Asian Air Imagemap

GOLDSEA | ASIAMS.NET | AA ADVICE NETWORK



This page is closed to new input.
Problems and advice posted during the past year remain available for browsing.

Asian American Videos


Films & Movies Channel


Humor Channel


Identity Channel


Vocals & Music Channel


Makeup & Hair Channel


Intercultural Channel


CONTACT US | ADVERTISING INFO

© 1996-2013 Asian Media Group Inc
No part of the contents of this site may be reproduced without prior written permission.

GOLDSEA | ASIAMS.NET | AA ADVICE NETWORK

Cultural Compatibility in Asian/Black Relations

ust out of curiosity. I have never seen such a vast number of Asian females with caucasian males. Seems to be a popular trend. Do parents object both Asian and caucasian? I wonder about Asian/black relationships. I do not see those groups coming together yet. Are the cultures able to blend nicely in these relatinships?
Patricia Cohen
   Tuesday, January 22, 2002 at 15:41:12 (PST)

YOUR ADVICE

Seoul.Searcher1&only,
I have seen some cases where people say they are happy for you and your relationship, but the moment things go wrong, they say, "well, you should never have dated outside your race and culture." When I say that something goes wrong, I mean something as simple as a disagreement (sometimes the disagreement is based on racial/cultural differences, and sometimes it's only due to personality). Hey, there are going to be differences regardless of whether you date someone of your own racial/cultural background or someone who isn't. That's life. If we were all the same, we'd be very boring. But yeah, there are lots of people who say one thing, then around around do something else entirely. I'm just glad that everyone isn't that way. I take the good and let it help me grow, strength me, and continue in the face of so many odds. I think everyone should do that, and let the bad roll off their backs like rain water does on slick surface. That's just my little tidbit for the day. Everyone take care.
lilli98
lilli98@collegeclub.com    Tuesday, March 26, 2002 at 20:44:18 (PST)
I'm also a half Asian woman, and I dated a Black man a while ago, and honestly, though we got a few strange looks from strangers, all of his friends accepted me, because I was "a minority too". Now, I was glad that they liked me and all, but that's very sad--why couldn't they just like me for me? We had other issues other than race though--He was too old for me and he had a lot of anger about the treatment of Blacks (which is totally understandable) and blamed a lot of the trouble he got into on his race alone...but since he had some pretty shady activities, I have a feeling it wasnt' just his race, though unfortunately it probably did play a role. I couldn't deal with those shady activities and promptly broke up with him, but he was a good guy at heart, didn't have a problem with my guy friends, didn't mind hanging out with my friends, though I admit he was getting to be pretty possessive. People are people, they're going to feel and act certain ways no matter what their race is, we're all just human after all. I don't think you're racist either, though, and I'm sorry that it didn't work out better for you. I think it's strange that there aren't more Asian/Black relationships though...I get hit on by Black men quite frequently, so it's not for lack of trying! I think it will be quite some time before mixed relationships of any kind are going to be widely accepted. My parents married in the 70's and had it a lot worse then than now in some ways, but in others things really haven't changed at all. You just have to do what makes you happy, and try not to let others opinions bring you down.
And hey, Dai Lo! Just because a person is only half this or half that, and not full blooded, doesn't mean that they can't identify with BOTH of those cultures. Where would we be able to be thought of as whole people? HAPALand? It doesn't exist, if you find it let me know! My parent's were careful to raise my siblings and I with an awareness of both of our heritages--open up your mind if you want people to be open minded with you and your ethnicity!!!
HAPA gal
   Friday, March 22, 2002 at 21:12:26 (PST)
Lilli, I'm glad that I was of some help
:-D

It only saddens me that I have witnessed people pretending to be supportive of Interracial realtionships to join a group and then the second they Think they have found some glaring imperfection [husband/wife does not hold claim to being model-perfect/neither of them have a glamourous corporate jobs], they set in like vultures and actual have the nerve to demand these couples validate their union!! Have you seen this?

It is insulting and degrading to the nice families involved who were only trying to share their stories. I have seen it time and time again, many of these wonderful websites and groups suddenly overrun w/TROLLS.

