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ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
WHAT DO WF LIKE BEST ABOUT AM?
(Updated
Tuesday, Apr 1, 2008, 05:52:21 PM)
hen many people see a pretty white woman with a good-looking Asian man the question that pops into their heads is "Why's she with him?" more often than "Why's he with her?"
It's only natural. We've been told so often about the desirability of white women that we simply presume that an Asian man too would find a pretty white women desirable. But we are left to guess at her possible motives for being with him. Not that there aren't hundreds of thousands of handsome, charming and successful Asian men who, by all rights, should be attractive to women of any race. But we are all too aware that American society has built up many negative preconceptions about Asian men that would take extraordinary consideration, some special X factor, to overcome.
The many examples of famous AM/WF couples (Mr/Mrs Yo-Yo Ma, Ming Tsai, Scott Oki, Charles Wang etc), don't really help, merely reinforcing the common presumption that the AM must be wealthy and able to provide an exceptional degree of financial security, material comfort or social status. Another common suspicion is that he must be unusually charming, cultured or sexually gifted. Then there's the old standby -- that the woman must have some odd fixation on Asian men or Asian culture.
Of course intellectually we know better. Just as there are many independent-minded Asian men who see through blonde bimbo stereotypes to the real qualities of white women, there are white women who ignore stereotypes about Asian men. Which leads to the question: What's the real draw? Is it the black hair? educational level? smooth skin? cultural values? upslanting eyes? personality and character traits? Here's a chance for white women who love Asian men to set the record straight.
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WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
'What???? LSD, speak for yourself. I've often come across your comments about how you admire the Jews. Good for you. BUT! Just because you have a "fetish" for Jewish culture doen't mean Jewish gals are the only ones open enough to date Asian American men.
I'm a living proof, I've dated white gals of just about all ethnicities.
You definately have a problem dude.'
No, I don't have a problem. My comments were based on MY observations and opinions.
I don't know where u come from, but perhaps my experiences have been different from yours. And yes, I think Jewish Females are easier to talk to than other other types of women, even AFs. I have dated a couple, and I have yet to hear any negative stereotypes of us from them, such as we are boring, unattractive, unfriendly, geeky and that sort of thing. When a woman respects a man for his work ethic, and his commitment to his career and family, that is a sign of intelligence on the woman's part.
On the other hand, u hear many AFs gripe about AMs being unattractive, boring and are not cool in comparision to WMs. Many of them even look down at their own men because we have not assimilated like they have. And whose fault is it? Ours, or society at large?
With the issue of WFs, many of them don't even talk to AMs, due in part to the media stereotypes, and their lack of intelligence and sensibility. The previous WF poster who said AMs are arrogant and hard to approach is a perfect example of what I'm talking about!
And for BFs and Latinas, I have heard many of them say AMs are too different for their tastes. Some have said openly that AMs are not attractive but they do have nice personalities to compensate their looks.
They are many posters here who spoke good of the Jews. I even remembered some of them were outrageous and insane. There was even one dude who said the Jewish religion is similar to the MS operating system. Whatever that means, I have no clue! The fact of the matter is, Asians are going through a very similar phase in America like the previous generations of Jews. Many Jews have taken notice of it too!
LSD
Thursday, December 05, 2002 at 08:57:02 (PST)
[66.212.81.229]
I feel that a lot of guys bring negativity to this forum. I don't understand all this stuff about jewish or non-jewish this or that. I think all AMs should treat any woman with respect, and most importantly respect and love himself first. Everyone deserves respect and dignity.
trowa in montreal
Wednesday, December 04, 2002 at 20:09:36 (PST)
[67.68.248.139]
"If you choose to wear contacts, do it because you like the way you look in the mirror. If you choose to go to the gym, do it because it makes you feel great. If you feel the need to add to your wardrobe, how about a nice sweater of fine quality, rather than revamping your entire closet?"
Why do we want to look good again? Tell me. For our mothers?
"Courting, love, and lovemaking (specifically in that order) are never games."
It is a game with rules. That's what courting means. You don't go up to a woman and say, "Lets date." There are rules to follow...the timing, the stuff to say, the right behavior...In that sense, it is very much a game, and men and women are very much players in it. If you are a good player of the game, it means you are a stable, well-grounded person who can handle a healthy relationship. I don't think this description is degrading sex, love, or humanity in any way. Sadly, the word "game" has acquired bad connotations.
"Changing your image may work for some, if all you want is a woman that will love the image and not you."
What is this cryptic BS? There are bad images and good images; Bad true selves and good true selves. If your image is good, stay with it. If your image is bad (you smell, you have the hair of a drunk bum, you have a tendency to be stalky) and you want things to work for you, change.
