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GOLDSEA |
ASIAMS.NET |
ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
IS THE AA GENDER DIVIDE REAL?
(Updated
Tuesday, Apr 1, 2008, 06:05:22 PM)
sian American women are abandoning AA men by the millions. Young AA women seek out any race of men but their own. Women like Amy Tan write books and make movies that dump on AA men and glorify Asian women in relationships with white men.
That's the perception of many AA men.
On what do they blame this state of affairs? Brainwashing by media that play up white men while cutting Asian men off at the knees. Desire for payback by AA women who feel slighted by their families and Asian society. Large numbers of non-Asian men with blind fetishes for Asian women. Some even acknowledge that Asian men are often too fixed in their ideas of how a woman should look and behave, causing many AF to feel devalued.
Other Asian Americans see AF outmarriage rates as merely a natural state of affairs for a 4% minority population that includes many recent immigrants. The outmarriage gender gap will narrow as growing Asian population centers provide ready access to bigger pools of singles. Besides outmarriage isn't the same as rejecting one's racial identity, they argue. Many AF who outmarry retain strong identification with their Asian identity.
Is there really an Asian American gender divide? Is so, what's behind it? If not, what's behind the perception?
This interactive article is closed to new input.
Discussions posted during the past year remain available for browsing.
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WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
To Repost:
Hey brother, that was a touching post you had there. I as a fellow Asian brother (Chinese) can clearly identify and in fact had vividly similar experiences with AF girlfriends in the past. But I wasn't such a nice guy about it. I just dropped the relationship right there and actually told them exactly why I can't be with someone with such an inferiority complex.
I remember this one girl saying how "AM are less than the WM, BM, etc.." I being surprised, asked her why she was seeing me? Her response was that she was not talking about me, but hinted that some of my AM friends are like "that" with a chuckle, etc. She in fact didn't even know too many non-AM to justify her comments. When I prompted for justification for her views, she cited it's common knowledge among her and her AF friends and that I should know better. In fact she defiantly dared me to ask her AF friends about this. Remember, this is coming from a AF who claimed she loved me. I dumped her right away but I must say, I would have dumped her anyways. :) She will likely be with another AM, unfortunately. These AF date AM for the reasons you cited (some torn emotional ambivalence b/w their identity and who they actually are). I think a girl like Sharon deserves 100x more respect than this one, personally.
I dated several AFs after that experience, but this time I was wiser and would probe a bit into their "pro-asianness" Needlessly to say, I was consistently disappointed, and went through then like a series of bad habits. I found that the "whitest" girlfriends I had were the AFs. Their views were in fact more aligned with "white supremists" than any of the WFs I'd ever dated it seemed. I also dated a bf briefly who was also 100x more pro-asian men. Believe me I was completed baffled. But I was not really too hurt as I did not really fall for any of those AFs. Yes, I admit I was a player. I am no longer one, really.
So what do we do as AM? I suppose that is the question. I clearly believe AM should look for the warning signs and actually confront their AF girlfriends before it's too late. It's a sad situation and one must do whats best for oneself. Why is it that AM in general do not have this complex, or Black women or Latino Women? Anyways, I chose NOT to focus on AF. I chose to look for a woman who really appreciates me and in the least not see my being Chinese American as a negative. I'd been with a white girl for the past year. I did not choose to be with her for her "whiteness" or her blonde hair or green eyes. I love her b/c she loves me, all of me.
I don't really hate AF, actually sadly I think AF are the hottest personally. I just find them extremely confusing. Lucy Liu is indeed my favorite Angel. Yeah, I know she probably prefers WM. :) My friend told me about goldsea and let me say this: it's great to find others with similar experiences. Sometimes this whole issue makes me laugh. Other times I almost want to cry and I haven't cried since I was like 12. Mostly I just find this whole to be puzzling.