So I say to all, "please do not feed the TROLLS."

Especially the rodent attempting to nibble at my name.
Seoul.Searcher1&only.
   Friday, March 22, 2002 at 17:55:39 (PST)
It is very rare to see an Asian man with a black woman, regardless of where you live. Just from what I've seen, heard, and experience, it is "better" for an Asian to marry or just date someone white than someone black, or of another minority group, because as someone mentioned earlier, there are suppose to be more benefits. Is this true? It depends on who you ask.

Sheiryll S . . . there are men of all races that are insecure, not just blacks, and it doesn't matter if that woman is beautiful or not by her own standards. It has nothing to do with beauty in most cases, but a matter of "this is MY woman. I touch her, not anyone else." Understand? I hope so. And one other thing, third eye made a valid point . . . if you have low self-esteem or you're insecure, you will attract those kinds of men. I've been there and done that. Dai Lo has a point too. My best friend is half Korean, half black. Do you really think the Asian (the Korean) population gives a rat's behind about her? HELL NO!They consider her black, even though you can see more of her Korean side than black. If they look at her that way, what do you think they think of you?

SeoulSearcher, thank you for recommending the two sites earlier. It does my heart good to see an interacial couple (particularly Asian men with black women) happy together. It's refreshing to see Asians and blacks mingling and learning from each other (as well as dating and marrying, which is still VERY VERY rare, especially when it comes to the Asian men and black women type of couples).

Toomad2talk, wow, talk about some rage! My aunt's really good friend, as well as my step-mother is Filipino. My aunt's friend's husband is black. My father is black (light skinned b/c he's mixed, but black nonetheless; my mother fits that same category), enough said. Well, one other thing: it depends on, again, who you are dealing with. I speak from personal experience. The few Filipinos I've encounted usually date black.

Blkaznlady, good luck. I dated a Chinese from overseas, and his family were totally against our relationship, and b/c he is the eldest and only son, our relationship ended. I wish you the best of luck and hope things work out for you two. If he really loves you as much as you love him, you two will work things out, because he will fight for your relationship to work, regardless of his family. At least, I hope so. Not to burst your bubble, but the family usually wins out, but I hope otherwises for you two.

Classy sunshine states: "Also cultural differences such as Blacks generally are not big on their mates having close friends of the opposite sex, that is a taboo because people know what happens many times in those situations: the two friends end up being involved sexually. This happens in white circles all the time, it is a really big problem." Okay, I'm sure I'm going to step on some toes for this one, but in some cases, yes, I agree. Of course, the friends in those cases already slept together or were fighting a sexual attraction for a long time, and finally acted on it. So, yes, there will be some problems for some couples accepting their significant other having a friendship with someone of the opposite sex, unless the friends are homosexuals, but that's a different topic all together. Anyway, I have a number of friend girls, but I also have a larger number of guy friends, and believe it or not, it's strictly a friendship. And if the significant other in your life at the time can't deal with that, ladies and gentlement, boot him or her. Every boyfriend I've had in the past (and it hasn't been many), I've told, this is my friend, and sometimes we have lunch together, we go to a movie, or just sit and talk. If you can't handle that, then you need to step. If he saids he can handle it, but later shows the first time of jealousy and insecurity, he's booted. Because he has his friend girls (some of which are ex-girlfriends, I'm sure) and I don't have a problem with it, until I see her come on to him and he does nothing to discourage it (which I haven't had a problem with, thank goodness). Back to my point from earlier, if the two friends end up in bed, it's because they wanted to but didn't and finally decided to act on it. It's a matter of getting caught, or confessing, and if it happened, not letting it happen again if you really wish to be with your girl/boyfriend. And believe me, it's not just black men being concerned about their girlfriends being friends with guys, the same can be said for the Latin and Asian population (other races too). My ex (Asian) didn't care for my being friends with other men, although he accepted it, b/c I told him, he has female friends and I accept that, had no problem with that. If you want me to not be friends with my guys, you stop being friends with your girls. We worked it out because he knew I was loyal and faith (when we were together).

