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GOLDSEA |
ASIAMS.NET |
ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
IS THE AA GENDER DIVIDE REAL?
(Updated
Tuesday, Apr 1, 2008, 06:05:34 PM)
sian American women are abandoning AA men by the millions. Young AA women seek out any race of men but their own. Women like Amy Tan write books and make movies that dump on AA men and glorify Asian women in relationships with white men.
That's the perception of many AA men.
On what do they blame this state of affairs? Brainwashing by media that play up white men while cutting Asian men off at the knees. Desire for payback by AA women who feel slighted by their families and Asian society. Large numbers of non-Asian men with blind fetishes for Asian women. Some even acknowledge that Asian men are often too fixed in their ideas of how a woman should look and behave, causing many AF to feel devalued.
Other Asian Americans see AF outmarriage rates as merely a natural state of affairs for a 4% minority population that includes many recent immigrants. The outmarriage gender gap will narrow as growing Asian population centers provide ready access to bigger pools of singles. Besides outmarriage isn't the same as rejecting one's racial identity, they argue. Many AF who outmarry retain strong identification with their Asian identity.
Is there really an Asian American gender divide? Is so, what's behind it? If not, what's behind the perception?
This interactive article is closed to new input.
Discussions posted during the past year remain available for browsing.
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WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
Rob,
I find your comments quite overbearing and patronising. You said she was open minded but yet you've contradicted this by unequivocally saying """she only dates white men and has only dated white men""". I'm sorry but this to me, indicates her shallowness and total disownership of every race outside the caucasian one. By her reasoning she would rather date fat ugly white men like Newt Gringrich, Mick Moore over Rick Yune. She is an obvious sell out. It would be a different story had she said she dated men based on their individual qualities.
You also said "She tells me that she is simply more attracted to white men for physical reasons". What hogwash!!! Are you inferring that only white men have fabulous bodies?
Rob, your responses are littered with blind statements, gross generalisations and patronising overtones. Its merely a reflection of the threat you feel asian men pose to you and the fear that your girlfriend may acquire a taste for asian men.
Don't fret Rob and stop contradicting yourself.
oz asian
Thursday, December 05, 2002 at 07:31:46 (PST)
[203.29.131.3]
Rob:
I just have to interject here. Bottom line here is that your girlfriend IS a sellout. If she's so "open minded", then why is she restricting herself to only dating one race of people? I'm not attacking you but you really need to see her for what she is and quit sugar-coating it. She's a sellout, pure and simple. Unfortunately there are many women like her, especially in the Asian community. I've personally met several of them myself. No sellout that I know of will openly admit that she/he is a sellout. That's not exactly a positive label, ya know. If she openly admitted that she simply dates WM b/c she's not happy with what she is and wants her children to not look Asian, wouldn't she get a lot of flack for that? Your question to her should be is she dating you simply b/c you are white??? Sounds like it to me. That's truly pathetic. Did she ever say why she's not attracted to AM? My money is on the fact that she's not too happy when she looks in the mirror. Does she find her own father that unattractive too, just b/c he's Chinese?? You said, "She tells me that she is simply more attracted to white men for physical reasons." So does she think all AM are unattractive and all WM are nice looking? Sounds like the typical AF sellout I see daily. They would rather date an ugly, old, fat, unsuccessful WM as opposed to a young, very nice looking successful AM. I'm sorry but that is nothing more than self-hatred and I thank God that I don't suffer from it. I am also very proud of AFs that who are the TRUE open minded individuals that don't limit their options to men of only one race! There are attractive men and ugly men in EVERY race and for your girlfriend to tell you she's only attracted to WM and not AM, BM, LM, etc. that tells me (and others, I'm sure) one thing and one thing only... she has either been totally brainwashed to believe that white is right which means she's very weak minded or she's completely ashamed of what she is and feels that by being w/a WM, she's "dating up" as the term goes. Either way, good luck with this girl b/c I have a feeling you are going to need it. And if (Heaven forbid) you stay together and have children, you better keep your fingers crossed that the kids don't look full Chinese or she will probably resent them. What if she has sons and they look straight Chinese? That is a high likelihood you know. In that case, your son is automatically unattractive by her standards!! Better keep the phone number to the adoption agency handy!! She's either going to want to adopt purely white children or if her sons look Chinese, she may want to give them up!! Sounds cruel, I know, but her attitude towards her own people is no less cruel. You only like it b/c it benefits you.
