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ASIAMS.NET |
ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
IS THE AA GENDER DIVIDE REAL?
(Updated
Wednesday, Jan 22, 2025, 06:38:55 AM)
sian American women are abandoning AA men by the millions. Young AA women seek out any race of men but their own. Women like Amy Tan write books and make movies that dump on AA men and glorify Asian women in relationships with white men.
That's the perception of many AA men.
On what do they blame this state of affairs? Brainwashing by media that play up white men while cutting Asian men off at the knees. Desire for payback by AA women who feel slighted by their families and Asian society. Large numbers of non-Asian men with blind fetishes for Asian women. Some even acknowledge that Asian men are often too fixed in their ideas of how a woman should look and behave, causing many AF to feel devalued.
Other Asian Americans see AF outmarriage rates as merely a natural state of affairs for a 4% minority population that includes many recent immigrants. The outmarriage gender gap will narrow as growing Asian population centers provide ready access to bigger pools of singles. Besides outmarriage isn't the same as rejecting one's racial identity, they argue. Many AF who outmarry retain strong identification with their Asian identity.
Is there really an Asian American gender divide? Is so, what's behind it? If not, what's behind the perception?
This interactive article is closed to new input.
Discussions posted during the past year remain available for browsing.
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WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
Korean Boy:
"I STILL come across asian women who cling on to her white boyfriend for deal life and give me a condescending look"
Where do you live? I have not observed any Asian woman with a White man or husband do this in the presence of Asian men here in Houston--thus far anyway. My wife doesn't do that, that's for sure. Why should she? The women who would do that sort of thing are probably highly insecure to say the very least.
The only type of action I have seen SOME (not all) AFs with White boyfriends do in the presence of another Asian has been that they will all of a sudden kiss their boyfriend in the presence of another Asian FEMALE. It's like they're marking their territory or reminding their b/fs whom they belong to or something.
Julie did this early on in our dating life, but after she finally figured out I was loyal to her and wasn't "looking around" she quit doing it. However, every once in a while some woman (not necessarily Asian) has acted "flirty" towards me in front of Julie, which has then brought on "Did you like her long hair?" or "What kind of look did you give her to encourage this?" or whatever like it's all my fault.
No matter how you slice it, men will do what it takes to get a woman's attention in the dating/mating scene, but ultimately it's the women who do the picking and the choosing. In a perfect world, any decent man of a certain ethnic group should have at least an equal chance of being picked by women of his same ethnic group as would some man of a different ethnic group. However, based upon my observations of people, including Asian for that matter, it seems that most men are more likely to be chosen by a woman of their same ethnic group than they are to be chosen by a woman of a different ethnic group.
In other words, all else being equal between an Asian man and a White man, an Asian woman is more likely to choose the Asian man.
Hank Lewis
Wednesday, August 28, 2002 at 06:58:43 (PDT)
Political Observer - I am not against interracial relationships either, but I am tired of both WM and WF telling me that the reason WM chose AF is because usually they get their choice of the attractive ones easily. Please don't yell at me because that's what they observed and said to me, not me saying it. So I feel bad for those attractive AF going out with ugly WM.
dsfbcbsijbdax - I am sorry you are frustrated but there's not much you can do if AF want to date WM. But as I said, I things are slowly changing. I have seen so many cutie-pie AF/AM couples lately :D
Justagirl
Wednesday, August 28, 2002 at 00:15:55 (PDT)
ToyS,
Hmmm, intersting viewpoint. I don't have experience with halfs, but I would've assumed they'd be more open. After all, they're already half white, so there isn't the dire life long yearning to convert.
dsfbcbsijbdax,
You and AC Dropout should go bowling.
huu76
Tuesday, August 27, 2002 at 18:16:20 (PDT)
Is love colorblind? I don't think so, although, love is blind because it makes us stupid, but it's not colorblind. But, sooner or later, the fat lady has to sing, and we have to open our eyes.
Those who choose based solely on color... they're in for a big surprise. While you can lie to yourself in order to rationalize your actions. Sooner or later, you'll have to pay the piper and bring culpability to your actions. So, be real, and accept that race does play a role in the selection process and move forward. Whether it's a conscious effort or not, it is indeed a factor. And I think it's more often a conscious decision than not because in a IR, you are indeed fighting the power that be with something that is inherrently contradictory with human behavior (the want and need to be with someone like yourself.) Speaking from my experience, it takes more effort and energy for me to be with someone that's not an AF; and all the crap I get from my friends and family.
I'll willingly admit that in the past I have dated WFs, just to date WF's -- purely that simple. But, after a few bad dates, I don't do that anymore because it isn't worth my time to sell myself short by being so non-selective. I've even dated AF's just to date AF's. So, it goes both ways. And the truth is, being with an AF is a million times easier than with a non-Asian. I just connect a lot more with AFs who know the cultural issues and have more understanding of the things AM's have to endure. There's an inherrent bond that I haven't been able to replicate with non-Asians. But, that's not to say that it's impossible because there are plenty of Asian/non-Asian relationships -- how many of those go the distance to the matrimonial stage --- who knows, but in order to get there, you better have that connection or soon, I'll be watch your butt on channel 2 in the afternoon when Divorce Court is showing.