Ripkleen asinclean states: "Lets face it, most blacks in the u.s haven't experienced much asian culture." We can't experience it when you're too afraid to come near us to teach us. We don't understand the culture because Asians still stereotype all blacks as being thugs, whores, drug-dealers, and welfare cases, thus, they won't come near us in many cases. I am offended. I am a 21 year old black female without a baby, has never been on welfare, don't even know where to begin looking for drugs, and believe it or not, I don't sleep around with every Tom, Dick, or Harry (I can count my lovers on one hand). I don't really listen to rap music, and no, I don't wear tight or super big clothes (I do, however, wear loose, sometimes baggy clothing, but I also wear really nice outfits when I go out, when I'm with my students, or just because I feel like dressing up or if I need to be completely professional). Move beyond the stereotypes, reach out to blacks, and you'll find that we're more than willing to learn about the culture. Also you state, "Most asians who interracially date will do just about anything to lose their "asian-ness" by trying to fit alongside the more represented white populace." I have to agree. The United States is a white society. Everyone is trying to be white, because it supposes to have benefits. Again, it depends on who you ask. Do I agree? If you want to fit into mainstream white American society, then I guess it's the way to go. I've been accused of trying to be "white", just b/c my skin is fair, I have a lot of white friends and listen to a lot of white artists. I don't see that as being white, I see that as being who I am. Anyway, most Asians see it as a benefit to fit into the white society in the United States, and who can blame them? It means moving ahead in their eyes, and if that's what they want, they're going to do everything they can to fit. But let's face it, if you're the only Asian at the party, no matter how "white" your lifestyle is or becomes, you're still Asian to them, something (not someone) to point and stare at. The reality of it is, you are still what you are, DIFFERENT. No matter how beautiful your slant eyes are, or how smooth your skin is, or how black your hair is, you are still what you are, Asian. The same can be said for all other races. You go further with "Many asians don't want to go through the chronic turbulence that blacks experience in the u.s, so many (ESP. females) want to lessen the sting of reality by being with someone who could let them forget who they are-albeit until reality checks like an all white dinner party or family get-togethers remind them they are still "different"."
Many blacks still face discrimination and prejudice, and many Asians feel like they have enough problems, so they will avoid more conflict by avoiding blacks, and I really can't blame them for that. But in life, everyone, I think, should have to walk the path of another race to understand them, including blacks. Much hostility comes from the black population towards Asian b/c they don't understand us, or rather, they refuse to, all b/c of sterotypes. Given a chance, the black population might surprise you.

Ka states: "But traditionally, asian families are much more hostile to their sons marrying a non-asian as, it is asian view that the daughter leaves the family to join a different family, while the son stays and takes care of the parents--if the son marry's a non-asian into the family, the parents have a strong reason to believe that their way of life is threatened by someone who do not hold asian values." I've experienced this. And the funny thing about it was that I was willing to adopt all of the Asian customs they practiced. I loved him, and I was willing to leave my family, leave my country and give up my rights, to be with him. He was the only son, and the eldest child, and his family wasn't about to let him marry a black American. Hell would have frozen over before that happened, and well, they got their wish.

Anyway, I honestly believe that Asian and black cultures can united and grow if given half the chance. In other words, throw out the stereotypes, ignore the racists comments and ideas, and stop letting the family control your every action. Already we're seeing blacks and Asian mingling as friends, and a few come together as couples. If they just continue to reach out to each other, open up to new experiences and people, then maybe the two can really come together and learn. Can they blend together? No two cultures every really blend together. They merely compliment each other . . . if you let them.
lilli98
lilli98@collegeclub.com    Sunday, March 17, 2002 at 15:15:06 (PST)
Asiophile 81:
That was lyrically beautiful.... and put better than I could have imagined.
"Word to your motha" hahaha
yellow feverish
   Friday, March 15, 2002 at 22:09:34 (PST)
Blkaznlady I'm sorry to hear that you failed the test with your boyfriend's family but, you should have known that having a daughter out of wedlock wouldn't look good to his family. What were you thinking? Even if your boyfriend was black, instead of Asian, his family wouldn't welcome a black women with an illegitimate child into the family with open arms. You represent the statistic of the black, unwed, welfare mother rather you like it or not.
SeoulSearcher
   Thursday, March 14, 2002 at 21:35:50 (PST)
Sheiryll S. You sound like a true stuck up B*tch. Are you sure it was ONLY his fault that your relationship didn't work out?