If your innerself is bad (if you are not confident, if you are controlling, if your personality is obnoxious) and you want things to work better, change.
Simple as that.
Stop preaching, O Wise One.
saying too much?? yup
Wednesday, December 04, 2002 at 15:07:14 (PST)
[68.9.169.159]
"The “mensch” image that you despise is one of integrity and honor. The nice guy, the one that you ridicule, is a hardworking, respectable man of strong character that remains true to himself and sensitive to the needs of his loved ones."
I never ridiculed nice guys. You misunderstand me completely. And I never recalled worshipping the "bad boy" image. I'm simply seeing the whole picture and not making it either/or with absolute statements such as "the only thing that counts is your integrity/honor" or "you have to be a bad boy"...ridiculous.
I doubt any woman out there is searching the back alleys of Chinatown for Mr. Personality or Mr. Badboy. Appearance gets you in the door, your inner self seals the deal. This is true with any relationship...career-wise or personal...I think I have a healthy/wholistic view of it.
Having a beautiful/wonderful personality matters alot once two people get to know each other (I said this the first time). But having a nice personality doesn't sell itself upon first sight. In order for her to get to know that person inside, you have to seem physically attractive. Why would working out, having a hair cut, dressing well, and having a nice personality be qualities in a "bad boy"?? It's simply grooming yourself for the mating game.
Just because I think someone is nice doesn't mean I'm interested in them romantically. These are two different concepts. If you want to make another interested, then you would have to change yourself in certain ways. Don't expect anyone to adapt to you. That is just the rules of the game. Woudl you date a guy who never takes a shower (true story...I know a Russian guy who is against washing) just because he is nice and true to himself??? Comon....
When I mentioned Hip Hop, I meant it as an example of dressing well. If you are an early twenty-something or a teen grl, you would be more inclined to date a "Hip Hop"/Alternative guy than guy who has his shirt tucked in wearing khaki pants?
If you were a career woman, and you only have two pictures to go on to make your decision, would you prefer a blind date with the guy who is dressed in Banana Republic or a guy who wears a purple cap, a T-shirt with a skull on it, and grease-stained pants??
Would you date the guy who brings you coffee everyday but who can't have a conversation without boring you to death, or would you date the guy who made you laugh and gave you pointers on the politics of your new job?
Comon...
stop preaching
saying to much
Wednesday, December 04, 2002 at 14:52:37 (PST)
[68.9.169.159]
I respect and admire Asian men because of their inner strength, iron will power, quiet confidence, honor, ...When things get tough, the asian male will rise to the challenge. Asian men are driven to be the best men they can be. I love the clean cut, well groomed look of asian men. ... A white guy couldn't tell you what he wants from life or what honor, committment and family mean."
Flattering, but generalizations. Frankly, I'd rather date a grl who didn't have these expectations/assumptions about me the individual. If she was just attracted to me, my outer and inner whole, the relationship would be a lot healthier in the long run.
another voice
Wednesday, December 04, 2002 at 14:23:51 (PST)
[68.9.169.159]
"i feel so old saying this, but there's a reason the "truism" of being yourself is so true. so for your bad-boy wannabes, are you listening to what the girls are telling us? that there are girls who value commitment and honesty? all i can say is boys, you've alot of growing up to do."
I can't speak for anyone else, but I never said to not be yourself or to be a bad boy. Why would dressing well for example (have a style be it Hip Hop, Alternative, Banana Republic) equal being a bad boy or not being yourself?
It is true that everyone should just be themselves. Pretension is smelly, especially to women (ex. being overly extrovert when you're actually quite).
But I don't think taking care of yourself, building up a personality care, and looking gendered instead of sexually side-lined is being pretentious. It just comes from a natural desire to be attractive to the opposite sex. If you have no desire to groom yourself for the fit, don't expect women to line up.
You can be shy or a Trekkie...it doesn't matter...but have the ability make her laugh and carry an interesting conversation. Working out, dressing well, being attractive is different from not being yourself. It is called being attractive, or trying to be, to the opposite sex. When you go do an interview, you put on your best apprearance. This is not being pretentious.
Guys expect the same thing from women. When was the last time you guys in here said, "Damn she is so hot, such a hot, kind woman...she's herself."?
another voice
Wednesday, December 04, 2002 at 14:19:35 (PST)
[68.9.169.159]
"I don't think this is the case at all with a lot of Asian girls. Have you seen the white guys who are dating Asian girls? A lot of them are not hip-hop nor bad-boy types."
You don't get me. I'm not saying you have to be a "bad ass." When did I say that? I said to get a style. Am I lying in saying that we have more than our share of 25andabove computer nerds who don't get haircuts and wear tight khakis and jeans that look like they're giving the guy a wedge (the image is an exaggeration to make a point)? Would you as a man, upon first sight, be more open to the gender-neutral girl who dresses like a grandma or the tank-top wearing cutie who is flirty?
