The AA Gender Divide: Is It Real? | Asian American Issues

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IS THE AA GENDER DIVIDE REAL?
(Updated Tuesday, Apr 1, 2008, 06:05:33 PM)

sian American women are abandoning AA men by the millions. Young AA women seek out any race of men but their own. Women like Amy Tan write books and make movies that dump on AA men and glorify Asian women in relationships with white men.
     That's the perception of many AA men.
     On what do they blame this state of affairs? Brainwashing by media that play up white men while cutting Asian men off at the knees. Desire for payback by AA women who feel slighted by their families and Asian society. Large numbers of non-Asian men with blind fetishes for Asian women. Some even acknowledge that Asian men are often too fixed in their ideas of how a woman should look and behave, causing many AF to feel devalued.
     Other Asian Americans see AF outmarriage rates as merely a natural state of affairs for a 4% minority population that includes many recent immigrants. The outmarriage gender gap will narrow as growing Asian population centers provide ready access to bigger pools of singles. Besides outmarriage isn't the same as rejecting one's racial identity, they argue. Many AF who outmarry retain strong identification with their Asian identity.
     Is there really an Asian American gender divide? Is so, what's behind it? If not, what's behind the perception?

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WHAT YOU SAY

[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]

Rob:

"Lisa later told me that guys like him were the reason that Asians often have so much trouble assimilating, and though I am not Asian, I can understand where she's coming from."

Why does you and your girlfriend think we Asians have to assimilate?? What is assimilating? Acting white?
Eric
Friday, December 06, 2002 at 04:17:13 (PST) [205.188.208.74]

To: eastern-european girl

I took Rob’s words out of context? He just responded:

“Asian women are free to date only Asian men--I believe in a woman's right to choose--but I'm not sure if I would call that open minded.”

He just reiterated my assessment of him, didn’t he? And I assure you I didn’t twrist anything this time – arms, necks, backs, words – he volunteered.
Repost
Friday, December 06, 2002 at 02:27:37 (PST) [66.92.1.200]

To: Rob

Let’s put aside your “open-minded” insults towards Asians, as you’re obviously fixated on your position. There is one point I’d like to address: hatred will always die with time.

There are a number of hateful Asian men here on this forum who’d cut down all Asian women – the abundant nice ones along with the few bad ones. Just a few months ago, the roles were in reverse. But their hatred will die. They might even end up marrying one of those whom they’ve vehemently condemned. Yes, maybe even Huu76. He’ll dispute it now, but no one knows, not even him. He might just eat his words.

So what is it about an Asian woman that really makes her only “attracted” to white men? But let me first ask this question: what is it that makes an Asian man only “attracted” to white women? Can it be that those white women are where all Asian women are not: tall, slender, articulate, intelligent, zesty, and honorable? For any of these reasons an Asian man like Huu76 points out, there are many Asian women who have these qualities. So is it just the blonde/brunette/redhead looks that someone like Huu76 bases his love on? Can Huu76 be this shallow of a person?

Now let me get back to the original question: what is it about an Asian woman that really makes her only “attracted” to white men? Can it be that those white men are where all Asian men are not: tall, manly, polite, respectful, educated, chivalrous, and intelligent? For each of these reasons an Asian woman like your girlfriend points out, there will be Asian men that will defy her claim. So is it just because of your white skin, non-black hair, and other skin-deep attributes about you that make her “attracted” to you? Can your girlfriend be this shallow, as shallow as Huu76? So as you go on condemning men like Huu76, take a look at the woman you’re with. Could she be the female equivalent?

If I were with a non-Asian woman who only wants to be with an Asian guy, the question I’d be asking is: is she “attracted” to me for me or is she “attracted” to me because she is “attracted” to Asian men and I so happen to be one? Or worse – that she has hatred towards men of her own ethnicity? Which brings up the following question: will she change? Huu76 can get hooked up with a blonde bombshell today and be in Heaven. But when he loses his hatred towards Asian women years down the road, where will his heart be? Where will your girlfriend’s heart be?

To me, if someone is only interested to be with another person of a certain ethnicity, especially if the ethnicity is not of his/her own, it’s a red flag. They’ll tell you all the good sounding reasons, the reasons they think you want to hear. But sometimes, the real reasons are the ones they never tell you. So do you really believe that Huu76 was writing with the mission of “making better his fellow Asian brothers,” as he claims? You tell your boss you want more responsibilities and contribute to the team. But really, do you tell him/her that you want another reason to negotiate a raise/promotion when your review comes? After the holiday season when your girlfriend feels little fat and you notice it, and she asks you if she got fat, what will you tell her? You still want to get laid, don’t you? What does your girlfriend tell you? But more importantly, what does she not tell you?