SeoulSearcher
   Thursday, March 14, 2002 at 21:29:57 (PST)
You wanna know why there are hardly any Chocolate Gold couples? MIND POISONING STEREOTYPES.

BM: Thug, criminal, all over dumbass that can only make a good living in sports or music, drug dealer/addict, & lazy.

AM: Cutthroat, money hungry, greed thirsty, computer neard, all over girly-man, smelly FOB that can barely speak English, mama's boy, & White-washed.

BF: Has 5 kids by 6 men ROTLMAO (yes I am aware of the math), loud, overly emotional, trashy, ghetto, all over whore (Ho if you will), uneducated, & collects welfare for a living.

AF: Slutty flower girl or dragon lady, submissive geisha type, White-washed, snooty & snobby, stuck up, the "me love you long time" type FOB, & mail order bride that's only out to get money & US citizenship.

When both sides can get past all this rubbish (which is created by "outside forces"), maybe we can get the party started.
AsioPhile 81: Find Your Brand New Day... Go Crazy
   Wednesday, March 13, 2002 at 20:30:05 (PST)
Patricia Cohen--

Despite what many Asian americans or African american say, there are a lot of intermingling between blacks and asians. Personally I can name two couples out of my head. African Americans of the West Indies heritage are of a culture that has seen numerous Asian workers from China and India living side by side for generations now. Even if you look at Jamaican cooking, you can definitely see Indian influence as well as influences from other regions of the world.

Of course, Asian cultures are generally hostile to non-asian spouses. Although the more entrenched the ethnic group is to the mainstream American culture, that hostility lessens. I find that Chinese Americans, who have the longest history in the United STates, are generally more open to bi-racial relationships. But I find that recent immigrants from Hong Kong or Taiwan are much more hostile like Korean Americans are.

Also, these groups are much more hostiles to Blacks, Hispanics, and Whites in that order. As for the Koreans, the white GI's treatment of their fellow black GI's probably left a big impression upon the Koreans during the Korean war of 1950. (Afterall, it hardly makes sense to me that Koreans prior to that era would hold stereotypes of people whom they have never seen before.)

Some Asians may even find their daughters marrying white men having advantanges--i.e. being accepted to mainstream white american culture, and therefore fairing well economically.

But traditionally, asian families are much more hostile to their sons marrying a non-asian as, it is asian view that the daughter leaves the family to join a different family, while the son stays and takes care of the parents--if the son marry's a non-asian into the family, the parents have a strong reason to believe that their way of life is threatened by someone who do not hold asian values.

Often, people say, Asian men aren't attractive, etc, and use that to rationalize the imbalance between asian male/non-asian female relationship to asian female/non-asian male relationship, but a large factor comes from parent's seeking a daughter-in-law who won't "steal" their son from them---which makes them even more unattractive, and making the claims that asian men are mamasboys. (My mother claims that there is nothing wrong with a mama's boy--that it is a beneficial trait.)

I notice your last name, and I want to point out that there is a curious love/hate relationship with Koreans and Jewish Americans. On the one hand Korean Americans admire the Jewish insistance in maintianing their cultural identity, strong work ethic, and tight-knit community. On the otherhand they are seen as the typical anti-Jewish stereotypes including penny pinchers and schemers. Overall, I find a lot of Korean-Jewish marriages--which I find curious, as many Korean Americans are of the protestant faith. But that is a differnt issue for a different forum.
ka
   Friday, March 01, 2002 at 11:14:16 (PST)
ripkleen asinclean:

That's a good point I wonder how the lone Asian Sellout girl feels when she is at the so-called family gatherings and reunions where she is the only asian there.

