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GOLDSEA | ASIAMS.NET | POLL & COMMENTS

ASIAN MALE/ WHITE FEMALE RELATIONSHIPS
(Updated Tuesday, Apr 1, 2008, 04:29:54 PM to reflect the 100 most recent valid responses.)

Assuming you are an Asian male, which of the following most attracts you to White females?
Their facial features | 61%
Their physique | 22%
Their attitude and personality | 14%
Their education & cultural values | 3%

Assuming you are an Asian male, which of the following most dissuades you from relations with White females?
I don't find them physically attractive. | 0%
I don't find their personalities and attitudes appealing. | 11%
I don't think they would find me attractive. | 74%
I'd rather not deal with the disapproval of family. | 15%
Assuming you are a White female, which of the following most attracts you to Asian males?
Their facial features | 73%
Their physique | 6%
Their attitude and personality | 15%
Their education & cultural values | 6%

Assuming you are a White female, which of the following most dissuades you from relations with Asian males?
I don't find them physically attractive. | 1%
I don't find their personalities and attitudes appealing. | 9%
I don't think they would find me attractive. | 73%
I'd rather not deal with the disapproval of family. | 17%


This poll is closed to new input.
Comments posted during the past year remain available for browsing.

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WHAT YOU SAY

[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
DDouros

If you're looking for cities with a sizable asian population,you should consider San Fran, LA, Portland, and Seattle. What about some of the larger cities in AZ, like Phoenix? I don't know too much about AZ.

If you spot an AM you're attracted to, why don't you just introduce yourself and start a conversation, and if all goes well, ask him for a cup of coffee or something. Have you ever spotted a person you were attracted to and felt an immediate connection with? Approach them! You only live once, and what have you got to lose? Are you the type of woman who is used to being approached rather than you approaching someone else? Also, little things go a long way. For instance showing some knowledge, and, or appreciation for asian culture, entertainment, lifestyle, and issues like what its like to grow up being a minority in a white dominated society. This is an issue that I'm sure all asians, myself included have thought alot about.

I hope this helps you out a bit.
Max orgazmo83@hotmail.com    Monday, December 02, 2002 at 03:54:17 (PST)    [131.252.253.131]
Bella (Curious Girl)

In my experiences with white females, I have fortunately never encountered resentment from either of our families. However, I've had a number of asian people both male and female come up and ask me stuff like "why do you date white girls". Also sometimes I would take a girl out and some of the asian girls would give us the "evil eye". Asian people would call me a sellout, or banana, or twinkie.

My father doesn't care at all what race I date. My mother says she doesn't care as long as the girl loves me for who I am, but it would be icing on the cake if she were Chinese like me.

I remember about a year ago, I was with a white/latina girl who I had a hard time understanding due to religious differences. Don't get me wrong, she was a great girl, but throughout the course of the time we were dating, religion constantly came up as a subject of debate. That relationship didn't last too long. I wonder if anyone else on this poll has had similar problems with an ex.
By the way...how are you doing these days?
Max orgazmo83@hotmail.com    Monday, December 02, 2002 at 03:32:00 (PST)    [131.252.253.131]
Wow, I haven't been to this site in a while. Well, I can see the feud between Be a Man and Awkward Student is still present. I also see there are also a lot of other interesting discussions going on.

Bella, personally, I believe it's a little of everything you mentioned. I believe that there are problems between Asian males and white females due to lack of communication between them. Also, if you take a look at the survey in the top left corner, you can see that there's a lot of miscommunication between the 2 areas. In order to break out of these misunderstandings, we need to have better communication and more open minds for interracial dating. As a matter of fact, not many people are originally open to interracial dating because they have never even been presented with it. However, I believe that when people are confronted with the issue of interracial dating, that's when obstacles can be overcome and interracial dating could be flourish.
Doc Love Graduate    Sunday, December 01, 2002 at 21:16:40 (PST)    [24.205.64.102]
be a man first off advice and criticism is well taken. however even criticism and advice should be given in a polite manner and not in the crude manner that you always give it in. you probalby do have advice that could help me but theres a lot of things that can go wrong between the right advice and delivering it. no i dont expect advice all nice and dandy cuz lifes not all nice but i do at least expect common decency when advice is delivered..and maturity level maaaan i cant believe youre even talking to me about maturity. take a look at your past couple posts and see if you should even be talking. anyway our whole discussion concerning maturity would be pointless without knowing what each others definition of maturity is. mine is knowing that the way to get along with people and life is to be polite and have some decency in life and to be able to be open to advice and criticism because not one person is perfect and having various perspectives on life can help one grow.