I like compare our personal attributes to a set of weights on a board, balanced on a fulcrum point. The fulcrum point is the equilibrium of who we are any given time based on the balance of the weights. Different weights represent different things in different location, and one of them, a rather heavy one, is hatred; some people have it, some people don’t. But inevitably, when this weight is removed, the fulcrum point shifts. Huu76 is an intelligent guy. Maybe somewhat hateful now, but he’s intelligent and that weight will be lifted.

So you don’t think your girlfriend is driven by hatred? She did tell the Asian guy off with: “Yeah, he's big and he happens to be white.” You said “jokingly,” but how do you know? You even said you weren’t there. You’re not even a good liar. Even a white woman wouldn’t say that to tell an Asian guy off. But I argue that the Asian guy is the lucky one. You’re the one stuck with her – until her hatred runs out. Unless, of course, she’s not as intelligent as Huu76.
Repost
Friday, December 06, 2002 at 02:27:21 (PST) [66.92.1.200]

[Note to editor: Please do not change the capitalization in my message. I use capitalization to dramatize points in my message. Thank you.]

Rob: "... Asian women are often pressured to date Asian men. I know this is the case... their father pressured them to date Asian. It takes open minded-ness to go against everything you've been taught to do... It takes far more courage and daring for an Asian woman to cross the racial boundary, which is why I use the term "open minded" to describe Asian women who date white guys. Asian women are free to date only Asian men--I believe in a woman's right to choose--but I'm not sure if I would call that open minded."

Huh!?

Now Rob is SOOO busted. The guy is SOOO completely clueless about Asian cultures and traditions in mate selection. He has just exposed his own lies, and it has become clear and obvious that Rob has been making everything up, as I had strongly suspected so. How can anyone who has dated Asian be so COMPLETELY ignorance of Asian cultures and traditions? Rob's fantasies of her "Asian girlfriend" is SOOO bogus that any Asian can tell right away. He should not have touched on a subject (i.e., Asian cultures and traditions in mating) that he knows absolutely NOTHING about. Does Rob think he can fool Asians about OUR OWN cultures and traditions?!

The reality in the Asian world is the COMPLETE opposite of what Rob suggested. The fact is: it takes far more courage and daring for Asian MEN (men, NOT women) to date or marry across the racial boundary. Asian men (and his parents) must be open minded for him to date or marry White women (and even more open minded for him to date or marry Hispanic or Black women.)

Why is that? Because an Asian male, especially if he is the only son, is expected to carry on the bloodline of the family. Most Asian parents are very much against their sons dating or marrying outside non-White women because the parents do not want the family bloodline become "tainted" with non-Asian bloods. Asian men have to bear the burden of preserving their ancestral bloodlines. I know MANY Asian men do not like that burden, but they bear it as every dutiful Asian son should.

On the other hand, an Asian woman is NOT expected to carry on the bloodline or the name of her Asian ancestry. So Asian cultures are more open to women "dating out" or "marrying out". Asian women are RARELY if ever pressured into dating or marrying Asian men.

In fact, Asian cultures pressure women to "marry up". Asian women are conditioned to choose their mates from higher socioeconomic classes. Unfortunately in an inherently racist society (like America's,) White men by birth enjoy a higher social status than Asian men. Here is the main reason why so many Asian women are dating and marrying White men: Asian women are seeking upward mobility, they are climbing the social ladder. That is the also the main reason why not so many Asian women are willing to date or marry Black or Hispanic men, simply because Black and Hispanic men have a unfavorable social status by birth.

So, what happens when a culture (a) pressures its males to marry within race to preserve bloodline and (b) pressures its females to marry up, even across the racial line, to climb the social ladder? Ta-da. The culture creates a gender divide. Asians created the gender divide themselves with the contradictions and fallacies existing within their cultures. So, if Asian men want to blame anyone or anything for the gender divide, they should first and foremost blame their OWN cultures and traditions.

Here are some simple facts that hold across all racial boundaries: Men want beautiful women. Men must compete for beautiful women. Successful men can get (and keep) beautiful women. Women want successful men. Women must compete for successful men. Beautiful women can get (and keep) successful men. (Note: I am not going to argue with anyone over a common sense. Of course exceptions exist. I am talking about the generalization that holds true 99% of the time. I do not have a lifetime to find and talk about every freaking Joe or Mary who belongs to the 1% exception.)

