Asian Male/White Female Relationships | Asian American Poll

ASIAN MALE/ WHITE FEMALE RELATIONSHIPS
(Updated Wednesday, Jan 22, 2025, 06:39:10 AM to reflect the 100 most recent valid responses.)

Assuming you are an Asian male, which of the following most attracts you to White females?
Their facial features | 61%
Their physique | 22%
Their attitude and personality | 14%
Their education & cultural values | 3%

Assuming you are an Asian male, which of the following most dissuades you from relations with White females?
I don't find them physically attractive. | 0%
I don't find their personalities and attitudes appealing. | 11%
I don't think they would find me attractive. | 74%
I'd rather not deal with the disapproval of family. | 15%

Assuming you are a White female, which of the following most attracts you to Asian males?
Their facial features | 73%
Their physique | 6%
Their attitude and personality | 15%
Their education & cultural values | 6%

Assuming you are a White female, which of the following most dissuades you from relations with Asian males?
I don't find them physically attractive. | 1%
I don't find their personalities and attitudes appealing. | 9%
I don't think they would find me attractive. | 73%
I'd rather not deal with the disapproval of family. | 17%

This poll is closed to new input.
Comments posted during the past year remain available for browsing.

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WHAT YOU SAY

[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]

I am in agreement with Curious Girl about the subject of divorce. I do believe that there are reasons for divorce that are valid. Alot of Asian women I personally know , most are from older generations, seem to be very "accepting" of anything and everything that their husbands do. This includes closing their eyes to affairs their husbands are having, being yelled at for not having dinner on the table on time , and their husbands making sexual remarks about other women around them when they are out shopping together. Alot of this is from older generations who believe in keeping the family together no matter what. They are also afraid of losing face with their friends and family, according to other younger Asian friends I asked about this.
It reminds me of a college friend I had from Morocco when I was younger. Her husband abused her, made her ask for money from her wealthy parents,cheated on her, and treated her like a slave and talked to her like a dog. I always was there for her and kept asking the same question...why don't you leave and she could stay with me? Her response was that in her country, if she divorced, her parents would automatically believe any lie her husband would tell them, they would think she was a whore and incapable of keeping the marraige together and making her husband happy. Thank God years later he actually left her to be with another woman and to pursue a political field so she was free.
My parents have been married for over 30 years...and my brother and I endured while children growing up, abuse, the fights, arguments, violence, and horrible things due to their insistance not to divorce and "keep the family together". I wish they HAD divorced!!
I am serious about marriage and the commitment and vows involved. I do think that the ease of both marrying and divorcing makes some people jump in without thinking of the seriousness of a life long commitment. Some states are encouraging pre-marriage counseling and a year seperation before you can get a divorce to discourage "quick and easy".
Hannybunbun Wednesday, July 17, 2002 at 09:50:55 (PDT)

hefty is a brand of garbage-bag.

i don't have a problem with larger women. in fact, i prefer women with some cushioning. i'm not talking bbw. that's just disgusting.

i'm talking a fit girl, maybe 5'6, 140 lbs...ex-soccer player or volleyball...that's hot.

hey, since we're on the topic, rate my pic:

www.geocities.com/ojanimal/me1.jpg

later
iconic ojanimal@yahoo.com Wednesday, July 17, 2002 at 09:06:22 (PDT)

Hoboken_CornellGuy,

Always nice to hear from you, I love your posts, they're so positive and encouraging. I'm glad to hear that Asian men take marriage VERY seriously, form what I've seen so far that seems to be very true of my b/f. How long do you think Asian men usually date a girl before asking her to marry him?

Other Asian men, do you think that you tend to take relationships and marriage very seriously as well? I guess it also depends on your age.
curious girl Wednesday, July 17, 2002 at 07:03:10 (PDT)

I am posting to you to help you see another side to your story and opinions. So far, you've been incredibly receptive and open minded enough to see and understand my side. I appreciate that. Anyway, when someone you care about has been in situations such as you sister, it is easy to take sides and become blind to the situation. Until someone points out other viewpoints it is hard to see it any other way. Everyone has been there. Ok, so your sister has had several heart-broken failed relationships with AM's. Don't you think that everyone has had those relationships no matter what race they are dating? It's the ugly side of dating but its part of trying to find that one person most of us are looking for to share our dreams and life experiences with. Myself included, I can not think of one friend that has not experienced at least one horrible relationship. Almost all my male friends are WM and their experiences were with WF. So should I take the assumption that all relationships with WF are bad? Of course not. I see each female as an individual and will give them the benefit of the doubt until they prove otherwise. Stay open minded and remember that everyone is different no matter that race. Don't shut the doors too early!
Mile High Asian Guy Tuesday, July 16, 2002 at 23:41:02 (PDT)

Auburn Haired Lady, 21,

"I am just baffled as to why she keeps on coming back for more to get her heart broken over and over again. i guess that is why i am a little upset at AM, i know it is wrong for me to generalize AM as a whole due to my sister's experiences."