As for Asian women dating "average" white guys, maybe that's the best they can get. Some of them have identity issues and will be choose Bill Gates over Aaron Kwok. Others are just being realistic and settling for the best guy they can get.
What Asian grls do have nothing to do with making Azn guyz for "marketable." (I know I sound kind of jaded here but I feel I have to in order to make a point.) The usual Asian guys who date white women: tall, good-looking, muscular, dresses nice, good personality...Itz the truth.
Being a wonderful person inside counts alot...once she gets to know you. But first she has to be interested in you as a potential mate...meaning she has to be attracted to you. No one, man or woman, is going to say, "I fell in love with his/her kindness a mile away."
If she isn't attracted to you but you're nice, you'll just end up being the best friend or "the he's-like-a-brother-to-me-don't worry'about-him-he's-harmless-guy." Ask anye woman and they'll name 10 nice but obnoxious guys in 30 seconds.
Just the truth
another voice
Wednesday, December 04, 2002 at 13:58:17 (PST)
[68.9.169.159]
another voice, Astralius,
I can say yes and no to your theory. I used to be in the same line of thinking as you.
I guess it also depends on the individual girl.
I don't think this is the case at all with a lot of Asian girls. Have you seen the white guys who are dating Asian girls? A lot of them are not hip-hop nor bad-boy types.
I had once had bad luck with Hispanic girls and thought that a haircut and a change of fashion might boost my chances. It was practically the same results, and I still think they prefer men of their own race first whether he is hip or not.
And, Asian girls still gave me more looks compared to other girls of other races whether I am dressed hip or not. It is just natural sometimes for girls to like their own race first.
But, when you get older (near 30), I don't think it is appropriate to dress thuggish. It no longer matches. Just stick with slacks and leather jackets. We cannot change who we are unless we accept who we are.
I know it
Wednesday, December 04, 2002 at 01:03:15 (PST)
[64.130.235.33]
"I'm a living proof, I've dated white gals of just about all ethnicities."
ROFL!!! is this a personal example of "a bushism?" so what's the distinction between "white girls" and "of all ethnicities?" and does having done so make you more wise or experienced in any way?
www.bushisms.com
i feel so old saying this, but there's a reason the "truism" of being yourself is so true. so for your bad-boy wannabes, are you listening to what the girls are telling us? that there are girls who value commitment and honesty? all i can say is boys, you've alot of growing up to do.
villageidiot
Tuesday, December 03, 2002 at 21:24:54 (PST)
[65.184.81.113]
LSD
What???? LSD, speak for yourself. I've often come across your comments about how you admire the Jews. Good for you. BUT! Just because you have a "fetish" for Jewish culture doen't mean Jewish gals are the only ones open enough to date Asian American men.
I'm a living proof, I've dated white gals of just about all ethnicities.
You definately have a problem dude.
Mandooo
Monday, December 02, 2002 at 18:16:05 (PST)
[152.163.189.170]
As I non-jewish White female, I respect and admire Asian men because of thier inner strenth, iron will power, quiet confidence, honor, discipline, and respect they show everyone, especially their lucky parnters. When things get tought, the asian male will rise to the challenge. Asian men are driven to be the best men they can be. I love the clean cut, well groomed look of asian men. You wont find these qualities in most white guys. A white guy couldn't tell you what he wants from life or what honor, committment and family mean. WHen things get tough, the white male crumbles and looks for the escape route. White men can learn a lot from asian men.
Asian Men Rule
dndkmk@juno.com
Monday, December 02, 2002 at 16:26:42 (PST)
[66.1.197.7]
Alexandra,
I agree with what you've just said but you and others have to to understand that though being one's self is a great and the most honorable thing to do, you have to admit that your image plays a big role in the way people approach you. There's no doubt denying the "bad boy syndrome" out there. It's just the trend right now to be with a "bad boy" a la Nelly, Ja Rule,... So it is understandable that there are AMs out there that want to change their image in order to accomodate the needs of some women. That trend should end sometime like every other trend. Think about it this way: you have the typical nice Asian guy, now he sees this cute girl and asks her out, well he gets turned down, a week later he sees this same girl with some "bad boy", he's thinking "man all i had to do was dress all baggy all the time, walk like if i had a leg problem, and talk as if i had just entered kindergarden and was mixing up humans and DOGS!" that nice guy is gonna have doubts about being himself.
Luckily there are girls that look for what's inside a man.
Astralius
Monday, December 02, 2002 at 14:21:39 (PST)
[213.41.190.194]
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