Here comes the offensive part: While the most desirable (beautiful) Asian women can attract the most desirable (successful) Asian men, the typical (i.e., average or below-average looking) Asian women cannot. The average Asian women can still "settle for" the average Asian men. But those Asian women do not want to. They still want to climb the social ladder. They still want to marry up. They still want to do the best they can. So what can those women do? The answer is simple (and offensive): Asian women substitute success, money and power with RACE. They date and marry White men so they are still considered as "better off" than just dating the average Asian men.

(*WARNING* Stop reading if your blood is already boiling!) Asian women's desire to date and marry up creates an extremely favorable situation for White men. White men can leverage their inherently favorable social status to get Asian women who are better looking than the White women they can otherwise get (and keep.) More specifically (and offensively,) an average nerdy White men can date a petite average looking Asian women if he does not want to settle for an ugly and/or overweight White bitch. (Note: again, I am talking about the generalization that holds true, like, 99% of the time.)

Okay now, I think I have said enough to set off World War III in here. Let the bloodshed begin... heehee.
T'K Chang
t_k_chang@yahoo.com Thursday, December 05, 2002 at 20:38:36 (PST) [207.167.96.125]

[Just so all posters are clear on this point, we left your caps intact not because of your nice request but because you use caps sparingly so they aren't an eyesore. Eyesore posts are all-LCed or wose, regardless of polite requests. We abhor caps-happy posts as a matter of editorial policy. --Ed]

Okay peoples,

First, let me begin by saying that I don't think that white men are necessarily superior to Asian men. What I mean is that some Asian women prefer Asian men, while others prefer white men. If I were an Asian woman who came on this board and stated that I prefered Asian men, I think most people would be okay with it. However, if an Asian woman says that she prefers white men, everyone gets all angry. Don't you think that this is a double standard?

What I would like to know (and I have already asked it several times although no one has yet answered it) is: What is wrong with an Asian woman who prefers white men? People feel justified in calling my Lisa a sellout for nothing other than the fact that she isn't attracted to Asian men. If she were a white woman who prefered white men, would you call her a sellout? If she were an Asian women who preferred ASIAN WOMEN (not Asian men), would you call her a sellout? Most likely the answer is no. But because the big bad white man is supposedly stealing your women, we get attacked.

Plain and simple, this is racism. You don't decide what you're attracted to, it just happens. She didn't make a concious decision to be attracted to WM; that's just the way God made her. And the same goes for all these AM who prefer WF.

Oz Asian,
You asked me if Lisa would prefer an ugly white man to an "attractive" (I put it in quotes because Lisa isn't attracted to AM--though other AF are) Asian man. You then asked if she would date a guy who looked like Newt Gingrich over Rick Yune. My answer is that she would wait for an attractive WM. You make it sound as if she's willing to date anyone white. This isn't the case; she just prefers WM, good looking WM. And really it's nobody's business but her own.
Rob
Thursday, December 05, 2002 at 20:12:04 (PST) [32.100.70.156]

Sick, tired and confused with this Rob crap on being true or not. I read his crap couple times and it's confusing and sure looks fishy. Can we ignore him, block him. Why waste time on him when we don't even know if it's true or not. The more he writes the more I'm going to laugh. It's beginning to read like one of Amy Tan's fictional novels.
ignore him
Thursday, December 05, 2002 at 20:06:11 (PST) [206.170.20.95]

"Actually Lisa is an aspiring novelist..."

....Oh dear. Of course, how could I have not known?!??

It seems to me that many Asian women or any minority who is versed in the liberal arts tends to have a very rose-colored view of life in general. Make that a very white-colored view of the world. You know... the blond mate in the shetland wool sweater, the golden retriever, the fireplace, and the crackling logs that give the house a warm orange glow... the ultimately J.Crew wet dream.

I mean, I think that is really nice. I'm not gonna deny it. It's cozy; there's beauty in that. But the fact is I'm Asian American. I'm no WASP blonde American. While it does sound romantic and nice, I know that it isn't reality. I have no business living in a small town in maine fishing lobsters and spending evening with my beloved blone in front of a fireplace. That is not my reality.

I saw many, many Asians walking around campus thinking that they were protopypical New Englanders. I realized by looking at them and trying that lifestyle myself (and failing in the process) that it was NOT being true to ones self.

