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ASIAMS.NET |
POLL & COMMENTS
ASIAN MALE/ WHITE FEMALE RELATIONSHIPS
(Updated
Tuesday, Apr 1, 2008, 05:30:01 PM
to reflect the 100 most recent valid responses.)
This poll is closed to new input.
Comments posted during the past year remain available for browsing.
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WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
Confused WF,
I'm gonna have to agree with Jason Hong. This is not particularly an issue regarding culture, but men in general. He's still trying to get over a 2 year relationship. He's probably afraid to fall in love again, for understandable reasons. On the same token, he doesn't want to be alone. Especially if his ex is already dating around. He might not want to seem like he's sitting around by his lonesome.
He indeed may really like you, getting a key to a guys apartment means something. I don't know any guys who give their keys to just any girl. How long have you guys been dating? Speaking from experience, I also had broken up with someone I was with for 2 years and started dating someone else about a month later...If you really want to be his girlfriend, do not pressure him into a relationship. Never ask something like "when are we gonna be in a relationship", "when are we gonna be boyfriend-girlfriend". That was the main thing that turned me off the person I was dating at the time. In a situation like yours, you just have to let nature take its course. There will be tell tale signs on weather or not he wants you as his girlfriend. For instance, if he does want you as his girl, he'll probably want to introduce you to all his friends, family, spend alot of time with you. If he doesn't want you for anything long term, he'll probably start being more distant, not want to spend the night with you as often, and cutting your time together shorter. I'm not going to lie to you in the fact there's a chance you may get hurt. But, thats just life. You learn from it.
Max orgazmo83@hotmail.com
Saturday, September 28, 2002 at 17:43:42 (PDT)
[131.252.253.123]
hey. my name is thi , i live in auz and my girl is white, not only white but beach blond, blue eyes and is a babe, when i first started to go out with her it was like race wasnt an issue, and it wasnt. you see we are both social workers, so we see people for who they are not what they look like. i can truthfuly say that their are not many asain male and white female relationships here but thier is a hell of alot of asian women and white men. the first time we went out in public we went on a train, now you can just think about the reaction of other people when they seen me with this babe, opps sorry did i tell you she is taller than me by about 10 cm.i did get alot or stares and comments behind my back and it did effect me, so being the socail worker that i am one day i went to a shopping centre and asked as many people as i could about it, most of the people i asked where white and most of them said its no big deal who you are or what you look like, its your life . my girl friends where sort of shocked that she was going out with me but as they got to know me they accpeted who i was. i found that if you are positve even to the exent where your body lingo portrays it, people will accept it. i did have a problem with it, hearing that i was little and short really got to me so you know what i did i proved the people who said that wrong i entered into a body buildy comp and com first. i proved to myself that i am the most built and toned guy in sydney. my asian friends also tell me that i shouldnt go out with whites because i could do so much better with an asian female, the thing is i like begin different, i like people staring at me, it means that im not part of the norm, it means that we are truly unique people, in a unique relationship.love is colour blind so for all you mix race couples love the fact that you are not the norm besides if every one was the same life would be boring, if you have doubts about your relationship look into yourself first and dont blame people because then you are the one making judgments.
be happy
goldmemeber qiq467au@yahoo.com.au
Friday, September 27, 2002 at 21:18:22 (PDT)
[210.50.133.53]
First of all, I would like to say thank
you to everyone who responded to my last post.
To Hoboken Cornell Guy, Good on you! :-) It is true when you go travel overseas, you are more likely to meet friendlier or more aggresive WF's than in the place where you live in. Maybe they hear your different accent and they are curious about where you are from. While in the place where we live in, we are just 'plain and ordinary' (I guess).
Moreover about the trip to Europe, I saw
a perfect AM/WF couple in St Petersburgh, Russia. A handsome AM and a beautiful short haired brunnete togeher with their baby watching a circus :-)
To Lotus, good luck with your AM boyfriend, I am glad to hear your story :-)
Cheers....
Southern Hemisphere AM
Friday, September 27, 2002 at 20:06:27 (PDT)
[210.50.16.74]
wf-25,
Way to go. Glad there's women out there like you.
AM in Vancouver
Friday, September 27, 2002 at 14:09:49 (PDT)
[216.232.39.164]
wf-25,
Thanks very much for sharing your thoughts and experiences with us on AM/WF dating. It's interesting that you initially had reservations about dating AMs because of the cultural differences; did you think the same if he was a second or third- generation Asian-American? Sounding like any other white American guy? I'm asking because I was born and raised here, and didn't realize some (many?) WFs think there are insurmountable cultural differences in dating me. In the end, everyone has the right to choose whomever they want to date, of course, but I'm happy you and your friend are more openminded to dating AMs. How did both you and your best friend first become interested in AM? Best of luck to you too, and have fun!