How does she feel or does she try to even deny her asianess like reject eating rice and using chopsticks in favor of eating just mac-n-cheese and tatar tots like the rest of the folk.

I sometimes see older white people together in Denny's and lot of them are pathetic and traditional. How does an old Asian women come to play in this scenerio?

It seems most white people are pretty segregated among themselves and most like to point you out if you are different from themselves. I can see them say,"OH that's Janet Chang our daughter-in-law, she's Chinese but she acts like us now. Oh,Harold Hawkins, please pass the butter and rolls and can you be a dear and butter them up for me, please?'

Make fist...POW!

I don't know how a AF can handle that kind of life. I sure can't.


Banana Pride
   Tuesday, February 26, 2002 at 17:55:33 (PST)
Although there is token dating between blacks/asians, it will never be widespread. Lets face it, most blacks in the u.s haven't experienced much asian culture. Most asians who interracially date will do just about anything to lose their "asian-ness" by trying to fit alongside the more represented white populace. Many asians don't want to go through the chronic turbulence that blacks experience in the u.s, so many (ESP. females) want to lessen the sting of reality by being with someone who could let them forget who they are-albeit until reality checks like an all white dinner party or family get-togethers remind them they are still "different"
ripkleen asinclean
   Tuesday, February 26, 2002 at 04:00:32 (PST)
Sheiryll S.

Come on! You're HAPA, you're only half Asian. You're not full-blooded Asian. Ask other Asians, seriously, whether they consider you to be Asian or non-Asian...you'd be surprised.
Dai Lo
   Monday, February 25, 2002 at 21:20:26 (PST)
SheiryllS:

How about having some Asian inside you for a change?

You are probably getting tired of all these other races trying to show you off like a trophy or a dead reindeer on top of a truck. Alot of these guys are insecure with no money or jobs and just their egos to sustain them. What good is a brainless meathead? So he can prance you around and say "ME MAN, YOU WOMEN. YOU COME HERE AND GET Me Beer"

Try a Asian Man who can return the favor and treat you the way you need to be treated, instead.

Once Asian, you don't go back!
AM Truth
   Monday, February 25, 2002 at 12:56:37 (PST)
SheiryllS,
what you have said doesn't sound racist to me. You are only being honest about your experiences. A lot of men are insecure, many Black men included. Also cultural differences such as Blacks generally are not big on their mates having close friends of the opposite sex, that is a taboo because people know what happens many times in those situations: the two friends end up being involved sexually. This happens in white circles all the time, it is a really big problem.
classy sunshine
   Thursday, February 21, 2002 at 19:33:20 (PST)
Yes, it's rare to see an Asian and Black couple, specially when the woman is Black. I feel that it may have alot to do with the male maybe the oldest or the only male child in the family. And if this is the case, then he may feel that he has some sense of duty to his parents (in their old age, carrying on the family name). But as more and more young people began to date outside their race, you'll see more. As far as a Black man marrying an Asian women, I think that the family is a little more acceptable to the idea if guy has the following things going for him. One being a good job, hard worker, shows respect to the elder's of the family, knows something about the culture and treats their daughter with respect and care for her. If he can prove himself worth, then he's in like flint!