I've had a lot of friends that have gone through that very situation. So I can understand when you generalize AMs as being the same. From some of the women that I've known I've met a lot of women that are a glutton for punishment. After some deep conversations. Some have told me that they're still fixated on an old relationship that didn't go right and in some twisted way keep going for guys that have similar attributes to that one guy in order to feel happy. Or in some way make things right. PLEASE don't assume that I'm saying your sister has this sort of mentality. I'm just pointing out why some women MIGHT keep going through the same cycles in relationships.

If she's fixated on AMs and won't go out with other types of guys then try hooking her up with an AM that's worth while. Trust me, there are some out there that'll treat a woman right. If she'll date WMs then that'll be easier on you because the choices aren't limited.

I definately misunderstood your first post and for that I sincerely apologize. If you wish to understand AM more then I'm sure you'll get some insight here. Please keep in mind though that this is the internet. You can't read people as well as you could in person. Also, the mere fact that the internet provides anonymity can bring out the worst in some people. Meaning they know they can get away with trash talking without any consequences.
Proud 2 b Azn (AM) Tuesday, July 16, 2002 at 23:17:01 (PDT)

S.T. post,

That was not cool to say that Happy Clam is 'hefty'. First of all she isn't. Second of all, she was nice enough to share her photos with us. How nice of you to 'reward' that with your brutal words. This is why so many people don't like opening up to people because other people unthinkingly punish them with such critical words. Should have just left it at "You look attractive... Your kid is cute.", but rather you said she's 'hefty', her family is 'hefty', and if she's not careful her kid will be 'hefty'. And you said that not everyone is going to like them, so you decide to be the first one to give her static about what you don't like? Please exercise a litle discretion. And please don't think you are being nice by offereing to help with a diet program. It's a back-hand slap to the face. I don't know if I should be offended for her or feel embarrassed for you.
Empyrean20 Empyrean20@aol.com Tuesday, July 16, 2002 at 22:26:32 (PDT)

Auburn haired Lady,
ãBut the rule is to not let it exceed beyond two seconds.ä

Two seconds? LOL. I will bet youâve never got those glances that come all the way across the room from the cute guy who has a pair of eyes that capture your heart from the way they look deep down at your soul through your eyes, and you hold your breath the very the moment you catch him looking, you feel your heart beating faster and louder, you canât move your eyes away from him and you donât know why, it is then before his warm smile melt your heart away, you realize that you have been holding his eyes contact for a little bit too long, then you look down quickly hoping that him doesnât see you blushing, and it should be approximately 2.87 second long if you still have the senses to keep track of time.

Hi, everyone, I am back, wow, so many things going on here. For those who know me from before, hello, long time no see. I hope that I havenât been keeping some people here panting for too long, LOL (if you know what I mean). For those who are new to me, hi, and nice meeting you. Those gals and guys sharing pics, they are wonderful. Keep them coming. Happy Clamâs family is so cute (and hell no that sheâs hefty). BTW, my new job is great. I finally got a new apartment now. Itâs past my bed time, so I will see you soon.

Loving Tenor nah, maybe next time Tuesday, July 16, 2002 at 21:28:01 (PDT)

Hannybunbun,

your son is CUTE! GREAT name. my name is nathan too =)
Nathan L lurker Tuesday, July 16, 2002 at 21:17:47 (PDT)

Hoboken guy - We Asians don't stink. Fact of life.
Curious Girl - You have some interesting views and many questions. I have to skip you because of all the questions.
Naki- I think you are right about the troll.
StPost- You are just jealous of Happy Clam being pretty and snagging an AM.
Auburnhair Lady - Do you model underwear? You are one of them highpriced models hehe.
SOG- I have no problem with breastfeeding. Still do it actually.
Thats enough for one night. I need to go smell myself now.
Pooh Supreme Tuesday, July 16, 2002 at 20:49:31 (PDT)

"I do think you look a bit on the hefty side"
[s.t. post commeting on happy clam.]

DUDE!!!!! Happy Clam is not only attractive, but has a fantastic body!

