ASIAN MALE/ WHITE FEMALE RELATIONSHIPS
(Updated to reflect the 100 most recent valid responses.)

Assuming you are an Asian male, which of the following most attracts you to White females?
Their facial features | 61%
Their physique | 22%
Their attitude and personality | 14%
Their education & cultural values | 3%

Assuming you are an Asian male, which of the following most dissuades you from relations with White females?
I don't find them physically attractive. | 0%
I don't find their personalities and attitudes appealing. | 11%
I don't think they would find me attractive. | 74%
I'd rather not deal with the disapproval of family. | 15% 		Assuming you are a White female, which of the following most attracts you to Asian males?
Their facial features | 73%
Their physique | 6%
Their attitude and personality | 15%
Their education & cultural values | 6%

Assuming you are a White female, which of the following most dissuades you from relations with Asian males?
I don't find them physically attractive. | 1%
I don't find their personalities and attitudes appealing. | 9%
I don't think they would find me attractive. | 73%
I'd rather not deal with the disapproval of family. | 17%

christian guy,
you need a wardrobe change and a gym membership. unless you're banking like bill gates, your looks are not gonna fly...no matter how nice and smart you are...it's not gonna cut it.

luck and confused,
yes, a phone number/name is a good start. don't be desperate. get other digits while your still hot and confident. don't call the girl and stop bugging her.

confused girl "dumpee"
that boy got no balls. wuss and not your man. sell the ring and move on.
whatcha talking about willis    Friday, July 26, 2002 at 09:07:06 (PDT)
size 2 wf,

Have you ever thought that the samething ( what you wrote ) is probably going through his head right now? Give it a shot. If you like him that much, don't give up that quick. Be patient my friend, be patient. Maybe start out with more than just a "hello". Ask him how to work a machine...He will be sure to help you out. Good luck to you!
Bostonian    Friday, July 26, 2002 at 06:06:42 (PDT)
Hoboken_CornellGuy

Your girl is very beautifull. I hope a good personality also comes with the package.
Bostonian    Friday, July 26, 2002 at 05:28:06 (PDT)
Brian Kim

Why don't you concentrate on your education first. At that early stage of age, you probably don't need that kind a relationship for. Highschool is fun and if you happen to find a girl who really likes you then good, otherwise......study! Now, college is a place for you ro pick up chicks. They are much wiser up there. Have you ever seen "Gilrs gone wild"? They are all college girls....Oh, never mind! You are not old enough to see those kind a videos. Study Bro.
Bostonian    Friday, July 26, 2002 at 05:02:08 (PDT)
size 2 wf,

I'm not saying all AMs are like this but a lot of the AMs that I know are typically shy and reserved around WFs. You might not get your wish of him initiating anything if he's like that. If he stares at you all the time chances are he's interested in you. I'd stop giving signs and just talk to him. Think about a conversation you can start with him. Confidence is a HUGE attraction and if it ends up that he's not available or whatever then just move on to the next lucky guy.

Good luck!
Proud 2 b Azn (AM)    Thursday, July 25, 2002 at 23:58:44 (PDT)
size 2 wf,

Yes, he can be that dumb. I certainly think that if some girl I didn't know started saying "hi" to me, it would mean to me that she wants me to talk to her. I think it's wonderful that you at least do that. Many women wouldn't.

Maybe he has a girlfriend. Yes, you might not be his type. Is he worth this insanity? If he is, don't give up. But don't simply give him clues. Maybe he's bad at starting conversations with strangers. So you might have to do this for the sake of mutual benefit. Although he stares constantly, you know not what this mysterious man thinks. I'm going to guess he really does like you. I'm going to guess you are his type. He might be terminally shy and or not versed in the ways of people with such friendly and earnest intentions. People can be so distrusting and suspicious. This fears can make us all dumb when it comes to love.
Steven Empyrean20@aol.com    Thursday, July 25, 2002 at 23:11:58 (PDT)
curious girl and to all,