P.S. I don't doubt that there are more and more American WFs who are attracted to AMs, but I see noticeable differences compared to living in Canada and France. Being attracted only to WFs, I love being unique to the WFs I've dated and wouldn't change being an AM for ANYTHING; for ALL of the WFs I've dated, regardless of nationality or ethnic background, I was their first AM they'd dated or were attracted to. It's a nice feeling being so "memorable"! *smile*
Hoboken_CornellGuy
Friday, September 27, 2002 at 12:47:15 (PDT)
[64.119.241.181]
Thanks so much to sean, some korean guy, happyguy, an asian male, and jason hong for your comments.
This confused white chick is just gonna chill and take care of herself. At times like these it is probably best not to think too much and listen to the small still voice inside.
Some Korean Guy: "aaahhh yes, 'confused wf'. Ancient Chinese secret. All Asian men do this to channel the Yin into their Yang"
hahahahaha! good one.
love to all of you gorgeous, gorgeous Asian boys for taking the time to help. ;)
oh...ps.......why are Asian guys SO HOT? :]
confused wf
Friday, September 27, 2002 at 12:36:30 (PDT)
[66.90.196.106]
Change Yourself To Get What You Want
Ok. From what I can tell here, it seems like we have on one hand, a lot of asian men who have problems with their internal dialogue, and a lot of white women who go chasing after them, or the imagination thereof. So you want to attract that ideal mate, white or asian? Alright, speaking from experience, I highly recommend you do the following. This applies for both men and women.
Change your internal dialogue. Society programs us to think via social memes. Most memes are not very good. Therefore, you need to shut off the TV, and build some new memes in your mind. Besides, there's nothing but endless crap on. I haven't watched any in the last 3 years.
Find a new role model. Don't go searching a media which promotes a dearth of presence in ALL categories ANYWAY. You're not going to change that system anytime soon. Besides, do you really want a role model whose profession is to impersonate something they're not?!! Think about that one!!
So, pick a new role model. Want to know one of my favorite role model amongst many? Guy Kawasaki, the Mac Evangelist, just to give you an example. Hilarious, handsome, and an absolute powerhouse. His books are worth the price just for the reading and the laughs.
Anyway, so how do you change your internal dialogue? NLP. Neurolinguistic Programming, ie. the application of language to the mind. Our thoughts and words have unbelievable power. What you say about yourself, reflects your reality. There are many authors and self help systems in the field on this. I've bought and used a number of them with great results. But of course, they will not work unless you WANT to change, AND, this is most important, when you actually follow up and DO the material!!
As for dating, relationships, sex, etc,educating yourself on the subject will help you a long way. I personally am a person who doesn't enjoy fear, so I instead like to face and channel it. Case in point, I have, used, and practiced an extensive library which had everything from flirting, to better relationships, to sex, to personality evaluation, to body language, and emotional communcation. The information is OUT there, so you MIGHT as well educate yourself. Why reinvent the wheel, right? Figure it out and then innovate your own method later on. Besides, you'll then have lots of great stories to tell your friends after you've tried them out.
I'm writing this especially to a lot of the asian men, because we've all been trained in the Industrial Age way of thinking, which comes from our parents. Those thoughts happen to be: good grades, good school, good salary, benefits, security, and of course, RISK IS VERY BAD. Hence the reason so MANY OF YOU are missing out on life!!!! In other words, mistake=BAD, right answer=GOOD. Guess what. There are no right or wrong answers. Just clear ones, and not so clear one. What makes the difference is experience and wisdom. That can only come from mistakes, and in taking risks. In today's world, our parent's way of thinking has been obsolete since 1989, with the fall of the Berlin Wall. We are in the the Information Age, and this age rewards those who make the effort to change. School, college, and universities are, in my honest opinion, mired in that way of thinking, and they're the worst educational systems of all time. Nothing will make you learn faster than to get out on the street and make mistakes that you can learn from. Case in point, I've had more dates and relationships than your eyes, fingers, toes, teeth... you get the picture. I am now in a loving and committed relationship, albeit long distance, with a lovely ecuadorean woman in Bolivia. The point is, keep at it, and experience life in all forms. Don't let cynicism or social programming norms effect you. You'll be rewarded DURING, and in the END.
