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GOLDSEA | ASIAMS.NET | ASIAN AMERICAN POLL

LOVE & ROMANCE
(Updated 11/25/00 to reflect the 100 most recent valid responses.)

How did you meet the love of your life?
School, college or grad/professional school | 37%
At work | 22%
In church | 3%
Through friends or family | 24%
At a club/bar/restaurant | 5%
Online | 6%
Through a personal ad/dating service | 1%
Organizations/volunteer work | 2%

Which of the following was the most important factor in convincing you that s/he was the love of your life?
It was just love at first sight. | 18%
We share an interest in so many things. | 21%
S/he seems to understand me better than anyone I met. | 22%
I came to admire her/his character and integrity. | 39%

Which of the following poses the biggest challenge to staying together?
Being taken for granted | 30%
Temperamental differences | 26%
Cultural differences | 12%
Disagreement over when/whether to get married | 5%
Desire for sexual variety | 9%
Our age difference | 5%
Long-distance romance | 13%

Comments on romance and love among Asian Americans:


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WHAT YOU SAY

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I was born in America and eventually I fell in love with a very old-fashioned (haha… ‘old-fashioned’, NOT OLD… he’s only 27) Chinese/Vietnamese man, seven years my senior. Relationships are hard to begin with…. Damn, meeting and decent partner is hard. Try throwing in religion, age difference, race, traditions and just everyday trials and tribulations. It’s gets plain confusing when it comes to holding onto my ‘American-ized’ ways – the way I was brought up, and compromising myself for the sake of his traditions.
Not that I would want him to change for me, I just want his complete acceptance. When he looks at me, he sees his little Japanese girlfriend (even though I am half Mexican). Regardless, he sees an Asian woman, and with that, he sees my “responsibilities” and years of ancient tradition. His place at the bread table in always at the front, he’s head of the household…. I’m the care-taker of it and any, uh… little ones (not at this rate) running around. What I believe his selective sight allows him to miss, is that I’m a full-time working professional, part-time student, young lady and clearly devoted to him. I did not grow up with the same ideas that he did – or even in the same country, so of course were gonna be a little different. So often, that head-strong thing kicks in, and it’s either his way – or no way. The clashes of culture, even within the Asian race, are evident and puzzling. Can you, more over, WOULD you “sell-out” on your heritage for a way of life that was not the way of your ancestors? Do you look at the way your parents run their relationship and see so much room for change? Where is that invisible line that designates that you have just gone beyond a compr [CUT OFF due to packet-size limits]
I am sooooooo lonely, i have no boyfriend.. dose anyone want to be my boyfriend? :) --Jane
i love my boyfriend he's the best at everything.. --engaged to mr. bo
in my life, i've had two boyfriends in my life, both were asian, and they both were confused about whether or not they really loved me or whether they just lusted for me. that made me feel sad. --19, Jane
I've been with a married Japanese-American for two years now. His wife doesn't seem to care where he is or who he's with. I'd love to marry him, but Asians frown so on divorce. It makes me feel second best. I love him, but I get depressed over it, and feel I should look for someone single. --Kimba Corean-American, 27
I am a 23 year old Asian American female and I am in a relationship with a 28 year old African American male. I feel like we connect because we see things the same way. We have experienced racism and discrimination. We understand things in a way that other couples cannot. I also feel like he has influenced me positively. I am able to embrace my culture and discover my roots because I have seen him do that successfully to become a person proud of my culture. --Amy Sweetland/Corean-American/kosweets@hotmail.com
I'm a white female and dating an Korean Male, and we have our little differences but all in all we get along great and I know he is the love of my life! --Jess
This is to Kim, the 19 year old Korean. Listen, you are only 19. Take your time, and NEVER, EVER get into a marriage because "it would be nice". If you aren't sure you are completely in love with this man, then wait to find out. If he is the right one, he will wait for you and things will work out, without your having to marry him because its "nice". It's obvious you aren't sure what being completely in love feels like. Find out before you get into any marriage. -- Korean Male, 35
Mostly I would say its very cool if asians find some one because all the asians that i meet are very picky
online.....never thought I would married to someone I met online, but he is special and this is the best relationship I ever had. The first time we met, I knew we would be together forever. --Chi Am female, 23
Commitment: To love, honor and cherish her throughout my life. Most Romantic: Picking up my girlfriend in a limo for her birthday and taking her out on a romantic dinner and evening drive back in the limo. Challenges: Career goals where one or the other thinks it will interfere with the relationship.
I'm Corean-American, feel that I want to spend the rest of my life with an Asian. I'm not really deeply in love with this particular guy, but he is kind and generous, and maybe love will come to pass. Not yet convinced he is the love of my life, but he has a lot of good qualities, and it would be nice. I want a committed relationship, but I want to "try out" a few before making a decision. Most Romantic: Spent the night together on the beach, and then gone out for breakfast. Challenge: I'm a lot less sure about the relationship than he is. They often cool down with time, and it's easy to get confused about whether or not you really love or even care for each other.
This is a good survey. Helps you see where you are in relationship to others seeking or in love. --Kim, Female, 19
okay but i like 100% asian men. we got along very well and l felt most comfortable"
  • "I am married to a Hispanic man. We met for a brief period of time and were married shortly after that. I am expecting our first child together and I have no regrets that I married outside of my race. Our biggest challenge is dealing with people of our own races outside of our marriage.
    [Challenge to staying together:] I was having a bad time and I was really deep in a hole.

