AM Seeking Out Non-Asian Women | Asian American Issues

GOLDSEA | ASIAMS.NET | ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES

AA MEN SEEK OUT NON-ASIAN WOMEN
(Updated Wednesday, Jan 22, 2025, 06:38:55 AM)

sian women are only interested in non-Asian men and don't give Asian men the time of day. That's the reason cited by many AA men for dating and marrying non-Asians. A minority of AA men say they simply find non-Asian women more physically attractive or more appealing in terms of personality, values and interests. Whatever the reasons, the rates at which young Asian men are dating and marrying non-Asian women are quickly approaching the rates at which Asian women are outdating and outmarrying (about 38%). Some Asian women are complaining that they aren't getting a fair shake because Asian men have been brainwashed by media standards of desirability.

What are the real reasons for so many Asian men seeking out non-Asian women? How do Asian women really feel about this trend? Who benefits most from it? Will the trend continue? We want to hear your views.

This interactive article is closed to new input.
Discussions posted during the past year remain available for browsing.

Asian American Videos

Films & Movies Channel

Humor Channel

Identity Channel

Vocals & Music Channel

Makeup & Hair Channel

Intercultural Channel

CONTACT US | ADVERTISING INFO

© 1996-2013 Asian Media Group Inc
No part of the contents of this site may be reproduced without prior written permission.

WHAT YOU SAY

[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]

To: Vashti

I think commitments are relative, so what make a commitment for me may not be acceptable to you and vice versa. However, I absolutely agree with what you wrote: “do unto others as you want done to you.” You have to come up with a certain set of expectations you require from the person you’re with, and you should be able to give the same as you expect.

Now there are times in a relationship that certain things don’t have to be symmetrical. If he likes to cook and you hate it, and he’s fine with cooking all the time, it’s probably ok that he cooks all the time and you don’t. But this is reached through an understanding. So if you want to date someone else, and as long as your boyfriend doesn’t mind, then it’s fine. If he isn’t ok with it, and you still decide to date other people behind his back, it’s fine, too, as long as you can live with the lie. And if you find out he’s dating other people behind your back as well, then there’s nothing you can blame him for that you won’t be blaming yourself with as well.

You also have to take into account his set of expectations as well. He might expect something that you don’t expect from him. Are those expectations amenable to you?

A relationship is not too unlike customer service. Set the proper expectations, and make sure you can and will meet or exceed them. You’ll always end up with happier customers when you set low expectations for them in the beginning than to set high expectations and fail to meet them.
Repost Sunday, August 25, 2002 at 00:31:10 (PDT)

To: hannybunbun

#1 doesn’t make sense. Do you have sex in church? And I don’t agree with #3. All parts of the body are sexual.

Don’t change the subject. You’re kinky. Admit it. ;)
Repost Sunday, August 25, 2002 at 00:30:46 (PDT)

To: curious girl

Sounds like you have an excellent rapport with your boyfriend’s parents. Don’t always tell his parents what your boyfriend tells you to tell them in Canto. You don’t really know what he is telling you. But you can trust me. I’ll teach you some things you can say to his mom. Heh heh heh ;)

With the gender divide, I don’t think the essence of the gender divide is the amount of Asians dating outside of the race. I think it’s the attitude we see with Asians hating each other. You read that here all the time. Asian men complaining about Asian women, and Asian women complaining about Asian men. Come on, who is in the position to say that all Asian women are this way and all Asian men are that way? Some Asian men were hurt by some Asian women and now they hate all Asian women. Some Asian women were hurt by some Asian men and now they hate all Asian men. To me, this is the gender divide.

If the gender divide were simply Asians dating outside of the race, then your boyfriend, hannybunbun’s husband, Russell’s husband, etc. are all part of the gender divide. If the gender divide, defined this way, were so bad, does that mean what is good is no gender divide, or in other words, no out-dating/marriages? Then you will not be with your boyfriend and hannybunbun and Russell’s will not be with their husbands. Now this will be ridiculous, wouldn’t it?
Repost Sunday, August 25, 2002 at 00:30:31 (PDT)

To: Thoughts….

What’s wrong with brunettes? You don’t think Elizabeth Hurley is pretty? How about Connie Nielsen and Sophie Marceau?

