Challenges of Asian American Teens | Asian American Poll

CHALLENGES OF ASIAN AMERICAN TEENS
(Updated Tuesday, Apr 1, 2008, 05:07:49 PM to reflect the 100 most recent valid responses.)

What is the biggest problem faced by Asian American teens?
Pressure from parents to excel academically | 79%
Identity conflicts related to growing up a minority | 19%
Problems related to dating & sex | 2%
Gang influence, pressure & violence | 0%

What of these is the most common mistake made by Asian parents?
Not spending enough time with their kids | 18%
Pushing kids too hard for good grades | 34%
Being too strict in controlling kids' behavior | 45%
Neglecting the kids' social or cultural development | 3%

What factor contributes most to helping Asian teens grow up to be productive, well-adjusted adults?
Stable home environment | 93%
Cultural bias favoring academic success | 3%
Advantages provided by above-average affluence | 4%

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Comments posted during the past year remain available for browsing.

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WHAT YOU SAY

[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]

Hi Im an British born Chinese (BBC) girl who is 23 years old, just graduated from law school and working as an attorney in one of the top commerical law firms in London, UK

This topic is quite interesting and something i have had debates about all the time with my Asian mates as well as my boyfriend who happens to be white- Caucasian who i forsee may be the father of my children one day.

Wherever you come from- Asian born in America, Canada, Australian or UK born, our Asian parents are all of the same mentality.

This is, that they have lived a very difficult life. They usually came from poor families, suffered in the war ( from imperialisam and Jap invasion) and worked their asses off all their lives.
Many of them risked their lives in order to leave the country ( ie Vietnamese) by stepping on a boat and being lost at sea for months.

My parents for example left Malaysia when they were 22 years old, to work in UK,because of job opoportunities and coldnt speak a damn word of English. They came from villages with no toilet paper, and electricity. They put up with racial abuse in the 1970s from the Brits who thought foreigners were scum and the BNP British national party who wanted immigrants out. There were times when my father coldnt even step into a pub, or browse through magazines in a shop because he was Oriental

Our parents have the mentality that they have sacrificed their lives for us, out up with hardships and they want the best for our upbringing. THey didnt have opportunities like you and me to go to university etc. Also, white people saw them as lower class people who were asscoated with lower end jobs. Therefore they always had to prove themselves that Orientals were hardworking respectable people- otherwise white people resotred to stereotypes ( ie Asians being sly, untrustworthy etc)and balmed them for everything ( this still happens)

23 years later, i look back at what my parents have done for me. I admire them and appreciate everything they have done for me. Unlike white parents,where parents try to be cool and be your friend, Asian parents hit you, and pressure you in studies. They know that in the end, its worth it and you respect them when you are a mature adult. I used to hate my Dad for beating me if i scored 92/100 in a math test or if i didnt get perfect grades. I used to cry in pain.
Now looking back, i know that without this discipline i would be nothing- someone with no hopes, dreams or ambitions and no direction.

Our parents do this, because they love you. Asian parents realise that it is a competitive world out there and they want you, us, the young Asian generation to suceeed and be part of it, and win, not lose out. Asians are always thinking ahead and for the future.

Its also because Asians feel the need to prove to the rest of the world that they are capable people and to combat bad stereotypes.

For example : If i white person is a cleaner- what is he? A cleaner. If an Asian person is a cleaner- there is the stereotype of him to be illiterate, uneducated foreigner!

Asians are proud people and know that the only way to get respect is to earn it.

Why is it that so many Asians around the world have good reputation s as hard working and diligent employees? Many employees favour Asians because of this reason. Many of the professional doctors/lawyers etc are Asian background, despite coming from working class, poor backgrounds where their parenst had no money!!.

This is because we are taught simple values
1. respect your parents
2. education, sucesss
3. harworking etc

from a young age, all due to the upbringing and discipline of our parents

The Asian kids at school used to be picked on all the time for being geeks or whatever. But look at what happends 10 years later- who are the ones who get to live a better life with better careers? Caucasians also tell me 'i wish i was smart like a chinese person' this is not true, as i tell them it is all hard work and dedication. Any one, of any colour can make it if they put teach their children from young what it means to live a future with direction.

I will also make sure that even if the father of my children is white, our mixed children will remember their Asian background and value education and sucess like their Asian ancestors do. This is essential.