Thank you for your response. You words were short but very clear. One thing that bewilders me, always on this forum, is when Asian males and White females ask questions about the other like they are completely alien to each other. Yes, sometimes there are barriers: culture, sometimes language, and sometimes unfounded apprehension. One question is, if this were any other type of person, would you be so hesitant to talk to that person? Or do all people of your own race possess a singular trait solely unique to them? I hope the answer to both questions is "No". I hope it's "No". For the first question, it can be changed by taking that bold step, by making a deliberate first move to communicate. The second question should be "No" because if one thinks it's "Yes", one would need to keep a more diverse range of company. Compliments are wonderful. But, sometimes, they can create an unwelcome and unreal set of expectations. We all tend to create a 'Platonic Ideal'. When people hear we belong to a group, they tend to think only the best and or the worst of us. Plato warns us not to forget about the people that occupy that 'grey' area.--which is everyone. We are not caricatures. All people are more complex and complicated than what they are given credit for. To not recognize that is to say that a person is without depth. Yes, there are reasons why we like 'certain' people. Perhaps it's the sad predicament that both nature and nurture shape the personalities of the people we least are attracted to. Some people were dealt with an unfortunate hand in life. And some of these people continually use this an excuse to say that other people owe them something. I think one reason why people on this forum find a particular person attractive, is because we like those that overcome life's barriers. Among all relationships, but one that is interracial, it's important to try to bring yourself out and bridge the gap between people. No one should have to come to you. That's not an equal relationship. My ex-girlfriend, who is a different race than I am, was very different than me. But I don't think we really were seriously and consciously thinking that we were lucky to have an interracial relationship. We just thought were lucky to have each other.
Steven Empyrean20@aol.com    Thursday, July 25, 2002 at 23:00:11 (PDT)
Hoboken_CornellGuy,

Is that blond girl w/ u from eastern europe?.
ck    Thursday, July 25, 2002 at 22:49:44 (PDT)
Don't know about you guys, but I find WF very easy to strike a conversation. I find picking them up in a comfortable manner. WF are more outgoing and tend to respond positively even when they don't know me. My advice to Asian guys is to just walk up to them and open your mouth. That's it.
Viet guy    Thursday, July 25, 2002 at 21:06:38 (PDT)
cornell guy - personality goes a long way, but that one blonde is smokin. that's awesome man. more power.
iconic    Thursday, July 25, 2002 at 20:57:12 (PDT)
size 2 - usually guys who look like they're 'about working out' are at the gym to do exactly that - work out. when i went to the gym, i didnāt like small-talk at all ö for me, it was about getting in and getting out, in that order. but iām sure i would have made an exception for an extreme hottie. the next time you see him, ask him about his work-out e.g., does he do circuits, etc. most guys who are into working out are more than glad to give advice; it's flattering. work from there. and don't freak out - you don't want him to think you care.

feed back - i don't know what kind of camera it was - it's my ex-gf's. probably a normal 35 mm. basically, i scanned the pictures on a visioneer scanner, and then played with adobe effects. first, i applied a negative to the original pic. then i added a 'flare?' effect followed by another negative application to generate the other pic. pretty neat, huh?

luck and confused dude - just because a girl gives you her number doesn't mean that she wants to hang. sometimes they'll give out fakes just to get rid of you, which has definitely happened to me before. don't ever give your number to a girl. if she doesn't give you hers, forget about it - if she likes you as much as you think she does, she'll be more than happy to give you digits. wait 2 business days after you've gotten the # and give her a ring. if you leave a message, the ballās in her court. if she doesn't return your call - you're out of luck. just cut your losses and forget about her.

christian guy ö thanks for the back-up; iām catching a little bit of heat here. i sense that you do your own thing as well, which is refreshing. you have unique taste in clothing.

