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ASIAMS.NET |
ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
LIVING WITH ASIAN MOTHERS-IN-LAW
o hear the wives of Asian men talk, they're the mothers-in-law from hell -- tyrannical and nitpicky, with an iron grip on their sons.
The rap isn't entirely unfounded. Traditional Asian culture holds wives to be subordinate to mothers-in-law. Thus women who suffered long and hard under their MIL's thumbs looked forward to the day when they could rule their sons' wives with the same heavy hand. They expected to dictate how their daughters-in-law cook, clean, shop, educate the grandkids and even over how they dress and wear makeup.
These days fewer families share a roof with parents. But old mindsets die hard. The expectations of some Asian mothers-in-law seem to have survived into the new millennium. Their ways seem especially terrifying to young wives who grew up in more laissez-faire western culture. The terror is compounded when the MILs appear to impose old-fashioned prejudices on their sons' choice of mates and the way their wives run the household. Stories abound of how otherwise promising marriages have been killed by the old gal's all-seeing evil eyes.
But are Asian MILs as bad as they say? Maybe they've been getting a bum rap based on the horror stories of the unlucky few. Here's your chance to paint a balanced picture of how awful or wonderful Asian mothers-in-law can be.
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WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
(Updated
Tuesday, Apr 1, 2008, 05:58:46 PM)
oOoHimeoOo -
Glad to hear success stories!! I also do well with my husband's mom ( his dad has passed). Its particularly great that your mom is also part of the equation. It has been my experience that especially after you marry, there are many, many family situations you'll be a part of, and if your family can be included, all the better!!
I would add that " putting all feelings aside" is , I hope, just a misuse of words and you meant to say put ill feelings or uncertain feelings aside. The worst thing is to deny your feelings to smooth the way, because if you do, they will eventually resurface and cause problems. Believe me, I have said and done my share of things within my husbands family that have no doubt raised eyebrows, but its who I am , who he married, and I have never felt I needed to play some role of accomodating wife and accepting daughter-in-law for them to accept and love me.
Also, things can get difficult when babies enter the picture..lol..so maintain that optimism and don't lose sight of the most important relationship, which is the one between you and your husband! good luck to you both! : )
Happy Clam
Thursday, March 28, 2002 at 19:23:52 (PST)
HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY!!!
i dont know what it is that attracts me to asian guys but there's something that does and i dont mind it at all :). all of my relationships have been with asians (I'm hispanic) and all of them have been great up untill the "meeting of the parents" lol. now my mom of course was accepting but it wasn't a mutual feeling. the fathers were great but the mothers? MY GOD were they scary! (i still keep in touch with my ex's fathers lol it's the coolest thing).
well any way, my latest relationship has gone on for about 3 years and he took me to meet his parents within the first. i was nervous and i always wondered why he never was but it turned out great! she loved me :). i guess he knew his parents better then i thought. his father of course was extremely cool about it. he even brought me roses the next day and we had like a 2 hour conversatioN! (he wanted to know my future plans, and all that jazz, and he wanted to give me his opinion on the relationship "after letting it marinate from the night befre" and i he was quite pleased. of course so was i.
I dont know if this is because she's been in this country since she was about 30 or so but my "future mother in law" LOVES MEEEEEE and i love HER TOOO! i was terrified she wouldn't like me because i'm hispanic and they're chinese and i've had so many bad experiences in the mom and pop stores. the typical being followed around because i didnt look like them so obviously i'm going to steal. (if you're not asian don't set FOOT in the HEllo Kitty store in China town, Philadelphia)
it just goes to show that if you put all feelings aside and give someone a chance things can work out so well for you! :) i'm happy were getting married in a few months and she's helping out so much. her and my mom are so close it's so amazing my fiance and i just sit back and watch them sometimes.
oOoHimeoOo
oOoHeiiokittyoOo@yahoo.com
Tuesday, March 26, 2002 at 22:00:53 (PST)
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