Challenges of Asian American Teens | Asian American Poll

CHALLENGES OF ASIAN AMERICAN TEENS
(Updated Tuesday, Apr 1, 2008, 05:07:51 PM to reflect the 100 most recent valid responses.)

What is the biggest problem faced by Asian American teens?
Pressure from parents to excel academically | 79%
Identity conflicts related to growing up a minority | 19%
Problems related to dating & sex | 2%
Gang influence, pressure & violence | 0%

What of these is the most common mistake made by Asian parents?
Not spending enough time with their kids | 18%
Pushing kids too hard for good grades | 34%
Being too strict in controlling kids' behavior | 45%
Neglecting the kids' social or cultural development | 3%

What factor contributes most to helping Asian teens grow up to be productive, well-adjusted adults?
Stable home environment | 93%
Cultural bias favoring academic success | 3%
Advantages provided by above-average affluence | 4%

This poll is closed to new input.
Comments posted during the past year remain available for browsing.

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WHAT YOU SAY

[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]

i'm glad my parents don't give a damn about me. i must say life is alot better without parental intervention.
allen Sunday, September 09, 2001 at 11:44:40 (PDT)

Although I think it's imperative that parents care for their children, I also think that they should find the line between "caring" and "over-protecting" them. Based on my experiences with them, these two words are synonymous with each other. I do appreciate how my parents have taken care of me all through my life so far, but I only wish that they would let me try "flying from the nest" once in a while. Usually they take that as an act of disrespect towards them, but in all honesty, I never intend for them to feel like I'm rejecting their love for me. I can only hope that within the next few years I'll find a way for them to understand how I feel.
Rosann rinoa@yahoo.com Sunday, September 09, 2001 at 10:31:11 (PDT)

I never appreciated my family enough. I've always been a bitch about them, and never acknowledged them properly.

You will feel terrible when they die. I am no longer a teen, but I was sure a stupid teen/20.

Parents: don't be too strict or your teens will want to run wild

Teens: respect your parents. It's hard to hear, but know that they want the best for you. Try to talk to them, even though it may be difficult. Don't get brainwashed by TV and the media --read a book.

creepy old bag Saturday, August 25, 2001 at 14:14:15 (PDT)

Everyone is saying that Asian parents CARE that's why they are the way they are. But I think they are just being selfish. Basically they want their kids to have high-paying jobs (whether or not the kids are happy) so their kids won't bother them when they get older. If parents really honestly cared about their kids, they would do anything it took to make their kids happy, not to make them miserable, major in a field that they don't want to major in, and work in a profession that they despise. I personally do NOT get along with my parents at all because they expect me to be home 24/7 studying. If I go out for ONE day during the week my parents freak out and say I'm "partying too much" and that I only care about my social life. GET A FREAKING LIFE! These are the best years of our lives and we shouldn't be expected to stay home all the time. Asian parents need to be more understanding and realize their kids are their own person.
Asian Teenager ... pissed at parents Saturday, August 25, 2001 at 13:57:55 (PDT)

In my opinion, using your parents strictness as an excuse to go crazy or go down a path of immorality and self-destruction is pure and utter bullshit. Chances are you were bound to be a fuck up no matter how your parents treated you. If you fail in life its your own God damn fault. You either lacked the razors edge or mental toughness.
The Iron Gentleman Thursday, August 23, 2001 at 20:04:49 (PDT)

Here's from a 22-year-old male, who has gone through what you guys have gone through.

I dropped out of high school at 17 and returned to city college a year later to finish up. I'm now on course to receive my B.S. in Computer Science next semester.

Asian parents are very overbearing and not very understanding. Very traditional. All true points. But the same goes for other parents of other races. At least, those who take the time to care. Would you want parents who didn't care, as most American parents are nowadays? Think of Asian parents like white parents from the 50's. Just watch a "Leave it to Beaver" episode, and you understand what I mean.

Anyway, I didn't appreciate my parents much; I hated them for awhile. Didn't even speak to them for a month. (Try doing that, it's hard.)

Then, at 20, my dad died. I had a child of my own last year. You'll understand when you get one. Trust me. There's nothing more that an Asian parent wants than to have their children be successful. They'd sacrifice their own happiness for yours. My dad sacrificed everything to come to the US. He ignored his parents, got every penny he had and moved us here in the early 80's. Now he's gone.

Parents always want gratitude from their children; Children want a little leeway (you're trying to gain indepedence, after all). It'll always be this way. Just appreciate the moments you have with them. But, I agree, if parents would only understand how short and precious life is.
very old teen, i guess Tuesday, August 21, 2001 at 12:53:11 (PDT)

i just got through reading others people's responses, for one thing, i found it riduculous. Asian teens should feel lucky that they have parents looking out for them. I am 16 years old and for most of my life i could remember, i've only spent a few moments with my parents. I am living with two other siblings now. Although i feel fortunate i have financially secured parents, i feel that they have abandoned their jobs as parents and just focused on there work. They feel as if money can just solve everything. well i think parents are just distractions. when they are back in the states, they bitch at me at everything. Asian parents are just ass-holes. these ignorant kids that are posting up messages still dont see that. At least they cant compare to anybody. i'm too smart and talented to be compared to. I always get high a's in school and play in 3 varsity scholastic sports. But still that wasnt good enough for them. Well thanks to them they helped me block what other people say. Overall i just dont listen to my parents. they do not know what i've been through. even when i got kicked out of school for fighting. I had great reason for my actions. i was sick and tired of all these caucasians thinking theyre the best so i just gave them a lesson. Did my parents understand? no...they even had the audacity of threatening me that they would send me to philippines for schooling there.(i am half Flip, half Manchurian) i love Philippines but its a poor country filled with hypocrites and corruption. Just like my parents

i dont have parents Tuesday, August 21, 2001 at 00:47:39 (PDT)

