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ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
The Truth about Asian American Fathers
or many Asian Americans the most gratifying moments of the Salt Lake City Games weren't seeing Apolo Anton Ohno and Michele Kwan winning their medals; they were seeing two Asian American men being recognized as key forces in the lives of two exceptional American Olympians. How often does that happen in the American media?
Each time the TV cameras came in tight on Yuki Ohno and Danny Kwan rinkside, U.S. TV audiences saw two distinct images of Asian American fatherhood. Yuki was emotional, vocal and aggressive. Danny was impassive, silent and tentative. Some viewers might have felt cognitive dissonance. The faces of both men were unmistakeably Asian but neither evoked the familiar stereotype of the cold, stern taskmaster frowning at their kids' shortcomings.
Of course Danny Kwan and Yuki Ohno are fathers of exceptional offspring. But are they exceptions that prove the rule, or is the stereotype based on distortions born of nothing but ignorance? Do AA fathers help their children mature into well-adjusted, successful adults or are they just another obstacle in the path of young Asians seeking a place in American society?
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WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
(Updated
Tuesday, Apr 1, 2008, 06:03:21 PM)
Ghost Writer NYC
You are totally correct, couldnt have said it any better
I used to 'look up' to my ( ex) Caucasian boyfriend because he was affectionate/ loving and i never got the same kind of love and affection from either of my parents. I think it has affected me even now, i have trouble showing affection for people and i keep all my feelings inside.
My parents are excellent people and I have a good relationship with both of them but not like you see with white parents and their kids. I think it is a cultural thing.
As i grow older though, i learn to accept my parents for who they are- although they use to hit me and use the cane as punishment, for my grades, i dont know if that was the right or wrong thing- but what's done is done. You cant change the past.
I guess discipline and authority is something that Koreans/ Chinese /Asian kids all deal with and what they think of their upbringing when they are older is something personal to each of us.
Peace.
Australian Born Chinese.
Aussie born Chinese
Sarah
Wednesday, March 06, 2002 at 07:46:35 (PST)
since we are on the topic of ohno--
i think one of the most important things an asian father can offer his child is an example to follow. many asian fathers find this to be more important than showing affection, etc. in asian culture, integrity is very important--and to have a father who has maintained his integrity is the highest honor of all.
i feel sorry for ohno's children.
penelope
Wednesday, March 06, 2002 at 01:03:14 (PST)
abc male:
aside from russell wong, all of the other fathers in the book, joy luck club, were loving and caring. in the movie, the only asian father was a gentle old man who seemed to care a lot about his daughter.
penelope
Wednesday, March 06, 2002 at 00:59:19 (PST)
My father was white, so I can't really comment on whether Asian fathers are typically unaffectionate. But--this goes to Sniff Sniff particularly--I may be wrong, but I never hear about Asian fathers being seriously delinquent dads, at least. I mean, obviously there are exceptions, but it seems at least from my limited observations that most Asian fathers do at least care about "a nice house to live in, three hot meals a day..." An AMAZING number of white dads, mine included, clearly don't. If he'd ever once appeared to care about those things for me, I would have taken it as more love than I ever expect from him. Sorry if I sound like I'm whining...I got a little more upset than I expected to. All I meant to say is that for some men (of all races), they're trained out of physical affection, and maybe taking good care of you materially is the only way they feel comfortable expressing their love. And yeah, getting the ball rolling by showing some physical affection is a really good idea. Dunno if it woulda worked on my dad, but it's completely worth trying.
Ahankara
Tuesday, March 05, 2002 at 21:39:11 (PST)
I have always told my daughter from a young age that I love You, I would whisper it in her ear even before she could speak her first words ,
Now we have a beautiful, confident and lovely 11 year old girl that is popular and very close to her Father and Mother. I am chinese born here and my wife is from Korea ( graduated from Seoul National University and from a prominient family.
There is a long way to go still but I believe in showing and expressing love and physical affection to Asian kids that grow up here in America- definately! remember your own childhood and do not repeat the same mistakes that your parents may have done inadvertantly.
Jook seng doy
Tuesday, March 05, 2002 at 18:32:15 (PST)
My father is the shiznit, y'all better recognize.
haha...such "boring, stupid things" he actually cared enough to TAKE CARE of you! sounds like a real loser to me!
sarcasm is for the intelligent
Tuesday, March 05, 2002 at 16:31:36 (PST)
I think the last time I hugged or kissed my dad was probably more than 7 years ago, but I don't hold that against him. To me, it's just another part of life. And anyway, I can always count on my mother to nurture my emotions with her affection.
My dad may not be all that emotional, and I think it stems out from his experiences as a child with his own father. Life in Korea back then wasn't very easy... But even though he may not show my siblings, me or even my mother much affection, I know that he loves us. Why would he feed, clothe, and put a roof over our heads if he didn't? He doesn't have to tell me, "I love you." for me to know that he does, I'll love him no matter what and I wouldn't change the way it is now for the world.
I think if children open up to their parents more, then parents in turn will open up to their kids.
Lia
Tuesday, March 05, 2002 at 15:36:15 (PST)
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