PS...Just b/c she takes you to "cultural" events, don't mistake this for Asian pride. Have you ever considered the idea that she just wants to show off her white trophy to other Asians?? Hate to drop another sad truth on you but there are AFs out there that will do that just to piss off AM. And no, I don't think all AF are sellouts but there seem to be a higher number of WM worshipping women in the Asian races as opposed to women of other races. Coincidence? Doubtful. Just another example of the low self esteem so many of them suffer from as opposed to WW, BW and LW.
Sellouts are really sad!!
Thursday, December 05, 2002 at 00:17:24 (PST)
[63.233.91.153]
"White Lie" (I hope this isn't a reference to my race, but I forgive you if it is):
Actually non-Asian men have hit on Lisa as well. But yes, most have been Asian. Which is why I KNOW that many Asian guys find her attractive.
T'K Chang made another reference yesterday to the supposed falsities in my story. Allow me to clarify by first saying that I am not a writer or a good storyteller. I left some things out because yes, as you realized, I was indeed venting. Actually Lisa is an aspiring novelist, and she would probably be able to better tell you the story, but let me try to tell you what she told me. Let me also apologize for not mentioning the details in my original rant.
Basically, she was with another girl in a bar, and this "short, stocky, and musclebound" (her words, not mine) Asian guy approached her and asked to buy her a drink. She told him no. The guy kept trying to talk to her, and she kept turning away and talking to her friend. She said that he got really close to her and was making her feel uncomfortable. That's when she said, "I have a boyfriend."
This guy then said something like, "Well, he isn't here today," and he kept talking to her.
She kept telling him that she was serious, but he just wouldn't leave her alone. Finally she told him that she was going to have me beat him up if he didn't stop. The guy said, "Yeah, right," and then he made himself look big and all. Lisa said jokingly, "You're right. My boyfriend is really big." (A lie. I'm only 5'7 and around 140 lbs.)
The guy said, "Bigger than me?" At this point, my girlfriend said, JOKINGLY, "Yeah, he's big and he happens to be white."
I told her later that that was a bad thing to say. She disagreed, saying that the guy was all over her and that he had it coming. Either way, it was too late. At that point, the Asian guy just cursed her out. I'd like to tell you what he said, but I don't think it is appropriate for me to repeat it. And yes, Lisa was very upset (though if I recall correctly, she didn't literally cry about that particular incident).
Now I agree that what she said was insensitive, but it gives Asian men no right to treat women like that. She is an Asian woman and deserves to be treated with respect, no matter who she dates. Lisa later told me that guys like him were the reason that Asians often have so much trouble assimilating, and though I am not Asian, I can understand where she's coming from. I hope you don't think I'm "ignorant" for expressing my views on this topic.
Anyways, I hope this clarifies the story.
Rob
Wednesday, December 04, 2002 at 23:31:23 (PST)
[32.100.71.47]
Repost:
The reason I said she was open minded for dating white men is because Asian women are often pressured to date Asian men. I know this is the case. Lisa has two sisters, and all three of them have complained that their father pressured them to date Asian. It takes open minded-ness to go against everything you've been taught to do.
It takes far more courage and daring for an Asian woman to cross the racial boundary, which is why I use the term "open minded" to describe Asian women who date white guys. Asian women are free to date only Asian men--I believe in a woman's right to choose--but I'm not sure if I would call that open minded. After all, dating Asian is what they've been doing for centuries.
But all in all, it's just a matter of semantics. People should be free to choose.
Rob
Wednesday, December 04, 2002 at 23:28:31 (PST)
[32.100.71.47]
"This will help us get assimalated into american society. I think this help asians image a lot"
Terrible idea. We shouldn't have to dilute ourselves and lose ourselves to be accepted. Why can't we be accepted as we are? If we keep intermarrying and our offspring do the same thing.. you do the math.
Two plus two
Wednesday, December 04, 2002 at 21:46:35 (PST)
[64.12.96.41]
I'm a ABC Chinese American who grew up in San Rafael, CA, so I had many close white friends. After finishing college, finding out more about my Chinese and Asian heritage, and now working for an Emeryville tech firm, I have met many new Asian friends and have a half Thai half Chinese husband. I just recently found this Goldsea website and my first posting was in the 'Hong Kong vs. New York' section, "A gal's view of NYC & HK Sunday, November 24, 2002".
Now that I browsed into this section I found some of these guys here are very demeaning on Asian beauty. Just because a white guy says some Asian women are 'lookers' doesn't mean you need to bash those women. I don't think some these guys could even date these women so don't fork out your tongue.
