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ASIAMS.NET |
ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
IS THE AA GENDER DIVIDE REAL?
(Updated
Wednesday, Jan 22, 2025, 06:38:56 AM)
sian American women are abandoning AA men by the millions. Young AA women seek out any race of men but their own. Women like Amy Tan write books and make movies that dump on AA men and glorify Asian women in relationships with white men.
That's the perception of many AA men.
On what do they blame this state of affairs? Brainwashing by media that play up white men while cutting Asian men off at the knees. Desire for payback by AA women who feel slighted by their families and Asian society. Large numbers of non-Asian men with blind fetishes for Asian women. Some even acknowledge that Asian men are often too fixed in their ideas of how a woman should look and behave, causing many AF to feel devalued.
Other Asian Americans see AF outmarriage rates as merely a natural state of affairs for a 4% minority population that includes many recent immigrants. The outmarriage gender gap will narrow as growing Asian population centers provide ready access to bigger pools of singles. Besides outmarriage isn't the same as rejecting one's racial identity, they argue. Many AF who outmarry retain strong identification with their Asian identity.
Is there really an Asian American gender divide? Is so, what's behind it? If not, what's behind the perception?
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Discussions posted during the past year remain available for browsing.
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WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
JustAGirl & Political Observer:
In response to those who would say "the reason WM chose AF is because usually they get their choice of the attractive ones easily", all I can say is GARBAGE!!! I've known plenty of attractive AFs who wouldn't give an ugly WM (or any other kind of male) the time of day because they know they're attractive and do their own picking and choosing of men. The only time I've seen an "attractive" AF with an "ugly" WM is when the "ugly" WM is really rich and the AF is either really FOBby or a gold-digger.
Most AFs I've seen with WMs (and AMs or other types of guys for that matter) in the Houston area tend to be of the same level of attractiveness--attractive with attractive, average with average, plain with plain, and ugly with ugly. That's just the way it normally goes unless the ugly person has some other qualities (i.e. material wealth, citizenship, ultra intelligence & sensitivity, etc.) which let them "trade up."
By the way, I've seen PLENTY of "attractive" WFs and BFs with "ugly" WMs, BMs and other kinds of males as well. Usually because of those aforementioned qualities. Don't try to make this out to be some kind of an Asian issue. It's more of a male/female issue that transcends ethnicity.
Hank Lewis
Thursday, August 29, 2002 at 06:16:51 (PDT)
Political Observer:
"To me it just seems that asian men have been marginalized and discounted by society so this causes some attitude/behavioral hang-ups that turn off many asian women.
I think Asian guys expect alot from American society and while many of them enjoy professional success, the media and makes them look nerdy, short and asexual. Asian guys are most likely a good catch for women, but they are marginalized to the point were it pisses them off and they probably put too much pressure on themselves I think.
"You need to learn to stay on topic and not incite racial disharmony. Be senstive."
I guess I should be glad that no one has used the "n" word, but the other terms do offend me as well.
You and Hank Lewis are really a couple of cool guys.
Geoff DB
GeoffDB02@aol.com
Wednesday, August 28, 2002 at 21:41:12 (PDT)
Political Observer:
"are there cultural reasons why so many asian women prefer white and black men"
The African-American men who I see with Asian women are, generally, professionals, intelligent, well groomed and have money to buy their ladies presents and take them places. They drive nice cars, too. It's very common place these days to see black guys with very attractive Asian ladies. These ladies dress well and are anotomically correct.
Rarely, do Asian women date thuggish black guys unless they both live in depressed neighborhoods.
Asian women tend to be pretty "pricey". You can't support an Asian woman earning a minimum wage salary.
Same thing for white guys who date Asian women.
Asian women still, generally, prefer and marry Asian guys, but the ones who date outside their race only do so when the white or black guy can provide the best things for them. Otherwise, the relationship won't last long, no matter how much they love each other.
Geoff DB
GeoffDB02@aol.com
Wednesday, August 28, 2002 at 21:21:50 (PDT)
Ex German Hapa,
congratulations. I would do the same if I could.
rare stuff
Wednesday, August 28, 2002 at 15:34:03 (PDT)
"..because in a IR, you are indeed fighting the power that be with something that is inherrently contradictory with human behavior (the want and need to be with someone like yourself.)"
Everyone wants to be with someone like themself, someone with whom they have many things in common, someone they can relate to, share opinins on various subjects with, etc. You automatically assume that "someone like yourself" means the superficial- race, ethnicity- the cover of the book, rather than what's inside.
curious girl
Wednesday, August 28, 2002 at 13:03:52 (PDT)
Hank Lewis and Korean Boy,
K. Boy wrote
"Where do you live? I have not observed any Asian woman with a White man or husband do this in the presence of Asian men here in Houston--thus far anyway."
Unfortunately I have seen this as well in the san francisco bay area. It is definitely crude and embarassing to watch. If you cannot respect yourself then you cannot respect anyone else. I have seen asian women look down on decent looking asian guys and it sends a chill down my spine. Problem is the boyfriends don't do anything to discourage it.
Political Observer
Wednesday, August 28, 2002 at 11:57:08 (PDT)
NotConfusedAsianDude,
Not all people that date outside their race based their choice solely on race.
"Speaking from my experience, it takes more effort and energy for me to be with someone that's not an AF; and all the crap I get from my friends and family."
Well that may be, but for those AMs who prefer to date WFs, they find the effort and energy worthwhile. They find that dating who they want is more important to their happiness than approval from friends and family. Do you let your friends and familys' opinions rule your life?
Banana Girl, doesn't "Banana" refer to someone that's yellow on the outside, but white on the inside? Hence, whitewashed?
"In other words, all else being equal between an Asian man and a White man, an Asian woman is more likely to choose the Asian man."
Hank, then how would you explain why your wife chose you, if everyone truly prefers to date only within their race?
WF dating AM
Wednesday, August 28, 2002 at 11:34:20 (PDT)
Justagirl
"I am tired of both WM and WF telling me that the reason WM chose AF is because usually they get their choice of the attractive ones easily"
I'm not one of the jerks you're referring to. I'm a fairly open minded guy. There are a bunch of dogs out there don't get me wrong. I am not one of them.
Here in san francisco I see alot of mismatched straight AF/WM and gay WM/AM couples and it makes you wonder how so many attractive asian ladies and guys get hooked up with nerdy looking inept people. The asian guys who I see with attractive white women are generally good looking. The white straight and gay guys who are with good looking AF and AM tend to look like herman the monster type drones who can calculate like nobody's business. Is this cultural? I don't know.
Personally if an attractive AF approached me or if I approached her and we hit it off we could date and I'd treat her with respect and trust. However I don't want an AF just for the purpose of dating someone who is asian. Physical attraction is important to me.
Political Observer
Wednesday, August 28, 2002 at 11:19:45 (PDT)
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