Challenges of Asian American Teens | Asian American Poll

CHALLENGES OF ASIAN AMERICAN TEENS
(Updated Tuesday, Apr 1, 2008, 05:07:48 PM to reflect the 100 most recent valid responses.)

What is the biggest problem faced by Asian American teens?
Pressure from parents to excel academically | 79%
Identity conflicts related to growing up a minority | 19%
Problems related to dating & sex | 2%
Gang influence, pressure & violence | 0%

What of these is the most common mistake made by Asian parents?
Not spending enough time with their kids | 18%
Pushing kids too hard for good grades | 34%
Being too strict in controlling kids' behavior | 45%
Neglecting the kids' social or cultural development | 3%

What factor contributes most to helping Asian teens grow up to be productive, well-adjusted adults?
Stable home environment | 93%
Cultural bias favoring academic success | 3%
Advantages provided by above-average affluence | 4%

This poll is closed to new input.
Comments posted during the past year remain available for browsing.

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WHAT YOU SAY

[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]

To swk20@yahoo.com

(I invite everyone to contribute to this debate that this guy has started. )

Shame on you. You see a successful Asian woman with a law career, who just so happens to date a white guy, and now you feel the need to cut me down and call me a SELLOUT.

It is the 21st century here, where Asian women have careers and dont just live in the kitchen.

We do have decisions and choices.

Grow up, son.

YOu tell me i should break up with my white boyfriend because my parents tell me too, and should marry an Asian guy because my parents say so. Does anyone agree with this?
What utter rubbish!

Sounds like you think all Asian girls should cook and clean and marry good Asian men. Good luck to you!

I always believe that people who vent so much anger in their responses means they have a lot of history and i think you do. Seems like you have been screwed around by Asian girls who left you for white guys. You seem pschologically scarred.

Your post reveals you have an inferiority complex as well as a chip on your shoulder. You are jealous of the fact that I have a successful career. You accuse me of being a whitey just because i grad from law school- well what do you expect me to do- live at home till im 70?

I worked hard for my education, so HOW DARE you knock me down.

If you arent the success that you wanted to be- you should start making changes for yourself- knocking people down isnt going to do anything. YOu just sound bitter and confused.

You also seeem jealous that im pretty happy with my life, esp with a boyfriend who looks after me ( that happens to be white) and just because he is white, you suddenly hate me and him.

All i mentioend was that i have good parents who i look up to and i do happen to have a white boyfriend whom i love very much, and suddenly he accuses me of being a sellout!

Has he lost the plot?

Here are my refutes:

HE SAID: obviously your parents did not finish what they started. if you truly respect and honor the sacrifices they made for you, your white-washed dumb-ass would consider marrying an asian man.

MY ANSWER:

So you think that because i honor/love my parents i should marry an Asian guy just because they tell me to!

YOu think all Asian women are obedient and dumb and cant make deicsions of their own.
You think i should marry an Asian guy who i dont love rather than marry a white guy who i do love?

Youve got some weird ideas, pal.

Why do you suddenly call me a white washed just because my boyfriend is white? Are you a racist?

You dont even know me so how can you make these accusations. Fron the tone of your response you sound jealous and angry- that once again an Asian girl is with a white guy. People can date whoever they want,of all colours, love sees no colour ....obviously you think ALL Asian girls should date Asian guys. Geez, you are totally fucked up.

HE SAID: why do i say this? it seems like your definition of success equals a law degree, job at a big firm, and a white boyfriend that will help you feel more "anglo", more "successful" and more "acceptable" to the white society. otherwise, why would you mention that he is white?

MY ANSWER: Acdording to your theory, ALL ASIANS who work as lawyers are doing a white mans job and are sellouts!.

Do you really see law as a white mans job?
If so, you are once again, screwed in the head.

Today more and more blacks/ Asians /etc are working as lawyers and are therefore changing the way society has become. What do you expect Asians to do: work only engineers and accountants???

Asians can do anything, they put their mind to, whether it be art, music, science etc

The reason i mentioned my boyfriend is because ( being my partner) we have discussions about raising kids and discipline all the time. I mentioned him as a contrast. Obviously his upbringing is different to mine ( being traditional Chiense)and therefore serves as useful discussion topics. I metnioned it on a purely differential purpose.