    Meeting Asian Americans for Love
  • "online -- I'm American-born, have dated many different races and ethnicities, but the asian guy I have now is the most beautiful, sensitive, erotic, imaginative I've ever known. I can't imagine life without him." [Chi-Am female, 22-27]
  • "penpal service" [Chi-Am female, age undisclosed]
  • "Singles Party -- They know how to treat men..American women are "takers" and never are willing to pay for anything..Asian women are very thoughtful and the one's I've met do not have to be winned and dined all the time...they are extremely loveable and caring." ["american" male, age undisclosed]
  • "It's much easier to meet Asian Americans when you're in school. There aren't as many once you're in the professional world." [Corean American male, 28-34]
  • "I'm an Asian American woman and I find it harder to penetrate the heart of an Asian man. They always seem so intimidated by me...when I make an attempt to talk to them, they blush and speak really low, like they're afraid of letting me hear them speak.I always feel like saying, "Believe me, I don't bite..."" [Chinese American female, 18-21]

    Making a Commitment
  • "We are committed forever, until the end of time, and beyond. Nothing, no one, ever will separate us." [Chi-Am female, 22-27]
  • "We were friends for many years then realized we are so compatible, relationshipwise. Not only that, we admitted that we have always been extremely attracted to one another." [Chi-Am male, 22-27]
  • "His persistence" [Chi-Am female, age undisclosed]
  • "If you find the one you feel you want and love, why keep looking for more women...the good one will be gone and you will be left looking and looking and wishing you had the good one back." ["american" male, age undisclosed]
  • "When you're ready, you're ready." [Chi-Am male, 28-34]
  • "It can't be rushed. It's a decision that has to be made when the time is right." [Corean American male, 28-34]
  • "people have different ideas of what commitment means --important to remember that." [Chinese American male, 22-27]
  • "Making a commitment is so scary...you have to think things through, look into the future and reevaluate whether or not this is right for you. Commitment is definitely scary..." [Chinese American female, 18-21]

    The Most Romantic Thing You've Ever Done
  • "Writing endless letters. Some factual, some erotic, all deeply personal." [Chi-Am female, 22-27]
  • "I sent her flowers on the monthly anniversay of our first (and blind)date, starting with a dozen roses the first month and adding another rose each consecutive month. After six months we consummated our love and we're getting married this year." [Chi-Am male, 48-56]
  • "I don't really want to discuss them, but I'm really happy that my girlfriend does the most romantic things for me just as I do for her." [Chi-Am male, 22-27]
  • "After 20+ years of marriage, we still hold hands and hug whenever we can. It is the little things that count. We are both Chinese-Americans and feel a strong bond. We have similiar goals and are very dedicated to each other." [Chi-Am female, 42-47]
  • "I'm preparing to go on a honeymoon to Hawaii with my new Chinese - American wife." ["american" male, age undisclosed]
  • "I planned a caribbean vacation for my boyfriend because he wanted to learn scuba diving even though I had been deathly afraid of swimming, especially in the ocean." [Mixed-Asian-Am female, 28-34]
  • "Completely surprising my girlfriend with a diamond engagement ring on a beach. (She cried and said "Yes!")" [Chi-Am male, 28-34]
  • "I cannot think on one thing that stand out as being "most romantic", but I have written many love letters, sent pictures, mailed small gifts, been her best friend, her biggest fan and most avid supporter. I would encourage her when she is fearful, and be strong when she feels weak. I'd spoil her when she feels like a little girl and let her take charge when she she want to lead. I'd listen when she has something on her mind and give my opinion if its needed. My only failure is that I don't have much of a sense of humor. Life as a physicist ain't funny. I'm working on that." [Chinese American male, 35-41]
  • "I waited 12 years for my high school dream girl to finally come to her senses." [Corean American male, 28-34]
  • "making love in a moonlit beach in bali" [Chi-Am male, 22-27]
  • "I'm a romantic at heart, but I have a hard time showing it..." [Chinese American female, 18-21]

    Challenges of Long-Term Relationships
  • "It's our age difference and competing career demands." [Caucasian-Japanese female, 18-21]
  • "Long-Distance Romance --It changes a little as time goes on. The intensity becomes more mellow, but it also becomes deeper." [Chi-Am female, 22-27]
  • "There's a 17 year differance between us and it's made for an interesting contrast in how we handle life's crises." [Chi-Am male, 48-56]
  • "All long-term relationships seem to have this attention balance problem; one partner feels he/she is giving more at some times, then the other. One shouldn't use his/her partner as an emotional punching bag, nor let him/herself be used. It takes passionate lust, friendship, n' a family-like bond to maintain true love. Emotional dependency is always bad. Insecurity is bad. Treat each other with respect! Even after all these years, remember that he/she is some unique individual, and that's what attracted you to your partner in the first place." [Chi-Am male, 22-27]
  • "When you are well suited for each other, everything can work out. It is worth every effort." [Chi-Am female, 42-47]
  • "You have to work at love and relationships, the early "bliss" of romance will go away somewhat, couples should not let this happen, keep busy and do things and donot let life get boring." ["american" male, age undisclosed]
  • "like they say, well-begun is half done!" [Chi-Am male, 22-27]
  • "I believe that long term relationships are wonderful, if they still mean the same thing that they met when the couple first fell in love. There is no point to a long distance relationship that is only being prolonged for the fear of not having someone..." [Chinese American female, 18-21]

    Other Comments on This Poll
  • "I'm sure they all can't be THIS good! I think maybe I'm just especially lucky!" [Chi-Am female, 22-27]
  • "Who the hell is this annoying guy who keeps calling himself "American"??? Jesus, say what ethnicity you belong to!! Right now, I'm assuming you are a caucasian, coz they normally think that "American" is synonymous to "Caucasian". Duh! I don't think so. So dammit, please identify yourself."

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