Challenges of Asian American Teens | Asian American Poll

CHALLENGES OF ASIAN AMERICAN TEENS
(Updated Tuesday, Apr 1, 2008, 05:07:39 PM to reflect the 100 most recent valid responses.)

What is the biggest problem faced by Asian American teens?
Pressure from parents to excel academically | 79%
Identity conflicts related to growing up a minority | 19%
Problems related to dating & sex | 2%
Gang influence, pressure & violence | 0%

What of these is the most common mistake made by Asian parents?
Not spending enough time with their kids | 18%
Pushing kids too hard for good grades | 34%
Being too strict in controlling kids' behavior | 45%
Neglecting the kids' social or cultural development | 3%

What factor contributes most to helping Asian teens grow up to be productive, well-adjusted adults?
Stable home environment | 93%
Cultural bias favoring academic success | 3%
Advantages provided by above-average affluence | 4%

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WHAT YOU SAY

[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]

One word for the next gens of Asian Americans growing up in this world:

LEARN MARTIAL ARTS!!!

But make sure you can use it! Don't go for just the form competitions for people to see how pretty you can throw a kick. Get practical knowledge of how a kick works and do it yourself. Practise it untill you can kick a mean kick then you can walk quietly and carry a big stick. Remember, Martial arts is always a private endeavor, your sifu can teach you but it is up to up to do it.

Believe me you will be glad that you did in the future. You will have an option to fight or back down. Only those who are ignorant or have no knowledge can only sulk and walk away, if possible. With knowledge, you have options and that is what life is about.
Mar-nut Sunday, November 10, 2002 at 23:25:54 (PST) [65.58.56.206]

I am 29 and married. However, I remember when I was a teenager growing up in the midwest, where there were only a handful of AA's in my school. I had to deal with constant teasing while growing up and what made me mad was that my parents always told me to just ignore it!!! They did not teach me to stand up for myself, they said that I shouldn't cause controversy. I really regret not standing up for myself, and am still annoyed with my parents for giving me the impression that it was OK for ppl to pick on me because I was AA and to step all over me. You know, we are supposed to be the, "model minority," right???? When I have kids, I am going to teach them to stick up for themselves!!!!

My parents were also EXTREMELY strict, esp my father. He is a physician and all he ever cared about was comparing us to his friends' kids (his friends were all doctors and engineers). He would put extreme pressure on my brothers and I to go to an ivy league schools and become doctors. I always loved it when he said, "LOOK, someone else got a 1600 on their SAT!!!! What is wrong with you????" Well, we were good students, and we went to decent big 10 schools, but ended up getting chastized as being ungrateful brats who were an embarrassment to the family due to the fact that we did not go the ivy league path. In some ways I wonder if it was just our way of rebelling against our parents by not going to ivy league schools.

I grew up feeling like a constant disappointment to my parents. My brothers and I all have good careers, in fact one of my brothers graduated from med school, but it still wasn't good enough for my dad, because it wasn't an, "ivy league" school!!!! Some ppl are never happy.

I think a lot of asian parents are too strict with their children. Like a typical AA kid, I grew up playing piano and violin, I was on the tennis team, key club, yada, yada... to build up my resume to look good for college applications. I rarely went out with my friends, because my parents pretty much wanted me to call and check in every hr, it was ridiculous! I hated HS, I had NO fun at all! It wasn't until I went to college that I was able to relax a little bit and have a good time. No, I was not a party girl, but my parents made it seem like I should feel guilty if I ever had a good time, even though my grades were fine. I got so sick of hearing, "you must concentrate on school!" Why is it such a strange concept to be a good student and enjoy yourself too??? When I started dating the guy who is now my husband, my parents threw a fit! Of course now they deny it (they also threw fits when they found out about my brothers and their girlfriends), but I am glad that I stood my ground and did not give in and not date, or else I would never have gotten married to my husband!

If I could do it over again, I would relax and have fun in HS. I did not go to a ivy league school, yet I still turned out OK and make a decent living. My husband is not a doctor or engineer, and his career is good too (my dad wanted me to marry a doctor, I told him never in a million years). I believe my parents instilled good values on me while I was growing up, except that they were too extreme and that is what ruined it. Now that my husband and I (he is also AA, but did not get the pressure from his parents that I did) are trying to start a family, I remind myself that should pass on strong values to my children, but I shouldn't put too much pressure on my kids, because I don't want them to feel like a big failure 24/7, like my parents made me feel.
Reflections at 29 yrs old Sunday, November 10, 2002 at 12:19:52 (PST) [64.108.45.50]

my parents come straight from the philippines. they were born there, and later on, came to live in the US in hopes of a better future. so therefore, i never had a chance to actually live in the philippines and be fully exposed to the full filipino culture. even though, my family (including my many loving relatives) have supported me all my life. the majority of my friends are "white", and everyone of my family members know, and respect that. i was really glad to see a post on asian american teens since i am one, and have always pondered upon it. i'm a 14 year old, filipino american who loves listenin to rock and punk music. my relatives (mostly my close cousins) have come to recognize the fact that i don't hang out with many asians, but also, that i don't wish i wasn't one. i love being an asian american, cause that's what set's me appart from my other friends. even when my parents do become overprotective when it comes to grades or attitude, i know that later on i'll come to respect that fact and live on it in the future as a proud asian-american.
not the only one Wednesday, November 06, 2002 at 20:57:47 (PST) [12.242.175.82]

anonymous girl,

Cool! Now all you need to complete your idyllic liberal-new-wave Asian American family is a shaggy-haired alterna-emo-punk-rocker white boyfriend. Voila! Rocker girl is happy and so are the liberal parents. Haha.... sorry, I couldn't resist.