I studied liberal arts in an Ivy Leauge University (I won't say which, it's really irrelavent), and I too had such wet dreams, being the naive kid that I was. I had romantic notions of the prototypical Ivy League experience, with chilly winters spent by the fireside with a book in hand, discussing politics or classical philosophy with classmates while running my fingers throught the silky blonde mane of a beautiful Ivy League co-ed. These images were especially vivid in my mind since I was from sunny California, which was nothing like that.

This is what a North-East private school Liberal Arts education will do to you. It will f*** with your head and make you think you're really white. This happened to me, an Asian from Los freakin' Angeles, probably the most diverse city on the US mainland (I'm saying that I was firmly grounded in my ethnic roots, but my head still got messed up.).

Dare I say that your girlfriend suffers from the same delusional syndrome? Is she another Amy Tan in the making, who thinks that in order to complete her romantic notions of her perfect life as a writer, she has to sleep with white publishers with black horn-rimmed glasses and corduroy blazer? I applaud her for going into a field that is dominated by whites, because we need more Asian writers. But we don't need any more Asian writers to simply wish to live the romanticized life of a white person. We need brilliant Asian writers that can encapsulate the complete Asian experience and tell the world his/her story through a valid voice. We don't need any more Amy Tans telling the world how awful Asian men and Asian society is. I hope Amy Tan turns in her grave when the next crop of Asian writers tell the TRUE story of Asian Americans.
Oh Please....
Thursday, December 05, 2002 at 18:24:25 (PST) [128.253.186.46]

"Lisa later told me that guys like him were the reason that Asians often have so much trouble assimilating, and though I am not Asian, I can understand where she's coming from. I hope you don't think I'm "ignorant" for expressing my views on this topic."

Rob:

No, you're not ignorant for voicing your opinions -- you're allowed to do that. That's what the USA is about. But you should also be man enough to admit that you stand corrected. Also, I will give you the benefit of the doubt and take your story as the truth.

Now, about your girlfriend. I may be basing this on somewhat incomplete evidence, but through your description of your girlfriend and her words, I'm beginning to get a picture of what type of Asian American she is.

To me, it seems evident that she is an Assimilationist. She sees the way forward for Asians as absorbing oneself into the white mainstream. To her, it may be the "only way to truly be American". Even many AMs see the issue this way. You should try starting a dialogue with the people in the Assimilation/Integration forum here on Goldsea about this.

I do not agree with this philosophy, because it pays no respect to my Asian heritage, like it's some ass-wipe that can be used or discarded as one pleases. I don't care if she lives in Wisconsin in a log cabin, eats Caribou meat and adopts a brood of blue-eyed Scandanavian-American children -- her slanted eyes and black hair still stare back at her in the mirror every morning. It is part of her -- its in her genes. It is her manifest destiny. Obviously, she is blind to the fact that there is no one "right" way to be an American. Granted, being an Asian person (born in America) who is totally immersed in white culture is a valid way to be an American. However it is just as legit for a Chinese American to spend her whole life in Chinatown and interatct mostly with other Chinese. That kind of lifestyle does not make her any LESS American that your girlfriend. She seems to be under the impression that the only way to be more American is to eat more hamburgers as opposed to char siu, drink more coke as opposed to boba tea, etc. etc.

She is wrong. DEAD WRONG. Being American is no longer about being mainstream, i.e., white American. Now, thanks to globalisaion and mass immigration, foreign ways of life have been integrated into American culture. Look at white people now. They do sushi lunches during work breaks. Would you have seen a white person touch that shit 10 years ago? I doubt it. They would've wrinkled their nose and asked with genuine concern about E. Coli. In the Southwest, Mexican cuisine and culture is a way of life. Just go to Southern California and Texas.
Therefore, Asian culture as become a variant but still VALID form of the mainstream American culture. As an AA, I live, breathe, and bathe in this beautiful hybrid culture. Had white Americans welcomed immigrants with open arms, things might not have turned out this way, because we would not have felt as strongly the need to hold onto our Homelands' culture for safety and nuturing. But history didn't want it that way. This is the reality, the REAL REALITY of Asian America. Your girlfriend is simply playing a game of hide and seek with her Asian American identity. She is apparently quite good at hiding.

PS: Please tell her that she is SO busted. I caught her hiding behind that bush of denial.
Oh Please...
Thursday, December 05, 2002 at 18:04:36 (PST) [128.253.186.46]

Rob--

You are a complete idiot. Your girlfriend ONLY dates whites. That is NOT being "open-minded" so please stop throwing that term around without even having the basic understanding of the term. If she dated ALL RACES of men, yes, including AM, then she is "open-minded". You have been exposed as a joke. Please stop embarassing yourself.
Sick of this BS
Thursday, December 05, 2002 at 17:36:45 (PST) [65.29.143.146]

You're pathetic Rob. You got the nerve to response back after getting caught warping your story or worse making it up. And now you're adding more bull to your story.