Oh yes, the same apply's to females seeking to get a male mate. Treat me, I'm going through the "test" now. I have met the friends and met with their approval, the daughter, he has met my mother on several occassions, met my daughter, my sister and her family. And now this coming summer, I get to go throught the fire with his family in China! aaaaah!
Blkaznlady
   Friday, February 15, 2002 at 11:03:05 (PST)
Filipina moms are bigots. They are whitewashed and only want their daughter to marry whites or other filipinos. One of my friend's aunts told me that the older filipina generation thinks white is pure and blacks are not pure and they are too dark (ugly). She was saying that she doesnt feel this way ( but in my mind i was like yah right watever). She claimed she was just telling the truth how majority of them think and that it was wrong. Now i knew that my wife's mom had that same thought. I am married to a filipina and her mom is just like Sheiryll S's mother. I been married to my wife for 9 years already. I went through alot of crap and thats including her mother complaining because my boys had curly hair and got darker. The only difference from Sheiryll's ex boyfriend and me is that i stayed commited and never used my wife as a trophie. To this day i hate her mom and made it known. For one i mentioned to her dont forget where she come from because most filipinos live worse then blacks in their own country compared to how we live in america. Then told her dont think many whites give a *bleep* about you and will treat not you as equal and that she was a woman of color. I told her all this will back fire on her. So far so good, all that smack about because im black i will be in prison, neglect her and our children, be a pimp ( did not even look stero typically as a pimp)being called nigger and eggot to her children (lucky she did not say that in my face)(naw i would not hit her neither)etc, this will come back and haunt her. This lady also water hosed the inside of my vehicle because i was waiting for her daughter outside of her property( she watch to much 1960 marches where blacks where constantly water hosed), she smacked me in my face when i block her from hitting her daughter with a telephone book in her face for saying she will not leave me for the color of my skin. I wanted to choke her but the hell out of her but i kept my cool and just let my hate build inside of me. She harrased me and call at my friends house telling them and me im the wrong kind Papanga women dont go for you people. Im into film on my way hopefully to suceed and be a director. I will honestly show the hate in asian/black relationship. It will not be peaches and cream like the asian/white movie like JOY LUCK CLUB. I will only show the truth, many blacks may not like what they see or here. But they will know that these people will smile and piss all over your face ( being fake). whites and most american soilders claim filipino's are nice with hospitality to all people compared to other asians. Yah thats bull only cruel too BLACK RESPECTABLE PEOPLE. Them and other asians can be worst then whites, yet they come here wanting to be them. All the sterotypes made her look dumb. I even told her church how she was when i refused to sit near her during her oldest daughters wedding ( the lady is fake). Im so glad my wife did not allow her moms stupid ignorant comments change her. Im going to say this right now. People always assume black women have it bad with black men, but in a different since those asian or islander women in relationships like asian/black relationship have it a just as hard or sometimes worst. When people say that black women dont have the dad around to help raise there children and to commit, what about that filipina or other asian girl that may not have the daddy around including loosing her family that disowned her for their ignorant ways. But in most cases the black father is always there for there asian wives and now have to go through another version of racism with new family that are minorities. Some of you asians wonder why blacks start to get frustrated with you and turn to be evil and say ignorant things to you. Its because your families instill hate in your minds. We delt with white racism,we dont need other minorities comming here to mock them and inflict the same words or casting system amongst us. Other then that i will never hurt my wife like your man hurt you Sheriyll S. I hate men like that because they do give blacks a bad name. Just becareful who you date now days. Well my wife went through alot so my goal is to make everything better for her so she dont even have to be frustrated anymore. She will live beyond her parents values or whatever they wanted to force her to be, and she will just have a happy life. They will come back to her i know it. But the tables might turn, they may feel pressure from there own daughter by them knowing it dont bother her and she just dont want to be close to them anymore, after suceeding with out there support. My wife is strong and i look at her with the same as a black woman.. very strong..and intellegent. I am not trying to offend any filipina,other asians or their families including tradition. I am just speaking from my own experience of what my wife and i go through. This is all i have to say im going now.
toomad2talk
adoswell747@yahoo.com    Monday, February 04, 2002 at 20:31:51 (PST)
Patricia,

I have not seen many asian/black couples. This pairing is far from common. I don't know if the cultures would blend nicely in a romantic relationship or not, but I do see many friendships being made and ideas exchanged. The two groups appear to have started a journey of discovering and learning about each other. A dialogue has been opened, at least among young people.

It is refreshing.
Black American Woman
   Friday, February 01, 2002 at 22:11:13 (PST)
Sheriyll S.

You know what, you should just come off it. Any man can be that way. Don't makeout like only black men do this. I have dated blacks, latinos and asians who have those tendencies. All the lady asked is if there were asian /black relationships. She never asked for your life story with this man. If your ex man was so bad, then you need to look at yourself and figure out what you didn't see in the beginning. If your relationship with those white men were so great, how come you are still not in a relationship with one of them. Also "Miss Thang", you need to get over yourself.