brian ö hs isnāt a place to pick up girls. if you keep your priorities straight, meeting girls should be no problem. i had better luck in college, though, after i became more comfortable with myself. my advice would be to focus on education and sports. relationships can come later. by the way ö girls can spot shady-ness at 100 yards; donāt ever go out with the intention of hooking up; if you do, you wonāt. just play it cool and the girls will come to you.

tell us more ö iām not big into keeping stats, but i can tell you that iām 5ā8, 30 waist and 30 inseam. i donāt have a scale but would guess that iām around 160-165 lbs, which is about 10 lbs lighter than my hs playing weight. i have no idea about my biceps. after i stopped playing competitive ball, i stopped caring.
iconic ojanimal@yahoo.com    Thursday, July 25, 2002 at 20:50:19 (PDT)
A story,

Last year, I was working part time in an elementry-Junior High school as a tutor. The school has level ranging from kindergarten to 8th grade but I was tutoring the 5th graders, helping them with math and reading. Again I do this part-time, twice a week.
Working in the school is something I had never done before. So on my first day I feel a bit awarkward in the class sitting next to an 11 yrs old and helping him with reading. Not only do I feel awarkward but I was the only asain in the class. There isn't any asain student so I was a bit surprise at how the kids would see and treat me. And B/c I remember myself being in the fifth grade just a few years ago. I can almost relate to them in a personal way [I can understand them] but wondering how today's kid are different from the past.

Anyway, after a few weeks pass, I gotten to know the kids more. A lot of them open up, fooling and joking around [like every little kid]. They treated me with respect as if I was their teacher. Some of them would have a big smile on their face and I am glad to see that.

And then months pass, and so one day I was in the cafeteria waiting to do after school center. While waiting on the table in the cafeteria, one of the girl who is from the class that I was teaching came up to me.

[NOTE: STORY I like to SHARE ANYWAY,]

And she said, "[my name],that girl [her name] in the pink short hair likes you". I was a bit surprise and wondering if what she telling me is true or not. Then I said to her, "who" and she pointed out to me the girl from the other table. And that girl said "no", she just saying that but then she pointed out to another girl. This girl was shy and she was drag by one of her friends over to me. And I remember they start sing the KISSING SONG with me and her. But the shy girl feel a bit uncomfortable and she tryed to leave. I was just sitting there being humble the whole time.
I was flatter that some little girl like me. These girls are only in the fifth grade, I guess about 12 or 13 years old. And they already like guys. I was wondering why they like me? I didn't even do anything, and they were not asains either. I guess the new generation is changing.

I had things like this happen to me a few times already. So do anyone [M/F] in this forum had anything like this happen to them.

But I don't see college girls do that, I guess [girls] when they are young they are like that. But when they get older, to me it seems like they don't show their feeling as much.
Any opinion, anyone?
2D Azn-Pride    Thursday, July 25, 2002 at 20:16:01 (PDT)
very confused - don't sweat the guy. obviously, he has issues. you're better off without him. think of it this way - now that you know that he's capable of such behavior, aren't you glad you're no longer with him? life is too short. i don't know you but i know that no one deserves to be treated in such a manner.

grow up - i have no issues with my asian-ness; apparently, you have issues with my individuality. true confidence comes from within, chief.

i'm relieved you're not attracted to me.

believe me, i think what i want, and it seems that my perception is validated by some of the female readers, if their comments are to be believed. again, it's pretty cool that you (and wfsd) have provided evidence of me being white-washed.

my personal belief is that you are intimidated by confidence and individuality. does the fact that i am an attractive and well-spoken asian man threaten you?

as well, i think your comment, 'i am an attractive guy,' (incidentally, lacking an associated URL), is indicative of the extremity of your delusions. here's another lame quote for your collection: 'don't hate the player, hate the game.' nice email address too. coward.

redeem yourself and tell me how i'm white-washed. inquiring minds want to know. and please provide direct evidence.

