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ASIAMS.NET |
ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
AA MEN SEEK OUT NON-ASIAN WOMEN
(Updated
Wednesday, Jan 22, 2025, 06:38:55 AM)
sian women are only interested in non-Asian men and don't give Asian men the time of day. That's the reason cited by many AA men for dating and marrying non-Asians. A minority of AA men say they simply find non-Asian women more physically attractive or more appealing in terms of personality, values and interests.
The new pairing?
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Whatever the reasons, the rates at which young Asian men are dating and marrying non-Asian women are quickly approaching the rates at which Asian women are outdating and outmarrying (about 38%). Some Asian women are complaining that they aren't getting a fair shake because Asian men have been brainwashed by media standards of desirability.
What are the real reasons for so many Asian men seeking out non-Asian women? How do Asian women really feel about this trend? Who benefits most from it? Will the trend continue? We want to hear your views.
This interactive article is closed to new input.
Discussions posted during the past year remain available for browsing.
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WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
Sammi,
This may or may not surprise you, but the mixed race population of men and women is growing quite vastly. Many of us are mixed. Unmixed blacks are becoming rare. We are becoming a majority.
light _green_eyes
Monday, September 16, 2002 at 10:28:29 (PDT)
[152.163.189.231]
courious 1,
You are right!! They aren't too impressive [hidden message for you and me] =).
Azn-Pride
Monday, September 16, 2002 at 07:56:34 (PDT)
[162.83.151.218]
I once dated a black girl and we always use to joke that the AM/BF pairing was natural and perfect since we were the rejects of society. AF don't want to date AM because they want white guys and BM don't want to date BF because they want white girls. White people sat at the top of the socieconomic latter and were the most desirable of all the races, we would say.
Now I'm not going to rehash all the psychology/politics behind interracial relationships because i think all the theories and explanations have been stated, restated, and flogged to a brutal senseless death. But rather, I'll state that i had fun with her and we got a lot of looks from everyone, because the AM/BF is among the rarest out there. So you stand out. People don't understand and it goes against everything they're use to seeing. It shocked Asian girls to see this as they would stare incessantly and many times I saw black men laugh or look in bewilderment. So if you, as an Asian man, want to say "F*** you" to society in general, you're making a bigger statement by dating a black girl than you are a white girl.
But honestly, i wasn't trying to make statements and show off. I was attracted to her and she was very interesting and had a great personality. In fact, i liked her more than she liked me. That was the problem. She outright admitted that she had an Asian fetish and wanted to date Asian men because she thought they were the hardest to obtain as a black woman. So we went our separate ways and when she tried to contact me on several occasions months later i gave her the cold shoulder.
I found someone else i'm more compatible with and i hope she finally found that same person for herself too. But we did end our last conversation on a friendly note though.
Valley Chinese Dude
Monday, September 16, 2002 at 00:27:42 (PDT)
[63.17.83.36]
wow
everyone needs to chill out.. i'm reading all this flak thats being posted ranging from one's attraction for grandmothers or green men and women.. chill out and take a breather..
We all can choose who we want to date.
trowa in montreal
Sunday, September 15, 2002 at 22:05:59 (PDT)
[65.95.238.231]
Candy Lips
This dork Huu76 doesn't represent the real Asian Americna male. This clown obviously has issues including very low self esteem. Anyone who finds their own race or ethnicity unattractive hates his own image. I mean how can someone exclusively deny women of his own race?? Cuz, you he has issues. Any non AF who is unfortuate enough cross paths with Huu76 should excercise her right and stay the hell clear of this idiot.
Sammi
Unfortuately, from my experience and among my Asian friends, physically speaking, we're not as attracted to dark skin black women. I guess its becasue of the african physical features. Again, I am only speaking of my circle of friends.
But of course physicality is not the only thing that most guys find attractive. At least not the mature ones.
Alpha
Sunday, September 15, 2002 at 20:52:01 (PDT)
[64.12.96.39]
Well my take on this is that, we live in a majorly white population, and the entertainment industry is basically white. So we grow up looking at white people on tv and mingling with white folks as we grow up. So I think it comes natural to date white girls. If we grew up in a spanish country, we would embrace there culture and there people and the girls! and it would come natural to date spanigh girls, so I think that's how it works, it all depends on where you grow up.
Asian guy
Sunday, September 15, 2002 at 20:32:14 (PDT)
[65.129.30.45]
Sammi,
Since he said he doesn't like white women as much as the others, you could spin it like the blackness makes the whiteness more interesting.
Just playing with words.
huu76
Sunday, September 15, 2002 at 19:35:49 (PDT)
[64.231.98.171]
"Someone wrote
"Dating a white woman is my way of saying "F*** you!" to white society."
That is so rude. Hopefully the next time it happens the lady will spend the evening watching white guys and leave you in the cold.
It'd be really cool for her to start criticizing your outfit and then argue against every issue you bring up.
Political Observer"
Political Observer,
That 'someone' would be me.
This is the same thing black men have been doing for decades. I guess then, by your reasoning, ALL women -- black, Asian, white, hispanic -- should go to white guys then, huh? WHATEVER.
