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ASIAMS.NET |
ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
IS THE AA GENDER DIVIDE REAL?
(Updated
Tuesday, Apr 1, 2008, 06:05:28 PM)
sian American women are abandoning AA men by the millions. Young AA women seek out any race of men but their own. Women like Amy Tan write books and make movies that dump on AA men and glorify Asian women in relationships with white men.
That's the perception of many AA men.
On what do they blame this state of affairs? Brainwashing by media that play up white men while cutting Asian men off at the knees. Desire for payback by AA women who feel slighted by their families and Asian society. Large numbers of non-Asian men with blind fetishes for Asian women. Some even acknowledge that Asian men are often too fixed in their ideas of how a woman should look and behave, causing many AF to feel devalued.
Other Asian Americans see AF outmarriage rates as merely a natural state of affairs for a 4% minority population that includes many recent immigrants. The outmarriage gender gap will narrow as growing Asian population centers provide ready access to bigger pools of singles. Besides outmarriage isn't the same as rejecting one's racial identity, they argue. Many AF who outmarry retain strong identification with their Asian identity.
Is there really an Asian American gender divide? Is so, what's behind it? If not, what's behind the perception?
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Discussions posted during the past year remain available for browsing.
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WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
hi repost,
killing the women in here with all your charms, oui? ;)
Happy Holidays to you, from one very very Pro Asian Male woman...me!
MLK (kelly)
Wednesday, December 18, 2002 at 01:33:07 (PST)
[63.21.22.223]
Editors, please excuse my return, as I there are a few more additions to the topic of the "gender divide" that need to be clarified.
Repost,
You insulted Lisa by saying that I like her because she "open[s] her legs" for me. And now you're telling me that you had no malicious intent? If I were to announce to the world that you like your girlfriend only because she "open[s] her legs" for you, how would you feel? How can you speak of someone you don't know in such crass terms? Lisa is a woman and a human being, no matter what your race politics are. I'm glad I haven't showed her this board, as she would (like any other woman) be extremely offended. So what if she prefers men of my race?
I think you need to do some serious thinking about how you treat some Asian women.
And per your comparisons between me and Hank Lewis: I've been quite honest with everyone on this board. I could've come here, said that love is blind, and then celebrate how love made both me and Lisa race-blind. I know many white men who do this. But I chose not to. Instead, I chose to tell the truth--that Lisa has told me she prefers white men. My other two Asian girlfriends told me they prefer WM as well. If I had lied, would you support me? But instead I told the truth. Like BAC who prefers AF and Huu who prefers WF, Lisa prefers WM. I think we should try to come clear with our preferences, rather than attacking people who have them.
BTW, both Dan and Eastern European girl support me (in some respects), as I support them. Don't try to pretend I'm a complete pariah because I am not.
Rob
Tuesday, December 17, 2002 at 22:08:26 (PST)
[32.100.70.227]
To: eastern-european girl
“I'm happy that he at least agrees with me; that's sufficient enough.”
You must at least think of all the time you spent worthy of more than a cheap “I agree with her on every point,” don’t you? I hope you’d expect a guy to open the car door for you.
“…he would have said: "Asian women CHOOSE to date only Asian men--I believe in a woman's right to choose--but I'm not sure if I would call that open minded."”
Your phrase “Asian women CHOOSE to date only Asian men” is imprecise, to say the least. Is the phrase supposed to read “{All} Asian women choose to only date Asian men” (in which case we know is false)? Or is the statement supposed to read “Asian women {who} choose to only date Asian men” (in which case represents what Rob wrote)?
“The statement "are free" implies that a third party is present here - someone/something who will decide the boundaries of or impose restrictions on someone else's freedom. It can be parents, society, or just a person's traditional culture.”
It implies a grand total of nothing. Stop pulling garbage out of thin air – “are free” means it is their choice and only their choice. What is so hard to understand “are free” as “are free?” Do you always have to make something out of nothing?
Here’s an example of a one-sentence story: “A dog is walking with a cat.”
Here’s the CLS meaning behind it: it’s not really a cat and a dog. As we know, cats are feline, so it implies a woman. And as we also know men are dogs, the dog implies a man. The author of the story must be a chauvinistic male, because the dog (man) is mentioned before the cat (woman), which implies gender hierarchy. Otherwise, the author would be a woman or a whipped man. The “is walking” refers to the dog but not the cat, so the “is walking” implies that the dog (man) wants to walk but the cat (woman) doesn’t. Which implies they are fighting and has nothing to do with walking. So the real meaning of “A dog is walking with a cat” is, through implication, “A man is fighting with a woman.” Gotta love that CLS.
