and much more clever way, and I began to laugh out loud, but then I noticed she wasn't laughing at all and had shrivelled up into the saddest looking creature I'd ever seen, and only then did it occur to me that she'd meant every word that she said and had intended them to be some kind of dramatic, break-out confession. Well, I was pretty freaked out by the idea of any kind of romance with the friend of my little sister, but I didn't want to hurt her either, so I took her in my arms and planted a big brotherly kiss on her cheek. She eventually got the message, and I only saw her a couple of times, very briefly, the rest of the year. That's not the end of the story, however, because I saw her again just two weeks ago, after a lapse of about six years. My sister came to visit me in New York for a few days, and on her last day, she invited her same best friend, who I found out was living in the Boston area, to come down to have dinner with us in the city. Wow, I hardly recognized her, she'd become quite a poised, elegant and truly beautiful woman from the awkward little girl I remembered. (Maybe she was always this way, and I just never noticed because she was my sister's best friend.) To my astonishment and somewhat to my horror, there were sparks flying between us immediately. At one point, she set her hand down on the seat, brushing it lightly against my own, and I felt a thrill racing through my entire body. She also had a very seductive way of laughing at all the jokes that were told and then, when she finished laughing, of resting her eyes for an extra second on mine, burning right through them in a wicked flash. She had to leave a bit early, to make the drive back to Boston, and being the European-style sophisticates they've become she and my sister did the double-cheek kiss thing as they said their goodbyes. When it was my turn, instead of merely touching cheeks and kissing the air, as she did with my sister, she made it a point to plant her lips right smack on my cheek, as I had done to her, over six years earlier...

I'm still conflicted about what to do. Sometimes I think that I'll never be able to completely get rid of the image of the little girl and that I'll always be a bit repulsed by the idea of being with my sister's friend. On the other hand, there is something very moving and very sexy about the idea that this woman has carried an undiminishing flame for me for over fifteen years. Another problem: there's no way I can ask my little sister for her best friend's number, and she doesn't seem to be listed in any of the directories.

Anyway, it struck me that many women seem to form images of their romantic ideal around early memories and experiences, and I was wondering if anyone else there had come to a similar conclusion.

Asian Brother Monday, July 08, 2002 at 12:03:48 (PDT)

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