To all women out there, eat what you want and you'll be fine. Just fight stress and you'll never have an ugly body. Remember this!
s.t. post is LAME ! (from another AM) Tuesday, July 16, 2002 at 19:10:22 (PDT)

Empyean20 :
I totally agree with your comment toward this dork "Hoboken Cornell guy" I was about to comment but you beat me to him. No wonder this idiot can't get a date.
Hey Hoboken dumbass, speak ONLY for yourself next time. My girlfriends have NEVER EVER told me I smell bad, matter of fact they used to tell me they love my natural fragrance, I wear very little to no cologne most of the time. They also used to rave about how little body hair I have or is this offensive too?
I agree with Curious girl, I think Asian people ( I'll speak for Asian Americans I've encountered) have no body odor but I have encountered many people of other races who have different odors that wasn't pleasing to the senses. P.S. If I looked like you I wouldn't of posted my photo either.

Curious girl,
I think you understand Asian American culture well, I enjoy alot of your input and observations.
Soju Tuesday, July 16, 2002 at 19:03:24 (PDT)

You know, reading the posts on this forum is such a roller coaster for me. For a while, people seemed to be saying really positive things about the future of AM/WF relationships, and I looked forward to sharing in that postive energy.
Now, just a week later, I read these posts, and they've all turned cynical again, this whole "everyone hates us" insecurity.

Good grief. Perhaps I'm just too naive, but I think many of you are a little too quick to become jaded. It's really not healthy or mature. Maybe it's a problem of not having an age limit on this forum (although I've found 40 year olds who act like 16 year olds, and vice versa).

I'm a lawyer. Believe me, if anyone can become jaded about human nature (race relations, sexuality, greed, power, everything talked about here), it's me. If I can stay an optimist, so can all of you.
JJP Tuesday, July 16, 2002 at 18:48:49 (PDT)

OK, Chris says LA is pretty hospitable for am/wf couples, but Goldilocks says it isn't.

I'm confused. Should I like LA or be mad at it?
JJP Tuesday, July 16, 2002 at 18:37:49 (PDT)

Auburn haired lady,

a question, do WM stare at you, how would you feel if a WM stared at you? It seems you single out AM for staring at you. The fact that they're AM reinforce your disturbance.

WHat you previously said was sort of offensive to AM, and they are defending themselves. If you didn't come off as scorned, biased, they wouldn't reacted that way. Say so to any WM, and you'lll get the same thing.

Chia Tuesday, July 16, 2002 at 18:16:35 (PDT)

Hannybunbun~
I cannot get the pictures to load - just red x's in the box!! Am I doing something wrong? Do I need to be a member??
Happy Clam wschien1@mchsi.com Tuesday, July 16, 2002 at 17:38:45 (PDT)

Ignore S.T.'s Post. Obviously a jealous AF/WM or a jealous WF dyke. Haha...
Whatever Tuesday, July 16, 2002 at 17:25:02 (PDT)

happy clam is fat? wtf??? What pix u looking at? shes skinny and one pic i dont see no butt!! dayum i say eat girl get a bit! someone saying she fat must be that bigass wf is who!
auburn hair lady lemme see your fione pic.
my pic is so good if u see it u will melt so its goverment classified.
SecretAznMan Tuesday, July 16, 2002 at 17:01:52 (PDT)

S.T. Post-
Well I am not sure how weight can be hereditary between my husband's family and me..I don't think that is genetically possible?..lol. Do you not notice I am white and they are Asian? This observation would have helped you answer the question " Are they your family?". But I do claim them nonetheless, even if it is through marriage only..,
I guess if 5' 6" and 115 is heavy, then chalk me up as heavy!!! Certainly the pictures of me with a newborn are not going to show me as exactly svelte, but I am not posting here to get dates!! lol..I am posting here as a regular who thinks it is a cool idea to attach faces to names, and who is proud of my son and my family.
If someone is complimentary - great, how sweet!! If someone is insulting, I have no problem with that either!!
But I will say it would be interesting to see your picture - do you have the courage to share?Hmmm...??? LOL!!!
Happy Clam wschien1@mchsi.com Tuesday, July 16, 2002 at 16:52:32 (PDT)

To Auburn haired Lady, 21

My ex-gf was white and we had a wonderful relationship. We were interested in each others background and culture, we were both in academic (science and medicine) field so we both wanted to learn what each other did for living, and paid a lot of attention to each others need or desire since it wasn't clear to us. We were both open minded, liberal, and atheist.

She loved how I was willing to try anything and I loved she would tell me how much she loved me.

