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GOLDSEA |
ASIAMS.NET |
ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
IS THE AA GENDER DIVIDE REAL?
(Updated
Wednesday, Jan 22, 2025, 06:38:55 AM)
sian American women are abandoning AA men by the millions. Young AA women seek out any race of men but their own. Women like Amy Tan write books and make movies that dump on AA men and glorify Asian women in relationships with white men.
That's the perception of many AA men.
On what do they blame this state of affairs? Brainwashing by media that play up white men while cutting Asian men off at the knees. Desire for payback by AA women who feel slighted by their families and Asian society. Large numbers of non-Asian men with blind fetishes for Asian women. Some even acknowledge that Asian men are often too fixed in their ideas of how a woman should look and behave, causing many AF to feel devalued.
Other Asian Americans see AF outmarriage rates as merely a natural state of affairs for a 4% minority population that includes many recent immigrants. The outmarriage gender gap will narrow as growing Asian population centers provide ready access to bigger pools of singles. Besides outmarriage isn't the same as rejecting one's racial identity, they argue. Many AF who outmarry retain strong identification with their Asian identity.
Is there really an Asian American gender divide? Is so, what's behind it? If not, what's behind the perception?
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Discussions posted during the past year remain available for browsing.
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WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
AC Dropout and huu76:
"Chinese marrying Vietnamese isn't really outmarrying. Are you saying my English/German friend's parents were in an IR marriage?"
If two Caucasian/Euro-Americans of different national ancestries marry, there are cultural differences. Typically people of British ancestry are Episcopalian or Methodist, while those of German ancestry are Lutheran or Roman Catholic. There are HUGE doctrinal differences in these church denominations, including their methods of baptism, who is allowed to take communion and various church holidays and traditions.
Also, there are different traditional foods associated with these cultures, as well as what professions are viewed as being "good" or "bad" for their family members. Furthermore, there are many people of British ancestry who would seem to be "American acculterated" but would not want their children to marry people of German ancestry and vice versa. Why? Due to some of these differences I described.
No, such marriages are not "interracial" but rather are "transethnic." If a Chinese person marrying a Vietnamese person, you would also run into many cultural and possibly religious differences as well.
These cultural differences sometimes get overlooked under the view of "White America"--particularly in WM/WF marriages. However, these VERY REAL cultural differences become a source of conflict in White marriages. The big mistake a lot of people make here in the US is that they seem to think that if they marry someone of the same "race" or "skin color" that they are somehow "culturally the same" when in fact THEY ARE NOT!!!
I remember reading in a magazine this piece of wisdom:
People who marry within their same "race" start out thinking they're the same but over time find out the hard way that they are totally different. People who marry "interracially" start out thinking they're totally different, but over time they become more like eachother.
Hank Lewis
Tuesday, August 27, 2002 at 06:00:39 (PDT)
Sorry for the multiple postings Mr. Ed,
NYC,
Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil. That's how the sell-out likes it when things are going her way.
huu76
Monday, August 26, 2002 at 22:39:38 (PDT)
Ac,
I just noticed this. Goldsea classifies in the relationship section "Intra-Asian" and "Interracial". I don't see any asian-asian combinations in the second heading.
Deng,
Yes, one would think so. It's disappointing (depending on who you are) that it's come to this.
huu76
Monday, August 26, 2002 at 22:27:23 (PDT)
AC,
There are about 4 major ethnic groups on Earth. Caucasion, Negro, Mongoloids (I think that's what we're called, including East Indians) and maybe Hispanics (usually they get lumped in with one of the first two).
IR is defined when a member of any two of these groups mix. Two white people marrying each other is NOT interracial. Cross cultural, but not IR.
AC,
About my bro. So, my brother's situation is indicative of what all AF/AM relationships are like. Damn, and here I am trying to find a complex solution for something so simple.
Is he settling for leftover AF? Maybe she's just keeping busy until Mr. White..er, right comes along. I think he can do a lot better if he'd just open his eyes and find a non-AF.
It's guys like you AC, who refuse to acknowledge reality that'll make you the AF's whipping boy. You'll just be a tool to be used and disregarded after you've served your purpose.
huu76
Monday, August 26, 2002 at 22:09:12 (PDT)
In some ways I do have to agree with Deng Ai. Asian women makes choices by refusing to date asian men. Asian men do complain about this. Case in point check out this forum. BUT, to be fair I still meet asian women who speaks english that prefers asian men. Maybe it is because I live in NYC and there is fair number of asian people. I notice one thing in NYC. If you go to aisan neighborhood you wouldn't really come across too many mix couples. I would say 80% of the time you would see asian with asian. Usually in downtown NYC you will see the disparity in the inter-racial relationship between asian women and non-asian men. (I used to go to NYU)But, still it is NOT AlOT. I don't really think it is. I also see a growing number of asian men with non-asian women. Heck, if there so many asian women that refuse to date asian men than asian men HAS to LOOK else where.
The real issue that Deng Ai and K. Chang I think is trying to drive at is that in comparing to other races, asian people are unique in a sense where WE DO HAVE A DISPARITY IN INTERRACIAL RELATIONSHIP. Even though I meet asian women who prefer asian men I STILL come across asian women who cling on to her white boyfriend for deal life and give me a condescending look. I personally don't care who dates who. But, considering the negative stereotype of asian men these asian women are not helping us(asian men) nor are they helping the asian community or more importantly themselves. The stereotype for asian women is that they are utra-feminine , submissive,agreeable etc. The stereotype for asian men is that we are less masculine , sexist, etc.