I can think of a few pictures with non-white men with white women: Dragon, The Bruce Lee Story, The Lover, and Jungle Fever. They are major titles. As a matter of fact, which Asian actress has the acclaim that Asian actors like Chow Yun Fat and Jet Li garnered?

The media plays a role in who you choose a partner if you let it. Just like if you let your parents choose your partner for you.
Repost Sunday, August 25, 2002 at 00:30:14 (PDT)

To: I choose not to be rude to anyone

Dude, don’t close your doors to black and Hispanic women just because a few said those unappealing word in your presence. They are entitled to their opinions, and look at it this way – their parochial view is their loss and not yours, isn’t it?

Be granular in your assessments. Just because a few said those things doesn’t mean all of them believe it. If you, in turn, shun all black and Hispanic women, then in effect, you are letting those few you experienced close the door for you. Now that will be your loss.

What is “maha salam”?
Repost Sunday, August 25, 2002 at 00:30:00 (PDT)

I noticed one thing, both Hispanic and Middle Eastern women look alike. Exception being that maybe Middle Eastern girls have more portruding noses and less African admixture compared to Latinas.

But one thing I notice BIG TIME is the reception they give to Asian men. From my experience, I get the looks more from Middle Eastern women whether here in the USA or abroad in my overseas travel. No Latina have ever been like that to me.

I think it is something with the way they are taught to view Asians. In Persia and Turkey, Asians have always been the elites in the past. Many of their rulers and governors were Central Asian Turks, Mongols and Chinese.

In Latin America, on the otherhand, the Asian looking Aztecs and Incas lost to the white man and the indigenous women were taught to hate their own men and prefer white or black ones instead.
how it is Saturday, August 24, 2002 at 16:20:38 (PDT)

I choose not to be rude to anyone,

And neither do I but;

"I have more than one occasion overheard black and Latina females comment how lacking we were in the masculinity and physical appeal department. I have heard this on more than one occasion"

My take; Probably they saw you and used u as a sample of the rest of AMs. Or maybe they were talking about you, but you think that you're representing all of us

"I have heard this on more than one occasion. Such women do not interest me as they are still on a lower level of thinking and evolutionary scale."

Translation; So you reject them because they reject you.

But what if one of them was interested in you? you'd probably change your mind, wouldn't you?

"For one thing, Middle Eastern women would not value their men based on "physical assets"

Translation; you aren't that much of a good looking guy, hence, you seek middle eastern women because according to your theory they won't mind physical assests.

Yup!, you sound like you don't have that much confidence and you lack in the looks department, and by reading your post, I'm not surprised that latinas and black girls have said that when they see you. I don't buy that s*** that middle eastern women don't care that much about looks, I'm 100% that if you ask they'll tell you that it's one of the things they look first, anyone else in this world. Think about it, the looks is the first thing we get to see in other ppl before we get to know the real person inside (which takes a long time), so the physical appeal becomes an incentive (add confidence on that) for ppl to get to know you better (if they're ineterested in dating).
I wonder how many middle eastern chicks have you really dated.
Probably none
Kyopo Saturday, August 24, 2002 at 16:08:09 (PDT)

Another reason why there are less WF/AM relationships than AF/WM relationships is that in most cases the parents of the Asian male pressure them to marry an Asian female. It's much more complicated than that, but it has not stopped a tremendous increase of AM/WF marriages. In fact, it is closing in the gaps between AF/WM marriages.
I know from experience because everytime I speak or call a White Female friend of mine, my mother tends to get suspicious like I was planning to be married or something. And there are alot more Asian males out there who experience the same pressures too.

Yes, media and the environment play huge parts, but there are more contributing factors to this equation that can not be simply explained.

Anyway, I was eating at Carl's Junior that had pretty latina servers today and I distinctively heard them say," El chinito es muy guapo." Which means cute chinese guy or something. Girls have a secret society in their own and you may never even know that they might be attracted to you sometimes. I don't speak Spanish but I do know what CHINITO and guapo mean and I was the only chinese looking guy in the restaurant. I pretended like I had no clue, but it was so clear they were talking about me as they kept on staring at me. I think they were sweet though. Then again it's the attraction thing.
Ray Saturday, August 24, 2002 at 11:48:07 (PDT)

I am equally attracted to a sexy Euro-Latin woman (Italian, Spanish, Portugeuse) as to blonde, germanic types.
A Man's Man Friday, August 23, 2002 at 18:13:49 (PDT)

Vashti,

You sound like a good woman. I would be proud to have a girl like you, if I were your man.