I do what I want. And that's that.
Please do not tell me that every black athelete with white wives do that because the only, and I mean ONLY reason is b/c they like their personality. Such BULLSHIT. Women like men because of a combination of things, like money, looks, build, and charisma. Men like women for a combination of looks such as looks, figure, personality, etc. When it comes to IR, certain ppl look for certain things. And when a minority male or female marries a white person, sometimes it IS for status, amongst their other redeeming qualities. One would be fooling himself to think that love is completely 'colorblind'. That is such crap that it makes me nauseous.
Huu76,
I never said that white women were untouchable. I said that SOCIETY tells me that. I've had sex with white girls since highschool, and I've had several mid/long term relationships with WF. It's nothing new for me, but white society tells me to shove it up my ass. To hell with that, I say.
Sammi,
No I do not find darker women unattractive. I am quite fond of Iman (the Somalian supermodel) and Eithiopian women. They look very exotic. Are you a dark woman? Remember, just because one guy prefers lighter skinned women, it doesnt mean that every guy does. Take care.
This is how I feel
Sunday, September 15, 2002 at 19:19:56 (PDT)
[128.253.186.46]
Candy Lips, I don't think that AMs are seeking revenge for the simple fact that the WF will eventually find out and drop him like a hot skillet! Also, it is very immature to get into a relationship out of revenge for someone that you don't even know, don't ya think??? I mean, why waste your time? I think that it could be the media that has an influence on why AMs (or other men of colour) want WFs in such large numbers. I would stop feeling so bitter if I were you. People like "That's How I Feel" & "huu76" are a smaller group than you think!
Sammi
Sunday, September 15, 2002 at 18:54:41 (PDT)
[64.216.222.122]
Candy Lips:
"AMs give them no attention because they have an agenda. They are trying to keep score. Also, why do you think they always bash the WMs (calling them fat, blad-headed, Asiaphiles). I don't really think that it's racism because I see Asian men look at other non-AFs (apart from Whites) all the time, but they are too busy trying to get "revenge". "
You are wrong about most people I know. I have always liked white women, not just because I want to get "revenge". I've always been extremely attracted women with blonde hair, green eyes, taller, bigger frame of white women. sorry if this is objectifying, but you stated that we simply want them for "revenge" and that is not the case for me or many of my friends. I am a 6'1" asian male who has always been attracted to taller, blondes.
Peter
Sunday, September 15, 2002 at 16:50:32 (PDT)
[68.99.203.85]
Sammi,
Let me tell you a little story. I was at the resturant the other day and I saw this beautiful bf. She was very unique though. She has dark skin, straight black hair and asain eyes; yea very exotic. I look at her from a far and didn't know she was mixed, until I sat not too far from her. There is something about her look that i can't even describe. Her eyes are very nice; i looked at her from the table accross and she look back too. I was wondering if she was interest in me or not. She has nice body too. Anyway she was with another one of her friend.
I think Lauryn Hill and Tatyana Ali are beautiful. It is all about the individual, beautiful people come from every race. If the individual is beautiful, she is beautiful. I also think personality and being a good person is just as important as attraction. In general there are bad AF, wf, sf and bf and there are good ones too. Af, Wf, bf, lf etc can be player and use guys, as well as be the best girlfriend a guy can have; only the individual counts and one can't represent all.
"Do AMs want to truly be with non-AFs in general"
Yes, I want to truly be with non-AF in general. If there is an attraction and we can get alone then great. If I happen to be in love with af, wf, bf, or lf, then so be it. I'll live my life happy, being with the one i love that loves me. *wink* =-)
Azn-Pride
Sunday, September 15, 2002 at 15:45:51 (PDT)
[162.83.151.218]
Candy Lips,
Wrong girl, thats how he feel. Not all of us feel that way. I know i don't feel that way at all. I date non-aw b/c there is an attraction that i have for them.
Azn-Pride
Sunday, September 15, 2002 at 15:10:44 (PDT)
[162.83.151.218]
To: I like non-WF and non-AF
Just out of curiosity...do you also date BFs?
To: Sammi
I highly agree about your comment to "This Is How I Feel (AM)". I'm just glad to see I'm not the only one who has noticed this. I happen to be mixed and I don't like the idea that someone would think I'm more attractive simply b/c I happen to be mixed w/white. If I thought that's why someone was w/me, I'd drop him in a heartbeat!! PhD made a similar comment about this board. Makes you wonder, huh?? Does seem like some of these AMs have an agenda to simply go after "white" but then get upset when AFs do it.
To: rare stuff
Ok...your mother has some serious issues! Sounds like a sellout to me...no disrespect intended but I think you know the deal on that one! Sounds like she would have married white if she had the opportunity! Why does it seem like Asians are about the only culture that is so hell bent on getting their children (especially daughters) to date Whites when other races don't seem to care as much?? Do they feel some severe inferiority complex as a race or something?