"He knew that I was more attractive than his other girlfriends. I've been a fitness model and a personal trainer and I get a lot of guys checking me out. He knew this before we started dating. However, he also knew I was totally loyal to him. Still, he would get bent out of shape about the actions of others that I have no control over."


Come on now??? This sounds like someone is stuck on herself. That wasn't even necessary. Maybe the fact that you are insecure is why you attracted him. Vanity or being vain usually stems from lack of security. Sounds like you got a problem too. You know there are 3 sides to every story. His Yours and the truth. So be real and stop making this a lets disrespect the black man fest. You've got a problem that started way before you met that black guy.

third eye
   Thursday, January 31, 2002 at 09:01:35 (PST)
Hi again, Pat. I just wanted to list one other site along with www.geocities.com/gr8ebonyjade:
www.geocities.com/Taz_hiker. This young couple is contemplating marriage! But I am not sure the groom's family approves...
SeoulSearcher
   Tuesday, January 29, 2002 at 09:44:08 (PST)
Hi! Yes, there is a small, yet thriving community of "Blasian" families. I stumbled upon a nice website www.geocities.com/gr8ebonyjade set up by an Asian man and his African-American wife that is rich with pictures and some insight into their lives as a blended couple. Since then, I have found other Black-Asian sites. Like all Interracial couples, they go through a hefty share of BULL. I recommend contacting them through their homepage for a true prospective. They were quite warm and friendly.
SeoulSearcher
   Tuesday, January 29, 2002 at 09:22:12 (PST)
Sometimes yes, sometimes no. I am a Hapa girl who dated mostly White guys and had no troubles with them. I got into a relationship with an attractive Black guy which lasted over a year. The experience started out positive, but it gradually turned into a big mess and ended.

The problems:

1. I was the first Asian girl he dated. He acted like it was an accomplishment because he'd tried to get other Asian girls to date him but they wouldn't.

2. He knew that I was more attractive than his other girlfriends. I've been a fitness model and a personal trainer and I get a lot of guys checking me out. He knew this before we started dating. However, he also knew I was totally loyal to him. Still, he would get bent out of shape about the actions of others that I have no control over.

3. He was not happy that some of my friends were guys. This was a big point of contention between us which he was totally hypocritical about. He had several female friends, and I didn't care if they were friends or not. Just don't disrespect me.

4. He was dishonest with me. He would keep secrets and lie about stuff only for me to find out about it later. I tried to break up with him several times over this because I realized after a while I couldn't trust him.

5. He used me as at trophy at times. His friends knew I treated him well and they told him not to lose me because I was good to him. His family said the same thing. He always acted nice in front of them, but otherwise, he became neglectful or accusatory for no reason.

6. He cheated on me with another girl. This was bad enough in and of itself, but this other girl was built like Margaret Cho and was not attractive in her face or her personality. He said he was justified in it because I made him feel insecure. I hate to say this, but the dude was insecure long before he met me. How else could he justify what he did? I don't mean to sound arrogant, but a lot of men say I look like Brooke Burke of E!'s "Wild On." Who in their right mind would choose Margaret Cho over Brooke Burke?

The bottom line was this guy used me as arm-candy, abused my love and loyalty to him and acted like a player in the end. I don't think that all Black men act that way, but unfortunately, this dude was a total stereotype.

He was even angry about the fact that my previous boyfriends had been White--even though he'd dated White women before! Of all the nerve! Especially after I angered my Filipina mother by moving in with him and dating him. My mom was totally racist against him becuase he was Black, but I still loved him and put my neck out for him.

Would I ever date a Black man again? Yes, I would. Provided he was emotionally secure and didn't play any games on me. If you don't have trust, you can't "merge cultures" no matter what your ethnicity is.
Sheiryll S.
   Tuesday, January 29, 2002 at 09:07:14 (PST)

NEWEST COMMENTS | EARLIER COMMENTS