And here’s a twist to just how twisted that mentality is. If an Asian woman only dated white men, she is considered open-minded. But if she then decides to date only Asian men, then she is now closed-minded? Just because she changed her dating preferences, she’d be considered closed-minded? Or is it because she was courageous and wise in her youth to face the so-called cultural pressures, but have grown weak and less wise and now crumble under the so-called cultural pressures? How’s the cabin pressure up there?
Where the two of you totally miss the boat is that the mainstream Asian women are not properly represented in the media. All we see in the media are disproportionate pairings, absolutely not representative of the realities of Asians in relationships – that Asian American couples are indeed Asian men/Asian women being the majority. In light of being bombarded by such media pressures to date white, many Asian women still choose to date who they want – Asian men. So why should these Asian women be branded as closed-minded? They’re not standing up to the so-called Asian cultural pressures – they’re the courageous ones standing up to the pressure of the entire society.
Repost
Tuesday, December 17, 2002 at 21:27:21 (PST)
[66.92.1.200]
Repost:
Why did you get so sentimental at Rob's comments...?
I don't think that there was anything provacative about it...
Come on...
Tuesday, December 17, 2002 at 21:22:33 (PST)
[67.241.42.209]
Hey Bella,
I think you need to re-read some posts. I think he was talking about non-Asians in IR's who deny the importance of culture.
If you're not one of these, you can move right along and channel your feelings elsewhere.
Passerby
Tuesday, December 17, 2002 at 19:12:26 (PST)
[64.130.204.9]
e-e girl
no I'm not Asian though i'll take it as a compliment! I have a lot of Asian friends (of both sexes) and speak an Asian language (poorly!). In fact I'm an Australian currently based in London....my (very dull) work takes me all over the world....including back home to Sydney (where I am now).....the itinerary for early next year is Paris, London, Philadelphia and Tokyo (pick the odd one out!)
BTW - is anyone reminded of Homer Simpson when Rob refers to "little Lisa"....it's an association i just can't shake and precludes me from taking him seriously!
maxdacat
Tuesday, December 17, 2002 at 18:24:32 (PST)
[129.223.37.13]
FOP,
>>"We're all one race of humans. We're >>all in this together. Let us >>celebrate our similarities over our >>differences, especially in this >>Christmas season.
>>One race? but your gf chose you out >>of your caucasian racial background
Amen!! that's what I've been trying to argue about.
ck
Tuesday, December 17, 2002 at 15:44:39 (PST)
[196.40.43.218]
To "Repost:"
>> The real definition for his term "open-minded" is whether the woman will "open her legs" for him. If not, she is closed minded (a.k.a. legs closed to him).
The above statement has no "nasty intent" but is a "logical deduction?" You make a sexual comment about his girlfriend and say that it isn't vicious? Seems pretty vicious to me. I think you owe Rob an apology.
I'm an Asian brother like yourself, and I hear your pain and frustration, but to attack a man's character like that is just uncalled-for, especially since he never said anything against you personally. I've read your exchanges with this white boy Rob, and I agree that he hasn't written the most intellectually stimulating material, but he doesn't sound like such a bad guy, and I don't think he deserves to be castigated like this. His girl Lisa has her preferences--she happens to prefer white boys--but it doesn't bother me. As far as I can tell, it looks to me like Rob was being perfectly honest in everything he said, and you shouldn't knock a man down for being honest. We all have our own preferences, and a man's character shouldn't be attacked just because you happen to disagree with his girlfriend's preferences.
A-Man
Tuesday, December 17, 2002 at 13:32:31 (PST)
[64.166.145.2]
Huu76 has made his point: He hates ALL Asian women. He keeps repeating his message over and over again. He must really desire to spread his gospel and convert all other Asian men into Asian women haters. He needs to realize this: no other Asian man in here will listen to or follow him because he completely lacks charisma or persuasion. He is just not the leadership type who can convert or lead other people. He needs to move on to another subject instead of wasting his time and effort in here.
T'K Chang
t_k_chang@yahoo.com
Tuesday, December 17, 2002 at 12:21:10 (PST)
[207.167.97.215]
Rob: "I think you should take an Asian American studies class..."
Taking an Asian American study class does not make anyone an expert in Asian American cultures. It certainly does not make a White man know Asian Americans better than Asian Americans themselves, who GROW UP IN ASIAN AMERICAN CULTURES.
By the way, we all know that Asian American study classes (and Asian language classes) are for White men and Asian women to get hooked up.
T'K Chang
t_k_chang@yahoo.com
Tuesday, December 17, 2002 at 12:06:56 (PST)
[207.167.97.215]
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