Just a Thought (AM)
Monday, December 30, 2002 at 01:00:12 (PST)
[24.168.129.39]
To Asian Hollywood who wrote:
"This is directed to the Asian guys who moan and groan on this topic:
I'm a young Asian male that works in the Hollywood studio system. If you want Asian females to respect you, then drop the wounded Asian male persona, it's tired and pathetic. Get a freaking grip on your personal reality! Here's a hint: Someone's attempt to break you down can easily be turned into something positive. So if someone knocks you down, find the strength to pick yourself up and fight back. "
Are you blaming the issue on AM? It seems like you're saying, "try harder dammit." I don't agree with you and I thnk you should be more sympathetic to the real issue at hand and not put down your fellow Asian brothers, who may not be as fortunate or successful socially as yourself. It's almost like you're saying to a bunch of guys trying to pick up girls at a "all lesbian" scene, "try harder and you will succeed."
I think a lot of AM find this site interesting because they have had past relationships with AF who came out and professed their preference for WM. We're just trying to understand this situation and explore the reasoning behind it, not necessarily trying to pick up more Asian girls. I for one don't really give a hoot if I ever bed another AF again. It's not a big deal to me. Btw: I can get one whenever I want!! Believe me. Such is NOT the point. The point is why we're having this discussion in the first place, and how we can build a more proud sub-community were we do NOT constantly kowtow to the White community. I don't see a reason we as AAs need to personally, but obviously this issue is widespread. I believe it's more an AF issue personally. A guy like you: why would you ever date an AF? That's my question. But then again, such is not the point. I want to hear how these people live with this OBVIOUS INFERIORITY complex. I seek an understanding. I'm certainly not BITCHING. Understand. So chill ok, stud! Thanks.
Just a thought of an AM
Monday, December 30, 2002 at 00:01:24 (PST)
[24.168.129.39]
Oh, just for another frame of reference:
Think about the Russian and Czech women that are marrying or sleeping with Korean and Japanese men by the hundreds in East Asia. They are poor, and are looking to find what they need away from their own country and men.
On the flip side, Indonesian men are "whoring" themselves to English, New Zealand and Austrailian women looking for 'adventure' in the South Pacific. They sleep with those women for 'gifts' of money and consumer goods such as luxury foods, appliances and in some cases, green cards.
It's a phase in history..
Sunday, December 29, 2002 at 16:27:08 (PST)
[172.142.72.15]
Sharon,
"...You AM probably have problems with hapas too I bet! And people that look like hapas! Buncha Racists!"
hahaha! You're so funny!!!! (...nice to meet you by the way).
Did I ever tell you I'm mostly Asian with a quarter French thrown in for good measures? That never did bother any of the kind gentlemen here on Goldsea...in fact, it never did seem to bother Mr. Repost either, come to think of it.
Repost,
Did my French blood bother you at all? ;)
MLK
Sunday, December 29, 2002 at 16:23:35 (PST)
[63.21.22.35]
The way I see it, the Asian Gender Divide is just a matter of simply human nature and behavior.
Asians in the most recent past have been colonized by Europeans (including the United States). We have lost wars, and have been occupied. Examples include, Ching China which lost to the British and the Dutch, Japan which lost to the United States, and Korea which was powerless to stop U.S. occupation after World War Two.
Western men have stepped on Asian soil some have had their way with a number of Asian women. Many of these unions were consensual on both sides.
The outflow of Asians into the United States is an offshoot of this trend, which is part of history.
I say this because there definately must have been a 'gender divide' within the white European populace when the Mongols invaded Europe, and when the Ottoman Turks took Greece and Anatolia. Many poor, young Italian women slept with German soldiers when Benito Mussolini fell out of power and Hitler asserted his influence over the Italian peninsula.
Do you see the connection here? Women don't really have strong allegiances to nation, ruler or state, for these are institutions that men have constructed to preserve their private interests. Women are ruled more by biology than by ideology. They want their offspring to survive, and they want to secure the best material and environmental conditions for producing and raising offspring. Theire brains and instincts tell them, "If that means sleeping with the "enemy", then so be it." In a moral sense, that reasoning does not sit right in my stomach, but from an absolute survivalist standpoint, it makes sense and I understand why women behave that way. I would proabably do the same if I were a woman.
Men have always killed the offspring of enemies and raped and re-impregnated women. Genghis Khan and his Horde did that. So did Attila the Hun. And so did the Christian Teutonic Knights, as well as the Turks.