To: Asian Brother
You said, "Many Asian Males haven't even considered your suggestions." Why do you think that is? I mean, they didn't seem to have a problem figuring out how to go after WFs so why is it so far fetched to approach BFs? I'm really curious about that. I'm mixed and my boyfriend is Chinese. I've asked him this but it doesn't really apply to him b/c prior to me, he's only dated AFs. He hasn't dated a WF before so he can't really answer it. Why do you think it is? I find it kind of sad that so many AMs seem to consider dating only WFs if they decide to date outside of their race and they don't seem to give a lot of other deserving races a chance.
To: This is how I feel (AM)
You said, "I think half white half black women are very sexy." While I understand you have your opinions, I have to ask the same question someone else asked you...don't you find pure black women attractive? Like I said earlier, I happen to be mixed but if I found out that the guy I'm w/only like me b/c of that, we would no longer be together. Would you like it if someone only found you attractive b/c you were Asian and not b/c they just genuinely found you cute? I'm wondering b/c I get that a lot. It's hard to sort between the men who ask me out b/c they are attracted to me vs. those who ask me out just b/c they want a "trophy" mulatto. Trust me, IT HAPPENS! I can usually tell if the 1st couple of questions are (1) Is blue your natural eye color or are you wearing contacts? (2) What are you? If they ask those first, I'm gone b/c it means they are "qualifying" me before they make the decision of whether they want me or not. It's pretty sickening. If an AM approaches me, I don't first ask, "Hold up! Are you Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Viet, what?" If I find him cute...it doesn't matter what he is. See my point? Finally, you also said, "Dating black women DEFINATELY makes me stand out" and I do agree w/you on that. My boyfriend and I get lots of stares when we are out. Funny thing is, the only negative stares I EVER see are from older Asian women or younger BMs. I think they seem to be the only 2 groups that resent our union. I notice it, but it doesn't bother me. Hopefully, if nothing else, we'll be an inspiration to AMs and BFs who have always been attracted to each other but thought of the other group as out of reach. It's funny...I have also noticed a LOT of smiles from AM, both young and old. They also speak to us as opposed to when I'm alone, they won't even say "hi" to me if I'm by myself. Why do you think that is? Is it simply b/c I'm w/an AM or b/c if they see me by myself, they think I won't speak to them? Again, just curious.
CaliGirl
Sunday, September 15, 2002 at 15:08:17 (PDT)
[63.233.27.164]
Candy Lips,
Why, thank you. I am being very honest. EVERYONE has their selfish reasons for doing ANYTHING. It's called the selfish gene theory or one's natural impulse to do whatever it takes to ensure its survival or progress in nature/society. Asian women surely date white men for status. Black men DEFINATELY date white women for status, that goes without saying... how many black pro atheletes go white? Some speak like Creole Southerners and have that culture and the accordant mannerisms, yet they shack up with the whitest of white women from places like Ohio. It's an interesting observation to me. I won't judge any of these people, but as I've been honest with myself, I want to blow everyone's covers WIDE OPEN.
This is how I feel.
Sunday, September 15, 2002 at 15:04:25 (PDT)
[128.253.186.46]
This Is How I Feel, wrote
"Dating a White woman is my way of saying 'F*** You' to White society"
Well I wouldn't say it that way because when I date a girl it's because I really like her. I don't do it for political reasons. I believe that most AMs feel the same way as me. I believe that people should date each other or be with each other because of their feelings and not because of what they want others to see. Yes the white society has their prejudices on AMs and Asians in general but I don't think that I'd go out with a girl just to prove something. Because honestly I've got nothing to prove, I'm a guy that likes a girl wether Asian or non-Asian, that's it. When I date a non-AF, I don't feel the need to go bragging around, but it does attract some discriminating looks. If people see it as a revenge on AFs or whatever they think, then so be it, at least I know it's not like that.
As for AMs going for only WFs only, i think that maybe that's a little over exaggerated. I think that it's just what we mostly see but being all just human we tend to generalize it. Maybe us AMs do it subconsciously but not on purpose. Maybe it's just like the way WMs see AFs as something exotic no matter what :) I would have to agree that non-AFs are usually more open and outgoing, so I guess that's one of the reasons.
Astralius
Sunday, September 15, 2002 at 14:54:24 (PDT)
[213.41.190.198]
NYC AM:
"It's just that many of these loser AF talk about WM as they were gods, and then you meet their lame boyfriend, who otherwise would not be able to get a date. :) You just have to laugh."
It's really sad that so many AFs can only get these dorks. I was in SF pho shop the other night and saw an AF paying the tab for the dinner. As they left I was stunned as she walked out with this really dorky, fat white guy who I guarantee could never get a date with anyone let alone pay for the meal. Oh and don't forget the free 'dessert' later on. He had these really weird looking, thick Steven King glasses also and a baby huey body type. Although she wasn't quite a prize herself she didn't need to scrape the very, very bottom of the barrel. I mean like she wasn't horribly disfigured or major ugly, just kind of an average modest type female who you may or may not even notice.
Asian Brother
Sunday, September 15, 2002 at 12:24:46 (PDT)
[152.163.189.231]
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