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ASIAMS.NET |
ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
The Truth about Asian American Fathers
or many Asian Americans the most gratifying moments of the Salt Lake City Games weren't seeing Apolo Anton Ohno and Michele Kwan winning their medals; they were seeing two Asian American men being recognized as key forces in the lives of two exceptional American Olympians. How often does that happen in the American media?
Each time the TV cameras came in tight on Yuki Ohno and Danny Kwan rinkside, U.S. TV audiences saw two distinct images of Asian American fatherhood. Yuki was emotional, vocal and aggressive. Danny was impassive, silent and tentative. Some viewers might have felt cognitive dissonance. The faces of both men were unmistakeably Asian but neither evoked the familiar stereotype of the cold, stern taskmaster frowning at their kids' shortcomings.
Of course Danny Kwan and Yuki Ohno are fathers of exceptional offspring. But are they exceptions that prove the rule, or is the stereotype based on distortions born of nothing but ignorance? Do AA fathers help their children mature into well-adjusted, successful adults or are they just another obstacle in the path of young Asians seeking a place in American society?
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WHAT YOU SAY
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(Updated
Tuesday, Apr 1, 2008, 06:03:20 PM)
PS Most of my friends who are Asian males and fathers do not push their kids like that. They are full of love, kindness and praise for their sons and daughters. My father in law was that way with my wife and her sister too. So all Asian fathers aren't "bad and pushy" just like all White fathers aren't that way either.
Hank Lewis
Sunday, April 28, 2002 at 17:44:48 (PDT)
Just Another AM:
I am a WM with a EurAsian daughter whom I love very dearly. Granted she is only 2 months old, but I already see her potential in athletics (she's long-legged, has a strong kick which means she could be a great swimmer or dancer) and in intellect (she's already babbling and has said her first word "Ai-ya!") I have no intention of abandoning her or my wife, who is of Chinese ancestry.
I had a White Father who pushed me to be the best via making me feel I was never good enough. If I brought home all A's except for ONE B, I was told how lazy I was for the B and it was treated as an F by them. When I graduated from University, Magna Cum Laude with a double major in Math and Economics and in only 3 years, my dad ruined my graduation day by saying that if I'd spent more time studying and worked harder instead of chasing girls or working an outside job, I would have gotten Summa Cum Laude since Magna Cum Laude was like "second place" or a "silver medal" which didn't mean jack shit.
My mother, on the other hand, was the one who always saw my achievments and praise me. She saw all the A's and didn't give me grief over the one B. She was the one who told me how great an accomplishment it was to finish undergrad in 3 years with a double major and with honors while still being active in athletics and several campus organizations, while working part time at Bennigan's for extra money.
I ask you, which model do you think really made me work? My dad? No freaking way. It took me years to turn off his voice in my head telling me how I was never good enough and to be satisfied with my achievements. A number of my Asian MALE colleagues have described their fathers in the same way as mine, and in some cases their mothers as well! My mom's praise and encouragement is what helped me get to where I am. I was fortunate to have her because if she'd been as bad as my dad, I would have probably disowned them once I got out of college.
The way I'm going to ENCOURAGE (not PUSH) my daughter to succeed is via giving her choices of what to try out (be it swimming, dance, track, choir, playing the violin or whatever), going with her to the practices to cheer her on, working with her on her own to develop her talents to her full potential, praising any achievements she has--even the little ones like a "bronze medal" or a letter for participation, and giving her my shoulder to comfort her when she feels she hasn't done as well as she should have.
I am NOT going to tell her she's not good enough if she brings home all A's and one B. I'm NOT going to ruin her graduation from college by knocking her down, even if she doesn't graduate with any honors. She's going to get all the support and encouragement she needs, even if every once in a while I need to give her a dose of reality, it will be tempered with love. That's not spoiling her, that's doing the job of a father. It's 24/7 and it doesn't end until you die.
Hank Lewis--proud father of a EurAsian daughter
Saturday, April 27, 2002 at 06:32:01 (PDT)
"I really don't understand Asian girls. They are spoiled rotton. They complain that their fathers are strict and uncaring. These girls have no idea that their fathers push them so they can succeed. These spoiled AFs don't realize that many white fathers don't give a damn about their daughters. You can see it on television everyday. The white father abandon his family, and the daughter grows up without a father figure. She then is starved for attention from males so she haves sex with multiple partners at an early age. Asian females should appreciate their fathers for steering these girls in the right direction."
Just Another AM
To clarify, most white fathers DO indeed care for their daughters, but they may show it in a different way, other than pushing and pushing and pushing their daughters to succeed. This does not mean that white parents love their children any less.
different kind of upbringing, so stop judging
Wednesday, April 24, 2002 at 19:15:29 (PDT)
How interesting to find a place to vent feelings as a Japanese-American.
For years I held my father in rather low esteem. He was, after all, a blue collar worker, auto body repairman to be exact. He was unsophisticated and rather crude in his speech. His
attempts at affection were on the awkward side. He was the most proud of his WWII service and I was bitterly anti-Vietnam war. Now that he is gone and I have the space to compare him to other fathers, I can appreciate the fact that he was faithful for 53 years to my mother. He didn't go out and screw around. He was there for us, as much as we didn't appreciate it. He was there. On the sofa. Watching tv, drinking his beer, and eating his sashimi.
Jeff Yaki
yakijy@aol.com
Saturday, March 16, 2002 at 15:42:40 (PST)
I agree with "Schiavona" completely. "White" But anyways, "white people" are not what is portrayed to you on TV, the same as Asians are not what we see portrayed on TV. Racist comments and bitterness can affect both. People, please try to remember this before lumping all "white people" into one category and then saying ugly things about them .
I wrote a post concerning my husband and his brother's experiences with growing up Asian with an Asian father. It is relevant he is Asian because the subject of this posting specifically referred to Asian fathers. And no, he was not the greatest provider, my husband and brother both paid their own education, grew up getting shoveled from relative to relative, and never once could remember getting a kind word or encouragement, nor a hug or even a smile.
Now my husband and his brother and many of our Asian friends did say that this is a way with many OLD WAY Chinese. Their words.
My father is Dutch and definitely was nothing like you see on TV. I have no argument about which 'race' has better fathers, I am not racist, it is not a valid argument.
However, as humans we are not perfect, we all have a biological and emotional need that needs to be met, and affection and love are things that all people need. I told my husband that I hope that his mother at least got a kiss or pat on the shoulder from his father as he was conceived..
Hannybunbun
Monday, March 11, 2002 at 06:38:47 (PST)
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