Challenges of Asian American Teens | Asian American Poll

CHALLENGES OF ASIAN AMERICAN TEENS
(Updated Tuesday, Apr 1, 2008, 05:07:38 PM to reflect the 100 most recent valid responses.)

What is the biggest problem faced by Asian American teens?
Pressure from parents to excel academically | 79%
Identity conflicts related to growing up a minority | 19%
Problems related to dating & sex | 2%
Gang influence, pressure & violence | 0%

What of these is the most common mistake made by Asian parents?
Not spending enough time with their kids | 18%
Pushing kids too hard for good grades | 34%
Being too strict in controlling kids' behavior | 45%
Neglecting the kids' social or cultural development | 3%

What factor contributes most to helping Asian teens grow up to be productive, well-adjusted adults?
Stable home environment | 93%
Cultural bias favoring academic success | 3%
Advantages provided by above-average affluence | 4%

This poll is closed to new input.
Comments posted during the past year remain available for browsing.

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WHAT YOU SAY

[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]

I actually have a few short Asian girlfriends that(during the time they had a white-boy fetish...which they don't any more and are now onto a Japanese/Korean fetish <--great huh. *sarcasm*)liked to date tall White guys because they hated being short and had a bit of an inferiority complex to White people. So...I really don't blame "Enjoy your Asianness" to have that idea. But of course not all short asian girls date tall white males for that reason, as "md" points out. That's why it's safest to not make any generalizations about groups of people, because then, it becomes a stereotype.

To be honest though, I am a 5'1 Taiwanese-Chinese girl, and (although I prefer dating Asian guys and want to marry Asian) I used to also admittingly like tall guys because my lack of height makes theirs so appealing to me. But now reflecting on all my highschool dances, 6'0 and above is just waaay to tall for me to the point that it's impractical! Practically all my dates were tall(and I usually went with whichever guy I was dating at the time) with the exeption of two dates. It was after those two dates that I realized that 5'7 is the perfect huggable and not to mention, "slow-dance -able" size for my height. 5'6 is the shortest I'd go for though, I still have a limit! (har har har)

...But in the end, an explosive personality makes up for anything, so what I'm saying here is all based on physicality alone anyways.
*****************************************
BAH so many complications in being a teenager! I'm so glad I'm out of highschool. But at 19, you're like stuck in between...you're past 18, the age that certifies you as an "adult", but you still can't drink and have one more year to go before you drop out of the "-teens"!

So at 19, you're no longer a teenager?
short abc college chick Sunday, November 17, 2002 at 01:10:10 (PST) [65.184.91.9]

u guys over analyse things way too much, and its leading to extreme paranoia..i mean i'm sure theres the odd AF who fits that description, but theres more of us who hang around w/ white ppl but have not forgotten that we are asn, and are not ashamed etcetc. Get a grip. i've heard so much crap in these boards abt how asian girls dye their hair in order to be more white, or hang around w/ white ppl as if that would make them less asian. How unfair is it that everything we do is assumed to have an ulterior motive.

"...really short AFs paired up with really tall WMs....to overcome their hatred of their height"

ARE U SERIOUS????????! that is exactly what i mean by over-analysing. Take a look at yourselves and realize that ur the ones who r so insecure that you'll pick out absolutely anything to turn it against us. however small and pathetic. O MY F***ING GOD she's talking to a white person, god forbid. she's a sellout, she's forgotten her heritage,she has an inferiority complex. THAT, K-dude, enjoy ur asianness and whoeverelse, is ridiculous.
AF Saturday, November 16, 2002 at 06:43:36 (PST) [212.126.136.99]

md/k-dude:

i agree with you...

"I know of AFs who are just like that pathetic coffee shop gal."

just ignore people like that...
there are too many good girls out there to waste time on the coffee shop type...

although...the coffee girl incident might not have been because she was bothered by you being an asian guy though...
it could have been that she found you more attractive because you were asian...and was unable to act natural towards you...or didn't know what to do with herself or something...

...but yeah...it was still pathetic...

by the way i find asian guys the most attractive...especially Chinese Indonesian guys and FOB Korean guys...
I also like Japanese guys that look like they are straight out of the animations...(this i have only seen one so far...)
all other asian guys...also...HOT...

"I went to Korea recently - though I haven't been there in a while. It did a lot to me in terms of appreciating my family, my roots, and myself."

i went back to the motherland(china) a while back too...and i totally know what you are talking about...
tea girl Friday, November 15, 2002 at 21:43:15 (PST) [65.128.140.63]

Hi guys. Im a 22 year old Filipino. I did not grow up here all my life (in fact been here only since 99). I am here right now in THE SOUTH (NC, TENN).

Ok. I have tried to avoid this site forever b/c it makes me feel bad. The issues are too demeaning. As far as my experiences are concerned, I have been asked many a times where I am from, Are u chinese, and all that crap. My question is - are these questions justified? Wouldnt you ask a Caucasian or a Balck person where they are from when theyre in your country?