I know that who you date is no one's business, but that's where I see this picture going. All the 'liberal' Asians I've met seem to see their being truly liberated as having a white sig other or white daughter/son in law. That is not true. I am an Asian male, and I kind of had the same adolescence that you describe. Yea, I was into alternative white rocker grrrrls, and I went after them, dated them, got along fabulously with their parents. But in the end I learned that I have more in common with Korean girls. I mean, come on!! I'm from SoCal! There are so many damn Asians here! With white girls, I found that we had the same love of music, but that we lacked the culture to truly bind us together. Luckily I met a Korean girl that had the same interests and musical tastes as me.

To cut a long story short, I just want to ask other Asians to not make the mistake of seeing "liberalism" as being more willing to mix with whites.
Liberal, Schmiberal. Saturday, November 02, 2002 at 20:16:08 (PST) [128.253.186.46]

I am Filipino and I'm 17 years old. My parents and I live in Southern California (I have no brothers or sisters). I guess my parents are pretty liberal around me, I tell them about most of things I do and we trust each other. My parents never put emphasis on names like... "You should go to an Ivy League" or "You should get straight A's because that's the only way", my parents went to the best universities in the Philippines (UP and UST) and they think that titles (like 'ooh you're going to UCLA')and trying to be accepted by other people is major crap, they want me to focus on learning about life, about who I am, and what I should do and emphasize my talents and that kind of thing . As for dating... yeah I have a prob with that, too, except now I'm not into the dating scene since I'm trying to finish high school and not be sidetracked. My Dad wishes that I wouldn't get a serious boyfriend until after college, but my Mom also made/makes it clear my relationships and what I do in them has nothing to do with my parents. That's what I appreciate about my parents though. They never really pushed me into doing anything I never wanted to do. I like singing, acting, and rocking out on my guitar and listening to rock music and my parents support that. The point of this? The point is that not Asian-American families are the same. This fact is already known already. Thank you.
anonymous girl Saturday, October 26, 2002 at 19:15:49 (PDT) [209.209.67.156]

This poll is a great idea. I never knew that so many people had the same difficulties at home as I did.
lai yeah@uhyeah.wha Saturday, October 26, 2002 at 13:49:13 (PDT) [64.105.80.88]

Girl in Stuy HS,

it seems rather as if parents would care in a wrong way for their children. When they really need protection parents cannot substitute the rest of the family which lacks in most of the modernized society. I mean cousins and brothers should protect each other from the influences of bad friends. So Asian parents must somehow keep in contact with their own relatives.

This from the point of view of a young Asian man whose parents could not protect him from racist attacks. Not to mention what could happen to a girl who could be seduced or even raped when the family is not there. Not even until now I could convince my mother that the world outside of the family is NOT a Christian church. (I'm NON-Christian, btw.) There's no security if the parents don't support strictly conservative pro-family values.
rare stuff Sunday, September 22, 2002 at 16:55:04 (PDT)

While i understand how hard it is to have your own life with Asian parents, i can see things from their point of view, too. Many of our parents are immigrants, people who probably lived not so easy lives in their native countries. Even if we weren't in the United States, Asian parents can be naturally over protective and overbearing, but most don't do that because they want to be frustrating. They only have us for a few decades in our lives, and so many things can happen in the course of a lifetime, in the course of a few years, that some parents just need to know that their child(ren) is safe and sound and not in trouble. Asian parents have this ideal for their children...they want them to succeed, they want them to make the right decisions and take advantage of the overwhelming opportunities we have here...it is absolutely understandable that they will go to any means possible to do so. You are, after all, their children. Most of our parents work their butts off for us, so that maybe when we grow up we can be successful and not make the same mistakes other kids do. Yes, our parents may have slight perfectionistic complexes, but what we take as strictness is their way of making sure we live healthy, happy, and safe lives. I would rather have parents who were overprotective than parents who treated me as a "friend" and didn't know when to step in and do some parenting. I am unbelievably lucky to have parents who spend time with me and offer (strict) guidance and advice. I can't tell them about my friend problems, my deep feelings, or guys, but i can go to them when i have a problem or when i need some honest advice. The real world is scary and new and raw....live out your carefree childhood with your needs always met by parents and everything always taken care of while you can... the innoccence of childhood for some of us is taken abruptly and all too quickly...live your while you still can...
Girl in Stuy HS raigeki88@yahoo.com Saturday, September 21, 2002 at 08:46:16 (PDT)

yo this is so true, ima use this wen im arguing wit my parents. Im bout to get into one very sooon cause i cant take this, my parents being so restrictive bout dating .
Asian worstazn@hotmail.com Sunday, September 15, 2002 at 20:30:22 (PDT)

asian parents....are too restrictive. and whats worse is they dont want to change. i mean..if i lived in asia...i wouldnt mind living how they lived...getting a decent job..but in america..you should live like an american! but not my dad is more lienient towards me...which lead me to discover other cultures like the punk scene. now im stuck and cant go back...but i still worry about what my dad is gonna say when he sees me with stretched lobes or tattoos or black nail...but as long as i get into college, my dad doesnt care...so...i guess asian parents still hold on to their beliefs...eh whatever..but what i really think is...adults care more about what other people are going to think about them from their children...instead of worrying about how people percieve themselves..well..i got one word for them... i am me and you are you...represent yourself...dont be a shadow of yourself from your children...let them be who they want to be..goth,punk,prep,jock whatever man.
korean punk charliex4444@aol.com Wednesday, September 04, 2002 at 01:07:06 (PDT)

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