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ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
WHAT DO WF LIKE BEST ABOUT AM?
(Updated
Tuesday, Apr 1, 2008, 05:52:02 PM)
hen many people see a pretty white woman with a good-looking Asian man the question that pops into their heads is "Why's she with him?" more often than "Why's he with her?"
It's only natural. We've been told so often about the desirability of white women that we simply presume that an Asian man too would find a pretty white women desirable. But we are left to guess at her possible motives for being with him. Not that there aren't hundreds of thousands of handsome, charming and successful Asian men who, by all rights, should be attractive to women of any race. But we are all too aware that American society has built up many negative preconceptions about Asian men that would take extraordinary consideration, some special X factor, to overcome.
The many examples of famous AM/WF couples (Mr/Mrs Yo-Yo Ma, Ming Tsai, Scott Oki, Charles Wang etc), don't really help, merely reinforcing the common presumption that the AM must be wealthy and able to provide an exceptional degree of financial security, material comfort or social status. Another common suspicion is that he must be unusually charming, cultured or sexually gifted. Then there's the old standby -- that the woman must have some odd fixation on Asian men or Asian culture.
Of course intellectually we know better. Just as there are many independent-minded Asian men who see through blonde bimbo stereotypes to the real qualities of white women, there are white women who ignore stereotypes about Asian men. Which leads to the question: What's the real draw? Is it the black hair? educational level? smooth skin? cultural values? upslanting eyes? personality and character traits? Here's a chance for white women who love Asian men to set the record straight.
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WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
White woman,
I am also a WF , and I am married to an AM. I applaud that you don't like people buying into misleading stereotypes, so I want to bring to your attention that my husband is quite emotional and demonstrative, as well as romantic and comical. Never was he raised to not show his emotions. This is a stereotype as well, you realize.
Please don't fall victim to believing or perpetuating any generalized labels of Asian people. It is dehumanizing and fails to allow you to see the individual people you are dealing with for who they are.
There is simply no blanket statement that you can throw out about any racial group which is going to fit everyone.
If you want your relationship to go well, the best advice I can offer is see and appreciate your boyfriend for who he uniquely is. Certainly, look at his individual upbringing and the cultural aspects that he was raised with as part of who he is. But don't think he is anything less than his own unique self, and please don't ever think theres some mass produced kind of character/personality that goes along with being an AM. I can gather 5 Asian men I know together in a room, and you will see 5 distinctly different men in terms of personality, social skills, humor, goals, priorities, income, speech pattern...you name it.They are individuals and they each want to be seen as such...
Good luck with your sweetie and keep us all posted! : )
Happy Clam
Thursday, August 08, 2002 at 17:17:16 (PDT)
I am a white woman who is dating an asian guy for about a year now...he has got it all, good looks,personality and smart, I have dated white men too and find myself much happier now, I'm not sure why, maybe the culture background I find to be interesting, I feel asian guys have more substance to them, they are not very emotional because they are taught at a very young age not to show any emotions, but they are sincere about their true feelings when displayed. I am not sure why people would wonder why a pretty white woman would be dating an asian guy being that white men date asian woman all the time, stereotypes about asian men?? well I like the dark hair yes, but white men have dark hair too, smooth skin, yes, save the hairychest for somone else.
white woman
Thursday, August 08, 2002 at 13:04:38 (PDT)
As a twenty eight year old "white" woman who has been in a serious relationship with an Asian man for the past three years I have to say I love the Asian man I know because he is beautiful, smart, kind, funny and sexy. He is my total perfect man.
Wendy W.
wendywilfong@aol.com
Tuesday, August 06, 2002 at 21:52:52 (PDT)
[Time to get back on topic. --Ed]
AM Jedi,
For a Jedi, you sure underestimate the power that the human mind has over language. :)
For instance, "Black" did not used to mean people of African descent. During the Civil Rights Movement it was shaped into the context we're all familiar with today, with the "Black is beautiful" mantra and all the cool and hip connotations associated with being Black. This is one example of people making a word mean exactly what they want it to mean.
I, too, had encountered childish taunts with all the ching-chong noises and the pulled-up eyes. Now, I could let this make me angry and bitter, or I could choose a different reaction.
I noticed that mean-spirited kids didn't pick on those they perceived to be powerful and charismatic. They only bullied and preyed on the weak. I couldn't change them by getting upset about their inappropriate behavior, but I could change myself into a figure of strength, so that's exactly what I chose.
I couldn't change the racists of the world, but by being powerful and self-possessed, I could and did make sure that they knew better than to try their BS in my vicinity. I could and did elevate myself above petty name-calling.
I also became fascinated by how certain people can make anything sound fantastic. The exact same words that come from losers that sound weak and pathetic suddenly gain mystery, excitement and allure when uttered by people with that certain special quality. The entire industry of marketing -- commercials and advertising -- is based on this.
Ten years ago, I used to hang out at Santa Monica Beach every weekend. I had built up a muscular physique, and walked around with a tank top with the phrase "That's Mr. F***ing Gook to you" in the front.
But, you say, that's twisted bro. Don't you know that "gook" is extremely offensive?
Of course I do. I designed the tank top myself, with deliberate intent. The crucial difference in me is that my reaction against "gook" and other words meant to demean is not one of victimization. Rather, it is an approach of defiance and self-assured power.
The attitude is like this: I'm not here to be dissolved into the melting pot; I'm not here to become just like the White majority -- that'll never happen anyway -- instead, I'm here to play the game, and I play to win. This attitude gets you respect and friendship. Its opposite -- being a victim, being offended, wanting so badly to belong -- invites even more personal attacks. It's kindergarten playground all over again, bro.
Around me, being Asian (or gook or chink -- let's not pull any punches) becomes the coolest thing imaginable. Because I believe this completely, it is reflected in everything I do and say. People around me become infected by the notion and start thinking along the same lines. In this mindset, racial slurs have no power to hurt at all, and taking offense at the word "Oriental" is just kind of silly and insignificant.
Derek
Thursday, August 01, 2002 at 12:43:30 (PDT)
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