Busted Rob...
looks like someone exposed your bad story there. Quite frankly, as an Asian woman, and for all women, I found your story of girlfriend Lisa quite offending and unrealistic. I can't believe a woman with Lisa's behavior really exists. Just because you know some Asian culture and custom here in America doesn't mean you know anything about Asian woman, maybe even all women. Maybe you can fool some of these guys here, where probably
some of these guys don't know much about women like you, you can't fool a really women on what they feel about. So stop your false relationship about your make believe Lisa. Your story has been exposed as thin air.
A gal's view of this
Wednesday, December 04, 2002 at 21:04:01 (PST)
[66.52.131.43]
To: "Repost"
I think you are taking Rob's words out of context, and then it's easy to make them suitable to how you want to interpret his post. I think I understand how Rob feels.
eastern-european girl
Wednesday, December 04, 2002 at 18:33:15 (PST)
[64.228.60.153]
I want to say that in reality AF all do not dislike AM and prefer to date or marry non-Asian. I want to emphasize that it is media and rumor that are spreading this lies. It is this kind of post that spread the rumor even further that a gender divide among the Asian exist, but I repeat in real life it is not entirely true. Although I do see AF with WM or non-Asian I first think to myself that they could only be friends. There is nothing wrong with AF being friends with other races, it actually spread the culture awareness to others.
So I do believe that it is the WM with the fetish for AF that are tearing us apart and put up a false point of view in front of all Asians. The reason they do this is to feel better about themselves. They want to validate their relationship with their Asian mate when is being attack from all points, from families both sides, and look down upon without being honest about it. I personally don't see anything wrong with the popularity of AF to other non-Asian because I am Asian myself and should be proud that my sisters are making it out there.
I also want to emphasize that the media, movies in particular, have too many AF pairing up WM and lesser of AM in vital roles. This create the image that AF like to be with WM more than their AM or that they are moving away from associating with Asian. This is a very false representation of the AF in American society and should be changed to a more balance representation, meaning having more AF with AM in shows or movies. In doing so it will show the real picture of AA in America society.
TT
Wednesday, December 04, 2002 at 18:07:39 (PST)
[172.161.230.4]
That's a good investigation and post of Rob's fantasy story. Yeah, I can't image anyone stupid enough to believe in his story. READ the story couple times and see does it makes sense. Absolutely NO!
Hey this is the internet and there are always guys bulls***ing around with bravado. If we actually saw Rob in person he'll probably look like Woody Allen.
White guy just wants to make a point and he needs a trophy to prove his point. Rob go crawl back underneath the rock and stick to your 'From Russia with Love' brochure of available Russian women.
Come on guys, let gets back to the main topic.
Eyes wide opened...
Wednesday, December 04, 2002 at 17:39:56 (PST)
[66.127.53.217]
Rob,
Rob, I only called you an ignorant white man because you are in the habit of making assumptions about a group of people you have little real contact with based on close contacts with one.
Do you really think that all your AM friends would approve of you boning an AF? I'll bet that you have other qualities that appeal to them, so they overlook it. If you had a bad personality, had bad breath, and were dating an AF on top of that, they will be hating on you. That goes without saying. It's all like a relationship... I have a white friend who dates a Korean girl. He is a really good guy and very kind. So I have no problem with his dating a Korean girl. But if he was a dick, I would have major problems with it. Bascially, its not his dating Korean women that I approve of, its his personality.
And that's how it is with Asian men dating white women. White guys won't be crazy about the idea of an Asian banging a hot white girl, but if he is a good man with good qualities (funny, a leader, honest, whatever), then they can at least accept it and learn to deal with it.
Fall of Empires
Wednesday, December 04, 2002 at 10:52:55 (PST)
[128.253.186.46]
Very good insight 'Exposer'. After reading Rob's story couple times, I could realize he was making up the story as he was typing away. Now it does sounds like this Rob was making things up so he could state his comment to some of these over-exaggerated bashing AMs. I bet Rob is one of those guys who gave up on WFs because they are too independently strong for him and he is just backpedalling to others (AFs) who may be more easier for him.
To say some of these AF celebrities are ugly is a bit overdone and over-emotional response. I love my AF sisters, so what if some of these AFs are with others. It's their life. Like immigrant girl said, some AFs had difficult decisions to make and not all are sellouts.
Heh, Rob sure suckered in some of these gullible AMs into his made up story.
Doubting thomas
Wednesday, December 04, 2002 at 10:45:17 (PST)
[206.170.21.30]
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