be a man you seem to misunderstand everything i say.."if youre so desperate to get women.." WHERE DID I SAY THAT!? i asked a general question and you automatically keep assuming that im desperate for women?! you jumped a bigger gap than the clothing company. you know what no more energy wasted on you. i just think its sad that such such strong opinions and actions and words are all said while on the wrong path and headed toward the wrong direction...i am tired of my quarrels with you so i think ill just ignore you to prevent anymore of these kinds of posts.....

lets get back to wat this place is about.
Awkward Student    Sunday, December 01, 2002 at 21:10:36 (PST)    [24.205.64.102]
ddouros

how about bk of the diamondbacks?
hey    Sunday, December 01, 2002 at 18:40:14 (PST)    [61.74.124.152]
DDouros,

It's nice to know that you like asian men. Hope you'll meet your soul mate soon. Just be yourself and treat him the way he deserves. Your feeling wil tell you what to do. Keep up your hopes and dreams, someday they'll come true.
Kevin 31 kbui@email.com    Sunday, December 01, 2002 at 16:06:03 (PST)    [67.10.59.248]
I am a 35 year old WF who lives in Arizona. I am very interesed in dating AM. I am having a hard time finding single AM here in Arizona. I have tried dating sites and have had not luck. Where can I find single AM who are interested in dating WF? What advice would you give to WF who are interested in dating AM? I would appreciated any advice you could give me.

DDouros
Advice needed.    Saturday, November 30, 2002 at 14:14:43 (PST)    [64.157.197.222]
Uh, forget it man. You do your thing. I can see that you can't take advice in any form. You only want advice if its sugar and spice -- it's easier to take. A wise person would know how to take any kind of advice, including criticism. And watch that temper. Losing your cool in any situation is an indication of a man's maturity level.

You need to be a man, not a boy (that's why younger women always go for older males). If you're so desperate to get women, then you have to be a man. Until then, don't hope to get anything more than highschool sophomores.
Be A Man    Friday, November 29, 2002 at 20:35:00 (PST)    [128.253.186.46]
Bella and 1AM,

I've dated out of my race too and sharing our cultural differences I thought was pretty neat. In fact, I think that's one of the beauties of being in an interracial relationship. If you try to positively look at it, it really is a good thing, I don't see any negatives.

Heck, I introduced her to chinese food you see on fear factor, and she loved it. As far as getting intimate, it doesn't matter what race you are, I totally agree. That wasn't an issue.

Divorce, I don't even want to think about that ugly topic. That's like a stain for life.
happy AM
http    Friday, November 29, 2002 at 20:15:07 (PST)    [67.27.150.78]
Bella,

Yes, my ex dated mostly Caucasian before we met so I guess I felt a little aware of that.

But that's just because she only dated whites before meeting me, and she lived in a very asian area. Now we are friends, but I think I can empathize somewhat with your ex. But once you're in love, it shouldn't make a difference.
ChineseM&M
http    Thursday, November 28, 2002 at 21:04:25 (PST)    [67.24.144.58]
Be a Man it seems like you're hellbent to piss me off or something. praying for a date? did i anywhere mention or imply that i wanted a date? you seem to be assuming that i cant get any dates when in reality i just wanted everyone's opinion on a subject that me and my friends have discussed...it seems every single thing i say you feel the need to be the older brother figure and insult me to do the so-called "right thing" which is whatever you think i should be doing...first of all lets get something great..you do not know everything in the universe and you are not THAT much smarter than me so stop acting like it and stop acting like a rude insulting TWIT who goes online and insults high school kids who have general questions... oooh, all big and tough online..well thats great and all and you can act however you want online...i duno you might think youre being helpful by insulting me in such a manner when all youre really doing is making me mad for no reason............

