|
|
|
|
|
GOLDSEA |
ASIAMS.NET |
ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
AA ATTITUDES TOWARD EXTRAMARITAL FLINGS
(Updated
Tuesday, Apr 1, 2008, 06:04:08 PM)
bought 50% of American marriages end in divorce. An Asian American couple is only half as likely to suffer that fate. Theories abound to explain this marked difference. Asians are simply more committed to keeping the family together at all cost, goes the prevailing theory.
Others point to the fact that cheating plays a key role in the majority of American divorces and attribute the durability of AA unions to differing attitudes toward extramarital liaisons. Asian men may be less likely to cheat, say some. Asian women are less likely to see their mate's sexual fidelity as the litmus test for staying together, others argue, because they don't consider the sexual bond to be at the center of the relationship and aren't as threatened by a fling. After all, in traditional Asian societies affluent men sometimes had multiple wives and/or concubines. Even in modern Asian societies male executives are often expected to cavort with paid hostesses as part of routine business entertaining.
Younger Asian Americans would probably deny they harbor such sexist notions. The only difference between themselves and other American couples, they might argue, is that they typically marry later, avoiding the tribulations of impulsive youthful marriages. Otherwise, they harbor all the same gender-neutral expectations of romantic love and fidelity.
What attitudes do Asian Americans have toward extramarital flings? What role do they play in the durability of Asian marriages?
This interactive article is closed to new input.
Discussions posted during the past year remain available for browsing.
CONTACT US
|
ADVERTISING INFO
© 1996-2013 Asian Media Group Inc
No part of the contents of this site may be reproduced without prior written permission.
|
|
|
|
WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
I think it is ridiculous to said the race is a factor in cheating and infidelity. What I thinkis true about asians is that infidelity is more accepted. I'll probably get a lot of heat in saying this. But Divorces are higher in non-asians some divorces are due to infidelity. In asian marriages, since divorce is such a taboo, marriages are kept together despite of infidelity. I don't know if it is better to divorce or to stay married but for many asian women they fear what will the family think? What will my friends think? plus it wasn't until the 1930's I think that in china a man can only have 1 wife. Cheating still goes on in asian households its just more tolerated.
lng
Tuesday, September 04, 2001 at 10:37:17 (PDT)
I believe there are many reasons why couples divorce -- adultery is only one of them.
Americans on the average have a 50% divorce rate. If we were to break this into separate racial groups, we will see even higher divorce rates for certain groups such as Black-Americans. However according to the CDC (Center for Disease Control), Asian-Americans only have a 20% divorce rate.
While every race has adulterers (cheaters) and ancestral Asian cultures do have a stigma against divorce, the wide disparity between AA divorce rates and the American average suggests that AA may have a lower adultery rate and can not be explained away by the cultural stigma against divorce. Asian-Americans also have the lowest rates of single mother households in the US of any ethnic group which suggests that 1. unmarried AA couples use contraceptives while having sex
2. unmarried AA couples may have relatively more abortions 3. AA men when they do have children with their mates do not abandon them at the same rate as other Americans; i.e. the traditional male responsibility in child-rearing is still intact in AA culture.
These are cultural values that should be retained from our ancestral culture as they are a key factor in the strength of the AA family. Ask any AA child and he or she will most likely be very grateful for the stability and support of his or her family and will most likely indicate that it is the stability of the AA family which is the major contributor to his or her success. A corollary to this observation will be the relative absence of reports of abusive behavior among AA couples. Again cultural values stigmatize reports of abuse. But (AA) children do not lie and the majority will report lower amounts of abuse compared to the general American population.
An aside to this is the growing divorce rate in the PRC. China use to have an even lower divorce rate -- I believe it was something like 10-15%. Many analysts of it's growth to 30% or so believe that western liberal attitudes may have a role. I don't disagree with this at all; however I will point out that many marriages prior Deng were made for "patriotic" reasons : i.e. people of higher economic status would marry a person of worker / peasant status in order to appear more "revolutionary". Many of these marriages were quite loveless and just marriages of convenience and therefore with the liberalization that came with Deng, divorce rates gradually crept up. It would be interesting if anyone could do an analysis as to what is the current divorce rate in China today and what factors contribute to this higher divorce rate including what is the impact of pre-Deng divorces on the actual divorce rate in China. I have also read that the higher divorce rate for interethnic/interracial couples in China may also be a contributory factor to the increase in Chinese divorce rate.
Just The Facts
Thursday, August 30, 2001 at 13:09:35 (PDT)
Personally, you don't have to be White or Black to cheat. Cheating is a universal language of human nature's infedility. Any one can do it. Cheating may define vaguely, even having a thought about it is another way of cheating, staring especially in partner's presence is extremely hurtful insult. Yes, we are just human being but hey, if you cannot commit to ONE then DO NOT commit at all. Be aware of the people around that, as a matter of fact you know will be hurting inside of her/him. I've known White guys who are head over heels towards their women and I've known Asian guys who have playful minds. Cheating has no race nor color, no dialects nor language. Hope everyone should open their minds.....White,Blac,Hispanic,Asians are all human beings.......anyone is capable of cheating if they want it to.
