Love & Romance | Asian American Poll

LOVE & ROMANCE
(Updated Tuesday, Apr 1, 2008, 05:09:47 PM to reflect the 100 most recent valid responses.)

How did you meet the love of your life?
School, college or grad/professional school | 30%
At work | 25%
Through friends or family | 27%
Online | 10%
Other | 8%

Which of the following was the most important factor in convincing you that s/he was the love of your life?
It was just love at first sight. | 26%
We share an interest in so many things. | 23%
S/he seems to understand me better than anyone I met. | 20%
I came to admire her/his character and integrity. | 31%

Which of the following poses the biggest challenge to staying together?
Being taken for granted | 35%
Temperamental differences | 23%
Cultural differences | 13%
Desire for sexual variety | 1%
Our age difference | 14%
Long-distance romance | 14%

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WHAT YOU SAY

[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]

Japenese femme is correct that there are certain very ugly things about Japanese society. However that can be said of any country on this planet. Just be glad you weren't born in Saudi Arabia.

I'm a WM who married a JF, so they don't all run away as someone said. By the way, my in-laws have been very accepting of me. They've treated me like family since the very first time I met them.
Me Tuesday, April 02, 2002 at 15:11:59 (PST)

American born Taiwanese Guy,

You gotta stop objectify the women you really want. You're putting them on pedastals they don't belong on.

Besides you being interested in them, what's different between that girl and the girl down the hall. Probably not much, since you haven't gotten to know them much to fill in the rest of their profile.

The problem with ego is not that it can lend to self confidence any instance. But if you are referring to an asian ego, it is not so much about self confidence, but more about getting rejections. So unless you are so asian with a traditional unbringing your subconscious conflict is "save face" vs. "rejection".

But that would be quite a stretch since judging from your vernacular you are already quite Americanized, and "saving face" is not really a value in your profile. But singing would refer to the fact you go to KTV to an extent and still keep up with Chinese pop music.

So unless you are into mind games of forcing women into the position of asking you out. You should basically try to match the profile of the guy the girl is familar with. If she is extremely Americanized you can try to get a one-to-one date. If she's less Americanize you may have to do group bowling or KTV to get things rolling.
AC Dropout Monday, April 01, 2002 at 12:38:03 (PST)

American born Taiwanese Guy,

Use to hang with a lot of Japanese international students in college. Trust me not many of those AF/WM college relationship are going to end up in marriage with kids.

Many of the Japanese Girls are just looking for a good time and will be heading back to Japan without the WM. Even though, people may think Japanese culture is very accepting of foriegners, the truth is that they are very arrogant as a society and will keep foriegner at arms length when it suits their needs.
AC Dropout Monday, April 01, 2002 at 10:37:16 (PST)

Japanese femme:

Yes, at campus I percieved quickly that the af/wm couples was more often than not the japanese foreign exhange student. Led me to conclude that maybe some of these girls probably wanted out from marrying into a misogynist culture. Still, I gotta wonder - how those couples work. A J college girl with no english and a white guy. Sign language? lol. Yeah well in a yoga class i took recently i had many chances with a really cute exchange student j-girl (weird outfits that strangely enough looked cute and right on her) ... the crazy hints she dropped, etc... damn... i usually am a confident guy, have been called 'hot' by good looking girls but always i get shy when it comes to the ones i actually am interested in. damn. i'm working on unshying myself. i really hate that crappy illogical feeling... how is it that the usually charming, witty, intelligent, dare i say good looking guy that i am gets tongue tied and becomes a fool when it comes to the object of my ardent worship? it is pathetic that my little sis has noticed this problem and called me a waste. she says you could do better whatever that means. dammit i ain't gay and i hate being so f**** shy!(around the ones I consider so damn hot and who also act interested until i clam up) The funny thing is I don't look like the type... (had two gf's already too, who i broke up with for various reasons so no i was never burned) I wonder if shyness in some Asian guys like me stemmed from the fact that i came from a immigrant family headed by an overbearing 'traditional' minded asian father who oppressed/beat mom and terrorized kids. anyone feel me on that one? I surely won't put my kids through the hell i went through and I know I will enjoy being a great husband - warm caring understanding respectful and strong. that's the positive thing that came from my choices after being exposed to domestic violence... there's nothing more I want than to find a lovely Asian girl to call my wife, my lover, my partner in crime(i know, very cliche), my perfect complement. I hope I don't sound gay writing this - girls have told me my voice is very masculine and sexy and that i'm not a bad singer. I also kickass at tennis, basketball, volleyball - you name it and among those picked first in team formation. but i digress in narcissistic reflection... I have finally admitted to myself that I am shy (when it comes to the girls that I really want) and that I don't like it. Screw the ego i gotta get rid of this mental block. Any advice? =/
American born Taiwanese Guy Monday, April 01, 2002 at 00:21:51 (PST)

william:
let's not forget "F***ed up". Get rid of the idealized, cherry blossom image you have of Japan and Japanese people. What you see is from an outsider's perspective. There are disturbing and *very ugly* social phenomena that are characteristic of Japan. For example, it would be hard to think of a culture that treats its' women with more silent disrespect. If I remove myself from a Japanese perspective, I could see how you would view Japan and it's people as you do. I think that Japan has its tremendous strengths as a country; however, I certainly would not consider it a model society. Polite? sure. Moral? questionable.
Japanese femme Wednesday, February 27, 2002 at 20:00:23 (PST)

How Asian romances start and end?

Mine started when we were lab partners in college.

It ended when I got selected for summer ROTC training. She decided not to wait. "Out of sight, out of mind."
Slider, Chinese American male Sunday, December 02, 2001 at 10:37:06 (PST)

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