this isn't a contest and i'm not trying to win approval. i apologize if i've misrepresented myself. i already have my own approval, which is enough for me. my posts were merely an effort to attach a picture to the name. besides, if this were a contest, methinks i would bury you.
iconic ojanimal@yahoo.com    Thursday, July 25, 2002 at 19:53:11 (PDT)
Any women here ever dated a Korean/Korean American dude? Was it cool? What did you like/dislike about it? I'm just curious. I've dated some white girls, and it was nice.
Dae-Han-Min Guk    Thursday, July 25, 2002 at 19:15:42 (PDT)
size 2 female,

dont worry babe, it'll be alright. This is funny to me because this is what dudes have to go thru ALL THE TIME, so its comforting to know that women suffer too sometimes (sorry =)). Anyway, would you like to know how I overcome this anxiety?

You: (Jumping up and down) Yes! Yes! Please tell me!

Alright, alright.... I'll tell ya. There's only one way to get over the sadness or anxiety of obssessing over one person... DATE MORE PEOPLE.

This way, if your primary option flakes out, you have a secondary, and hopefully even a tertiary option. This is a nice perk to have; if you fail miserably in your pursuit, you have something to fall upon, hence you don't get as nervous about 'fucking it up' with object of your affections. It'll make you more mellow, at ease. And that is a good thing. It's a fact that you can't do jack-shit right when you're nervous or uptight.

So, it's as easy as that -- DATE MORE PEOPLE, at least TWO at the same time.
Don't worry, that is not being a 'ho', it's called playing the dating game.

Also, since ur a chick (pardon the expression) I suggest that you don't play the 'bring-ur-goodlooking-platonic male-friend-to-the-gym- in-hopes-of-showing-him-that-I'm-desirable-to -other-males... I-hope-that-will-make-him- want-me-too' game (I know women well enough to know some of the chick-logic games they play... NOT the best way to get the men you want. Do NOT TRUST COSMO!). This is especially true if your friend is a Caucasian man. If I saw a white chick that I liked working out with a white dude, I would more likely assume that he was your bf or that you preferred white dudes. At least if ur with a Latino or a black guy, then I know that you're ok with hanging with/dating non-whites, so I know I have a better chance. If I saw you with an Asian dude, I would be stoked -- at least I know that another Asian brother is having a good time, or that I have a much better chance with you if I play my cards right.

So, may I suggest that you either work out with another Asian male friend of yours (if you're with him, do not be too intimate/friendly/touchy with him.. that would send the wrong impression), or at least a female Asian friend. And give him obvious signs; giggle with your girlfriend (audibly) around him, smile at him, give him a wink, mirror his movements (if he's doing bicep curls, then you go near him and do the same excercise). If he is not a piece of chicken-shiot, incompetant with women or just not interested -- like you said -- he could have a gf, be sick of women and their games (yes it can happen to men too), or he's gay, then that yella' mofo' should at least have the courtesy to smile back and flirt or at least try to make polite convo with you.

Good luck swea'pea... and don't give up until you've tried EVERYTHING!
Korean Gym Rat in Palos Verdes, CA    Thursday, July 25, 2002 at 19:02:53 (PDT)
These are some of your comments from a few days ago.

--Asian Brother;

You said,
Everyone wants to be loved as an individual, not as a member of a group.

Comment; [Philosophical Approach]
You are absolutly right about this, no question about it. But you have to know that everyone in this world is an individual, themselves. There is no one that is exactly identical in everyway (even if they were from the same group or twins). For example, your not the same from your brother. Your different in the way you think, look, act personality wise, food you choose to eat, etc. So my point is no one can replace your individualism. So if a girl happen to love you b/c you been going out for awhile, also know that she is loving you for you and not what your representing (meaning race). And vice versa (the love you have for her is also for what she is and not what she represent).
But if you happen to lose her or vice versa, you can never find someone that is like her as a person. I mean by appearance, personality, interest, thinking, hobby, etc. But you can try to find someone similar to her, but never like her.
Also remember, someone is special to you only if you get to know them. If you don't know them but like their look, we'll you can also like another person's look. But nothing special about both of them right. So I think if you know someone (meaning going out for awhile) then that person can become special to you. And there is no one in this world that is like that special someone or that can replace them. But you can always love another and fine something special about the whole individual, but again it's not the same as your first or second love.
[Just like if someone die, you can't say I'll bring back someone just like them, NO NO NO} It's also like your brother is your brother and on one is your brother except your borther.