NEED I SAY MORE?
Aimed
Wednesday, August 29, 2001 at 19:26:44 (PDT)
Chances of infedelity are 50/50 regardless of one's race, so don't give me that bs that Asians Americans are less likely to cheat. Well, all I could say is that they hide their problems better and have a higer tolerance of marrital problems because of their brought-up and/or traditions.
Another Asian Gal
Wednesday, August 29, 2001 at 11:30:21 (PDT)
Regarding the guy whose gf cheated on him with a WM:
Jesus, I would've thrown her out of the house and sued her for emotional damages. What a nasty little cuss. Bleck. She should just stick to WM; I think she did her bf a big favor. She's looser than Oprah's pants!
Cheating is oh SO pointless.
Some Dude
Wednesday, August 22, 2001 at 18:47:15 (PDT)
Affairs still happen in parts of the world where it is punishable by death. I think it is obvious that no one culture has the corner on this market. For those who say it is a "white thing" i would like to point out that after extensive experience in China and Japan, it has NOT slipped my notice that in these two conservative societies, call girls and misteresses are not suffering from lack of business. Even Chinese researchers at Shanghai University have stated that in China "money and sex go toether" in 1999, 95% of the government officials tried for corruption had mistresses. When it comes to wealthy men keeping mistresss/concubines it isn't about the women, its just another expensive toy they have to show off, like a new car. As for the japanese executive, his wife is his children's mother, not a woman to satisfy "needs". Kind of an asian equivalent to the old euro-american "Maddona-whore" syndrome. Women can only be one or the other. The stability of AA marriages i must admit is surprising, since i figured american values (which include fear of commitment, innability to work out issues) would have affected them, but if they are first generation, maybe upbringing by old-world relatives made a difference. I would like to see the stats on the different generations, see if they vary significantly. In the meantime, please don't insult me by saying extramarital affairs is a euro-american thing, and don't insult yourself by showing off a severe lack of intelligence. I love my husband and do NOT consider our bond a "drive-though" agreement.
Natalie
Wednesday, August 22, 2001 at 11:55:49 (PDT)
Saving face is a huge deal with a lot of AAs. And gossip in the AA community becomes scandalous faster, which adds to the fear factor. But no matter what, we've got brains, so many of us cheat and lust in our daydreams. Let's cut the self-righteous crap.
Poker Face
Sunday, August 19, 2001 at 23:35:24 (PDT)
junkie is right. i can't agree more.
their marriages are like drive thrus. actually, they think their marriages are games. they change partners quicker than they change underwear!
jaded
Friday, August 17, 2001 at 12:08:29 (PDT)
I've cheated a couple times myself. I think it's human nature, right? A surprising number of AAW I hang out with have cheated on their husbands and even more of my co-workers and friends have cheated on their boyfriends too. I get the impression from them that their husbands don't know or deal with it, rather than loose the family, over something they hope was a one time fall from grace. One guy even broke down in front of me, about how he discovered his gf was seeing a WM behind his back, during a quarterly party last year. I didn't know what to say to him. It was so akward. Plus, I've heard a few people at work mention that so and so has been seeing hookers or call girls on business trips and stuff like that. So, it might not just be us AAW who are cheating.
Infidelity
Friday, August 17, 2001 at 10:48:30 (PDT)
extramarital affairs are for people of other colors, except asians. we value marriage. White people don't. To them, marriage is like a drive-thru window. Go go in quick, you go out quick.
junkie
Wednesday, August 15, 2001 at 14:28:56 (PDT)
People always fuck around regardless of race, but Asians try to work things out, even if the other's infidelity pisses them off to no end.
I know
Tuesday, August 14, 2001 at 09:45:46 (PDT)
Asian married couples are less likely
to admit their ex-marital affairs openly and are more concern about the concept of "losing face" should they end up in divorce.
Thus, the stats only goes to show their unwillingness to go separate ways despite marital problems and NOT that Asian couples doesn't have any infidelity issues!!!
Mae
Saturday, August 11, 2001 at 05:43:32 (PDT)
I think, in general, Asians are less oversexed compared to other races. Sex is a pandora's box that when opened can lead to a lot of trouble and pain. Communication and socioeconomic success is the gratification Asian couples seek, whereas Americans are constantly sex, sex, sex. Non-Asian men and women keep measuring and complaining about the lack of sex spice in their lives which eventually lead to impulsive cheating and then divorce. Simple as that.
once and forever
Wednesday, August 08, 2001 at 23:18:05 (PDT)
Asian people have very closely-knit families. Extramarital affairs should never happen. Weddings aren't games. Two people commit to one another for eternity at the wedding vows.
Beth
Tuesday, August 07, 2001 at 20:16:47 (PDT)
NEWEST COMMENTS |
EARLIER COMMENTS
|