NotConfusedAsianDude
Tuesday, August 27, 2002 at 16:38:54 (PDT)
"I also know AMs who are attracted to German women. Before you go on glorifying German women, there's no doubt for anyone having lived among Germans for a longer time that you're talking about women from the "alternative scene". A real exception from the German majority which is still xenophobic. It's just those intellectual 20% or so of the Germans who are attracted to anti-racist and eco-slogans."
You are right. I found many Germans to be obnoxious or plain racist.
"Nonetheless I can agree with you that the anti-racist lobby in Germany is stronger than in the US."
Have to be.
"But go to the post-communist Eastern part of the country (ex-DDR) and your life won't last that long."
Very true.
"BTW, they've already lots of Eurasian hapas there. Most of them being 99% white-washed. AM/AF Gender divide does also occur, I guess."
Most are not considered Germans and until 1999 were not granted full citizenship as they are tainted with non-white blood (on the other hand white Americans of 100% white blood and 10% German ancestry can get their citizenship even if they had no connection with Germany). It changed in 1999. However, Herr fuhrer Stoiber wants to restore the old citizenship laws and even try to strip the new hapa citizens of their citizenship if he gets into power. Believe me..I am a German hapa and I got out of there and disappeared into Singapore where I received my residency and eventually citizenship.
Ex German Hapa (Now a Proud Singaporean)!!!
Tuesday, August 27, 2002 at 16:17:04 (PDT)
Fool wrote:
"If you know that it's *their* personal business, why do you care then?"
Seems to be the topic of the forum. I had already said numerous times I have nothing against AF/WM.
"Sell outs come in all colors, and both sexes."
I have never called AFs dating WMs sellouts. In fact I haven't called anyone a sellout.
"Stop complaining about how much upkeep it takes to keep an AF, you big baby."
When did I talk about AF upkeep? I think you are confused. And yes, I am a big baby. Thank you very much.
Deng Ai
Tuesday, August 27, 2002 at 16:15:09 (PDT)
"There are about 4 major ethnic groups on Earth. Caucasion, Negro, Mongoloids (I think that's what we're called, including East Indians) and maybe Hispanics (usually they get lumped in with one of the first two)."
American definition of race not ethnicity...ethnicity is not defined by color but more by culture or language. And East Indians are a separate entity, not mongloid and not caucasian.
"IR is defined when a member of any two of these groups mix. Two white people marrying each other is NOT interracial. Cross cultural, but not IR."
Again, North American definition..or precisely white American classification...the Europeans would beg to disagree.
"Chinese marrying Vietnamese isn't really outmarrying."
Please tell that to all the Chinese who disown their children if they marry Vietnamese of vice versa.
"Are you saying my English/German friend's parents were in an IR marriage?"
Not in North America. But there are English folks who would not want their kids to marry Germans, or for that matter Scottish, Irish or Welsh. People of Northern Ireland would rather have their kids marry a Catholic Filipina over an English protestant woman. People have been killed in Northern Ireland for dating or marrying English.
Historian
Tuesday, August 27, 2002 at 16:06:23 (PDT)
"NotConfused,
If an AF has decided to sellout, she'll cook up any excuse as to why she won't date an AM. They'll probably stoop as low as saying "An AM looked at me funny once, and he reminds me of my alcoholic, wife-beating casino patronizing permiscuous dad to boot".
huu76"
Huu76,
What you said, is eerily verbatim to what an AF friend of mine said about her father. Albeit, her father was the alcoholic, wifebeater, casino hustling dad. This, perhaps, is the main reason she dislikes AM's. The weird thing is she has many AM friends, but only dates non-Asians for said reason. You'd think she would distrust ALL men due to her dysfunctional upbringing, but nope, only AM's need apply.
NotConfusedAsianDude
Tuesday, August 27, 2002 at 16:03:42 (PDT)
NotConfusedAsianDude,
Thank you for acknowledging such AF's.
We do exist, and love our Asian men....despite being hit on by other races.
Yes, I've found that non-Asian men think I'm playing hard to get when I turn them away.
I *am* flattered, but I'm just happy with my Asian boyfriend. :)
We AF's in Cali have game, and know how to play it well.
Banana Girl
Tuesday, August 27, 2002 at 15:40:40 (PDT)
Yes, AA peeps on the West Coast do have more pride.
Some of you East Coast folks need to take a long hard look at yourselves.
Yellow
Tuesday, August 27, 2002 at 10:57:50 (PDT)
Korean Boy and huu 76,
K. Boy wrote
"Asian women makes choices by refusing to date asian men. Asian men do complain about this."
Let me ask you guys an honest question (no ulterior motives trust me), are there cultural reasons why so many asian women prefer white and black men. It just seems that there must be some reason why many asian women leave asian men in droves to seek guys of other races in relationships.
To me it just seems that asian men have been marginalized and discounted by society so this causes some attitude/behavioral hang-ups that turn off many asian women.
Political Observer
Tuesday, August 27, 2002 at 10:43:47 (PDT)
Whenever I hear things like
"This is coming from a big time "Kigga". "
It makes me wonder about all the code words that can be used to direct ethnic slurs against you.
Would you be interested in reading a list?
I don't think anyone wants to hear asian versions of an ethnic slur designed exclusively for african americans. You need to learn to stay on topic and not incite racial disharmony. Be senstive. You asian ladies and guys do have intelligent african americans who are contributing to this forum. Learn how to behave and you'll be treated with more respect.
Political Observer
Tuesday, August 27, 2002 at 10:35:02 (PDT)
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