By asian women not picking asian men it sends the message that we(asian men) are not good enough for them. In other words people that don't know better may think asian men MUST be less masculine because LOOK asian women refuse to pick them. At the same time these same asian women makes themselves sexual available to white men. In other words these asian women are living up to the stereotype that they are easy and are for white men only. THIS IS WHAT GETS ME ANGRY!! Asian women by doing this is doing nothing more but living up to expectation and stereotypes. I am not saying that asian men owns asian women or I am agianst free choices in realtionship. But, I really QUESTION if LOVE is truly color blind.
Korean boy
Monday, August 26, 2002 at 21:37:50 (PDT)
Deng Ai:
If you know that it's *their* personal business, why do you care then?
Sell outs come in all colors, and both sexes.
Stop complaining about how much upkeep it takes to keep an AF, you big baby.
Look in the mirror, fool
Monday, August 26, 2002 at 19:11:37 (PDT)
The "black stud" approach will never work for us Asian guys. It is just reality.
--Whaaaaaat??
This is coming from a big time "Kigga". All you suburban banana Asian boyz wouldn't know what I'm talking about. That's okay. YOU are the one the "black stud" approach wouldn't work for. I think Urban Asians can certainly pull that shit off. Ferrealz. I'm living proof.
If you only knew.
Monday, August 26, 2002 at 17:10:38 (PDT)
At work, I sit next to an AF. And there are a few other AF's (3 to be exact) that are in my dept. They all date AM's and have mostly Asian friends. These girls are of various Asian descents and native US born. All grads from UC schools or private colleges; and are 23-25 years old.
I know a pool of 4 AF's is not exactly statistically representative. These gals have the looks, brains, class, etc. And can attract any man, in fact, many of the WM/BM at work try to jock these gals, and it's just hilarious how these girls don't give them any play. Maybe it's because the guys think because they're non-Asian, that these AF's would worship them.... ah, no,no,no.... It doesn't work this way with girls who have game.
Some of the gals actually complain to me how these guys don't take no for an answer and the WM/BM think they're just playing hard to get. The girls think these guys are just plain "creeps" I see other AM's jock these gals, but they seem to get much more play. Maybe it's because the AM's are 5'10"-6'2" and not exactly the "stereotypical" AM that the media portrays.
If there's a gender divide, I surely don't see at work.... well, except for the 30-something AF that got knocked-up by a 50-something WM (he's a playa' who's paying the price) -- while she was married to an AM -- that's a sordid story in itself. And to see them together, well, it's kinda ugly, to say the least. Not hatin', just stating the fact.
To: dsfbcbsijbdax
If you're frustrated, and don't like AM/WF couples.... that's your perogative. Nobody can tell you who you can choose as a mate. It's all on you. So, go out and look for an AF, and bridge the so-called divide. Do your part to make it non-existant.
As for me, I am just gonna get me some nookie and if she happens to be yellow, black, green, white, or whatever flavor... it all tastes the same. Of course, speaking for myself, I'll taste the rainbow, but when it comes down to chosing one flavor for the rest of my life, it'll be banana and not vanilla....
NotConfusedAsianDude
Monday, August 26, 2002 at 17:05:06 (PDT)
korean man,
I also know AMs who are attracted to German women. Before you go on glorifying German women, there's no doubt for anyone having lived among Germans for a longer time that you're talking about women from the "alternative scene". A real exception from the German majority which is still xenophobic. It's just those intellectual 20% or so of the Germans who are attracted to anti-racist and eco-slogans.
Nonetheless I can agree with you that the anti-racist lobby in Germany is stronger than in the US. But go to the post-communist Eastern part of the country (ex-DDR) and your life won't last that long.
BTW, they've already lots of Eurasian hapas there. Most of them being 99% white-washed. AM/AF Gender divide does also occur, I guess.
rare stuff
Monday, August 26, 2002 at 15:52:51 (PDT)
Maybe all the AM who don't feel like getting married are just waiting for sell-out mummys daughter to grow up. Then he can undo her life's work. Just a sneaky view at things.
- huu,
Are you referring to Hapas? In my experience, they seem to be the toughest of all to crack. Much better chances with WF and even, I daresay sellouts. Even sellouts 'tho difficult, can be shown the way. Hapa babes seem to have a goal which was already predetermined by their sellout moms and maybe even coded into their genes. Most of them are determined to keep it real to their 'final solution'. I really hope you can disagree with me. Please prove me wrong.
Toy Sunner
Monday, August 26, 2002 at 12:53:14 (PDT)
"I feel that you should understand I am a frustrated AM, and I don't like AM/WF couples at all. I still feel the scarriness that AA gender divide will happen or is happening. Besides, I have so much love and respect for AF's than WF's."
dsfbcbsijbdax
Buddy, what the hell is your problem? You stick these little "I hate AM/WF" sentences everywhere. You are an Asian male. You say your are frustrated, why? Because other Asian men have chosen to date White women? What business is that of yours? How does this directly affect you and your life? Fine, you don't like White females- don't date them! No problem. Get over it and move on.
curious girl
Monday, August 26, 2002 at 12:28:39 (PDT)
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