Yes these litle racial epithets can cause you a bad day, but I think this is the price we have to pay for living in a country that doesnt carry our identity. White people are quite friendly here in TEnn and NC. But I dont bet on it.I never trust people of other races AT ALL, black, white, hispanic, not even asians.

The thing is, I have received compliments about my looks that I dont wanna brag about here (but those compliments are likely the ones that would inflate my ego), and they are mostly from girls of other races. Sometimes, I wonder if thats a serious remark, but I guess yes because it has been consistent. Some woman in a grocery said I could be a model. Some men even tried to hit on me. I dont get it. Being Asian in America means you are not "the norm" but why do I get all these compliments? So my experiences here so far are balanced. I have received some racial comments - but the truth is they are mostly from 'trashy people' or in my own language "walang kuwenta". Are they responding out of jealousy? I get stared at too, but are they bigot stares or stares that conform to the compliments I have said earlier?

Yes, I also have been sterotyped along the lines of those kickboxer heroes in the movies, but I dont know if I
should take those as compliments or insults b/c I am not Chinese. It seems all Asians here are "chinese" as they like to brand us. Is it because that is all they know? How pathetic.

We do stereotype each other all of us---Likely, when I meet a white person, I would assume her parents or his parents are divorced. When I meet a black person, I try to formulate my own gueses on him/her. But yes, if its your turn to be stereotyped, it does piss you off.

As for dating, I dont really date. Its a waste of time. For what- sex? status quo? just to say you were able to get someone to like you? I think its kind of useless. Interracial dating is problematic. Since moving here, I have been only drawn to this one girl- a gorgeous Iranian girl who could give Heidi Klum a run for her money. But I dint go for her. Shes muslim and Iranian. I am not drooling over white women as well. Most of them dont have personalities I like, plus the absence of common ground. As for Asian women, yes I have seen those trying hard types. Blonding their hair, having non-asian bfs. If you think about it- who cares? Yes its kind of aggravating, but these women will never be the "one" that media proclaims as "it" girls. Even they know they are not really exalted here. It must be hard being pretentious as they are.

IS it hard living here in America? Some days yes, some days Im thankful that Im here. Its hard to carry the extra luggage of not having the luxury of total complacency - around people, public places, etc. I also find Asian people are kind of unaccepting of each other, Not all, but it depends. Its quite intriguing, I always see unity among minorities, as for asians, its questionable. Its hard to always suspect someone of being racist towards you (even if their not), and its hard to build trust towards persons of other backgrounds.

My family is extremely supportive of me. I actually envy their more positive values. I feel more vulnerable towards these issues, even though I put my trust in the Lord who is above all of us to exempt me from these nuances. I am smart, yes another common attribute there, but I want to be smart. My parents didnt push me to be smart; I did.

Despite the compliments I have received from strangers in this country, I still feel at a loss sometimes, if I should really be here. I wonder what the hell were doing in this White/Black world. I must say the experiences posted here are so heart-wrenching, it can really affect you. It has affected me. I dont plan on being a politician, but I am so appalled by these issues. Many people say ignore it, but somehow it echoes through your ears. I feel for all of you. I did not grow up with racism. I never used the word until I came here.
I can definitely live without that.

Sometimes I think that racism is justified in a country that has all kinds of people in it. I mean... its just too good to be true if we all liked each other perfectly, right?

I dont know. I guess we should surround ourselves with only those we feel most comfortable with. And this is the only solution I can think of now. What do you all think?
email me if you have any thoughts.
confused thorneprince@yahoo.com Friday, November 15, 2002 at 21:38:25 (PST) [67.34.153.127]

Enjoy Your Asianness,

"...really short AFs paired up with really tall WMs....to overcome their hatred of their height"

WOW, all I can say is DAMN, that really hurts to read your statement. Is this something you know for a fact? Do you personally know AFs that fit the above mentioned description? I'm a 5'1" AF going on 9 years of marriage to a 6'7" WM. The sharp contrast between our heights only draws that much more attention to us (as if being interracial were not enough), so why on earth would I (if I had hatred for my height) want to live day to day for the rest of my life with this constant reminder? Hell, it sure would have been simpler to marry a shorter guy....according to your theory.

I sense a "gender-divide" vibe on several of the recent posts here. For instance, K-dude- I'm with all the way. I know of AFs who are just like that pathetic coffee shop gal. They make me sick. What's worse is when an AF carries this sort attitude, it not only disgraces herself, but her father and brothers as well.
md Wednesday, November 13, 2002 at 21:07:31 (PST) [152.163.189.201]

K-Dude,

I grew up with such post-modern anti-Asian AFs, too. But I also know some Asian people of an "old" style. They were brutally pragmatic and therefore learnt to earn their own self-esteem. Of course, these people are dying out, now. Most of them could not teach our parents to become like the "old"-style people because times changed and the elder generations lost their influence due to the new media.