We all now live in a very different age than 10 years ago. But we're still thinking in outmoded ways. When things change, there will be those who stand up and take action, those who hide from the action, and those who ask, "What the heck just happened?!" Pick the spot where you want to be, accept it, but please don't complain about it. It was your choice afterall.
It really is up to you to make that change to find what you want. The question is, are you willing to take that step?
The vietnamese american world traveling bicyclist. 10 months, 10 countries, solo.
Head over heels in love
Friday, September 27, 2002 at 10:35:39 (PDT)
[128.6.226.36]
confused wf,
I don't think this is a case of culture. You should step back and see this as a problem of males. As you have already stated, he has got out of a 2 year relationship. Emotionally, he's a wreck. He needs time to figure out what he wants and doesn't want. Thus, although you really like him, he's so emotionally stable that a strong base for a relationship cannot arise with such chaos in his life. He's reaching out to you because he wants that affection he has had with his previous relationship, but he hasn't gotten over his past relationship. Though I'm truly sorry to say this, you're probably being used, unkowningly, by this guy. He doesn't want a relationship and all the committments, but he doens't want to be alone. My suggestion is that you drop him, because you will never have a proper foundation for a good relationship. Be patient. Either ask him to call you back when he's got his act together, or just keep looking for your knight in shining honor, one has a clear head and a loving heart waiting for you.
Jason Hong jasonhonG@hotmail.com
Thursday, September 26, 2002 at 23:20:55 (PDT)
[24.205.60.195]
Some Korean guy
What's all this bs about? Let people date and marry whoever they want. If you don't like interacial dating then get lost. Of course, its likely a minority population in long run will be absorbed into the mainstream population.
Don't waste out time.
another corean guy
Thursday, September 26, 2002 at 18:14:50 (PDT)
[64.12.96.237]
Confused wf,
The reason for his actions is probably because he is very sentimental like most asians are. Asian males may not show their emotions, but they do hide it inside. It's the same with me.
I think he does feel strong emotions for you, but he still has not recovered from the heartbreak just yet. It will take some time.
Love to all White females.
An Asian male
Thursday, September 26, 2002 at 13:36:26 (PDT)
[63.165.27.53]
confused wf,
The attitude comes from a difference in priority. He does take you seriously, after all you have the key to his place and share an open relationship. He may be busy during the week with work and prefers not to chat to make time for you during the weekends. Either that or he's playing hard to get.
Happyguy guy20016@yahoo.com
Thursday, September 26, 2002 at 12:11:23 (PDT)
[128.147.66.66]
aaahhh yes, 'confused wf'. Ancient Chinese secret. All Asian men do this to channel the Yin into their Yang..... come on now! This isn't a cultural thing. All guys are like that. When we break up with a girl, we try to stay out of relationships for awhile, but sometimes you just can't help falling for someone. As for the weekdays, maybe he's just real busy. Try to get him to do something on a weekday, if he keeps refusing, ask him why. Communicate. Then again, remember he's on the rebound and he might be using you for female companionship til he gets over his girl. Whatever it is, just talk to him. Ain't no hidden cultural reasons for his behavior.
some korean guy
Thursday, September 26, 2002 at 12:06:03 (PDT)
[65.80.16.34]
confused WF
"then come the weekdays...he doesn't call me at all and sort of acts like he doesn't know me"
Maybe he's just tired and drained during the week. Guys don't always feel in the mood...and men are not natural talkers emotional creatures like women are, especially a lot of Asian guys...there's some truth to the stereotype
If everything else is working great, why stress it? There is a difference between caring for someone but secure enough to be able to let them live their life and caring but always insecure enough to rest satisfaction on the amount of affection and attention your lover gives you. Love doesn't always equal attachment and attachment isn't always good. You shouldn't let it bother you as long as he is cool when he isn't busy. Let it be and maybe it might lead to what you are looking for in life...or might not...if not ...give me a shout...heheh
Sean
Thursday, September 26, 2002 at 11:13:54 (PDT)
[68.14.94.53]
Hoboken_CornellGuy:
Trust me....there are plenty of American white females out there who LOVE Asian Males.....my best friend and I are of that group.
We definitely see being AM as a HUGE advantage...not a liability.
I know I, personally, was always afraid to approach AMs because I was afraid of the cultural divide. Since that time I have learned better and am now dating AMs and it is wonderful!
GOOD LUCK!
wf-25
Thursday, September 26, 2002 at 10:31:23 (PDT)
[66.90.196.172]
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