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GOLDSEA |
ASIAMS.NET |
ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
The Truth about Asian American Fathers
or many Asian Americans the most gratifying moments of the Salt Lake City Games weren't seeing Apolo Anton Ohno and Michele Kwan winning their medals; they were seeing two Asian American men being recognized as key forces in the lives of two exceptional American Olympians. How often does that happen in the American media?
Each time the TV cameras came in tight on Yuki Ohno and Danny Kwan rinkside, U.S. TV audiences saw two distinct images of Asian American fatherhood. Yuki was emotional, vocal and aggressive. Danny was impassive, silent and tentative. Some viewers might have felt cognitive dissonance. The faces of both men were unmistakeably Asian but neither evoked the familiar stereotype of the cold, stern taskmaster frowning at their kids' shortcomings.
Of course Danny Kwan and Yuki Ohno are fathers of exceptional offspring. But are they exceptions that prove the rule, or is the stereotype based on distortions born of nothing but ignorance? Do AA fathers help their children mature into well-adjusted, successful adults or are they just another obstacle in the path of young Asians seeking a place in American society?
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WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
(Updated
Tuesday, Apr 1, 2008, 06:03:19 PM)
HB:
I'm sorry to hear that your parents were so selfish and uncaring. I also think its very admirable that you are not following in their footsteps. Over the past few years, I have realized how fortunate I am for having loving parents. A few of my friends were raised with parents who saw them as burdens rather than blessings. I've always been amazed at how some of them, like yourself, overcame the mental abuse...even though I know their scars must run deep. I just wanted to say that its really nice to see that you have learned from their mistakes.
be
Saturday, May 04, 2002 at 14:57:54 (PDT)
Hi Mouchie, sorry but i don't agree that all parents always want what is best for us. And I am not an exception. Many of my friends have been either neglected, abused or have other emotional scars that were from this wonderful parental 'care'.
I personally grew up with sub-cultural parents who were definitely influenced by the hippie culture. Throw that in with a mix of a mother that is a bit nuts, very abusive, and you have my childhood.
My father was kind but very weak in character, scared of my mothers violence, yet hard working. But still neither ever mentioned college to my brother nor I, and actually tried to encourage us to QUIT school, saying it was a waste of time when we could be out earning money to help them with the rent, someday. I am thankful for the baby formula, glad I was born, and happy that I survived the physical and mental abuse so I could leave home at 16.
No, I give very little credit to my parents. It takes more to be good parents then to change a pissy diaper and stick a bottle in my mouth. You can pay someone to do that, people do it with daycare everyday. Everything I have accomplished is from other wonderful people in my life and myself.
No one knows of my childhood and would not guess it from knowing me. I like to keep it that way. My college, my art career, my wonderful friends, my middle class life, everything I have is because I was blessed along the way with meeting people that reinflorced that love can be found from those other than parents also. That being a REAL parent is more than donating some sperm and an egg. Babies can start life in petri dishes. True parental care is just that ... CARE.
My Asian MIL also told me she had 2 abortions after my husband and his brother was born because she was afraid of gaining weight and getting fat if she had more babies. Now that is some sound parenting and some good care!
I admire people that have wonderful loving parents, and I am a wonderful and loving parent today. But it was not from all of the love and care from my own.
HB
Friday, May 03, 2002 at 04:11:12 (PDT)
Of the approx 39 posts, only 5 compared asian fathers to those of whites:
just another AM
phil the thrill
the golden mean
ghostwriter NYC
These posters accused others of comparing asian fathers to white fathers. In fact, these 5 were doing the same thing that they wrongly accused others of doing.
People were simply sharing their experiences about their dads and didn't compare them to whites nor did they even suggest that. It could be that people observed other asian fathers and families who were outwardly loving and affectionate while growing up, noted the difference, and thus, the sharing of their experiences. No one doubts that love was the primary motive behind the cold facade of many asian fathers. That people love their fathers in return despite an emotionally deprived upbringing is not surprising. Some are coming to terms with it. That doesn't mean that people are ungrateful. It's rather cathartic to hear about them and probably a release for the posters too. Also, readers may be relieved that they are not the only ones. It may actually help a younger AA understand his/her own parents better.
Someone obviously did this writeup on asian fathers and Goldsea felt that it was a pertinent enough subject to allow it as an AA issue. Some asian dads are cold or mean, but some asian dads are much worse as in alcoholic, addicted gambler, physically abusive, womanizer etc. Some are very outwardly loving and supportive...so....
let's hear more from both sides
Wednesday, May 01, 2002 at 23:14:46 (PDT)
to take care:
your life makes me want to cry
good luck with everything
chicky poo
Wednesday, May 01, 2002 at 17:25:19 (PDT)
I think every race is similar. Its not only Asians who have difficult parents. Parents only want what is best for us all. Maybe we can not see that now, but when your older you will appreciate that. I love my parents, and think they have done a super job bringing me up.
Mouchie
Wednesday, May 01, 2002 at 08:56:37 (PDT)
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