Those of you who look back and critise your parents should think twice. Eveything you are at the moment, everything you have become, is because of what your parents have done for you. Remember that. As i have and will always.

23 year old Chinese Australian attorney defends and supports parents strict upbringing jadechow77@hotmail.com Friday, November 09, 2001 at 03:49:56 (PST)

I tried telling my parents when I was a teen that I have to live my own life and do what makes me happy. Unfortunately, all they responded with was saying that I'm too young to know what's good for me and that they do know what's good for me more than I do. How can I argue that?
Thomas Thursday, November 08, 2001 at 16:35:40 (PST)

Im a vietnamese male whos been born here in Canada. Im now 19 years old. To be frank, my parents were boat people who left Vietnam looking for peace and prosperity for their children. I have to admit that I am very fortunate enough to be born in such a care-free country. My parents are the old-fashion type of parents and they would do the same as any other parent and that is hassling their kids to do well in school. Well as for me, my parents do hassle me but I tell them that I can only work at the pace that I'm best at. If I was ever to recieve low GPA's in high school they would tell me that " Why dont you do better than the other vietnamese students, you were born here and they were not, you should be ashame of yourself." Heck Give me a break man!!! I think that asian parents are more strict and more nervous about their kids education than white parents. Do you know why??? Because if I succeed and become a doctor or a lawyer, than their friends would look up to my family and that is wat my parents want, a good reputation for the family. Whereas white families would for the most part kick their kid out of the house when they reach 18 or make them pay rent. My parents do not wish for me to work, pay rent, or any other bills but just want me to to well in school. Hell why cant i just be the first asian-canadien bum and make world history!!!
AsianInvasionBoy Thursday, November 08, 2001 at 00:07:10 (PST)

Why do we exist?
Alex Saturday, November 03, 2001 at 09:27:18 (PST)

Asian parents are too strict on their children and they are alos affectionless to their children. Children need to be hugged and told that they are loved to succeed.
Annie Tuesday, October 23, 2001 at 20:31:43 (PDT)

Mike--

Right on the money with your statements, but I believe every parent of every race wants to have the bragging rights of saying:

"My daughter's a paleobotanist and teaches at Cornell University!"

Eep, what a mess it becomes when you can't live up to pushy parent's expectations.

Sadly, a lot of adults don't realize that pushing teens to become the "best" can turn into the parents living their lives vicariously through their children. (Whoa...i need to use that word in a paper one day) Teens who are pushed so hard can even turn to negative media to vent their frustration.

Drugs, alcohol, sex, and even self mutilation. It's a reality that a lot of adolescents have to face.

I've seen what these parenting techniques can do to us, asian and non-asian alike, and it isn't pretty. I even went through a rebellion stage that I almost couldn't get out of.

Let's hope that every adult who's out there with children can be as understanding as you.
Trying to Cope Monday, October 15, 2001 at 23:10:06 (PDT)

It's all really simple. I don't know about Chinese, Japanese, or some of the other Asian countries, but I know about Koreans.

Korean parents: Strict, they want you to study all the time. They think SAT's are extremely important, as well as getting into an Ivy League, or a UC, etc. They get you tutors, they put a lot of money into your education.

Why do they do this?

Well obviously each parent wants their child(ren) to succeed. However, they equate success with: 1) A respected profession (ie, Lawyer, Doctor), 2) Money.

It's all about status and money... And we ALL (us Koreans) KNOW how much Korean parents like to brag about their kids, even if they're dumb, going-nowhere kids! They always find something to brag about.

If a Korean family has a child that grows up to get 1580 on the SAT, then go to Harvard, then become an attorney making at least $500,000 a year... Well, you know! His/her parents will be bragging day and night about it! They will be so proud!

So I think the reason why Asian (or at least Koreans) parents PUSH HARDER on their kids than parents of any other race is so that of course they can see their children succeed... But they also want to be considered "great parents" so they can talk about it day and night and feel proud.

I think doing that would make any parent proud, sort of like an entrepreneur starting a company, then 25 years later seeing his company become one of the best in it's field, and then go public, making him a billionaire!

-Mike

PS: I also do feel some teens are pressured too hard to do things they don't want to do. I think the teens should explain to their parents what they want to do, and explain that it is THEIR life, and they should live it to become what they feel would make them happy. After all, your parents aren't going to be living your life.. YOU ARE!!
Michael J. Kim damnnars@aol.com Saturday, October 13, 2001 at 20:30:00 (PDT)

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