The thing about azn parents is that they love you to bits but they don't show it as well, because their affection often gets hidden behind layers and layers of age-old tradition and unnecessary routine and ceremony we could do without...like, the strict place kept by azn kids (which is BELOW adults, way below, at all times)...of course manners are good, they're great...but often azn parents let it get in the way of reaching out to their kids and telling them they care.
Also, language and culture barriers make it difficult to convey messages of caring and love, and the social taboo of talking about (and much more of having) sex restricts "growing up" conversations to ones of academics and a limited future as a doctor, lawyer, or at least an Ivy League grad...
Am I right?
=)
d!ckridah Saturday, August 18, 2001 at 17:22:02 (PDT)

Actually the reason a lot of kids snap and go out-of-control is because parents push too hard. Why do you think so many Asian kids nowadays turn to drugs and crime? It's because their parents push them too hard in school and put way too much pressure on their kids. If Asian parents lightened up a little bit and allowed for their kids to have some freedom, everything would be better, and kids would get along better with their parents. A lot of kids grow to honestly despise their overly-strict parents.
asian chica Wednesday, August 15, 2001 at 18:59:32 (PDT)

my rents expect a lot from me but they don't realize it's kinda hard fo meh cuz there aren't many azns at my school and it's kind of rare to actually find one and there's so much pressure because nobody understands you and my dad is paranoid about guys!! he has to ask if the birthday party i'm going to is a guys! and the guy goes to my church!!!

azn princess Sunday, August 12, 2001 at 18:58:16 (PDT)

i wish my mother would lighten up on the dating issue some. i'll be gone to college next year and she STILL won't even allow me to go out with friends or even let guys call my house.
azn girl from nc Thursday, August 09, 2001 at 22:57:41 (PDT)

Don't be too strict to your kids.
starter Wednesday, August 08, 2001 at 20:00:04 (PDT)

I know that growing in America with Asian parents is difficult, but if your parents never pushed you in school or give you strict discipline, you'd probrably would end up like those wild and out-of-control teens on the Jenny Jones Show.
Honger Friday, July 27, 2001 at 17:40:38 (PDT)

Recent immigrant Asian parents are too overbearing and insensitive. >Sigh< Oh well, at least they care.
Thomas Saturday, July 21, 2001 at 19:31:53 (PDT)

i wish that my parents would chill out when it comes to career choices and things of that nature... they shouldn't project all of their shortcomings onto us and expect us to do everything they didn't have a chance to. yes, being in america has given us great opportunities in life, but us children are nevertheless different from our parents. we're living in a different era, environment, society... kids are smarter than being puppets to their parents' wishes, and we're definitely not into taking the "strict" absolving attitudes that seemed to work yesteryear.
gups Wednesday, July 18, 2001 at 10:58:04 (PDT)

my parents are sooo unreasonable. i spent 14 of my 16 years of life here in the U.S and my parents still have some warped notion that they're still living in the Philippines. It's ridiculus! They've never tried to be tradional and now that i'm older, they're starting to be "traditional filippinos". i mean goodness! They're starting to preach about what is and what isn't acceptable in the Philippines. Telling me what i should and should not do. They don't even know have the stuff that i have to go through, yet they keep telling me to do this, do that, don't do this, don't do that. What makes me angry is not that they're trying to "maintain their roots" but the fact that they're just barely starting to do that now when i'm 16. why not when i was younger? then i wouldn't be filled with such disbelief.
Yellow Mellow Sunday, July 15, 2001 at 21:01:50 (PDT)

My parents need to learn to let me make my own decisions. I am about to go to college and although I've gotten accepted into a really good university, I want to go to a c.c. first in order to transfer into my dream college (which I didn't get accepted into). My parents say they're disappointed in my decision and that I'm stupid...and they don't seem to have a lot of confidence in me because they're like "What makes you think you'll get in after 2 years? You'll probably end up with no school to go to" How wonderful that comment must make me feel. I'm always being compared to my cousins and my parents' friends' kids who excell in school. I get A's and B's yet I'm still not good enough for them. My parents feel that they should decide where I go to college...they should decide what major I want to go into. It's my life and sooner or later I'm going to have to learn to make my own decisions. My parents will not be around forever and there will come a day when I'll be alone without the two of them and I'll be forced to make critical decisions. I think Asian parents need to guide their children in the right direction and allow them to make mistakes and learn from it instead of telling them what the right path is and not allowing room for error. Parents need to quit being so overprotective and let their kids have some freedom. A good education and job with high pay may make your life easier, but it doesn't guarantee happiness. And to me, you can't put a price tag on happiness.
asian caligrl, 18 Thursday, July 12, 2001 at 17:18:02 (PDT)

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