I mean sure we were both physically attracted to each other but that alone did not hold us together for several years. Physical attraction just starts things, and this is true no matter what race anyone is. Besides, I'm more digusted by white construction workers who stare and heckle at every girl that walks past them.
Happyguy Tuesday, July 16, 2002 at 16:32:51 (PDT)

To: S.T. post

You don't have the right to criticize others unless you have the guts to subject yourself to criticism. Why don't you post your photos so we can take a good look at you too?

You started with "a bit hefty" but ended with "mighty hefty." So which is it? Make up your mind. Be consistent.

Your message is nasty and mean. I suspect you may be a jealous female trying to cause trouble. From a male perspective - namely mine - Happy Clam is a babe. More importantly, she has a winning personality. She's not someone who would resort to sneak attacks from hiding.

Phil Tuesday, July 16, 2002 at 15:50:18 (PDT)

Goldilocks,
About your experience clubbing: I think a lot of us Asian men were raised to be respectful not only of women, but of relationships as well. If you were out at Asian afterhours clubs with your boyfriend, most Asian men would respect that and not bother you. And if you are attractive, it makes it doubly intimidating to approach you! *smile* That was my experience bringing my white dates to Asian clubs; when other Asian men saw us together, no-one hassled her when I left her alone. But it seems different when I take a date to clubs with more white people; non-Asian guys would hit on my dates constantly when I was away (I'm not the jealous type, though). A girl I was dating 3 years ago had a memorable retort in one situation. Helen was exceptionally attractive and normally attracted a lot of attention wherever she went; tall, slim, blonde and always dressed to kill. When I went to pay the bill, two white guys approached her and started to chat her up. One of them said "What are you doing with him? You could do better than that." She smiled and came back "You mean with someone like you? No thanks!" Man's face apparently collapsed like an eggshell and they both hurried away. That brush-off certainly made my night! *smile*

Hoboken_CornellGuy Tuesday, July 16, 2002 at 15:30:33 (PDT)

auburn hair lady, 21

hey, shoot me an email if you wanna talk about this privately. i'll be able to answer some of your questions. good luck.

auaa.16.slammer@spamgourment.com
let me know auaa.16.slammer@spamgourment.com Tuesday, July 16, 2002 at 14:54:28 (PDT)

Here's a question that no one seems able to answer straight:

Would you be friends with someone of an opposite sex that you consider unattractive? Do you have an "ugly" opposite sex friend?

The reason I'm asking this question is that because a friend of mine has this theory that if you'are a guy, you would not try to be a close friend with a girl you consider ugly. Same thing with the girls. They won't hang out with ugly guys. To be close friends with an opposite sex, you need at least some level of mutual physical attraction.

Is that true? Be honest, people! Answer this question: If you're a guy, do you have an ugly close female friend? If you're a girl, do you have an ugly close male friend? I say "close", meaning you hang out with them a lot, trust them, share your stories, etc., not just being aquintances or colleagues, but still below boyfriend/girlfriend level.

I've asked this questions to all my friends, male and female. They can't give me a straight answer. It seems their answers are leaning towards a No (that they won't befriend with an ugly opposie sex). But perhaps for politcal correctness reason and potential embarassment, they refuse to admit that. But when asked if they have an ugly opposite sex friend, they are all silent. That means they don't have any close opposite sex friend they consider ugly.

What do you all think? Please answer honestly from your heart. Stay away from destructive political correctness please. To do this, you can simply answer the question: Do you have a close opposite sex friend that YOU consider ugly?? Yes or No. Be honest.

Look Matters in Friendship? Tuesday, July 16, 2002 at 14:20:02 (PDT)

S.T. Post and Happy Clam,
Nice of S.T. Post to air his insulting and inflammatory opinions about Happy Clam and her family. Personally, I think she's a very attractive woman and from her posts, she has a heart of gold.
Hoboken_CornellGuy Tuesday, July 16, 2002 at 14:10:25 (PDT)

SOG,
Why do you feel you need to be hard on me because im fat & married? I was always this way and At least im being honest,that's more than I can say about many people.
And a person being thin and pretty doesnt mean anything as far as haveing great looking kids. My brother in law for instance is thin, his wife was very thin when they had kids. its very sad because they look like little aliens. not to mention she is now twice my size.
being thin isnt what matters. if you're ugly on the inside,it will show on the outside no matter how much you try to hide it.
Misty Bluedragonsangel4you@yahoo.com Tuesday, July 16, 2002 at 13:25:33 (PDT)

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