What Men Want on a First Date | Asian American Poll

WHAT MEN WANT ON A FIRST DATE
(Updated Tuesday, Apr 1, 2008, 05:19:44 PM to reflect the 100 most recent valid responses.)

Assuming you are a man, which most closely matches your idea of a great first date?
Coffee and Conversation | 45%
Picnic in the Country | 7%
Brunch and Tennis | 2%
Dinner and Movie | 46%

Assuming you are a man, which gesture by your date would you most welcome?
Wears something extra nice | 39%
Arrives precisely on time | 9%
Compliments your appearance | 1%
Invites you up for coffee | 51%

Assuming you are a man, what's the worst mistake a girl can make on a first date?
Showing up late | 10%
Showing up badly dressed/groomed | 81%
Hogging the conversation | 4%
Brushing off your sexual advance | 5%

This poll is closed to new input.
Comments posted during the past year remain available for browsing.

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WHAT YOU SAY

[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]

A romantic, tender kiss. That is the BEST if I'm out with a girl that I really like. Depending on how responsive she is, that will either lead to a makeout session, or just end there at the doorstep with a "thank you for showing me a good time... let's do it again." I would prefer not to have sex on the first date. It kills the anticipation and the desire for a second date.
Westcoast style Saturday, November 17, 2001 at 22:09:35 (PST)

Paying for female friends:

I can appreciate taking a girl out and paying for her, since it's a date - that can potentially lead to a relationship. But what about going to dinner with just a friend? Some Chinese girls I'd met still think the guy should pay. That's ridiculous. I've known girls who let guys treat them even though they have no intentions of ever dating them. That's wrong in my book.

I once had lunch with this Chinese American girl who was just a friend. I discussed this topic with her. I mentioned that her expecting me to pay for her would clearly offend my girlfriend. She explained that if a guy did not pay for a girl in any circumstance, he is a Loser! I thought that was a bit extreme, and I had no intentions of dating her. I think I still paid our tab, just to be polite.

It seems that is the general sentiment of Asian girls toward Asian men. I'm quite sure when Asian girls go out with non-Asian men, they often split the bill, or at least offer, even if it is a DATE. But when dining with an Asian counterpart they expected to be wined and dined. More than one Asian woman had explained to me this to be true.

Must we Asian men pay for the company of our female counterparts? Is that it? It seems to be the case to me, at least in the minds of Chinese women.

I've dated many White women and they'd usally offer to pay half, especially on the first date. One White girlfriend of mine had paid for me consistently, simply because I was then a poor student, and she was working. One Vietnamese girl also insisted on paying half on our 1st date. But Chinese women, forget it.

I wonder if this is related to the Chinese tradition. It seems Chinese women treat their men like shit. I hardly date them anymore.

I'm currently dating a White girl and she is constantly amazed by how I naturally always pick up the tab; she actually insists of paying almost half the time. She doesnt realize that all the ChAM women I'd known (not even dated) had made me this way: thinking i must pay for a woman's company. And just to think, I date so easily...women just have a thing for me..all kinds of women.

My conclusion: Chinese Women SUCK royally! They are the least likely to be loyal and mostly likely to abandon their man in his time of need..especially when the MONEY runs out. Japanese women, Vietnamese, White, Black are much better towards Chinese men.

It'a wonder Chinese American women and men even get together at all. But after reading these posts of some ignorant male fools, I can understand.

Come-on brothers! Stop being a doormat all your life. I'm just like many of you - I prefer a Chinese girl any day..but man there are so many other kinds of girls who will treat you so much better. Are they really worth it?
A Chinese American male who's seen quite a bit! Saturday, November 17, 2001 at 01:18:52 (PST)

>Your name should be Peter L--L
>standing for LOSER!

Based on?

>The general rule of thumb is
>whoever asks the person out picks
>up the tab.

Yeah, that would be lovely, but
most women see it as the man's
job to ask them out in the first
place. That's a nice catch 22.

>For the first date, that is
>usually the guy. On later dates
>or after there is a "relationship",
>that's when the gal will start
>paying or sharing the tab.