I really wish I would have spent more time with those old people when I was growing up. They might have been odd in a modern context but they knew the world from their own experience which was nearly without the white-washing media.
too modern? Wednesday, November 13, 2002 at 15:58:07 (PST) [62.158.90.29]

Enjoy your Asianness:

Funny you mentioned the short Asian girl tall non-Asian guy theme - that was another topic of discussion, but one that I witness all too often as well.

I'm not about dating non-Asian girls right now - I have before, but just find that I have much more in common with Asian girls than non-Asian girls - and that I feel overall more comfortable with Asian girls.

But yeah, you're right that these Asian girls who hate the fact that they are Asian will never really be satisfied with anything in life until they are comfortable/proud of their heritage first. It doesn't matter if you keep on going around chasing things that try to remind you that you aren't Asian - it's a rat race because no matter what you get in life or where you end up, you can never outrun yourself. You will always be the one looking at yourself in the mirror everyday. So you better start liking yourself. It doesn't matter if you get some 6 foot 5 white dude or if you date guys of every race except Asian - it's not going to make you taller or less Asian or more "successful" you're not climbing any real ladder either. To all the girls like that - "don't you get tired of continually patterning your life to accomodate non-Asians? Don't you get tired of continually spending so much of your life trying to distance yourself from the fact that you are Asian? Isn't it all so ridiculous?"

Take a trip to the country your ancestors came from - it's OK to spend your money on airfare to a non-European, non-Carribean nation - you're friends won't laugh at you - I won't tell - and I think you will see and feel something you haven't felt in a while.

Well that's all I have to say about this.
K-Dude Wednesday, November 13, 2002 at 15:42:12 (PST) [151.198.161.10]

K-Dude:
Thus you have really short asian girls paired up with really tall white guys because they feel that they themselves are short so they want to be with a guy who is taller or way taller than they are to overcome thier hatred of their height.

They wouldn't even give you the time of day either because you are a Asian guy even if you have it made and are together because they hate the Asianess in them.

What they hate in themselves they will reject in you. That is why.

My advice to the Asian Brothers growing up in this White-washed nation is to respect yourself and who you are. Find Asian girls who respect their culture and themselves, better yet any other ethnic girls out there who respects you and your culture.

The Asian culture thing is here to stay and lots of other races of girls are intrigue and facinated by Asian Culture and Asian Guys. Use it to your advantage and educate others about what it is to be Asian. Let the other white-washed Asian girls hang out with thier dorky counterparts with their self-denial and let them wake up alone in the future when they are they only ones in thier family who hates themselves and their culture; while you are living life to the fullest and enjoying your life as a Asian living in America.
Enjoy your Asianness Tuesday, November 12, 2002 at 12:32:21 (PST) [65.59.23.119]

K-Dude,
Can I get a Amen to that? It's about time someone discovered this problem besides me. Little do these AF's know that after Nth generation of interbreeding with them, that strong genetic presence in dark eyes, dark hair, and ecliptic eyes will stain in her entire genealogy. I sleep with my roots tucked under my pillow every night. Peace out.
A4Life Tuesday, November 12, 2002 at 11:15:31 (PST) [12.13.248.4]

To Liberal, Schmiberal:

I totally agree with you and I too had a similar experience as yours growing up. But I know - and I know a lot of people will deny this left and right - that a lot of Asian girls who only date non-Asian guys claim will use the explanation that they are "liberal" and "progressive" as a reason as to why won't date Asian guys. The real reason is that these kinds of girls don't want to be seen with an Asian guy.

You know I went into a coffee shop recently and the girl working the counter was Asian. She looked like the alternative-rocker-liberal-gay-rights-minortiy-rights-environmental-rights-anything-rights type (but would never date an Asian guy). The customers before me she was all smiley and happy go-lucky with. But then when it was my turn in line, her smile disappeared to a mere half-forced smile. The thing is I totally knew why and I have experienced it many times in my life. She was bothered by my presence. Why was she bothered? Because I was Asian. Why did that bother her? Because it reminded her that she too was Asian. I know that day to day this girl makes a half effort (probably by this point in her life a half-Conscious effort) to avoid Asian men. She surrounds herself with anything and everything but Asian men. The only times she can't escape being remined of her Asianness is when her parents call her every week and at holidays and family gatherings. I'm not an ugly guy - I know that from experience. I do meet a lot of Asian girls who are "down" - who are comfortable with their skin. But the Asian girls who aren't comfortable with themselves - I wish they would call a spade a spade and just tell people that they won't date Asian men because the idea disgusts them rather than conjure up the half-veiled excuse that they are "liberal" and "progressive."

I think they should visit the countries that their parents came from if they haven't recently. I went to Korea recently - though I haven't been there in a while. It did a lot to me in terms of appreciating my family, my roots, and myself.

I certainly hope these girls find real peace in their life eventually.
K-Dude Monday, November 11, 2002 at 18:04:48 (PST) [151.198.160.36]

yep

learn how to fight.
SOG Monday, November 11, 2002 at 12:44:57 (PST) [128.193.4.98]

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