And women, in their quest to survive, have done what they had to do to just that -- survive. To call them sluts or sellouts isn't exactly fair, at least not all the time.
I believe that this past trend of Asian women being especially receptive to the advances of white men (in Europe, Asia and the US) is a parallell between the women of ages ago. Italian women had sex with German SS troops and officers in WW2. African women in the colonies had children with ther white masters. And Hawaiian women had many trysts with American officers in WW2 also. in the 1970s and 80s when the large Hispanic influx started, Latina women - especially Cuban and Dominican women - were the flavors du jour for white American men. Today the immigrants are Asian, and Asian women marry many white men. The women of all these cultures were in a greater sense colonized by the greater world power. And that is what happens when one group dominates the other.
It doesn't make all these things right, but that is what happened. Of course I won't appluad what Asian women have done in the past (and I will do everything in my personal sphere of influence to discourage it), but I pretty much accept what has happened as a consequence of human nature and history.
Remember this though -- at least we all live in a more civilized era, with all the social constructs of human and civil rights. All those Germanic tribesmen had to watch their wives and daughters being raped by the Mongols and Huns while they themselves were lashed onto wooden poles and burned alive. The Asiatic race has had it good for most of human history, and the past 2 centuries were the chance for the Europeans to shine and dominate. We in the Early 21st century are on the cusp of that European/North American dominance, and our grandchildren will live to see another day under a power shift back to Asia.
Also, I would not worry about the Asian race "dying out". There are far too many Asians in Asia and in America for that to happen. The outmarriage rates would have to approach 75% or something in that ballpark, and that will probably never happen, for a number of reasons:
First, AMs are catching up in the mating game. Many of us in the new generation are more street smart and well balanced (i.e. we exercise, date, have a social life while also studying).
Second, non-AFs are beginning to take notice, and that will give WMs a run for their money. We're not helpless targets anymore. They can't steal away our prospective Asian mates without a good fight.
Third, we are gaining political and economic power, however slow the process is.
Bascially, rest assured that us AAs will never go down the sad path of our American Indian cousins.
One last thing -- please keep in mind that I do not say these things under sexist pretexts, but rather under the pretext of human behavior/Darwinism.
It's a phase in history..
Sunday, December 29, 2002 at 16:12:17 (PST)
[172.142.72.15]
Hi Mia,
You are welcome. And I wish for you all the best. I think you don't need to worry that your daughter's dad would be disappointed, I am sure he would be happy that you have someone to care for you and that is most important. Besides, you will tell her about her past and she will know. I also think that you don't need to feel badly if you sometimes read his old love letters and think about him. It was an unnatural way how you got separated, so it's normal that your love doesn't die and that you will still sometimes think of him. I think it is different than if people break up because they don't get along, or they have different views on things and find out they can't really relate to each other. In those cases, their feelings might change eventually; it is a natural course of things. But when two people who are very close together are forcibly separated like you were, it is normal that their feelings will still be strong. And I also understand how you feel about having his child for your own sake, I used to feel that way too, even though I don't have any children. A few years ago, I used to like this certain guy a lot, I never liked any other guy as much as I liked him, and I felt the same way - even if I had a kid with him and would never be with him, I would be happy because I would have a part of him. It's kind of a continuation of that person's life, even if they die you have a living memory of them; somebody new to take care of to be with you. I've even heard that there was a woman somewhere whose husband died (I think it was a tragic accident or something of the sort, but I don't really remember) and who asked, right after he died to have his sperm taken and be fertilised with it and she had a baby. (Sorry if it's uncomfortable to read...) So I guess more people feel that way.
I've been to your website, and I've seen some pictures, but I couldn't really find everything, because it was in Chinese and I couldn't read it, but it doesn't matter because I didn't load the font anyway. It is very nice though. Here I'm sending you one in return - http://www.wotch.com/funstuff/funpages/desiderata/ - you'll have to wait for it a little while to load. It's an inspirational poem, I hope you like it :) Happy future life and God bless you! Merry Christmas/Happy New Year
from
eastern-european girl
Sunday, December 29, 2002 at 16:00:04 (PST)
[64.228.35.60]
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