Your said "She tells me that she is simply more attracted to white men for physical reasons". Oh my God! You just said "(A lie. I'm only 5'7 and around 140 lbs.)" Eyes Wide Opened is right, you must have Woody Allen physical features! No wonder you're here looking for Asian (women) experience. Doubting Thomas said you must feel inferior to WF so you're here. Eyes Wide Opened said to go for the Russian Women bride brochure.

"she was open minded for dating white men is because Asian women are often pressured to date Asian men. I know this is the case. Lisa has two sisters, and all three of them have complained that their father pressured them to date Asian. It takes open minded-ness to go against everything you've been taught to do." you know how to make up racial stereotypical lies. How convienent to cover up your story where Lisa has 2 sisters with same problems. I know Asians are pressured or encouraged on their education but I believe Asian women don't get these type of pressure to 'marry within' as much as other races. Only in American and not in other countries, before civil rights, were minority men persecuted for dating/marrying the local (white) women. Hey black men were lynched a century ago for this. Now these days there are alot of 'Angry White Male' fraternities going around. And you talk about 'open'! (Oklahoma bomber and AWM Terry Nichols crapped out and married a mail order Filipino wife. Same physical features as Rob.)

Yes, after reading Exposing White Lie's words sure shed light that your original story doesn't hold up. Too much contradictions and generalization like what AZN Angel said. Stop adding more to your lies. It's too late.
Stop that crap Rob
Thursday, December 05, 2002 at 17:02:29 (PST) [67.117.131.12]

Listen up,

You people need to stop busting on Rob. He's obviously hit a very sensitive nerve here, but in reviewing his last post, I categorically agree with everything he's said.

First, attraction IS NOT a choice. If an Asian woman is drawn exclusively to white men, SO BE IT. It's a damn preference. It doesn't mean she's a sell-out, and she doesn't owe any Asian man anything.

Now, don't get me wrong, there ARE unhealthy reasons people only date outside their race. These stem from deep-seated insecurities and are, as many here have already pointed out, the result of one's influences--friends, negative stereotyping in the media, etc., etc. There are, undoubtedly, for example, many Blacks and Asians who think they are dating or marrying "up" when they hook up with a white person. Yes, this is a sad reason to exclude involvement in one's own race, but this also does not make such people sell-outs. It makes them tragic figures who are contending with some weighty pyschological baggage.

In fact, as one astute poster pointed out here, growing up Asian in a predominately white america, one can't help but grapple with feelings that run the gamut from insecurity to outright self-loathing. It's a natural human emotion to want to fit in, and this is how it manifests itself.

I'm quite certain the same feelings of insecurity and a desire to fit in would plague a white person being raised in China, for instance.

The only thing Rob was incorrect about was his assessment that to be Asian automatically equates to one having a deeper grasp or connection to Asian culture. This is obviously nonsense; there is nothing inherent in being "Asian"--or any race for that matter--that predisposes you to an innate understanding of one's culture.

Other than this, I have no gripe with Rob and those of you who do may want to engage in some hard-core introspection as to what exactly it is about Rob that bothers you.
Dan
DANtrader2000@aol.com Thursday, December 05, 2002 at 13:35:47 (PST) [64.12.97.9]

rob directs the story to the orientation that goes to intensify his stance that AM are to blame and his g/f appear to be victim of AM treatment.

WEll if a 6'0 guy asks his g/f"wouldu still date me if i'm 5'7", and the girl answers 'no', she is understandable woman (though what a shallow thing she sasays). This girl Lisa must have s severe hate for her ownrace. So she would rather date a short WM than any quality AM? Hope she won't be a novelist...Her views are unbelievably superficial. Any asian 'novelist like that would give a bad reputaion to asians.

Agian she is just a lesser of AF left to white dudes. A lot of AF are goodlooking and smart. This girl (suppose there's a real person like her) would not deserve to have any quality AM.
Filthy fake story (AF)
Thursday, December 05, 2002 at 13:07:58 (PST) [61.11.245.7]

ROb, imagine a white girl did the same thing to you like what your g/f did to y\that asian guy. Don't tell me you would not feel extremely offended!

Top notch asian men would never give a second look to your poor girl this I'm sure.