However, I do think it's okay to hang out with other guys, as long as it's friendly. By that, I mean a lunch in a brightly lit patio would be ok. But having drinks late at night at some bar could, intentinoally or not, lead to destructive consequences. You can use your own common sense on that, right? I want you to know, coming from a red blooded straight Korean guy, that men ALWAYS (yeah, you read that right, I don't give a flying crap what Cosmo tells you), always want something more than friendly company when I they ask a girl out. There are exceptions, as if a guy is gay or wants to talk to you for some other reason (like, if he wants a favor that doesnt concern you), but generally, if a guy asks to hang out, it means that he wants to be intimate with you, whether or not he wants it to be immediate or if he wants to know you first. Knowing this, I hope you exercise your best judgement. Do not think that during a 'friendly' dinner, the guy will want to take you to a bar for more friendly chitchat.

But lets consider the whole picture. How long will the two of you be stuck in the long-distance thing? If it's a few months, I think it will be hard, but def. do-able. If it for more than a year, I'm not sure if it's worth it.
A Man's Man Friday, August 23, 2002 at 18:11:05 (PDT)

I haven't noticed that most WF in AM/WF couples are disproportionately brunettes. It may seem that way because there are more white women with brown or darker hair than blonde hair.

I've found that most of the complete stranger females that flirt with me are blonde and/or tall. Maybe a WF's main concern is whether an Asian guy would find her attractive and blondes have a more universal appeal so they're more willing to take the chance. Who knows?
S.U.A.G. Friday, August 23, 2002 at 14:00:54 (PDT)

Curious Girl,

I think a lot of Asian guys underestimate their attractiveness to women. Most Asian guys are convinced that white women aren't interested in them at all.
S.U.A.G. Friday, August 23, 2002 at 13:35:02 (PDT)

Vashti, do you what feels right in your heart. Everyone has their own definition of what a relationship means. I guess I'm kind of old-fashioned, in that I've never "played the field". When I'm dating a guy I'm completely loyal to him and would never flirt with, date or lead on any other guy. My b/f and I have been dating for 3 years, (no ring yet) and I considered our relationship "committed" after a few months, because it felt so right. It sounds to me like you want to be committed to this guy, so go for it.

"Is this the next best thing to a good quality AF? (A complex of sorts)

Or because brunettes are the next best thing to getting a blond?"

Thoughts, I'm a brunette and I am not second to any blonde or quality AF. It's not like we brunettes are the "leftovers" after the blondes and quality AFs are taken.
curious girl Friday, August 23, 2002 at 11:56:11 (PDT)

I need an opinion. What would be truly considered a real, commited relationship? Some people tell me that if there is no ring on my finger, then there is not really a commitment. Its a temporary longdistant situation right now. I feel as though we have a commitment between us, and there is a degree of respect that we have for our relationship. There are always men that have been asking me out on dates, and I have always declined. I felt as if I would be cheating on my bf if I went out on dates with someone else. My friends keep telling me that there is no harm in good fun, as long as there is no sex involved. I don't really see it that way. They say that I am being a stick-inthe mud. What do you think? Do you think I am maybe overlooking something? I mean, I wouldn't want my bf to be going out on dates with other women. I have always believed in that 'do unto others as you want done to you' saying. What do you think?
Vashti Friday, August 23, 2002 at 06:44:50 (PDT)

To: S.U.A.G.

You’re right. I missed the “:” in your post. For awhile, I didn’t know how to respond.

Thanks for the clarification.
Repost Friday, August 23, 2002 at 02:17:50 (PDT)

holy s*** -- that girl is fine as I-Don't-know-what!!! Hot-Daaaaaaamn. I would've thought that she was hispanic though. She's a total fox, no doubt. I tried hitting on a Iranian chick in my gym today. She was nice and cordial to me, but she came to the gym the next week with some Persian dude that she was hugging and working out with. Oh well... it's all good (See, even pick-up artists get shot down all the time!! You just gotta do it. =P). There are other girls around.
Playa Friday, August 23, 2002 at 00:20:33 (PDT)

face it,

You are full of it. I did not say all us AM must like one group of females. If more than anything, I was just praising the beauty that I "see" in women from the Near East. It is my opinion and preference, just like you said it was your freedom of speech, etc.