JJP instaed of whining about what this forum is becoming why dont you take part in it more and make other topics of conversations other than bashing on the questions of others? you are those people who talk and complain about everything but dont do a thing about it....i can ask any questions i want and if you dont want to answer them, then IGNORE THEM and start your own topics of concersations.......plus dont you dare try to make me out to be some kind of scapegoat for the problems of these forums........

anyway thank you for those of you who responded without insults and with an open mind..i appreciate it...though many others misunderstood it i still appreciate the feedback..........and otehrs need to be a little more careful and considerate when they speak..er...type
Awkward Student    Thursday, November 28, 2002 at 03:04:54 (PST)    [24.205.64.102]
Bella, no culture conflict for me. My gf and I never communicated anything culture-related unless out of curiosity. That was key for me. 99% of the time, my past gf's who were white, either didn't care, didn't bother, or actively avoided culture issues between us so it actually becomes a non-issue by choice during the entire relationship. This works until marriage comes up. I lost a gal from Denver due to her utopian expectations of married life, yet she had no problems getting all intimate with me. Or losing a gf from Utah due to religious conflict. That conflict makes sense to me though. I still think cultural denial is a great way to go because I can then focus on HER, my gf as a wonderful person with crappy habits. If culture-shock hits me or my gf, we grin & bear it or wait in the car-- very American, pragmatic, apathetic, individualistic. So far we never needed to do that. My WF dates typical come from conservative suburban/rural background. Via denial, it's handled like a same-race relationship.

I'm scorpio, so I am jealous no matter what race. But white bf have a complex over other white guys too, so it's a natural hormonal jealousy for your Corean bf that compounded into a race issue by him being non-white.

My biggest worry about an IR relationship for me is a divorce. Everyone you know is gonna toss the race card into the gossip as if it were truth. That would make me angry for a long time.
1AM in Marin    Thursday, November 28, 2002 at 01:18:48 (PST)    [207.173.124.236]
Here is a good way for a dutiful Asian son to tell his parents that he is in love with someone other than an Asian girl.

Son walks into the living room with a serious expression on his face.

"Mom, dad, I have to tell you something important."

Silence. Mom and Dad stare at their son.

"I'm GAY. I have always liked men, but I've been in denial all these years. I have found the greatest man in the world, and we both love each other very much. I have decided to come out of the closet. I just want to let your guys know that I'm GAY. And I know you both will be very supportive of my decision to come out."

More silence. Mom and Dad are in shock and do not know what to say.

"There's more... I've just had a medical checkup. I've been diagnosed with HIV positive. I have AIDS..."

Even more silence. Mom is about to break down and cry, and Dad is about to have a heart attack.

"Okay, okay, don't freak out. I was just kidding. The truth is I am seeing a White girl. We are getting very serious and are talking about marriage. I told you I was gay to let you guys know things could have gotten much worse..."
T'K Chang t_k_chang@yahoo.com    Wednesday, November 27, 2002 at 17:47:54 (PST)    [207.167.96.71]
I would love to meet an asian male who is interested in starting a long term relationship. I feel they have a higher sense of morals, family values and committment than white males posses.
DDouros dndkmk@juno.com    Tuesday, November 26, 2002 at 15:31:27 (PST)    [66.1.197.7]
Awkward Student,

I totally agree with BeAMan. It doesn't matter whom you date, but the ones who really wind up with the love of their lives, are the ones who've been rejected the most.

Just be yourself or else they'll see right through you by the second or third time. Being funny also works, make some stupid jokes, humor is a magic.
MDboy    Tuesday, November 26, 2002 at 15:25:56 (PST)    [64.157.190.213]
Be a man, and everyone else,
In your opinions, what are the issues that we in AM/WF relationships face?

-fear of, or actual resentment from one family or both, or friends?

-alienation from the AA community, being labeled a sellout?

-difficulty understanding each other due to different cultural mindsets, or language barriers in some cases?

-conflicts in terms of personal values, i.e. the traditional Asian values versus the more American values of individualism?

I once dated a Corean American man that kind of had a complex about white men, he was jealous of my ex-boyfriends and worried that I thought they were more attractive, even though I constantly reassured him that was not the case. Have any of you guys or girls ever had feelings like this?

Let's lay it out on the table and talk it out!
Bella    Tuesday, November 26, 2002 at 12:17:57 (PST)    [207.183.118.60]
Be a man:

Amen! I was getting sick of the personal dating advice column this had turned into. I suspect that's why it went dead.
JJP    Tuesday, November 26, 2002 at 11:06:27 (PST)    [208.27.202.130]

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