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ASIAMS.NET |
ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
IS THE AA GENDER DIVIDE REAL?
(Updated
Wednesday, Jan 22, 2025, 06:38:55 AM)
sian American women are abandoning AA men by the millions. Young AA women seek out any race of men but their own. Women like Amy Tan write books and make movies that dump on AA men and glorify Asian women in relationships with white men.
That's the perception of many AA men.
On what do they blame this state of affairs? Brainwashing by media that play up white men while cutting Asian men off at the knees. Desire for payback by AA women who feel slighted by their families and Asian society. Large numbers of non-Asian men with blind fetishes for Asian women. Some even acknowledge that Asian men are often too fixed in their ideas of how a woman should look and behave, causing many AF to feel devalued.
Other Asian Americans see AF outmarriage rates as merely a natural state of affairs for a 4% minority population that includes many recent immigrants. The outmarriage gender gap will narrow as growing Asian population centers provide ready access to bigger pools of singles. Besides outmarriage isn't the same as rejecting one's racial identity, they argue. Many AF who outmarry retain strong identification with their Asian identity.
Is there really an Asian American gender divide? Is so, what's behind it? If not, what's behind the perception?
This interactive article is closed to new input.
Discussions posted during the past year remain available for browsing.
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WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
"This is my opinion. I have mentioned so many times here that I really h8 AM/WF couples. You claim that AM/WF couples are good looking? I don't. I am a frustrated AM, and I have a problem with that. I have the right to feel this way."
Well, dsfbcbsijbdax, obviously you have a right to your own opinion, and I have a right to mine- that there is nothing wrong with interracial relationships. I was just wondering what your problem is with AM/WF couples. Why do you "h8" us so? It might make sense if you "h8d" AF/WM couples because you felt jealous, or that the WMs were stealing away the AFs. But why do you care who other guys date? A lot of AMs here seem to be unhappy with the choice of AFs that they have, so they choose to date non-AFs, is that so wrong?
curious girl
Tuesday, September 03, 2002 at 11:11:33 (PDT)
[206.34.216.7]
NotConfusedAsianDude wrote:
"These girls are the toughest nut to crack. They have so much dislike for AM's, deservedly or not, that you'll to spend an eternity proving your virtues to her."
You must have a lot of free time to undertake the effort to change someone's personal preferences. It's like trying to turn a straight person gay. Are AFs worth that effort?
Deng Ai
Tuesday, September 03, 2002 at 11:06:45 (PDT)
[198.6.73.7]
huu76 wrote:
"By the way, I'm not here to whine that I can't get an AF. I've honestly never tried."
Unfortunately, that is still the mindset of many many AMs. The thought or the possibility of dating non-AFs is completely foreign and incomprensible. They just don't understand how any AM can make critical comments regarding AFs, unless of course you are bitter and can't get an AF.
Deng Ai
Tuesday, September 03, 2002 at 10:58:54 (PDT)
[198.6.73.7]
JustAGirl:
I wasn't "yelling at you" but was disagreeing with you on some points. Yes, I have seen many "very good looking" WMs with AFs here in Houston, as well as when I was in college at UT-Austin and in grad school at Baylor. Some of it has to do with what you mentally track on--if you are intentionally looking for ugly men with attractive women, you will find them.
As far as your being approached by
a number of ugly WM who get very snarly when you turned them down, I hate to tell you this but there are plenty of ugly men (not just White ones) who go after attractive White, Black and Latin women who somehow think these women will go out with them, but get snarly when they get turned by them as well. Perhaps the REASON WHY they think you will go out with them is different than it is with those pretty women of other ethnicities, but the behavior is the same. I know a couple of Rockets power dancers, Houston Texans cheerleaders and female coworkers of various ethnicities who would testify to being approached by ugly men who got snarly when they turned them down.
A woman who is blessed or cursed with great beauty ends up having to spend a lot of time guarding herself against the advances of all kinds of men and even has to maintain some sort of protective distance during early stages of courting because sometimes the most psychotic of men look "handsome" and "normal."
Hank Lewis
Tuesday, September 03, 2002 at 10:42:46 (PDT)
[161.159.4.35]
Repost:
"Would a white woman, with all else being equal to your wife, have been able to woo you away in the early days of your courting?"
Hmm... I had to put this one on the backburner for a while, and came to the conclusion "it depends upon how early in our courtship." If it were before Julie & my third date, then she'd have been able to distract me. However, this rhetorical White woman would have to be Julie's equal in intelligence, education, personality, attractiveness, build and had glossy black hair like Julie. If it were after our third date, I doubt this rhetorical White woman would have gotten a third look from me because Julie and I got very close emotionally and so forth on and after our third date.