HE SAID:
you give so much praise to your parents for raising you the way they did, but if they told you to break up with your white boyfriend, i can guarantee you that you will not do so.

I SAY: Of course not. Why should i break up with my white boyfriend just because my parents tell me too? I guarantee there is no one in this poll that will agree with what you just said. I have the CHOICE to date who i want. It is the 21st century and Asian girls are liberated to make choices of their own, as do all women, black, white, Asian or whatever.

HE SAID: oh, by the way, have you ever even date an asian guy?

You cant even spell properly. It should be 'dated' not date.

An for your information: yes.
i will wait for your reply.

Comments to swk20@yahoo.com... jadechow77@hotmail.com Tuesday, November 13, 2001 at 04:40:38 (PST)

i'm also 23 year old female, about to graduate from law school, and i often reflect on my upbringing.

my parents weren't really strict at all. though they often lectured me about values, about techniques in time-management, problem solving, etc., they never fit into the stereotype of the ultra-strict chinese parents.

rather than getting angry with me when my grades weren't up to par, my dad would simply ask, "what's the problem? what's your goal?" and then he would say, "now that we've establised your long-term goal, you tell me what your short-term goals should be in order to reach the final goal." it's silly--he used to say those things to me when i was 10 or 11.

both my mom and dad have let me make almost all the big decisions in my life--from the time i was a young child. they have guided me--but never pushed me. and most importantly, they always supported me and stood by me, even when some of my decision turned out to be wrong.

because my parents did that, i can now say with certainty that the path i am taking is one that *i* have chose. and because they have always stood by me, i feel very secure and confident about who i am.

my advice to parents is this: don't get angry or disappointed with your children when they get bad grades, etc.--this can hurt them more than you may think. discuss issues and problems with them. listen to them. and whenever possible, laugh at their jokes. it always made me happy when my parents laughed at mine. it will help us grow up to be happier and surer adults.
penelope Sunday, November 11, 2001 at 21:47:54 (PST)

To;Brad y2kdavu@hotmail.com.

In order to understand your position, you need to put yourself in the shoes of the girl,s parents.They were discriminated againts, and therefore they do not expect their kids to now date the kids of their former oppressors. It,s as simple as that.

Jo-Burger Sunday, November 11, 2001 at 08:10:28 (PST)

to jade chow,

obviously your parents did not finish what they started. if you truly respect and honor the sacrifices they made for you, your white-washed dumb-ass would consider marrying an asian man. why do i say this? it seems like your definition of success equals a law degree, job at a big firm, and a white boyfriend that will help you feel more "anglo", more "successful" and more "acceptable" to the white society. otherwise, why would you mention that he is white?
and for you to talk about the need for asians to combat bad stereotypes, haha, how hypocrital can you get with your white-washed mentality? the entire content of your letter is about how you struggled so hard to prove yourself to white people. you give so much praise to your parents for raising you the way they did, but if they told you to break up with your white boyfriend, i can guarantee you that you will not do so. in your mind, you worked too hard and your parents gave too much for you to give up this grand prize. that is why your parents have failed in the end. oh, by the way, have you ever even date an asian guy?
i will wait for your reply.
you go white girl!!
"my boyfriend that happens to be white" haha.... swk20@yahoo.com Friday, November 09, 2001 at 22:05:39 (PST)

Most immigrant parents if we over look the "bragging aspect" of their kids success. Push their kids to be successful because they understand that there is no social "net" to catch their kid when they fail. In an asian society their is a whole exteded family structure to depend on when someone in the family is not doing well.

Most AA families immigrate as a nuclear family. The extended family remains in Asia most of the time.

Also most AA immigrants don't have the economic ability to support their children forever. So the quicker they can be sucessful and independent the better.

So if you are really intent on just wanting to get by and not have your parents hassle you so much. Sit down with them and have a talk how you plan to live off "welfare" and "unemployment benefits" as mean of economic independence.^_^
AC dropout Friday, November 09, 2001 at 11:03:56 (PST)

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