I am really skeptical if other races women, esp. black and Hispanic women would like us any more so than Middle Eastern women would. For one thing, Middle Eastern women would not value their men based on "physical assets." I have more than one occasion overheard black and Latina females comment how lacking we were in the masculinity and physical appeal department. I have heard this on more than one occasion. Such women do not interest me as they are still on a lower level of thinking and evolutionary scale. I have come into contact, go to school with, live as neighbors with many, many Arab and Persian high middle-class people. Their vision of family and the American Dream is not very different from mines. I wouldn't mind at all "going over there" to find me such wonderful and beautiful women to be a wife.

MAHA SALAM
I choose not to be rude to anyone Friday, August 23, 2002 at 00:01:49 (PDT)

I agree with you, "opinions".

It's considered "safe" in the media to portray AF/non-Asian male relationships, but not the other way around.

Non-Asian (especially White) men would be in an uproar if the image was switched.

I think the media plays a role (in varying amounts) in who we choose for a partner.

Women of all colors are drawn to WM's because the media portrays them in a more positive light than other races.

The same can be said for AM's who seek WF's.

It is because the American ideal is the blond hair, blue eyed girl.

That takes me to my last point. Have you noticed that the WF's of AM/WF relationships are usually brunettes?

Is this the next best thing to a good quality AF? (A complex of sorts)

Or because brunettes are the next best thing to getting a blond?
Thoughts.... Thursday, August 22, 2002 at 14:46:36 (PDT)

Repost: some definitions for you :)

fet·ish also fet·ich Pronunciation Key : (ftsh, ftsh)
n.

1. An object that is believed to have magical or spiritual powers, especially such an object associated with animistic or shamanistic religious practices.
2.An object of unreasonably excessive attention or reverence: made a fetish of punctuality.

3.Something, such as a material object or a nonsexual part of the body, that arouses sexual desire and may become necessary for sexual gratification.

4.An abnormally obsessive preoccupation or attachment; a fixation.

just to finally make a distinction between attraction to someone based on love and physical and emotional attraction and someone that has something called a fetish . I hope this clears the air. I do not have a fetish for Asian men, I have a love for my husband.
Of course I know your only teasing me when you say that, as usual ;)
hannybunbun Thursday, August 22, 2002 at 13:49:06 (PDT)

SUAG,
Do you really think that a lot of Asian men go through life thinking they're of a member of the least attractive race? Wow, that is really sad and so far from the truth! I'm sorry if you feel that way.

Repost,
Um..I think it was 17', oh no! I'm a terrible girlfriend if I can't remember the size of his rims! hehe Thanks for the advice on the language learning program. My b/f's parents have told my b/f that they think I'm very nice and polite, I was so happy when he told me that! And sometimes when he teaches me a new phrase he'll say "Go say it to my Mom" and I get nervous that I'll say it so terribly wrong that I'll sound dumb. But yes I think his parents are impressed that I'm at least making an attempt to learn Cantonese.

As for the Gender Divide, I honestly didn't know of this phenomenon until I began reading on Goldsea. Yes I often see AF/WM couples, but I guess I really never thought much of it. I had no idea that so many AMs felt rejected by AFs and called them sellouts for dating WMs. And of course being a white female I have no idea what it's like to be an Asian man, nor did I ever realize what a negative impact the media's portrayals of Asian man had upon Asian men. But now I look at the world with different eyes and listen with different ears.

opinions- I think your assessment seems pretty accurate.

A Different View- what were the differences in your relationship with the WF that eventually forced you to break up? Did you try to work them out?
curious girl Thursday, August 22, 2002 at 12:56:27 (PDT)

Kathleen,

Really? And how would revealing my nationality give you a clearer picture? I don't think it really matters. It didn't matter what nationality my daughter and I was on the bus that day. They still had no right to say all of those bad things about Chinese people. They obviously knew what they were doing. Would it had mattered if I were White? or Black? or Indian? Or whatever? It doesn't matter really.
R.Chen Thursday, August 22, 2002 at 12:22:50 (PDT)

NEWEST COMMENTS | EARLIER COMMENTS