There might not be a relationship
if I don't like the girl after
the date, so she'll never get a
chance to reciprocate.

Understand, for some people, it's
not even an issue with the money.
I feel I have enough of that to
treat someone if I feel like
paying, but this attitude of
entitlement some girls have just
doesn't fly with me. If a girl has
a problem with that, then she just
gets weeded out of my dating pool
-- no great loss for either of us,
right?

Besides, it's not like anyone is
doing me a favor by going out with
me. They're enjoying my company,
as much as I enjoy theirs; if
they don't enjoy my company, then
I just move on to the women who
do appreciate me.

Anyway, this stuff is always being
argued in the 'net, but I've never
had a problem in real life. Most
girls I've been with have been
real cool and mature about it,
and money has never been an
issue.
Notty Boy Thursday, November 15, 2001 at 12:25:07 (PST)

Maybe going on dinner dates as first dates is not really the best type of date. How about going to the beach or somewhere where it doesn't require one paying for the other who is basically a stranger since you're trying to get to know each other. If it does start out as a dinner date on the first date then I don't think either one should take the full bill. Nowadays women have the equal opportunity in working and attaining the same positions as men. Times are changing. If we share the bill and not make money the main issue at first on the first date then I believe we'll be able to see each other's true personalities and characteristics and see if we really do have true caringness towards each other and avoid the superficial phony caringness with money clouding our thoughts and feelings. I think the guy or girl can start taking the full bill later on after they've established a nice caring appreciative loving relationship. There are other forms of chivalry like opening doors and other stuff. I think paying for the full bill on the first date puts expectations and uncomfortable feelings to both and it seems like someone ends up getting burned after the night is over and feels used if the relationship ends on that first date or soon after.
director director0512@yahoo.com Wednesday, November 14, 2001 at 21:50:58 (PST)

Peter K:

Your name should be Peter L--L standing for LOSER! The general rule of thumb is whoever asks the person out picks up the tab. For the first date, that is usually the guy. On later dates or after there is a "relationship", that's when the gal will start paying or sharing the tab.

Give that some thought!
Common Sense Tuesday, November 13, 2001 at 08:01:15 (PST)

I personally agree on the guy paying for everything. Its always nice to see a women 'insist' on paying for it, but as a gentleman, i wouldn't accept it, and pay for it. at least she is showing that she isn't materialistic. just athought
25MNYC reddawg317@yahoo.com Tuesday, October 30, 2001 at 16:33:45 (PST)

For all you boys out there take it like a man. If you ask a girl out on a date pay for everything. If you are taking out the girl of your dreams she should be worth every dollar you spend. And pay for things when she is not around or looking so that money should not be an issue on the date. If you have little or no money you shouldn't be out on a date to begin with. Go to blockbuster instead.

james (Asian Canadian) huajames@hotmail.com Friday, October 26, 2001 at 19:08:54 (PDT)

What a cheapskate Peter K.! I realize that most of us women work now- but whatever happened to chivalry?? I'm not saying that the female shouldn't treat the next time, if there is a next time- but the man should pick up the first tab. Keep in mind that a first date should be casual; dinner at some cheesy American chain restaurant and a movie or something to that level. If it gets serious or hot'n'heavy, then break out the bucks for a good steak and lobster dinner! As written, the female should then treat the next time or the time after that.......
Jetta Girl Monday, October 22, 2001 at 13:38:42 (PDT)

I can understand many men feel frustrated because when feeling obligated to pay for a date. I mean looking back through past generations women generally didn't have to work and it was the men that brought home the bread so naturally when a man took a woman out it was showing her in some way that he was capable and this is what I am all about. Now a days women work as much as men do and are not so dependant on us guys anymore so I understand where your coming from but here are my thoughts.

If I pay on a date then it is going to show this girl that this a ride in my world. If she ends up really liking what I have shown her then hey It was worth $.

If a girl insists on paying half for a date then I can live with that. I feel when a girl offers to pay it means that she does'nt want to feel obligated to do the nasty. So if you really like this girl and you are trying to impress why not pay.
Peter K Monday, October 01, 2001 at 22:21:38 (PDT)

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