Hank Lewis
Tuesday, September 03, 2002 at 10:29:02 (PDT)
[161.159.4.35]
"I dont think there are many AFs who prefer to date black men. They would run away from blk men like they are plague."
FOP
Hmmh, I've met quite a few AF's that have dated BM's. And for the most part, they do it for the same reason for dating WM's.... it's out of curisosity, intially. And if they like that first nibble, they usually continue on the same streak. A lot of the chickenhead AF's lust after BM's. Recently, a few of my friend's AF wives/gf's attended a Cool J concert and they couldn't stop talking about how they "do" him. I take that as typical girl bantering just as guys will talk about how they'd love to get a piece of Vanessa or Halle. Although, I have never met an AF that actually is married to a BM, so maybe it's just a way of rebelling and experimentation. But, given time, it shouldn't be a surprise, either.
NotConfusedAsianDude
Monday, September 02, 2002 at 23:33:57 (PDT)
[68.5.243.108]
"It is absolutely appalling for an AF to totally disregard AM. I would not want to spend time with an AF who has neither dated nor has any interest at all in AM." --Political Observer
These girls are the toughest nut to crack. They have so much dislike for AM's, deservedly or not, that you'll to spend an eternity proving your virtues to her. I know a few AF's that will never date AM's. For the most part, it's because they've been burned in the past by AM's and blame us for their predicament; actually, men get blamed for everything - regardless. It's not that they, all of a sudden, contracted an anti-AM virus. It's a slow but methodical process, luckily, it's not contageous. Case in point, I have an AF friend who dates only AM's; her sister only dates WM's. Both grew-up in the same environment, one had a bad experience and just gave up on AM's (and nothing will change her mind) while the other assumes that all men are equal.
NotConfusedAsianDude
Monday, September 02, 2002 at 23:22:06 (PDT)
[68.5.243.108]
Political Observer:
"I'm telling you man, that's definitely the case here in SF. To look at some of these mismatched couples you'd think the AF has just won an all expense paid trip to florida or something.
It is absolutely appalling for an AF to totally disregard AM. I would not want to spend time with an AF who has neither dated nor has any interest at all in AM. The reason is she obviously has no self respect or respect for her race. How anyone can disregard someone of their own race is beyond me."
excellent post!!! i'm glad people are addressing this issue on this forum as it should be, realistically! we all know the underlying issues behind this sometimes heated discussion. yes, admit to the fact that there are many af who are ashamed of their own race and hence tend to steer clear of am. if an af tells you that she's never being attracted to an am before you, stay clear of her! the fact is that you can do much better.
I don't think the AM on this forum who dates non-AF, are losers or angry, etc. Some of us simply see the world as it is and find our niche where it applies to us. I am a AM who has always been quite lucky with the girls, all my life. My gf is non-AF because she appreciates me and deserves me more than the AF that I'd dated. Simple facts, my friends. One should not settle. Many AM still settle for lesser AF, due to the supply/demand thing. But many are waking up. This is a good thing for our race and our community. As for the low-life AF who are ashamed of their own race, good riddence. I have only pity for them. I don't want them. I don't know why any self-respecting AM would want a woman like that.
It's a harsh statement I know, but one has to be real. And reality sometimes bites, and we cannot avoid reality. Likely over 50% (that's generous) of AF are unfit to date AM..most will never consider. Although that would still leave 50% of eligible AF, likely much less, AM must wake up and move on.
Look, in NO WAY am I saying AF are less than other women. In fact most of us AM in IRs actually prefer the AF, all else equal. Afterall is it not natural to see your own kind first? When AF do not look at AM at all, or acquiring a strange taste for AM, especially if they'd been around AM all their lives, this is NOT normal; she obviously has a negative biased towards her own race. AM, reality often bites you in the ass, and you have to wake up!
AM need to wake up and smell the coffee!
Monday, September 02, 2002 at 21:45:29 (PDT)
[24.90.169.63]
I can't get up,
I think people do realize it. They just don't like to talk about it to remain PC.
I'd say that your feelings are in part shaped by the media.
As long as you're happy, my friend.
Banana Girl
Monday, September 02, 2002 at 21:22:30 (PDT)
[64.130.204.9]
huu,
In all honestly, I think that you are emotionally scarred or something from negative experiences with AFs. That is not a knock on you, just an observation. I have no ill will against you. But hey -- do what makes you happy. Really. Good luck in ur life.
I Understand. (AM)
Monday, September 02, 2002 at 18:49:23 (PDT)
[128.253.186.46]
Curious Girl
I'm like that. So, don't take the **** too personal. That is just my view on AM/WF's.
dsfbcbsijbdax
Monday, September 02, 2002 at 12:01:48 (PDT)
[148.4.22.148]
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