Loving Tenor;

You said;
That's why I feel like going for white girls who's not especially looking for a "Asain" boyfriend.

Comment;
Hey trust me, even if they are like that, this is not a problem. B/c after you guyz know each other, she will see you as something total different from other asain. She is going to fall in love with the whole package, "You". And you too, will fall in love with her and only her. But if you happen to break up, then you will feel depress a little b/c she means something to you. But then again, time heals [amount of time depens on how much she means to you, sometimes not how good she looks but how much you been through] and you will eventually find someone else and love her for her. But your second love is never like your first. Like I said there is no one like you. You are you and vice versa.
DoubleD (AM)    Thursday, July 25, 2002 at 18:58:52 (PDT)
size 2 wf-

You should probably approach him and ask if he can help you with some various aspect of your workout. Lets hope he doesn't chicken out by that point, and from there its pretty much a good take-off for conversation.

So you look like an ice queen? And he stares constantly? In his mind he doesn't want to set himself up to get shot out of the sky. Secondly, he probably doesn't know what to talk about with you. I mean I know I probably wouldn't know what to say..
"I'm not scared of you!" bahahahahahaha
=D
cbc in montreal    Thursday, July 25, 2002 at 18:54:51 (PDT)
size 2 female

This guy most likly wants you. Most asian males are shy at first. (at least I was anyways) and they dont talk to ya. I know how you feel totally, my girl friend wanted to kill me after we went out. Cause she said why did it take me so freakin long to ask her out. I like old fashioned girls. I think they are awesome. Listen ok, this guy if he is looking at you wants you. The situation you described sounds so much like mine before. lol

The part i liked the most is were you said "my stupied heart starts beating so loud!" thats so genuine. wow that guys sure is lucky. Dont waste time ok, just go talk to him and ask him if he wants to do something sometime. He cant really say no. because you didnt directly ask him out. If he says yes thats the green light. If he really dosent want to talk to you then chances are he'll say something like, oh i am kinda busy. (which is BS) because you never asked for a specific date. Hey dont lose heart. And size 2 is PERFECT my GF is tiny but tall. It would be nice to see more couples like us. SO go out and get together with this asian stud of yours.

Good luck and seize the day. your only young ONCE.
SOG    Thursday, July 25, 2002 at 18:47:04 (PDT)
Hoboken_Cornell Guy,

Geez! The women that you've dated were incredibly beautiful, they all look like models!
curious girl    Thursday, July 25, 2002 at 17:53:59 (PDT)
VERY CONFUSED, sorry to say but everyone is right. Forget this guy. It sounds harsh but that is the cold hard truth.The sooner you grieve the sooner you can begin the process of getting back on your feet which is no short term by the way. I'm really sorry honey.
DR.LOVE    Thursday, July 25, 2002 at 17:36:43 (PDT)
Christian Guy, exactly, you should do as you please and dress the way you please. I do take it for granted that you have good hygiene tho'right? As far as these girls are concerned,if they don't like it well they can kiss your ass. I'm sure if you keep searching then one day you will find a girl who likes you for what you are. Until then better dig in for the long haul.
DR.LOVE    Thursday, July 25, 2002 at 17:30:57 (PDT)
Brian, if you have to ask about the hot high school girls,then perhaps you're not ready for the answer. Better stick to the books as you'll need good grades to get into a good college. It's just too competitive these days.
DR.LOVE    Thursday, July 25, 2002 at 17:17:16 (PDT)
Steven
Thanks for your response. You sound so nice. I think that what I meant to ask was 'Do AM expect WF to be as well educated' - I guess it's the same thing. I have a friend who was interested in an AM, really cute guy and knew it too, when he found out she had gone to University under the "State" system, instead of private as he did, he began belittling her and was very condescending and cruel. As you said, 'We can have 'beautiful minds', but we can be very cruel. We can be as sensitve and thoughtful, as we can be clueless and self-centered'

