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ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
WHAT DO WF LIKE BEST ABOUT AM?
(Updated
Tuesday, Apr 1, 2008, 05:52:01 PM)
hen many people see a pretty white woman with a good-looking Asian man the question that pops into their heads is "Why's she with him?" more often than "Why's he with her?"
It's only natural. We've been told so often about the desirability of white women that we simply presume that an Asian man too would find a pretty white women desirable. But we are left to guess at her possible motives for being with him. Not that there aren't hundreds of thousands of handsome, charming and successful Asian men who, by all rights, should be attractive to women of any race. But we are all too aware that American society has built up many negative preconceptions about Asian men that would take extraordinary consideration, some special X factor, to overcome.
The many examples of famous AM/WF couples (Mr/Mrs Yo-Yo Ma, Ming Tsai, Scott Oki, Charles Wang etc), don't really help, merely reinforcing the common presumption that the AM must be wealthy and able to provide an exceptional degree of financial security, material comfort or social status. Another common suspicion is that he must be unusually charming, cultured or sexually gifted. Then there's the old standby -- that the woman must have some odd fixation on Asian men or Asian culture.
Of course intellectually we know better. Just as there are many independent-minded Asian men who see through blonde bimbo stereotypes to the real qualities of white women, there are white women who ignore stereotypes about Asian men. Which leads to the question: What's the real draw? Is it the black hair? educational level? smooth skin? cultural values? upslanting eyes? personality and character traits? Here's a chance for white women who love Asian men to set the record straight.
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WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
I agree that those of us WFs that had more exposure or friendships or relationships with AMs at an early age are more likely to date or marry an AM later in life. When I was about 13, my best friend was a Vietnamese-American guy. I had the hugest crush on him, and he later admitted that he had a crush on me, but we were too young and shy to act on it. We would talk for hours every day. My first real boyfriend as a teenager was a black man. Then I had a long-term relationship with a white man. After that I dated a Korean-American guy for a few years. Then two brief relationships with white men, before finding my current love, who is Chinese-American.
Whew, sorry for telling you my life story, but I just wanted to point out that since I've dated, been friends with, and had exposure to men of different races I was as a result more likely to date (and maybe marry!) a man outside of my race.
As for the theory that all women want to marry someone just like their father, I think this may be true- in terms of personality. Many of the men I've dated have had a similar temperament to my father.
In the end, these are just theories. Who can truly explain attraction and love? Maybe scientists can break it down to pheromones and gene pools and such, but doesn't that take the fun and romance out of it?
curious girl
Sunday, August 18, 2002 at 18:37:07 (PDT)
Lin's experience makes total sense to me. Her early experience puts her at a comfort level with AM's that not all WF's have. Most people tend to be fearful of that which they are unfamiliar with and unfortunately for AM's, we fall into that category for quite a few WF's. From a personal level, I've experienced the same deal, at a bar or club or what have you, it's difficult for me to meet women. But in the workplace, I've been approached and chased by quite a few, very attractive and intelligent WF's Why? Because they're familiar and comfortable with you. A WM has much less of this initial resistance when it comes to courting a woman. IMHO...
Lin, hope you find somebody special, whether he be Asian or not...
Ronbo (Bay Area)
howudoinsf@hotmail.com
Friday, August 16, 2002 at 12:59:45 (PDT)
villageidiot,
It's called the template theory in social selection.
The theory goes that prior to puberty. The mind creates a template of what an ideal mate will be for an individual. This template will be based on various experiences in our childhood. The template is like a cookie cutter, we are not looking for an exact fit. But if an potential mate somewhat fits our templates, we select them to be possible mate.
The theory was proposed to example how migrating human ages ago would mate with human indigenous to an area. It was use to destroy the belief that humans want to mate with phenotypical similar individuals, or people that looked a like. Why would a european female want to mate with a middle east male as their families migrated in that direction. The template theory is an elegant explanation to the problem.
AC Dropout
Friday, August 16, 2002 at 11:00:32 (PDT)
"Don't early childhood experiences play a large role in shaping our personalities etc. in adulthood?"
heck, that's what they say about the oedipus and elektra complexes with boys in love with their mothers and girls with their fathers. but i'm wondering how does she go from associating a kind guy from taiwan who listend to her to having a thing for us asian guys in general. but 1 thing i know for sure, whatever my parents hammered into my brain, it's usually the opposite of that is what i'm about. good weekend, mates. :-D
villageidiot (CRIKEY!)
Thursday, August 15, 2002 at 18:55:48 (PDT)
LIN from GA. and Sillygurl,
Can you guys share how your attractions to AM have developed into the current stage of your lives?
Curious AM
Thursday, August 15, 2002 at 11:53:35 (PDT)
Village,
Don't early childhood experiences play a large role in shaping our persoalities etc. in adulthood?
I know stuff my parents hammered into me when I was young stuck and helped direct my life decisions.
huu76
Wednesday, August 14, 2002 at 21:18:50 (PDT)
"Finally a psychologist friend asked me if I'd had some kind of positive experience with an Asian man when I was a child"
but that doesn't make sense, how does in children's minds the association between somebody being kind and ethnicity has to do with later on attraction? i know what they say about the oedipus and elektra complexes with boys and girls seeking people like their parents, but how does somebody's ethnicity do with later on attraction?
villageidiot
Monday, August 12, 2002 at 12:43:04 (PDT)
I'm a WF who loves AM...I don't know why! I guess it's the magnetism or something! Hee!
SillyGurl
Sunday, August 11, 2002 at 06:39:40 (PDT)
I'm an Irish/Scottish/Welsh American woman who has always had a particular liking for Asian men that I never understood. Finally a psychologist friend asked me if I'd had some kind of positive experience with an Asian man when I was a child, and it hit me! Yes, of course that's it!! When I was about 10 my family went through a particularly difficult period and nobody had much time for me. My parents thought I was doing fine when in fact I was living in hell, just afraid that if I showed it I'd upset the family applecart even more. There was a man in our church from Taiwan who had come to the US to get a degree at the state university, and he had been unable to bring along his family. He took an interest in some of us kids as a way of keeping in touch with his own children as they developed. He would ask me questions and actually listen to what I had to say. That was a real shocker! No other adult in my life ever did that. He made me feel very important by coming to my class and telling us about China and Taiwan, and even making us some green tea.
Ever after that I had a sort of "positive prejudice" toward Asian people, expecting them to be warm, kind, caring, etc., even when I had no reason to think so. It wasn't a conscious association with my friend Liu, just a gut-level reaction.
I wish I had a way to thank him. I'm sure he never realized how important he was in my 10-year-old life, but he really had an impact, not only on how I felt about Asian people but on my ability to hope that life would get better and that I would find people to care about who would also care about me.
THANK YOU, LIU CHING PO!!!!!!
Lin from Georgia
Friday, August 09, 2002 at 15:01:40 (PDT)
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