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GOLDSEA |
ASIAMS.NET |
ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
LIVING WITH AN ASIAN AMERICAN WIFE
he male ideal of domestic bliss? An American home, a Chinese cook and a Japanese wife, says traditional Asian wisdom.
Today's Asian American man would give the nod to the American home and maybe even to the Chinese cook, but would certainly reject the sexist notions embodied in the supposed merits of a Japanese wife -- unflagging devotion to the husband's comfort and pleasure. What self-respecting man wants to marry a servant instead of an equal partner?
And yet Asian American men do seem to cherish fixed notions of the advantages of marrying an Asian American woman. "They're more willing to give and take and not turn every difference into a confrontation," goes one oft-cited reason. "They sacrifice for the future instead of giving in to every whim," goes another. "They devote more effort to raising kids," is yet another. Other qualities ascribed to Asian wives include patience, diligence, thoughtfulness, sensitivity, faithfulness and frugality.
This glowing image of Asian womanhood may be one reason for the fact that 70% of even American-born Asian men marry Asian women.
But now war stories have begun trickling in from the first big wave of second-generation Asian American marriages. Some evidence deep disillusionment with Asian American wives. "All they care about is money and status," grouse some young husbands. "They put their careers ahead of me and the kids," is another common gripe. Others complain, "They expect me to work all day, then do more than my share of the housework."
Are Asian American wives living up to the high expectations? Or are they shattering those cherished notions about Asian wives?
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WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
(Updated
Tuesday, Apr 1, 2008, 05:51:10 PM)
You think Asian American women are materialistic. Then I invite you to come to Hong Kong, the home of materialism. Most of the women wouldn't even date you without telling them that you're at least a multimillionaire.
tired of hk women
Saturday, December 29, 2001 at 19:01:07 (PST)
To WM with AF:
You've got issues....hmmm....let me guess, you thought that choosing an asian woman would free you from modern American women's lib and set you up with the "traditional" kind of woman..you know subserviant and all...
i'm sorry man, but i can't help but laugh my ass off cause you got more than your stereotype beliefs bargained for!
WM is in some deep sh....
Friday, December 28, 2001 at 23:02:40 (PST)
"WM who is SICK his AF wife trying to CONTROL ALL THE MONEY"
ROTFLMAO!!!!
you're criticizing your wife but the reality is you dont have that 20,000$ bounty on your head anymore.
if that were a white wife, you'd have more debt because all her free time would be spent at the mall & outlets!
be grateful that you have a smart AW who knows how to handle money. perhaps you havent heard that college tuitions are skyrocketing, she's probably got that figured out to. be thankful that her priority is on the family unit.
no matter how you cut it, debt isnt a good thing.
or you always have the choice of getting a new financially irresponsible white wife
God of Asia
Friday, December 28, 2001 at 11:46:00 (PST)
WM who is SICK his AF wife trying to CONTROL ALL THE MONEY!!!,
Yup that the cultural gap right there.
Hope, things work out for the better now.
AC dropout
Friday, December 28, 2001 at 09:45:01 (PST)
One thing which gets really old in being married to an AA woman is her controlling all the frigging money. After we got married, we set up a joint checking account. She took a look at all of my debts (About $20,000 between my car, credit cards and student loans--she had no debts) versus my income and hers combined.
She then proceeded to take away every one of my credit cards and the checkbook and put me on a $250.00 per month ALLOWANCE. What am I, freaking 12 YEARS OLD? She said that she had to control the money because she felt that since I had $20,000 worth of debt I didn't do a good job of managing my own money.
I have never bounced a check or made my payments late. I always pay more than the minimum on my credit card bills. I had invested money in AmeriTrade and built up a nest egg of over $25,000 before we were married which I used as a downpayment on our house. My credit score is 800 (for those of you who are not familiar, this is a PERFECT SCORE) and she had the audacity to do this!
Granted, she organized things so that all my debts were paid off in one year and the only debt we had after that was our mortgage. However, after that was all done, she refused to give my credit cards and checkbook back to me.
At that point, I told her that I was the man of the house and it was not her right to run my finances. I closed the joint accounts and reopened a checking account in my own name ONLY. I told her that she could do the same for her and we'd just pay all the joint bills together while she took her of her individual bills and debts while I'd take care of mine and it was none of her goddamn business what mine were!
she wasn't at all happy about it, but she's since learned to live with it. don't ever let your woman do this to you!!!
WM who is SICK his AF wife trying to CONTROL ALL THE MONEY!!!
Thursday, December 27, 2001 at 12:13:51 (PST)
ABC Princess,
Well if the divorce happened in America. You're mom could have gotten half of everything. So she wasn't totally screwed.
And if you go into a relationship always think that he is going to screw you and leave you when you get old, isn't that harmful in and of itself.
AC dropout
Wednesday, December 26, 2001 at 12:36:11 (PST)
I have an Asian (Chinese immigrant) mother. I thought that article on Asian American women was the biggest load of crap. My mother is the perfect example why ABC women should not defer to traditional notions of servitude.
My mother is an educated and cultured woman, she received her college from the U of Hong Kong when she was 18. She married my father and gave up her career to be a full time housewife and mother. When she 52, my father divorced my mother for another woman. My mother was everything that a good dutiful Chinese housewife and still got screwed.
Look, we live in America, land of two marriages and materialism. Women's Liberation did little to emancipate us. We, the ABCs, are now stuck with paying half the bills, being a wife, and raising. It's a crappy gig.
ABC women like me are learning from our mothers' mistakes. We no longer tolerate deferrence to our male counterparts in the name of tradition because it's not the sort of role model that I want to be someday for my children. Simply, if I cannot stand and protect myself-how can I be expected to stand and protect my own children and my husband?
We seek our protection by being better educated and holding good jobs (so that in case one day our husband leave us, we can support ourselves and our children properly).
I do my rejection all Chinese tradition. I just do not believe that all of it fits in with American society. Since I am here, I am lucky to be able to choose what I like about my culture and tradition and reject the potentially harmful aspects.
Any guy that would reject me because I am ABC is, in my book, not even up my level. The writer of that article needs to get off his testerone driven wet dream. This is the year 2001.
ABC Princess
Saturday, December 22, 2001 at 23:42:41 (PST)
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