What he didn't know was that she had lost her Mother when she was younger and the family did not have a lot of money. She worked her way through University too and is no slacker. Anyway, after her experience I just wondered if AM in general had an attitude and expectations regarding education, and if so to what level?

I think you have revealed to everyone here that you are a mature kinda guy and have a heart.

Just when I was getting up the courage to approach the guy I was really attracted to, I saw him with another girl, a beautiful AF. Oh well (sigh).
sobanoodle    Thursday, July 25, 2002 at 16:12:47 (PDT)
curious wf,

To answer your question about what my friends think of my attraction to Asian men, honestly they don't think anything of it. I've never exclusively dated men of one race, I've just dated men that I've been attracted to and was compatible with. Neither my family members nor my friends or coworkers have ever said anything like "Why do you like Asian guys? Why don't you date white guys?" or anything like that.
There is this one guy at my job that is OBSESSED with Asian women, I'm not kidding. He emails with Asian women from other countries all day, is learning Japanese, only finds Asian women attractive, and actually came very close to getting a mail-order bride, and he was very proud of this. Well that's his life, whatever makes him happy. But everyone in my office makes so much fun of him.
To the person that keeps stealing my name, you wouldn't by any chance be the troll from the "AM seeking out non-Asian" women board on "Asian Air", now would you?
curious girl    Thursday, July 25, 2002 at 15:36:32 (PDT)
size 2 wf,

hey there, forgot all about you...ok...
here are a couple of advice:

he's definately interested if he's looking your way. you're easy on the eyes and he's trying to think of an interesting comment to connect w/ you. the fact that you're a 10 and very good looking/bitchy looking is intimidating to some guys. they assume you already have a boyfriend or just being nice at the gym. no guy wants to read the wrong signals from a hot girl and then get shot down.

what else do you do to flirt besides saying hi, smiling, and then running away like a little girl? Personally, a girl that just says "hi, how are you doing" and walks past you, is just greeting you w/ no signs of romantic interests. i mean, it is a gym and people are friendly there. i expect that type of atmosphere. so,

what you need to do is more "body language flirtations." remember back to your highschool days when you flirted w/ the guys...twirl your hair, lean in, smile coyly etc. that still works in this feminist era.

what always catches my attention is when the girl flips/runs her fingers through her hair to the side to reveals her neckline. it's hard to describe, but you know it when you see it...from there, it's GAME ON!!! he should catch the subtleties, unless he's gay or stupid...but that i can't help.

ok, more info on a need to know basis. let us know how it goes. good luck.

"GAME ON"
GAME ON    Thursday, July 25, 2002 at 15:36:00 (PDT)
Size2,Interesting scenario.It could be that he is interested and is digging in his hook very deep.If you say you're a 10, most guys will probably agree that a difference can only be 2-3 points. So after the math,if you're a 7,that is still way up there so I don't think he finds you ugly. How about pretending some difficulty in adjusting the seat on the reclining bike or act like a piece of equipment is giving you a hard time and you could use a little assistance.How about asking him to spot you while you bench press? Ask him how long he's been working out on account of he seems to be in decent shape. Ask him if he does any other physical activities besides the gym to which you might add"oh,I've always wanted to try that"and he may invite you along. If you try all of the above, we'll move to more intensive tactics.
DR.LOVE    Thursday, July 25, 2002 at 15:12:26 (PDT)

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