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ASIAMS.NET |
ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
The Truth about Asian American Fathers
or many Asian Americans the most gratifying moments of the Salt Lake City Games weren't seeing Apolo Anton Ohno and Michele Kwan winning their medals; they were seeing two Asian American men being recognized as key forces in the lives of two exceptional American Olympians. How often does that happen in the American media?
Each time the TV cameras came in tight on Yuki Ohno and Danny Kwan rinkside, U.S. TV audiences saw two distinct images of Asian American fatherhood. Yuki was emotional, vocal and aggressive. Danny was impassive, silent and tentative. Some viewers might have felt cognitive dissonance. The faces of both men were unmistakeably Asian but neither evoked the familiar stereotype of the cold, stern taskmaster frowning at their kids' shortcomings.
Of course Danny Kwan and Yuki Ohno are fathers of exceptional offspring. But are they exceptions that prove the rule, or is the stereotype based on distortions born of nothing but ignorance? Do AA fathers help their children mature into well-adjusted, successful adults or are they just another obstacle in the path of young Asians seeking a place in American society?
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WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
(Updated
Tuesday, Apr 1, 2008, 06:03:22 PM)
It is so gratifying to see the real
life portraits of asian males illustrated by Kwan and Ohno.
They are loving supportative fathers;
NOT the type of asian male one might
find in an Amy Tan novel.
ABC male
Monday, March 04, 2002 at 14:51:35 (PST)
I am so upset that I couldn't have grown up under a free-spirited, fun-loving, touchy-feely father who would have shown me lots of jokey, spontaneous affection and given me the benefit of getting to know a stepmother or two. My father was one of those boring unemotional Asian guys who only cared about stupid things like giving us a nice house to live in, three hot meals a day, an expensive education and annual trips overseas. What a stiff!
Sniff Sniff
Monday, March 04, 2002 at 10:32:22 (PST)
I guess I'm lucky.
My mom spent part of her childhood in Seattle before moving back to Korea, and she was always the free spirit, very loving, crazy and affectionate. I've benefitted tremendously from her openess. My dad is a little more traditional than her, but if he was a total stiff, he wouldn't have married a woman like my mom, would he? For an old-skool Korean guy, he is great. I understand that older Korean men aren't as affectionate as their American counterparts, and I don't hold that against my dad. I wouldn't trade in my pops for anything in the world. What the hell is this sad bullshit about Asian fathers being unworthy of their childrens love? Understandig goes both ways. Peace everyone, and be sure to show your love for your dad and your mom.... they won't be around forever.
My father is the shiznit, y'all better recognize.
Sunday, March 03, 2002 at 15:35:22 (PST)
Ghost Writer NyC,
That is %100 correct.
AZN MAIL
Sunday, March 03, 2002 at 10:17:00 (PST)
I am a male Korean-American and I too had a father who did not show much affection as I grew up. But this all changed in my senior year in high school...
As I was preparing to leave for college I realized that our family was not as affectionate as I wished it was. Hugs and kisses were between my mother and I and seldomly between my father and myself. I decided that I would show my father how much I loved him, even if it was difficult for him to reciprocate.
I am now a senior in college and about to graduate and head for law school. My family understands that I will be further away from home. My four-year endeavour to show my father affection has proved to bear much fruit. Although he is not as affectionate as my mother, he has come a long way since my high school days...the point, for those of you who have fathers that do not show affection, make the first move. Maybe they are able (everyone is) to be more affectionate but feels that they would make you feel awkward. Try it, you never know what might happen.
Mike from CA
Saturday, March 02, 2002 at 10:35:36 (PST)
I think this is the main reason why so many asian females flock to white males. It's because these asian females have such a negative relationship with their dads they think that asian men are not worthy of their love...it's sad but it's the truth. It's not even that immigrant asian dads are abusive it's that they don't show love outward and when asian girls growing up in America and thus become Americanized they dont have that intimate connection to their fathers because culturally asian fathers don't show their love outwardly but in other ways...that's about all i got to say bout this matter.
Ghost Writer NYC
"Revolution is the fuse that ignites change"
Ghost Writer NyC
Friday, March 01, 2002 at 18:29:04 (PST)
I would say these two men are definitely exceptions. Ohno senior's occupation as a hairstylist is not mainstream and Mr.Kwan's endorsement of a child pursuing athletics is against the historic model too.
I suffer the consequences of an emotionally deprived childhood, where the message was never having to say you were loved and certainly never any physical contact was the norm. I have an alienated teenage son now. It is said;that we will parent as were parented.
Thanks for raising this very relevant issue.
baba54
Friday, March 01, 2002 at 14:37:31 (PST)
Hi, I agree with most of the posts, especially that certain fathers can be unemotional and unaffectionate, regardless of race. The conversation came up with my husband and his brother, and they are both fathers now and I am happy to say they are VERY affectionate with their babies. It was relevant to bring up the fact that my father-in-law is Asian because of the subject of the posting. However, my husband and his relatives have told me that the older generational Chinese people do not hug nor kiss each other. I know this as I tried to hug my mother-in-law and feel her tense up and get very embarrassed and uncomfortable, as older members of his family do also. My husbands cousin also says the same thing about her family. She said it feels very good to have a boyfriend that she can feel affection with, since she never had any from her family. I do see some insight into different ways for different generations. But I am glad that my husband hugs and kisses our son, and did not embrace the stoicness of his father.
Hannybunbun
Friday, March 01, 2002 at 12:23:54 (PST)
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