She dates you for your race, loves you for your race but not yourself. ANd it seems you are not a top notch WM . So She place a much higher emphasize on race than on attractiveness. A true reflection of a pathetic whitewashed asian (if she truly exists in fact). I can only shake head w/ ppl of this kind.
She's an aspiring novelist.? SHe severly lacks common sense to be a novelist....not a smart woman.
Filthy fake story (AF)
Thursday, December 05, 2002 at 12:53:58 (PST) [61.11.245.7]

Rob:

This suppose "Lisa" of yours I think is real after I read your story. Beside, why would a guy like you make up a story to incite objections in this forum. Well Lisa was approach by an Asian guy and she didn't like him but he didn't back away, am I correct. Lisa obviously don't feel comfortable around him because he is coming on her too strong and fast, he should just take it slow and smooth.

If I were they guy, and assuming Lisa is a hot Asian chick with a bad attitude, why would I even want her. She is not worth my time and effort for courting her. If she have kids they will all have the bad stuck up attitude like her.
Base on your story, I don't agree that Lisa totally disown her race or shone away all Asian guys. She just hasn't met the right one. Maybe she dress too sex with too much skin expose so she was approach by guys who will think she is easier. Or could it be that she has an arrogant, selfish attitude so the guy who approach her think they have something in common. What I am saying is she is attracting the wrong guys because she is externally and internally mess up herself.

If this is the case I would be very happy that she find a man like you because you and her are perfect for each other. You will live happy lives and have alot of kids. Everything in your family is disfunctional, of course, hopefully you will get a divorce to lessen the stress.

An Asian female like Lisa who talk trash about Asian male because they are not her standards should reevaluate theirself. Are they up to par to be criticizing other and worse of all their own race. For instance, if you have a hot body and ugly face, the body will make for the face. If you have a hot body and nice face but bad attitude, who will make up for you because it will sure be hard finding a quality partner.
Lisa is real
Thursday, December 05, 2002 at 12:37:01 (PST) [128.227.238.212]

Good job, Exposing a white lie! HIs story sounds totally fake!

If you pay enough close attention his story has many contradictories. I also have the feeling Rob intends to imply white men are better than asian men. He even emphasize his g/f ONLY go for whites,it seems he wants to put down asian men.

Wether it is true or not, the girl Lisa doesn't seem to be an intelligent girl to me. She is not among the quality asian women. She's not worth a date from any quality asian men. aActually i rarely know a woman who display this kind of surprisingly stupid attitude, so the story might be fake or Rob's g/f is literally a bonehead.
azn angel
Thursday, December 05, 2002 at 12:36:18 (PST) [61.11.245.7]

Rob,

The more you speak, the more flawed your credibility becomes. The more you lie, the more you'll have to lie again to cover up your previous lies.

"The reason I said she was open minded for dating white men is because Asian women are often pressured to date Asian men."

"It takes far more courage and daring for an Asian woman to cross the racial boundary,"

If you are really familiar with Asian families and culture, it's the Asian male that is under stronger pressure to date Asian women. It traditionally the male that carries the Asian family name.

"she was with another girl in a bar, and this "short, stocky, and musclebound" (her words, not mine) Asian guy approached her and asked to buy her a drink"

Wow, your "open-minded" Asian girlfriend who is proud of her culture uses words like "short, stocky, and musclebound" to describe Asian males. But if a WM was musclebound, the WM would be described as muscular in a positive tone. You said earlier, "She only dates white men and has only dated white men". So your proud, open-minded girlfriend will not date someone simply because he's Asian (or Hispanic or Black or non-White ...). Major SELLOUT.

"Lisa said jokingly, "You're right. My boyfriend is really big." (A lie. I'm only 5'7 and around 140 lbs.)"

Your sellout GF really has an inferiority complex. She describes AMs as short in a negative context, but a WM who's only 5'7" is considered really big in her eyes.

"She is an Asian woman and deserves to be treated with respect, no matter who she dates."

Respect is to be earned. If she hates and scorns AMs because of race, she deserves no respect from AMs. If she hates and scorns her Asian identity, she deserves no respect from the Asian community.

"Actually Lisa is an aspiring novelist, and she would probably be able to better tell you the story"

Then show this webpage to Lisa, and let her tell her story. You've done too much to botch it up. Aspiring novelist? It sounds like you got the idea from Amy Tan.

Rob, your whole story is a crock of bulls***.
B. Lee
Thursday, December 05, 2002 at 12:25:54 (PST) [207.172.11.148]

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